So intriguing that it hurts the mind with all the perplexing logics.
Originally posted by Bz2t:
want to ask if anyone of u here have gf/bf staying very far from u. for me , im staying at sembawang but my gf is staying at tampines area .. this has made it very hard for us to meet up. we had many quarrels because of this.. blaming each other for not taking the effort to make enough time to meet up.
and also , she will be going to TP after taking her "O" level result and im schooling at NP :cry: with all the projects and school matters to handle .. im afraid that our r/s wld go from bad to worse. :(
we truely love each other but i think this r/s is going no where :roll: should we break up??? :|
Sembawang and Tampines considered long distance?
I think those leading LDR will probably laugh.
The greatest distance is often not that of the physical distance, but rather, it's the emotional distance between you and her.
If your relationship crumbles - it's probably too fragile within to survive in the harsh reality of Love.
Imho, even if she is just next block away from you, it will still fail.
Because you are just expecting things to fall nicely in place when you fall in love.
Like any other aspects of your life - if you don't put in the effort to upkeep and make it better, it will just perish gradually. Don't always hope for the best possible situation and the best possible mate - it never happens.
Our relationship are always imperfect - because we are imperfect ourselves.
We grow from imperfection and struggles, so as to polish our personality and character.
Cheers
Originally posted by Hitakogi:
It all happen so suddenly, why does a gal heart change so fast?
she use to be very sweet towards me, she never fail to be there for me.
although we do have our different, our relationship was fine till she change her job.
I understand that Enviroment changes people, but i didnt realize it can
also change how a person feels and thinks about the realistic world.
She use to be a gal that wants to start a family with me, share my woes and happiness. After she change her job, her attitude changes towards me completely, she use to spend all her time with me, nowadays she rather spend more time on herself and her things rather on me. Altough she say she will marry me, we brought the ring, wedding package etc, but she dun wish to confirm me on the date.
Wat is she thinking?
I know its best to ask her, but what i get is "I dunno".
Ask her about our life after marriage,
She will say "dunno"
Ask her if she will be happy after our marriage,
she will say "dunno"
Is there a 3rd party?
I have no idea on this as she is in sales line,
After so many dunno, she ask me this "Will I ever leave her?"
if she dun bothers, why did she ask this?
She still spend her weekend with me, but the feelings is not the same as the past.
She tend to push me away and sometime dun even answer my call,
even if she answer my call, she will say, she call me back and hang up.
and its a call she will never return,
I could see alot of things and im not blind, but my feelings are blind
thru our years of relationship, I cant let go.
I understand if this continue, our life in marriage wont be happy and wont last.
but I was hoping after marriage, she will change.
Im in deep confusion, she dun allow me to walk into her life but she still say she will marry me.
Im in total lost...
Anyone can advise me?
You suffered from a classic problem in Love; the assumption and belief in the linear flow of Love as accordingly to the 'standard progression', in which a relationship will graduate into a marriage irrevocably.
Many couples talk about marriage - surely, when the relationship seemed to have progress beyond a year or two, such conversations are typical, especially when one has reached a 'marriageable age', as well as having other aspects of their life pretty much in control and stable (career, finance, etc).
However, these are but human speculation of what they think will happen - or more accurately put across: what they want it to happen.
Don't get me wrong; I am not suggesting that people shouldn't talk about marriage, but rather, our perception has been tuned to such a way that we are unable to accept any U-Turn policy that goes against this linear flow of thoughts.
Someone having the same set of problem asked me the same question before. I just told him this: 'Unlearn what you learn in Love previously and relearn everything again.'
He looked at me with this blank look, thinking that I was crazy or something.
I will tell you the same thing; however, in addition, I will explain why.
***
Love is freewill; true love cannot be forced upon by threat, violence, demand, anger, abuse, terror, fear, guilt or habit. If it does, the relationship will no doubt be intense and unfulfilling.
And you know what? This is but the very rudimentary understanding in Love - that we all must see the logic, in which Love is a choice and the choice made to stay in a relationship must be attributed to the individual's freewill. If not, misery will follow suit closely.
Therefore, what if your woman's choice is the desire to be 'out', despite wanting to be 'in' previously?
Would you still see the same rationale?
Chances are, you can't really answer me - because there will be fear in agreeing.
Love is never stagnant; like dough, it constantly remakes and renews itself. You believed that a change in environment brought about the change in her, thus the change in your relationship.
But the truth is that Love is an inside thing, not outside job.
If an environment could so effortlessly affect the Love in a person, it basically goes to suggest how enervated and languid this Love he or she claims to have. Or there might be litany of unspoken grievance or frustration felt within her, causing severe friction as it ran through her emotions for many years, unattended and uncommunicated.
Basically what I meant is that you know next to nothing about the sudden drip in your relationship. All these years, you probably assumed that you know what's going on, both inside and outside, and that everything is marching towards to the direction you have point out so prominently.
Your assumption in your relationship presumes that you are a loving couple.
Your assumption in your relationship presumes that she will always spend all her time on you.
Your assumption in your relationship presumes that she will always want to marry you. Never mind the future - her words will guarantee the future commitment as well.
Your assumption in your relationship presumes that you are the one for her. No one else has the prerogative to that.
Ironically, if your assumptions are all right - you won't be posting here.
That's probably the cusps of the problem; you think you knew your relationship, but it appeared more like a stranger to you when it blatantly placed right in front of your face and you suddenly realized you didn't recognise the shape, which you have always reckoned it to be your Love.
If you do not unblock this linear thought and relearn to love your relationship, like a child, all these assumptions will continue to widen, like the income disparity between the rich and poor in
You relearn by:
I) Eliminate your linear mindset - Quit pressuring her with this marriage thing. Quit thinking that this relationship is already years in making. Quit thinking that your have invested far too much. Quit thinking that you are unable to live without her. Quit thinking that Love is irrevocable.
II) Communicate with her, as if you have never spoken before. She must be comfortable to speak to you without fear and you have to find some means for her to be able to exude that level of frankness. Basically have a heart-to-heart talk. Minus guilt-pressuring. minus overly emotional speech, minus finger pointing.
III) Understand your relationship from her perception. Enquire from different angles and seek to understand the struggles, which are not transparent in your vision, which might have taken place beneath your nose. Learn to learn your relationship from an alternative perspective and not view it like the way you always do.
You can only move forward, if you have establish the fact that her decision is still a 'yes' to this relationship - it must not be a diplomatic yes, but straight from the bottom of her heart. Then you can seek to address whatever problem that is degenerating this relationship and remove the source.
But if it isn't the case, then you might want to ascertain how much damage has been done and if there's a possibility that you can rectify the problem and overcome it.
Cheers
Originally posted by abterror:
Hi all,
I would like to hear your opinion from both genders.
how many of you guys and gers have been thru all these?
And what is your perception of this.
Personally, I have been thru all these.
Some ppl will view it as great passion will lead to great anger.
I fought with my ex-gf b4. eg push and hold her down.
Sometimes it is anger and act of defence mechanism. (she has a very fiery temper)
But i will just put it aside the next day and view it as an act of communication.
But to her, she viewed me as an aggressive person.
On the other hand, the common practice now is
Guys is usually at fault, reason we are physically stronger.
And gentleman kind of expectation which is seeked from us.
So what is
Many point of views have been dished out; so I will quote something out from CloUdiSm.
In a relationship, there is a constant imaginary scale, affecting individual growth and the bloodline of the relationship to achieve a strange equilibrium. This equilibrium will seek to neutralise two souls into one functional relationship, forcefully alleviating or degenerating either party to equal out the other in terms of personality, character, mindset, esteem, confidence, perception, emotional state, sexual needs, material possession, etc.
What I mean is that if we chose an abusive partner who brandished a temper shorter than a troll's nose, for the relationship to continue functioning, this imaginary scale will either
I) Degenerate your level to that of this abusive partner; fight fire with fire (Mars influenced). Your relationship declines.
OR
II) You subdue her temper and evolve her personality with Love. You alleviates her condition and that of your relationship to your enlightened state; you fight fire with water (Venus influenced). Your relationship achieve a breakthrough - it grows.
I never believe in physical confrontation because there's never a need for it. There might be a need to teach maturity for those who sees reason in getting physical. That itself, requires a human revolution.
It's a self thing - not a Love thing.
Cheers
Originally posted by mir4cle:
there are many things we did which i dont wanna forget..i still remember vividly wad happened during our first combined training..then the chat sessions on msn..and e way u looked at me during our combined training meeting..i remember the funny way u asked me if i liked u..on christmas eve night..u wanted to ask me to b
i really miss him...*cries*
it's not up to us to decide..it's due to religious reasons that we can't be tgt..it's hard to explain because u guys wont understand.. i didnt want to break up. it's due to some reasons that we HAVE to break up..we have to but im reluctant..
i've cried so much today...we're jus not meant for each other..i agreed on the breakup..but im reluctant to let go...if only i know the future..if only i know what would happen in e future..if only i knew why..but i can't...
i really wanted this relationship to work..but i guess..if we're not meant to be, we're not meant to be..
tell me...how to i get over him..? we've been tgt for 3 whole years alr..
Since you have posted this in AA; then naturally, you have to forgive me for an alternative view that you might not agree.
The death of a relationship fuel from religious conflicts, regardless of religions, is recorded in CloUdiSm, astrologically speaking, under Jupiter Afflictions. The components in such cosmic lessons are very similar - it does not discriminate or put distinction to any religion in particular.
So you believe that you two are not meant to be together?
Is it merely a product of your perception or do you somehow believed that God seemed to suggest along such path of impossibility?
All I know is that to love means to be in the heart of God.
Should your belief deny you this happiness you seek - then the question lies in your belief and not the happiness you encounter.
Cheers
Originally posted by Yuki~!:
Dear AA,
I'm 16 going on 17 this year and I've been attached to my bf for almost a year now
I think that he's no good for me but I just can't say no to him.
1. He distracts me from my studies
He doesn't really encourage me to study. Even when my very important O levels were nearing, we often quarrel because I wanted to study and he wouldn't let me because he didn't want to end our phone conversation. For that, my studies has gone down the drain. I just wish he could be a little more supportive. I hate to quarrel with him.
2. He constantly spends my money
He's always broke & always asking me to pay for things, saying that "Money is meant to be spent". He would plead with me to lend him money & I ALWAYS give it to him. & He almost never returns the money I lend him. I spent more than a $1000 on him last year.
3. He ABUSES me
He verbally abuses me. When we fight, he would scold me vulgarities (eg: calling me a f***ing b****) and humiliate me, if he got the chance. When I told him I want to break up with him, he would threaten me, saying that "he would make my life hell". He also threatened to tell my dirty secrets to the world.
4. He's ruining his own future
He's retained in Secondary 3 for the 2nd time this year. I, as a girlfriend, feel a little ashamed when my friends asks me why my boyfriend is 17 and still in school. He constantly skips school (& tells me to do so too, sometimes). I try to tuition him and wake him up every morning to make sure he goes to school but my efforts usually goes to waste when I get his report book. I mean, if he wants to marry me in the future (that's what he claims), how on earth can he support me?
5. He's violent & bad-tempered
I'm afraid to make him really, very angry. I mean, he gets angry over the most ridiculous things. There was this one time, during a fight, he pushed me & I fell backwards. I cried my eyes out but he didn't give a damn. Several times he used sharp objects to scare me so that I give in to our little argument, eg: Beer bottle & razor
I feel very lost as I really have a lot of feelings for this guy. But he really bullies me. In short, he is a delinquent & I know I have become one, too, under his influence. But I want to change because it's a new year & I want to go to Poly to start things fresh.
How can I say no to this guy who's still is Sec 3 this year & isn't at the same level of thinking as me? Is there any way I can turn him around? See the way I see things? I feel that if I break up with him, I'll regret because I love him a lot. He told me many times that he really loves me a lot. But why do I feel otherwise? Please help :(
This is classic conditioning in a karmic relationship - you are conditioned to his fear strategy as well as being imprisoned by your karmic debt to his cruelty and abuse. In normal circumstances, run-of-the-mill advice will probably not get to you because of this karmic bondage you shared with him. Therefore, I will give no advice, other than an analysis of your own plight, which I will mirror your inner self, in words, to my best effort.
I can tell you eventually, you will suffer emotionally until the day this karmic debt is cleared, before you are bestow the necessary clarity to leave this man. It's so blatantly, proven a million times in my studies of Love & Relationship, especially since you are still fledging in the aspects of Love.
Many would have probably talked about your stupidity in your choice to remain with this man, but somehow, that hardly change your decision. The reason why is because you are somehow conformed to perceive that an abusive is a 'norm' in Love. Your refusal to leave your desolated isle to experience a better life outside this hell is because you are subconsciously conditioned to this delusion that you will never find a better life than 'hell'.
But logically speaking, let me ask you: what are the chances to find a better place than hell? It is one hell of a high possibility! What can be more hell than hell itself?
You harbour on the possibility of changing him; let me tell you, you will never succeed because you are trying to change a man into another entirely different man. And ironically, the day when he change, trust me, you will never want him.
Illogical?
Because that's exactly the way karmic relationship and our cosmic lessons function. When you evolved a karmic relationship into a benign source, it will cease to exist because this negative link is shattered.
My best friend, in exact same scenario as yourself, stayed in a screwed relationship for five years. When she left him, this guy, end up coming back to beg her, tried to ask his parents to talk to her, promise to marry her, with not-so-screwed personality, etc.
But eventually he did nothing that could make her return.
Yes indeed a change man - something that she seeks years back. But because the karmic debt has been cleared - the bondage is broken. Even it was something that she wanted, eventually, it merely marked the end of the relationship because, this guy merely provides a cosmic lesson for her to understand that an abusive relationship is never a relationship - it's karmic by nature.
A woman like you prefers to believe in a known evil than an unknown evil.
There could also be other factors that worsen your situation. If you are the sort of woman that cannot survive without the structure of a BGR, you will accept an abusive relationship because being alone, to you, seemed to be a greater price to pay than being in an abusive relationship. So illogically speaking, somehow, the trade-off seemed 'better'.
What happens is that you will probably suffer until you implode one day. Nobody can or will do anything to alleviate your pain because this is the price you pay for your decision. First Law of CloUdiSm states: we all have the freewill to decide the partner we want to accept - when you abrogate your freewill to 'false destiny' and accept a partner of such calibre, then you will suffer the consequence of your action.
When you need a shoe, you buy a shoe. You don't purchase some leathers and attempt to make a usable shoe out of it. Therefore similarly, if you seek a good boyfriend, you don't go for a cannot-make-it version and tries to convert it into a good boyfriend - that never happens in love. I can assure you this.
An abusive partner stays abusive - until he becomes a shoe, he will always remain being some leathers.
But of course, if you are insisting to buy that piece of leather, no one can and will stop you. But when you eventually realise you cannot do anything with piece of inferior leather - you only have yourself to blame.
My best friend took five years to understand this - I wonder how long would it be for you.
Cheers
Originally posted by fareez:
Right now im feeling everything, sad,frustrated, angry, agony, hopeless..everything until i dont know what to feel anymore..my heart is empty..the girl i love, and i know loves me..said to me to forget about her..because she's gonna get married to her steady boyfriend, that she already met before me..i know that i am the one that she really loves, but she's already so steady with the bf that they already know each other's family..
for 3 months she didnt want to talk to me, just because i turned down her invitation to dinner with her..from late september until december..but when she's willing to talk to me again, she told me that she's already moving someplace else..and she's gonna get married soon..
I don't know what to do..should i convince her not to marry..but im afraid that she will be angry with me for trying to steal her happiness(she still thinks i don't know that she loves me) :cry: ..even though i know she's not happy inside..
Or should i just let her go..knowing that i will lose her for the rest of my life..
That's what you only think.
Your post reeks of narcissism.
You might be somewhat a transition during some period of her life, but that doesn't mean you are the eventual goal to her love life.
Quit seeing yourself as some form of 'solution' - because you ain't. You are probably more of a 'problem' than a 'solution.'
Whether she is happy or not - seriously speaking, it has little to do with you.
Who are you to her?
Just because you claim 'Love' - does it become as literal as it sounds?
It doesn't even take a second to recognise that you need her much more than she needs you. And your inability to accept her departure is because your Love is very much narcissistic; everything is about you, you and you. You tried to smokescreen this very fact and made it appear very noble of your intention - citing the reason that she will not be happy in her marriage because her decision is not you and only you could give her the happiness she needs.
A red herring.
Trust me - I laughed in front of my monitor screen.
I always do that when I speak to people and they relate such nonsensical definition of Love to me. It's almost delusional, to the point where they aggrandize their roles in Love to such legendary scale, as if a relationship with them will dissolve all woes and suffering and they are the panacea to all things in Love.
I say, learn to open your mind and heart. It's too narrow, constricting your perception in such awfully compressed manner.
Cheers
Originally posted by justaname:
I know her for coming to 5 months and during this 5 months, as usual as most guys will do to a girl when he likes her. Communicating with her, attentive to her needs and so on...
Few months ago, I told her that I like her. No response so I wait and carry on dating her.
Few weeks ago, she told me she likes me too but she is not ready for a relationship. Fine. I will give her the time and also the time for both of us to trust and commit more. We are both working adult. Financially independent.
She is a girl who has plenty of suitors.
The funny thing is, I will really like to hear from the ladies that when you like a guy, will you meet him even though you are busy or with your group of girl-friends or after your activity be it work, friends or family.
Ladies, another question is, when you know that there are other suitors after you, and when another guy ask you out for movie, will you go? As for my case, she went ahead and for everyone info, I only went for movie with her once and it was in a case where she was not willing to go.
My inner voice is telling me that it is not because she doesn't want to go into a relationship. She likes the courtship from man. It is consider very sweet and is even better than in relationship.
For the man,
Am I sensitive to the extend that allowing her to go out with other suitors even she told me that she is going for a movie date with this guy cause she promise to go?
For the past few months, I'm so tired going after her. I have gave her all my love but she isn't. Sometimes I feel that she is testing my endurance limit and try to push me to the limit. I am sensitive to her needs and being very understanding at all times. I don't mind BUT if she doesn't love you, it hurts so badly.
Lastly, do you all think that when you are after a girl or a guy, one should remain consistent in his/her target and not be distracted by other choices?
When I'm dating a girl, I will choose to think in a way that I will not go out with other girls except her and if it work out. I doubt anyone will like the feeling of seeing the person you like to go out with another suitor.
I really try my best for this relationship.
She has her prerogative to date other man. Why not? She is not attached.
With this scenario, I must reinforce the importance of differentiated branding.
A woman with many suitors is akin to a product with many brands. If all the brands are similar, why should a buyer purchase your product? In linear thoughts, the woman would go for the man with the most cash, like your decision to buy product would go to the brand with the cheapest price - if there are absolutely no USP to shout.
I think there is this grossly misconception about dating - you guys overly emphasize on your selling, than to understand the buyer's mindset and to tweak your selling based on needs and simultaneously & constantly differentiate your brand.
I think the problem lies in your behaviour towards this chase; you felt, thought and behaved as if you are already in a relationship with her - when obviously you are not. It's no wonder why you would feel so drained out - wrong approach to a non-existing position in love.
She is only but a mere friend.
Cheers
Originally posted by ahkeat:
people usually cross over to the new year in a happy mood but not for me.
it have been an painful year for me.. and heres my story.. i just think i might feel better if i write it out.
2007
im serving NS.
shes studying.
we have been having probs. she always complain i dun have enough time for her always think i neglected her. to some extent i did, however most of the time i dunno why did this happen. 'he' came in. 'he' was just a random friendster guy that pm her. 'he' was at the right time , at the right place. 'he' console her whenever we have fights, basically acting like a good guy.
i know of 'he'.
'he' have been doin alot for her. like accompanying her whenever she needs, no matter how late, like popping over whenever she needs company. these are things that im not really able to do. i got ns, no personal transport while 'he' owns a car n can go around as n when he pleases. im not rich so i do not have the luxury of taking a cab.
they got closer. 'he' started to display his true color as 'he' know she likes him now. 'he' keep asking her to break off with me but she didnt wan to and got angry n threw his wallet away. he was upset n went off, she went crying to me asking me what to do to appease him and she dun wan to chat with me becuz she needed to talk to him desparately. i knew it was over by then. i confronted her n ask her to pick n she picked me. i was happy but she was not goin to let him go, she said she still wan to keep him as fren. im soft hearted and thought she will do it(my frens say my heart super big)..
anyway, they were still on talking terms which got me upset but i decided not to say anything as i thought she needed time. the dreadful moment comes, she started to treat me very coldly till i cannot take it n asked her(EG, when i was at her place, he called she would pick up the call n dash into the room. i was quite upset as the day b4 she promised not to hide anything. so i decided to leave and she remained in her room and didnt bother to even give me a call. she claim it was just politeness to move away to talk)
she said it not abt him. she say she feels numb abt me n him. she appreciate what i do for her but she could not reciprocate anymore. she dunno how.
she wanted to come up with some kind of mutual conclusion but we didnt really get to any..
im really upset now. shd i just get over her n move on or try to salvage this r/s??
she is a really nice girl. her character n personality is what is still keeping me.. haiz..
This whole drama mama karmic-fueled relationship between the three of you center on one classic problem that always spark similar crisis - your woman's definition of love.
Her perception of love lies largely in the realm of emotions (CloUdiSm states the three realms of relationship is divisible by physical, emotional and spiritual); and the direction of this relationship is fetter by her intense need for companionship much more than love per se.
In other words, regardless of what Love means to you - if she doesn't have companionship, she strays easily. Such archetypes of mates are highly volatile and mutable - they seek to stabilise their emotions through the presence of their partner and they reckon such companionship as Love.
Not saying that Love doesn't have companionship, but when you reverse this equation - what I am saying to say is that not all companionships are love.
I was talking to my jie mei the other day and she suffers from this problem. Her rationale is that when she doesn't have her other half around, she finds herself easily 'strayable', especially when other guys are around when she is feeling 'low'.
You see, Love is a constant - it isn't a variable. It doesn't matter what your external circumstance is, but if this basic condition of Love still lies undisturbed, indeed, this relationship has transcends the need for a marked boundary to function as a 'relationship.
What kind of Love does one command, or wished to command, if his/her is so easily influenced by his/her environment?
Because a relationship is but two entirely separately individuals, with vastly different psychological mindset, personality and home environment, coming together - via freewill - in this imaginary bonds we call 'Relationship'. The truth is that we are not bounded into any relationship like what you could do to two items by tying them up with a nylon thread.
But we stay 'bounded' because in our hearts, we appeared to have melded into one. Therefore, in that sense, if we could detach this heart away from another just because the circumstance seemed 'fertile' for it, perhaps this love isn't functioning the way it ought to be.
Love never stays stagnant; it either provides growth or degenerates. Therefore if you cannot seem to achieve growth, chances are, it could be declining subtly without your acknowledgement. And I can tell you that it's not just negligence that is causing this .
This seeming-innocent-friendster-message-turn-into friend scenario is so gawd damn stupid. Let's preview the rationale behind this 'innocent' message.
Conditions before a guy would message anyone in friendster, that is not his friend, to 'ai cho peng you mai?' would be:
I) She must have looked attractive to him.
II) Please refer to (I)
III) Please refer to (II)
Duh.
Do anyone seriously think that guys message another woman in friendster just because he somehow, 'miraculously and mystically', finds her personality appealing and wants to know her? I think it's more likely for a guy to have taken fancy at her 34C, for example.
Understanding this, it's even more gawd damn bloody stupid for one to even buy such 'marketing tactics' employed by a guy through such medium. But the fact is that if it does happen, it only reveals one thing - that your woman will definitely not be able to withstand any form of relationship crisis because she is far too malleable and so easily subjected to 'mass marketing'.
And in economics, it's the law of supply and demand - she needed someone to be there, while he is seeking for one gawd damn bloody stupid woman to response. I can tell you that this guy probably messaged one hundred other ladies, spending his time prowling in friendster and sniffing out the more 'chio' ones. The other 99 probably don't give a damn.
The gist of his thoughts probably goes like this:
'Oh, someone did response. That's great! Time to zoom in for a 'catch'. Oh, got boyfriend? Who gives a damn. Army ar? Great! Because girlfriend sure kanna neglected one. Wah this woman very emo somemore. Good good. Bf no money, lagi best. Kanna-neglect-plus-emo-woman is best recipe for a snatch thief like me! Wahahahahhahahahahahhahaa... chong ar!'
The classification of this technique, I have seen and studied previously is segmented under the umbrella of 'AOBD' - the lesser version and to me, the strategy is passé.
Seriously, I say you deserve someone better. Personally, I cannot stand needy mates. Not because I am emotionally cold, but because my aspiration in life cannot be tied down by a partner who is needy and only seeks the companionship in love and not greater things in life.
In love, you need someone to walk your life with; side by side, hand-in-hand.
Not someone that craves for your attention to play with them all day.
In that sense, your growth will only limits itself to companionship and you will never grow out of this shell to fully experience the extends of the true power in love.
Cheers
Originally posted by Scania N113CRB luver:
Hellos . Its me . Anw shall stop beating around the bush. Here's my story :
I broke up with my GF recently. Its her who initiated it. We only went steady for less than 2 weeks. I admit that i have very strong feelings for her , and i thot she had it too. I was wrong .
She was the first girl who tugged and pull my hand , the first girl i hugged . That experience alone , is unfathomable
Till today , she suddenly tell me this :
"Okay , i be truthful to you ! I dun really like eu , infact i dun like you at all ! I stead with eu only to make use of you to make me forget my ex. I till now still cant forget my ex. I wan a break!"
I'm not sad about the fact that i just got dumped , but i'm so gullible and so fun to be made fun of? :( From young till now, i'm always been made use by my friends . Even my cousin made use of me last year when he said this to my sis : "Wah *my name* very easy to bully leh"
And it hurts alot to know that you never got loved and your girl loves someone else ALOT . FYI , all my 3 other ex has never loved me too , well thats what thy confessed .
And i useless , guys?
That (in bold above) kinda explained everything - the experience of 'thinking' that you are loved with physical affirmation
You thought that your fate would change forever, but the truth is that it still ends up in the same dump.
And if you always reckon that you are easy and always live in that notion of being easy, you will always encounter woman that will take advantage of you, without giving a second thought. It's as simple as that.
Your cosmic lesson is blatant - until you learn to work through it, you will suffer in areas of love, life and friendship, with greater intensity as you grow older.
You are young now and there are many areas of self improvement you must seek. Only then, would you be able to strengthen yourself and win.
Cheers
Originally posted by tek_koh:
what about the still burning flame for each other.
You kept harping on this invisible flame that burns - or you reckon that it still does - but what effect does this fire have in your Love? Does it still give you the strength and endurance to continue ploughing the field of the relationship?
Or perhaps you are just afraid of abolishing this security you always enjoyed within the boundary of your relationship, to pursue something outside this familiarity, by artificially having to fuel this dying flame.
You questioned the identity of your relationship and could still tell me about this burning flame for each other?
A burning flame signifies the immerse drive to overcome the struggles in your relationship - not just helpless emotions capable of only 'feeling' and not 'initiating', for if you belong to the former, it simply doesn't justify the reason why you should drag things on.
'Feelings' are but product of our complicated emotions. If you reckon that there are still greater reasons why you should hang on, I say do something about it and not just sit by and watch the relationship decay gradually. Because if there isn't any motivation to do so; your burning flame is probably imaginary.
You probably made it exist.
Cheers
Originally posted by tek_koh:
We got together about 5 years ago, she was sweet, gentle and innocent. I didnt really chase after her, we just got together, and we are really close, spending most of our times together.
As study years progressed she got quite competitive, and sometimes character changed abit. I became the one supporting her from the back, but sometimes its really hard and tiring to do so.
We have been through hard times together, but still loved each other even though we know that we are not really compatible.
Recently she went for overseas internship and said she found what she really want.
I meet a nice lady. We chatted alot and i found out that she has lots of similarities with me and i am comfortable with her company. Not sure of her feelings with me though, but we are good friends i guess. Much better den the current one
I dunno what lies ahead with me and current girlfriend but we really love each other alot. to Stay or to go?
I believe it is more of a 'because-it's-5-years-relationship' that contributed largely to this great reluctance to drop the relationship. This relationship is probably akin to a drunken stupor, running on marginal consciousness despite experiencing little growth.
Your relationship is merely being pulled along by sheer force - the moment anyone of you stop pulling it, your Love will perish with immediate effect.
Already, as it seemed to me, there are signs of a mutual desire in wanting out, but is hindered apparently for some unspoken reason/s. You have found someone comfortable and she has found what she wants in life - then, shouldn't the both of you pursue what you two reckoned that could provide the happiness each of you seek?
Without growth in relationship, often, there's little to look forward in Love.
Time change & people change; therefore needs change. True Love might be a constant, but our needs change as our inner self develops. Love may stay, but needs change because our Self condition will not remain forever in the same state as it did five years ago.
Surely there are reasons why you two ended up together five years back, but when we spiritually and emotionally start to evolve subconsciously - what that began the same, might one day diverge and grow differently.
Because Love is truly not about looking at each other, but in one collective direction. The minute the relationship loses this vision, it loses its soul to function.
Perhaps you might want to discuss with her if there is a possibility of this shared vision and how you want your relationship to move in the future. If there isn't a common goal, then perhaps, it might be beneficial for the both of you to come to a mutual agreement to null this relationship and end this amicably.
Why delay the inevitable? Reminded me of a Chinese Proverb - liu zi wu yong, qi zi ke xi (Mundane to keep, but pity to throw).
You don't have many 'five years more' to consider - especially your girlfriend.
Cheers
