Originally posted by petti:
You and your boyfriend go to a party, and you accompanied him to a convenience store nearby to get ciggies. He went into the store while you waited for him outside. Waited for a few seconds and decided to go in to join him.
The convenience store keeper, a rather plump yet sexy malay girl said to you "guess what did you bf said to me. i was asking him is that sexy girl outside your gf, and he told me "not as sexy as you""
Is this betrayal? Is this acceptable to you?
Originally posted by walesa:
With the greatest respect to some well-intended postings, I find some of the views here absolutely laughable. If you're going to follow them, I'd be amazed if this relationship of yours would even last another 6 months (well, maybe exaggerated, but you get the drift), much less a lifetime (if that's even your ultimate aim). Ultimately, this is another example of a relationship founded on the basis of insecurity.
For a start, whatever your take is on the incident, you're pretty much entitled to it. That said, I just can never fathom how affirming a belief on the basis of someone else's views (so what if your mutual friends vouch for his (un)faithfulness? ultimately, it's what you think that matters) or adopting a tit-for-tat approach (as some have foolishly suggested that you do "not commit fully" to this relationship - look, if you aren't going to commit, why not just call it a day? it's going to do both of you a world of good, instead of sparking a tit-for-tat war) would actually rectify this problem. While the facts of the circumstances are seemingly innocuous to me, you could interpret it very differently - which you're entitled to do, obviously.
That said, this is your relationship - not mine or your mutual friends' - and ultimately, it's you who will be taking full stock and responsibility for what comes out of it. It's pretty much senseless for you to seek the validation or repudiation of whatever your values or perception of this incident to be - ultimately, if this incident is unacceptable to you, it wouldn't matter an iota if everyone told you it's actually pretty harmless.
The least you could do - if you believe this relationship is still special and worth something - is give this a fair shot at working by ironing out the differences with your beau through the communication of your fears and worries. By that, I don't mean communicating nonsensical ideas like ensuring equality and playing on each other's insecurity (your beau, from your description, is hardly a secure person to begin with) through reasoning that he shouldn't have done what he did because he wouldn't be ready to put up with something similar involving you and another guy. Ultimately, all relationships are founded on the basis of give-and-take and an inherent problem that seems to surface in many insecure relationships often stem from both parties wanting to take more than they're prepared to give.
On the other hand, if you believe this relationship to be condemned beyond salvation, you might just want to call a halt to proceedings - either way, I'm sure you wouldn't want either course of action to be a result of anyone's influence other than yours and yours exclusively. That way, at least it'd be much easier for you to live with your own decision even if you should get it wrong. Do yourself a favour and start having more faith in your convictions and actions regardless of how you perceive this incident.
I have to agree with walsea, since he has posted a couple of points which I would have said as well.
It's not about the comment that devastate your day and probably coerced you to rethink if this actually classify as a form of betrayal - it's more like allowing a stranger or circumstance to sway your relationship with mere statement.
It seemed to me that your boyfriend is more inclined towards entertaining the woman than a literal or suggestive remark.
Not concurring that being flippant is right - but I seriously think that it shouldn't bring about such a heavy charge like betrayal. Not every crime will warrant a death-sentence - if it does manifest in your relationship, it would be vehemently intensive love affair.
Cheers
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