Aunt Agony 090206

Originally posted by Confused28:
Hi,

I'm feeling terribly confused over this for quite some time. I'm attached for 1yr+. Our relationship has been pretty good. We used to meet 3-4 times a week however 4 mths back, I got posted to do shift work and we can only meet once a week. Somehow this has put a strain on our relationship. She is someone that needs company. I still love her though.

I met this gal 1 mth+ back. We hitted it off very well. I could say that we had a crush on each other. The thing is, she is 4 yrs in a relationship too. We sorta started our underground relationship without our partner's knowledge. I have met her bf face to face before though.

Recently, I had a arguement with her coz I dun feel secure with her, mayb the crush has ended (thats what I thought) but she told me tat this is not a fling and she doesnt wanna stop here. She claims to love me and her bf just as I love her and my gf. We are both greedy fools. She could have ended it when we argued but instead she did not.

I'm totally confused and not happy abt this. I hope to have the courage to end it once and for all but yet I really do like her. I dunno why I'm having this feeling over 2 persons. I'm afraid I'll be unable to get out of it. I've told some of my frds abt my problem. All of them told me to call the r/s off and go back to my gf. Is that the only way?


Uncommitted relationship.

Each of you love your respective partners, just that chances are, you two are desensitized to your long going relationship. There is a vulnerability to everything fresh, willing and different.

There is a exchange of mutual needs based on same vulnerability. We attract the qualities we exude - people who always attract others who are technically not unavailable, will always find themselves having this problem - the uncommitted will attract the uncommitted (it doesn't matter if one is single. You can be single and find difficulty in commitment as well).

When you change the nature of your work and it affects your relationship, it creates an emotional instability. It so happened that your instability is re-channelled into your crush, which simultaneously, gain stability from your channelling (she was instable at the same time - two negative makes a positive).

Both of you knows that this sub-rosa relationship wouldn't work out. It is merely there to fulfil a certain self absorbed needs. You knew it, but your conscience probably work against you. She knew it, but she still prefer to indulge in it.

Let's not look into your crush; in fact, lets review your relationship.

I) What do you think has changed in your relationship when this girl came into the picture?

II) How do you think of your relationship now... ESPECIALLY when you have actually agreed to an underground relationship with someone else.

III) What is this scenario trying to tell you? And by knowing, what are you going to do with this knowledge?

When you are sure of the answers to the above questions, you should roughly know what is the best course of action.

Cheers