Originally posted by Katie99:
Hi,
I 've never used this site before but was just hoping for a little bit of advice...
I've recently came out of a 3 and a half year relationship as I didn't think it was working and have since met a few guys. The most recent guy is quite a bit younger than me (which took some getting used to!) and we've went on a few 'dates', to the cinema and the pub and things. Anyway, we've met quite a few times over the last month and have ended up sleeping together quite a lot too. Thing is, I just can't work out what it is he wants from the relationship. I spoke to his best friend who said that this guy wants to get together with me properly, but is too nervous to ask as he doesn't know what I want. THe only problem is whenever I approach the subject, he clearly gets really nervous. He's quite shy in a lot of ways, so rarely seems to say what he's thinkin (without alcohol ;). After our last date I asked him what he wanted from 'us' and after he'd finsihed practically having a panick attack he said he thought things were 'cool' as they are. I'm really confused - I really like this guy but don;t want to get hurt anymroe.....help!!!
Things are flowing way too hasty and you are running on a perlious track. The meet up constitute merely one month and the sleeping together part had already occured. It may not be easy to recover from a failed relationship of three solid years - but bear in mind that emotionally, the reaction to this sudden void could be the very reason why all these scenario took place.
Love becomes very blur and you have people waiting to fill in application... hoping for some success in wooing you. One candidate arrive and you sees him as a potential. To you, it probably means that you are too used in being in a relationship that subconsciously, singlehood seemed so alien to you. To this man, it could mean sex, fun and company.
When sex comes into the picture BEFORE a relationship, it is like putting the cart before the horse - all your variables changes. If people could have the opportunity to walk out of a retail store with any items and pay some other day, what are the chances anyone would pay? Even if you will receive some payment, one thing is for sure: anyone who pays will delay the payment.
Your man isn't shy - in fact, he is reviewing his stand now. Chances are, his feelings for you may not justify a relationship for him. Things are 'cool' now? Of course things are 'cool'! All the fun MINUS the commitment and responsibility of a relationship... who doesn't want it? Just like who doesn't want to walk out of any retail store, with any items, while paying on a later date?
***
When you fall in Love, you draw up the portcullis that guards your emotions. You become vulnerable to emotional injury and this is inevitable because you allowed access for Love to enter. You cannot Love without Hurt, even with the best security system you set up emotionally. This is an unwritten promise.
It seemed to me that you need more time to get over yourself before embarking on a new journey in BGR. After all these 'fun company' you gain from each other, you become fearful as certain familar confusion (probably as experienced in your previous relationship) are surfacing. You now demand a relationship to secure your stand, but your man hesitated.
There are reasons why he is hesitating and being shy has absolutely nothing to do with it. Please spare some thoughts to my post and think.
Cheers
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Aunt Agony II 291105
Originally posted by leilan84:
i got to know this lady(26) about 1 month back through my aunt... she's a very capable lady i would say. she's the boss of 6 companies.. and she's single.. she's really cute, pretty, and smart :) she's the kind of gurl that all guys will fall in love with once they know her ;) ... and in my case, i'm not spared from it either
she seems to have "hao gan" towards me but yet seems not so...
she'll always "jia" food for me whenever we eat, remember the things that i like... for instants i told her once that i like strawberry and when we celebrate one of my aunt's friend's birthday, she reserve the strawberry just for me :)
it really touches my heart.. :oops:
but yet whenever i sms or call her, she only reply and ans my call only occasionally. and she don't like it if i sms her telling her that i miss her and if i ask if she miss me.
i'm stressed up now.. :(
why? coz in ns, i'm a poor man, don't know what future lies ahead for me
yet she's so capable, rich, pretty smart... so many suitors..
love ain't about these worldly matters, yes i know, but if you're in my shoe(as a guy) you'll never wanna be provided by, by a lady would you?
but yet i can't control my feelings for her... the feeling that i've once thought i've lost when my ex broke off with me for another guy, is all rushing back to me at one shot :evil: yet it all seems so foreign to me..
what should i do? tell her how i feel? hint to her(not my usual style)?
ask her about her feelings for me? do nothing and just wait?
some rational advise pls... i'll appreciate it alot thanks :)
No doubt you can love someone, but seriously, I doubt she is feeling likewise and in fact, she didn't do anything suggestive that constitute such conclusion as well.
If you truly go through three things you had mentioned, you will see something:
I) i got to know this lady(26) about 1 month back ....
II) ...she don't like it if i sms her telling her that i miss her and if i ask if she miss me
III)...the feeling that i've once thought i've lost when my ex broke off with me for another guy...
This is a common scenario of a short-term passion burning inside us - so intense that we often mistook it for greater mystery because of a missing void. You could attempt to pursue her, but judging from your current position, you will not succeed and your position may be reclassified to a lower standing.
P.S: Notice why I didn't even mentioned status at all? It is because, the most important criteria is already an issue itself, so let us not talk about the vast difference between you and her... yet.
Cheers
i got to know this lady(26) about 1 month back through my aunt... she's a very capable lady i would say. she's the boss of 6 companies.. and she's single.. she's really cute, pretty, and smart :) she's the kind of gurl that all guys will fall in love with once they know her ;) ... and in my case, i'm not spared from it either
she seems to have "hao gan" towards me but yet seems not so...
she'll always "jia" food for me whenever we eat, remember the things that i like... for instants i told her once that i like strawberry and when we celebrate one of my aunt's friend's birthday, she reserve the strawberry just for me :)
it really touches my heart.. :oops:
but yet whenever i sms or call her, she only reply and ans my call only occasionally. and she don't like it if i sms her telling her that i miss her and if i ask if she miss me.
i'm stressed up now.. :(
why? coz in ns, i'm a poor man, don't know what future lies ahead for me
yet she's so capable, rich, pretty smart... so many suitors..
love ain't about these worldly matters, yes i know, but if you're in my shoe(as a guy) you'll never wanna be provided by, by a lady would you?
but yet i can't control my feelings for her... the feeling that i've once thought i've lost when my ex broke off with me for another guy, is all rushing back to me at one shot :evil: yet it all seems so foreign to me..
what should i do? tell her how i feel? hint to her(not my usual style)?
ask her about her feelings for me? do nothing and just wait?
some rational advise pls... i'll appreciate it alot thanks :)
No doubt you can love someone, but seriously, I doubt she is feeling likewise and in fact, she didn't do anything suggestive that constitute such conclusion as well.
If you truly go through three things you had mentioned, you will see something:
I) i got to know this lady(26) about 1 month back ....
II) ...she don't like it if i sms her telling her that i miss her and if i ask if she miss me
III)...the feeling that i've once thought i've lost when my ex broke off with me for another guy...
This is a common scenario of a short-term passion burning inside us - so intense that we often mistook it for greater mystery because of a missing void. You could attempt to pursue her, but judging from your current position, you will not succeed and your position may be reclassified to a lower standing.
P.S: Notice why I didn't even mentioned status at all? It is because, the most important criteria is already an issue itself, so let us not talk about the vast difference between you and her... yet.
Cheers
Aunt Agony 291105
Originally posted by sunpastilles:
my one year 2weeks 4days relationship ended a few days ago. found out he's been flirting, smsing girls things like "miss you alot, really. but you don believe, neither do you miss me, sighs" he even says "i love you"... hais.
he's been doing that for the past 3 months le. i was being lied to for our last 3months by my bf. i cant believe it.
theres even once he said he wanna meet me in morning, but in the end didnt came, he said he went for breakfast alone.. now then i know.. he went to a girl's place. he wanted us to quiet down during O lvls, like no more smses/calls. im okay with that. den i only msged him GoodLuck for his paper n stuffs, he says things like "i say don msg me anymore, i wan study, wont msg u either".. den im like, fine then. no msgs loh.
but now i know, he's been smsing others all along. for every paper, he sends Goodluck to a particular girl, but not me. the girl take diff subj and there were days he didnt have to go sch for papers, he'd woke up early to just send her a msg.
things were so cold between us. after which i found out all these abt a week ago, i asked him. he said sorry and those msgs were just for fun. hais i dun understand wats so fun about it. idiot. he said he's guilty and sounded reluctant to break. so i kept it aside. till one morning, i woke up and still don see any msgs from him, i thought about it for awhile. i msged him. he still gave me those attitude and i feel that he dont think he did did anything wrong.. stuffs like that. i couldnt take it. i said "lets break.." all he replied was "fine. lets break then"...
the feeling of being lied to, and then not being sincerely apologised to, sucks. and even after i told him i knew the truths, he still carry on msging girls. hais. even up to the last moment.. he couldnt answer me when i asked if he still loves me.. i guess the answer's no..
hais. everything just keeps reminding me of him. it seriously sucks. and my frens who went out with him after we broke, said that he's still as happy.. seems to be enjoying himself. sighs, i wonder how he 'recover' so fast...
Love that has faded away; you can almost tell them from your his behaviour. Actually technically, he didn't lie to you - he merely kept a certain truth and had you discover them by chance.
It has come to a stage where your Love has been declining rapidly without your knowledge... having virus within the structure of your relationship and annihilating all healthy 'cells'. You probably thought that a year old relationship means strong-going, but obviously, reality speaks of a different tale. Your relationship surfaces an unknown issue and this wasn't communicated. Then, it breeds hideously in the heart of your man and poison his feelings.
This breeding causes him to rethink his own relationship - the Love he has been receiving... is it what he wants?
His anger and irritability is a mask to justify his flirty act. His nonchalant attitude is a result of his failing relationship and fleeting Love. He understood the theory that this relationship must go... thus embracing his new found life at first sight of freedom. There is NO point retaining a souless man who doesn't love you anymore.
It's truly over - but are you going to let this relationship crumble you like a pack of cards? Or what if he wants to patch? Are you going to allow a man, who only has a small chamber for you in his heart, to delude you further? Are you going to strengthen yourself and out-live a better life than he has?
P.S: He has already moved on - when will you begin yours?
Cheers
my one year 2weeks 4days relationship ended a few days ago. found out he's been flirting, smsing girls things like "miss you alot, really. but you don believe, neither do you miss me, sighs" he even says "i love you"... hais.
he's been doing that for the past 3 months le. i was being lied to for our last 3months by my bf. i cant believe it.
theres even once he said he wanna meet me in morning, but in the end didnt came, he said he went for breakfast alone.. now then i know.. he went to a girl's place. he wanted us to quiet down during O lvls, like no more smses/calls. im okay with that. den i only msged him GoodLuck for his paper n stuffs, he says things like "i say don msg me anymore, i wan study, wont msg u either".. den im like, fine then. no msgs loh.
but now i know, he's been smsing others all along. for every paper, he sends Goodluck to a particular girl, but not me. the girl take diff subj and there were days he didnt have to go sch for papers, he'd woke up early to just send her a msg.
things were so cold between us. after which i found out all these abt a week ago, i asked him. he said sorry and those msgs were just for fun. hais i dun understand wats so fun about it. idiot. he said he's guilty and sounded reluctant to break. so i kept it aside. till one morning, i woke up and still don see any msgs from him, i thought about it for awhile. i msged him. he still gave me those attitude and i feel that he dont think he did did anything wrong.. stuffs like that. i couldnt take it. i said "lets break.." all he replied was "fine. lets break then"...
the feeling of being lied to, and then not being sincerely apologised to, sucks. and even after i told him i knew the truths, he still carry on msging girls. hais. even up to the last moment.. he couldnt answer me when i asked if he still loves me.. i guess the answer's no..
hais. everything just keeps reminding me of him. it seriously sucks. and my frens who went out with him after we broke, said that he's still as happy.. seems to be enjoying himself. sighs, i wonder how he 'recover' so fast...
Love that has faded away; you can almost tell them from your his behaviour. Actually technically, he didn't lie to you - he merely kept a certain truth and had you discover them by chance.
It has come to a stage where your Love has been declining rapidly without your knowledge... having virus within the structure of your relationship and annihilating all healthy 'cells'. You probably thought that a year old relationship means strong-going, but obviously, reality speaks of a different tale. Your relationship surfaces an unknown issue and this wasn't communicated. Then, it breeds hideously in the heart of your man and poison his feelings.
This breeding causes him to rethink his own relationship - the Love he has been receiving... is it what he wants?
His anger and irritability is a mask to justify his flirty act. His nonchalant attitude is a result of his failing relationship and fleeting Love. He understood the theory that this relationship must go... thus embracing his new found life at first sight of freedom. There is NO point retaining a souless man who doesn't love you anymore.
It's truly over - but are you going to let this relationship crumble you like a pack of cards? Or what if he wants to patch? Are you going to allow a man, who only has a small chamber for you in his heart, to delude you further? Are you going to strengthen yourself and out-live a better life than he has?
P.S: He has already moved on - when will you begin yours?
Cheers
Sunday, November 27, 2005
Failed Bounty Hunter Purchase
The time spent in a lazy afternoon burned into oblivion. What wonderful Sunday is spent lazing and contributing nothing in particular. I thought I should grab something to read or a jog around my house. In the end, I landed here.
The phlegm building inside of me is pissing me off, just like yesterday's shopping was a completely let down.
Wanted to purchase this second hand Bounty Hunter, cotton long sleeve shirt (249 SGD) from Belief and ended being a little too big for me. SIGH! Original price converted from yen is about 340... i think. It almost became my advance Christmas present, if not for the disapproval by nic and hq, who thought it was a little big.
My pay is so downright miserable that, literally, every cent count. At this pathetic rate I am going, I would have to consume nine more months of cookhouse food (dinner), before I could be financially stable (I hope) when my first-after-ORD job arrive. And if the Hong Kong trip were to materialise next year, it would wipe out my saving in an instant. I don't think I could resist the temptation of shopping and since I know I can't, I just have to store enough hard cash for the rainy season.
GOD... BLESS ME WITH GAMBLING LUCK. 谢谢！
P.S: The arrival of Sagittarius has come: two bday invites from the Archer(s).
Cheers
The phlegm building inside of me is pissing me off, just like yesterday's shopping was a completely let down.
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Wanted to purchase this second hand Bounty Hunter, cotton long sleeve shirt (249 SGD) from Belief and ended being a little too big for me. SIGH! Original price converted from yen is about 340... i think. It almost became my advance Christmas present, if not for the disapproval by nic and hq, who thought it was a little big.
My pay is so downright miserable that, literally, every cent count. At this pathetic rate I am going, I would have to consume nine more months of cookhouse food (dinner), before I could be financially stable (I hope) when my first-after-ORD job arrive. And if the Hong Kong trip were to materialise next year, it would wipe out my saving in an instant. I don't think I could resist the temptation of shopping and since I know I can't, I just have to store enough hard cash for the rainy season.
GOD... BLESS ME WITH GAMBLING LUCK. 谢谢！
P.S: The arrival of Sagittarius has come: two bday invites from the Archer(s).
Cheers
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Aunt Agony 241105
Originally posted by ronin47:
If U believe in destiny, please reply. And how much out of 100% of your life. For me nearly 70 to 80%, seem alot rite? I was 'punished' for going against it.
I like that, being master of your own fate or destiny is forged by one's own fists(jus kidding). That was b4 I got 'slap by destiny'. I want 2 believe again, but in a different way this time. Maybe I am really 'repaying debts' for my karma. But isn't true for going against destiny? Or should I put it as paying the price to for changing destiny. Ok this may sound silly, destiny to me is sort of like in the movie Martix - a very complex 'system'. And 2 go on further I think supernature, spiriture & religions or even psychology will be involve.
in general I jus wanna know how others have experience or think about destiny/fate & does 'LUCk' have anything to do with destiny. - Of coz u can choose not to believe nothing wrong about it. Definitly I'm not asking pple to believe.
Ok I give an real life example (Not me, but similar) - A person keep trying to avoid a certain group of people or situations. But the same 'events' just keeps happening until that person can predict it's going to happen. I witness b4.
Personally I still believe destiny rules over a person. But I will also try to make 'things/destiny' RIGHT with my own hands. I am still learning... Got any good tips share
Your scenario is a common classic of people who still MANTAIN the critical constant, even he/she may have change some variables. A possessive man will gradually find himself suffocating his own relationship. No matter how many different woman enters into his life, the conclusion remained - critical constant not evolved. Result will stay.
An average looking girl, who feels inferior about her appearance, will ALWAYS feel negative about herself. Even if a man, comment how good she appeals to him, she cannot accept this complement. It triggers her unloving automatic thoughts and dismiss it as a sarcasm. If steps are not taken to correct that mindset, this poison will sap all aspects of her life and create hinder progression.
Your karma is a gallery of cosmic debt collected in your unconscious. It kinda shaped your circumstance that you are put into - like the scenario above. Somehow, it seemed to me that you labelled that as your 'destiny' and how 'going against it' creates misery and suffering, but technically speaking, it isn't so. In fact, how you handle your own karma makes your destiny. Destiny cannot appear without you making a decision and handle them, just like the next chapter of a story will only appear if you read on.
It seemed to me that you are keen to decipher part of this so called 'destiny' and work towards a better ending, regardless of the outcome. You might find your answers in Astrology.
P.S: Don't see Destiny as complication. Solve your complication through Freewill and understand Destiny lies in your hands.
Cheers
If U believe in destiny, please reply. And how much out of 100% of your life. For me nearly 70 to 80%, seem alot rite? I was 'punished' for going against it.
I like that, being master of your own fate or destiny is forged by one's own fists(jus kidding). That was b4 I got 'slap by destiny'. I want 2 believe again, but in a different way this time. Maybe I am really 'repaying debts' for my karma. But isn't true for going against destiny? Or should I put it as paying the price to for changing destiny. Ok this may sound silly, destiny to me is sort of like in the movie Martix - a very complex 'system'. And 2 go on further I think supernature, spiriture & religions or even psychology will be involve.
in general I jus wanna know how others have experience or think about destiny/fate & does 'LUCk' have anything to do with destiny. - Of coz u can choose not to believe nothing wrong about it. Definitly I'm not asking pple to believe.
Ok I give an real life example (Not me, but similar) - A person keep trying to avoid a certain group of people or situations. But the same 'events' just keeps happening until that person can predict it's going to happen. I witness b4.
Personally I still believe destiny rules over a person. But I will also try to make 'things/destiny' RIGHT with my own hands. I am still learning... Got any good tips share
Your scenario is a common classic of people who still MANTAIN the critical constant, even he/she may have change some variables. A possessive man will gradually find himself suffocating his own relationship. No matter how many different woman enters into his life, the conclusion remained - critical constant not evolved. Result will stay.
An average looking girl, who feels inferior about her appearance, will ALWAYS feel negative about herself. Even if a man, comment how good she appeals to him, she cannot accept this complement. It triggers her unloving automatic thoughts and dismiss it as a sarcasm. If steps are not taken to correct that mindset, this poison will sap all aspects of her life and create hinder progression.
Your karma is a gallery of cosmic debt collected in your unconscious. It kinda shaped your circumstance that you are put into - like the scenario above. Somehow, it seemed to me that you labelled that as your 'destiny' and how 'going against it' creates misery and suffering, but technically speaking, it isn't so. In fact, how you handle your own karma makes your destiny. Destiny cannot appear without you making a decision and handle them, just like the next chapter of a story will only appear if you read on.
It seemed to me that you are keen to decipher part of this so called 'destiny' and work towards a better ending, regardless of the outcome. You might find your answers in Astrology.
P.S: Don't see Destiny as complication. Solve your complication through Freewill and understand Destiny lies in your hands.
Cheers
Monday, November 21, 2005
Down with Flu... again
I FELL SICK!
AND the suspected virus is likely to come from Mr Douglas when we were sharing the same microphone during Sat's KBOX session.
Wah kaoz... why do I have such low resistance to Flu?
[Saturn going to conjunct Sun in 8th house... on 3rd August 2006 in 10 degree orb. I guess health is likely to suffer, esp FLU]
/me rub chin
Cheers
AND the suspected virus is likely to come from Mr Douglas when we were sharing the same microphone during Sat's KBOX session.
Wah kaoz... why do I have such low resistance to Flu?
[Saturn going to conjunct Sun in 8th house... on 3rd August 2006 in 10 degree orb. I guess health is likely to suffer, esp FLU]
/me rub chin
Cheers
Sunday, November 20, 2005
Aunt Agony II 201105
Originally posted by rammstein619:
It's been quite some time since I last broke up with my ex and I feel that I've already given myself enough "cooling time" , 6 months to be precise and I've decided to play the dating game once again....
Of course I have someone in mind and her Os are gonna be over in 3 days time but there's just one main problem which I should be most concerned about. There's this guy who has been chasing her for the past 2 years but to avail. From what I've heard so far , the last time he confessed his feelings for her , she rejected him nicely and she being open minded enough , accepted him back as a normal friend and it seems that he still hasn't stop in his pursuit for her heart. Right now the girl I like and him are close friends. The thing is , he is ahead of me by a lot of steps assuming that he still intends to pursue her.
Being open minded for a girl like her , she lets him send her home on some occasions , goes out with him but all is done within the constrains of a friendship and nothing more than that....
Basically I find it kinda hard to even arrange a group outing with her as she has her own schedules which I respect but all I'm hoping now is a series of group outings to make me get to know her better. I'm not eyeing for love or a relationship from her currently but at this moment , I regard her as someone whom is worth getting to know more about. He still has the hots for her and hangs out with her often since they stay near each other. Since I've known her for 2 years , one might say that I don't even need a group outing to woo her but over this period of 2 years , it's like I try to woo her for 2-3 months , then stop and then woo her again and then stop. Whenever I stop wooing is because I find it so hard just to even get to know her better given how much dedication she puts into her studies and that's why I'm banking on this period of time since It's after the O levels to get to know her better.
Okay back to that guy....
I think I'm quite good in anticipating his moves towards her. Take for example , when it was her birthday and a few hours before I was to meet her to give her present , I saw his MSN nick which read something like this , "I'm going out to study". Being an analytical and proactive person ,
I already had this damn strong feeling inside that he would also be there even though my friend refused to listen to my crap , in the end HE WAS INDEED THERE....
To cut a long story short , I gave her the present , waved and said "Hi" to him and left. Caught him telling his friend who was with him some stuff about me which kinda pissed me off a bit but that doesn't really bother me much.
So basically , how do I deal with a love competitor?
I've read in love books that the best way to win a girls heart with a love competitor is to be yourself which I really intend to be. By being yourself , there will always be a chance that that love competitor seeing me as a threat , forces himself to confess his feelings for her which 99.99% ends up in a rejection for whatever strange masculine reason he might have. Can anybody please enlighten me on how to deal with a love competitor? Your comments are very much appreciated....
Or should I just extent my "line of sight" to keep my options open?
Maybe it is just me (Or because of my Moon in Aries). I love competitions in the chase. I feel that if there isn't any competition in the chase, you are only experiencing half the deal. And the process should be more important than the result itself (that is to be with her). Don't be mistaken, I am NOT an aggressive lover and is more than willing to accept my Love's decision if it wasn't me. But because only through others, you see a bigger picture and your learning expand.
Being yourself is far to general to help you on anything. How is being yourself going to help you win the girl of your dreams? The key is to understand yourself... your strength/weakness analysis and using them to improve your advantage to secure your love. If you don't even understand yourself well enough, how do you even know what weapons to employ in love's warring field?
I will explain your situation through a marketing context.
What you are attempting to do is to somehow... persuade this customer (your love) to:
I) See you in different light and probably give you the chance to explore your 'brand'.
II) Gradually accept and see your 'brand' as premium.
III) Purchase your product (your love).
She isn't a loyal customer of your competitor. Like what you have mention, she is merely keeping an open mind to him. And it also goes to show that she will be receptive of new 'brands' like yourself. Since she isn't a loyal customer, it would be easier for her to do a 'switch' of 'brands', if the condition is right and there are REASONS why she should do it.
Having more 'advertisement exposure' (meeting her personally, chat on phone, sms, email, MSN, etc), doesn't necessary make him a superior brand and MORE importantly, doesn't mean that what your competitor is trying to sell to her... is what she is looking for AND form part of her needs.
Haven't we met enough salesman, trying all means to sell us their products that has little use to us? Or worst, not a need at all? They can go about blabbering all the positive usage of their product, but because we don't need them... we don't see a reason to part our cash (and in your case, her Love).
A good sales person understands his/her customer (your love) well. More often than not, people feel good making a purchase from a good salesman, not just his product. There is a relationship beyond that of a buyer and seller context. The service they provide makes a difference between all other products or 'brand' (Love).
Do you understand yourself well enough to package yourself in such a way that your strength is position in a manner where it is exactly what she is looking for in a guy?
This is to sell yourself... by being yourself.
Cheers
It's been quite some time since I last broke up with my ex and I feel that I've already given myself enough "cooling time" , 6 months to be precise and I've decided to play the dating game once again....
Of course I have someone in mind and her Os are gonna be over in 3 days time but there's just one main problem which I should be most concerned about. There's this guy who has been chasing her for the past 2 years but to avail. From what I've heard so far , the last time he confessed his feelings for her , she rejected him nicely and she being open minded enough , accepted him back as a normal friend and it seems that he still hasn't stop in his pursuit for her heart. Right now the girl I like and him are close friends. The thing is , he is ahead of me by a lot of steps assuming that he still intends to pursue her.
Being open minded for a girl like her , she lets him send her home on some occasions , goes out with him but all is done within the constrains of a friendship and nothing more than that....
Basically I find it kinda hard to even arrange a group outing with her as she has her own schedules which I respect but all I'm hoping now is a series of group outings to make me get to know her better. I'm not eyeing for love or a relationship from her currently but at this moment , I regard her as someone whom is worth getting to know more about. He still has the hots for her and hangs out with her often since they stay near each other. Since I've known her for 2 years , one might say that I don't even need a group outing to woo her but over this period of 2 years , it's like I try to woo her for 2-3 months , then stop and then woo her again and then stop. Whenever I stop wooing is because I find it so hard just to even get to know her better given how much dedication she puts into her studies and that's why I'm banking on this period of time since It's after the O levels to get to know her better.
Okay back to that guy....
I think I'm quite good in anticipating his moves towards her. Take for example , when it was her birthday and a few hours before I was to meet her to give her present , I saw his MSN nick which read something like this , "I'm going out to study". Being an analytical and proactive person ,
I already had this damn strong feeling inside that he would also be there even though my friend refused to listen to my crap , in the end HE WAS INDEED THERE....
To cut a long story short , I gave her the present , waved and said "Hi" to him and left. Caught him telling his friend who was with him some stuff about me which kinda pissed me off a bit but that doesn't really bother me much.
So basically , how do I deal with a love competitor?
I've read in love books that the best way to win a girls heart with a love competitor is to be yourself which I really intend to be. By being yourself , there will always be a chance that that love competitor seeing me as a threat , forces himself to confess his feelings for her which 99.99% ends up in a rejection for whatever strange masculine reason he might have. Can anybody please enlighten me on how to deal with a love competitor? Your comments are very much appreciated....
Or should I just extent my "line of sight" to keep my options open?
Maybe it is just me (Or because of my Moon in Aries). I love competitions in the chase. I feel that if there isn't any competition in the chase, you are only experiencing half the deal. And the process should be more important than the result itself (that is to be with her). Don't be mistaken, I am NOT an aggressive lover and is more than willing to accept my Love's decision if it wasn't me. But because only through others, you see a bigger picture and your learning expand.
Being yourself is far to general to help you on anything. How is being yourself going to help you win the girl of your dreams? The key is to understand yourself... your strength/weakness analysis and using them to improve your advantage to secure your love. If you don't even understand yourself well enough, how do you even know what weapons to employ in love's warring field?
I will explain your situation through a marketing context.
What you are attempting to do is to somehow... persuade this customer (your love) to:
I) See you in different light and probably give you the chance to explore your 'brand'.
II) Gradually accept and see your 'brand' as premium.
III) Purchase your product (your love).
She isn't a loyal customer of your competitor. Like what you have mention, she is merely keeping an open mind to him. And it also goes to show that she will be receptive of new 'brands' like yourself. Since she isn't a loyal customer, it would be easier for her to do a 'switch' of 'brands', if the condition is right and there are REASONS why she should do it.
Having more 'advertisement exposure' (meeting her personally, chat on phone, sms, email, MSN, etc), doesn't necessary make him a superior brand and MORE importantly, doesn't mean that what your competitor is trying to sell to her... is what she is looking for AND form part of her needs.
Haven't we met enough salesman, trying all means to sell us their products that has little use to us? Or worst, not a need at all? They can go about blabbering all the positive usage of their product, but because we don't need them... we don't see a reason to part our cash (and in your case, her Love).
A good sales person understands his/her customer (your love) well. More often than not, people feel good making a purchase from a good salesman, not just his product. There is a relationship beyond that of a buyer and seller context. The service they provide makes a difference between all other products or 'brand' (Love).
Do you understand yourself well enough to package yourself in such a way that your strength is position in a manner where it is exactly what she is looking for in a guy?
This is to sell yourself... by being yourself.
Cheers
Aunt Agony 201105
Originally posted by Ecxentrique:
I have a relationship.. coming to almost 3 years. Recently, we are in this cooling off mode after she said (and i feel so too) that the passion seems to have died off and that we have become more and more like friends instead of lovers.
I don't want to give all this up and she suggested that we can try it all over as friends..
Now here is the complicated bit..
I think there is another guy in the picture. Its her colleague who has been quite nice to her and do things that make people wonder if he is after her.. every of her outing involves him but the guy did not really made any move yet, even knowing that we are already in the cooling off mode. She said that its not the guy and that our problem will still be there with or without him..
I am quite devoted and I don;t really want to give up this relationship. But some have said that its a bit foolish, and in a similar posting of a situation, the girl was also being called selfish..
during the cooling off, she was supposed to have thought abt things and how she wants to proceed with this, but after thinking for about 2 months there is no progress.. she still cant decide whether to give up the relationship or make up her mind to try over again. her excuse for not wanting to commit is that she dun feel the "feeling" anymore.. its like a stalemate and somehow we came to a middle ground of starting over as friends... not that i like this option either.. cos its like admitting that the relationship we had is as good as dead..
we are not getting any younger but i feel that her state of mind is still not ready to settle down.
wats the best course of action for me? i just dun want to give up but it seems like more and more we are heading that way..
appreciate some advice pls, probably from another angle things might be clearer..
Stagnation.
There is only one KNOWN method to get out of stagnation; which is literally make to a decision.
Why do we have stagnation?
Because we try to compromise our situation with an attempt to achieve a best of both world solution and realise that it never exist.
In all other situations, a win-win scenario may be possible, but hardly in Love. There are reasons why 'sacrifice' comes with Love - you don't hear it in the business world because in Business, everything thrives on self interest. Business don't sacrifice themselves for another firm's benefit. In similar tone, individualism don't and cannot co-exist in fulfilling relationship. What happens in Love is that we sacrifice certain things to obtain a mutual direction.
This mutual decision is what your relationship is seeking.
She is thinking. In fact, she is thinking very hard: That how could it ever be possible for her to love you the way she thought it was so intense in the past and to continue the relationship, despite feeling that it doesn't come naturally - so natural as to breathing. She could be engaging in emotional conflicts because her heart may have uncovered one shocking conclusion and that she may be fighting aggressively to reject this 'truth'.
Two months and no answer? Or time to delay the 'truth'?
Is time the deciding factor here? As in, does giving more time helps to accelerate you out of your stagnation?
Actually it doesn't, although it sounded as if it did.
The deciding factor lies in what she wants (I am pretty sure of what you want... to restore the passion and love in the relationship).
What she is looking for? What she wants?
Do you even know what she wants? OR do you think that you know?
Cheers
I have a relationship.. coming to almost 3 years. Recently, we are in this cooling off mode after she said (and i feel so too) that the passion seems to have died off and that we have become more and more like friends instead of lovers.
I don't want to give all this up and she suggested that we can try it all over as friends..
Now here is the complicated bit..
I think there is another guy in the picture. Its her colleague who has been quite nice to her and do things that make people wonder if he is after her.. every of her outing involves him but the guy did not really made any move yet, even knowing that we are already in the cooling off mode. She said that its not the guy and that our problem will still be there with or without him..
I am quite devoted and I don;t really want to give up this relationship. But some have said that its a bit foolish, and in a similar posting of a situation, the girl was also being called selfish..
during the cooling off, she was supposed to have thought abt things and how she wants to proceed with this, but after thinking for about 2 months there is no progress.. she still cant decide whether to give up the relationship or make up her mind to try over again. her excuse for not wanting to commit is that she dun feel the "feeling" anymore.. its like a stalemate and somehow we came to a middle ground of starting over as friends... not that i like this option either.. cos its like admitting that the relationship we had is as good as dead..
we are not getting any younger but i feel that her state of mind is still not ready to settle down.
wats the best course of action for me? i just dun want to give up but it seems like more and more we are heading that way..
appreciate some advice pls, probably from another angle things might be clearer..
Stagnation.
There is only one KNOWN method to get out of stagnation; which is literally make to a decision.
Why do we have stagnation?
Because we try to compromise our situation with an attempt to achieve a best of both world solution and realise that it never exist.
In all other situations, a win-win scenario may be possible, but hardly in Love. There are reasons why 'sacrifice' comes with Love - you don't hear it in the business world because in Business, everything thrives on self interest. Business don't sacrifice themselves for another firm's benefit. In similar tone, individualism don't and cannot co-exist in fulfilling relationship. What happens in Love is that we sacrifice certain things to obtain a mutual direction.
This mutual decision is what your relationship is seeking.
She is thinking. In fact, she is thinking very hard: That how could it ever be possible for her to love you the way she thought it was so intense in the past and to continue the relationship, despite feeling that it doesn't come naturally - so natural as to breathing. She could be engaging in emotional conflicts because her heart may have uncovered one shocking conclusion and that she may be fighting aggressively to reject this 'truth'.
Two months and no answer? Or time to delay the 'truth'?
Is time the deciding factor here? As in, does giving more time helps to accelerate you out of your stagnation?
Actually it doesn't, although it sounded as if it did.
The deciding factor lies in what she wants (I am pretty sure of what you want... to restore the passion and love in the relationship).
What she is looking for? What she wants?
Do you even know what she wants? OR do you think that you know?
Cheers
Sunday, November 13, 2005
Aunt Agony 131105
Originally posted by laosu:
In my own perception, love isn't measured by how much one earns and shouldn't be measured by how much one earn. But then it could become a factor for arguments and of course in the end is how strong is your will to keep on believing that it won't affect the relationship.
Like I mention previously, both relationship (my ex and current gf), both expect about the same from me but from a different angle and attitude and my vision for myself in the future becomes different. My ex gave me nothing but pressure and stress and I couldn't look far enough to see which direction I should go whereas my current gf is more encouraging and and it gave me enough space and to look further thus I'm able to plan and move.
A marriage is not base on how many tables you hold for your wedding or how elabroate your wedding dinner is. You can spend $100,000 on a wedding dinner but what does that prove? Nothing. Marriage is a lifetime commitment and a life time course. You learn from your partner everyday, read them and understand them and when problem arise, see it as a test to the relationship and how well you can handle the test. If you don't study well and understand a certain subject, do you think you can pass the test? The answer is "NO".
Often people make a mistake of pointing the finger at the opposite party when problem arise in the relationship but how many people did actually try to think of their own shortcoming?
It's easier to preach then to action on it. I know almost everything I should do in a relationship but I can't deny that I'm a human afterall. Greed, demands, selfishness, all that are part of human desire and it's just a matter how greedy you are and how demanding you are.
If you have read before my past posts especially regarding my past r/s, I do learn a lot and try to correct my mistakes. Please take note, I mention "TRY". Even now I can't say I'm a perfect partner for my gf, I'm not even near perfect but rather far from it. Each day I learn from my current gf how to love her and how to love myself. Each day I proceed on in my life to make it better so that there'll be less problems to think of. But during these time I do still make mistakes. I'm not a saint, sometimes I can't see where I gone wrong, especially when it just happen. But day after day, I try hard to give myself more time to think of what happen and why it happened and sometimes if I were to think of it, I am at faults too.
Regarding to your last question, let me quote you a very good example. There's two apple right in front of you and you can only choose one. Apple A, in your own eyes, looks sweet, juicy and delicious and Apple B look more plain and not so nice. Someone picked up Apple B and took a bite and comment that it's very sweet and juicy and cruncy and when he took another bite from Apple A, all he commented is that this Apple A isn't nice at all. With all that comments coming, which apple will you think you'll choose?
I know deep in my heart that love can't be measured by anything, but I'm still learning not to measure love that way. Knowing and having the ability to do it is of two different matter, and again it's an effort for both instead of just a party. Love is not just a feeling shared. Imagine you and your partner are being tied together. She's one who is eager to move forward in life and keeps on moving but you on the other hand is slower or doesn't wanna move at all. Initially she might still feel it's ok to drag on for a while but how much longer can she drag? She'll feel tired and it'll become a burden, an obstacle. Same even for the other way round. Why you think some man had affairs outside even after they are married and have a good wife who stays at home and look after the family?
Anyway, there's too much factors to name it all out. I would be damned by other forumities if I were to name all out cause it'll be a long long list. [This post is directed at Aunt Agony II 121105]
Silly, actually the 'You' in my last question wasn't directly at you; it was a question for everybody. Probably that's why you got so defensive. Ok, I should just change to 'Us' next time.
Anyway, it's great since you returned me an essay with all your thoughts.
Higher learning of Love is to stimulate thinking and emotions.
***
Maybe I should just explain what I mean by 'Definition of a relationship' as I so frequently mentioned. In CloUdiSm context, definition of a relationship means and occurs during the inaugural stage of the relationship... the moment just before the couple gets together. We all come together in a relationship because mentally and emotionally, we have accepted the deal and package our partner 'present' to us. This whole package includes every single details about him/her... we decided that it was alright and we accepted the relationship. Naturally, if there was something repelling about the 'package', one wouldn't hesitate to reject the relationship.
This definition is keyed into our relationship during the transition. For example, one Leo Girl and Scorpio guy sees trust as essential in Love. This will extend out to honesty between one another, being open and constant communication. This is a shared definition and how the relationship maneuver depends largely on what this definition is defined at the beginning of the relationship. [I use your words... quote and explain my prior lines]
[quote]My ex gave me nothing but pressure and stress and I couldn't look far enough to see which direction I should go whereas my current gf is more encouraging and and it gave me enough space and to look further thus I'm able to plan and move.[/quote]
Your relationship moved the way it was defined by you.
To add mutual definitions, as the relationship moved on, it wouldn't cause much issues - the real knocks is when one tries to re-define existing ones or add new ones in their own effort subconsciously. We cannot prevent our environment from new psychological and emotional input... it is a natural phenomenon in Love. However, when too much amendment is made to this definition, the couple suddenly becomes so incompatible. [I use your words... quote and explain my prior lines]
[quote]Imagine you and your partner are being tied together. She's one who is eager to move forward in life and keeps on moving but you on the other hand is slower or doesn't wanna move at all. Initially she might still feel it's ok to drag on for a while but how much longer can she drag? She'll feel tired and it'll become a burden, an obstacle. Same even for the other way round. Why you think some man had affairs outside even after they are married and have a good wife who stays at home and look after the family?[/quote]
You are right about how a relationship would probably end in such classic context; you said it in layman's term... I merely explained it in theoretical format (CloUdiSm Fifth Law of Love - Package Law).
A realistic question would be: what are the chances of coming together IF the woman already knew that this man is moving at this pace of life? Actually, the chance is zero unless she has decided and 'keyed' it in into her definition that this doesn't matter to her and there are other factors that she is looking into Love other than this aspect.
Maybe one would ask, 'What if only AFTER one has entered into a relationship and discover this discrepancy? Then my question back would be 'Are you willing to make that a mutual definition or resist against it?' A successful relationship is when both sees a common direction and NOT merely gazing at each other. Of course, chances are, to accept new definitions, through new found knowledge could also meant an impossible task to some.
A scenario would be: Leo girl and Scorpio guy decided that Love was there, everything else seemed fine and got together. Gradually, Leo girl thought that Scorpio guy display traits of possessiveness and Leo girl dreaded possessive partners. New definitions are uncovered, waiting for acceptance - [Say, Love means intense time spent together, even at the expense of own lifestyle and Love means life without platonic friends of the opposite gender]. To a girl who loved her own space, friends and time - those new definitions are bound to be resisted fiercely. She could accept those deals and keep the relationship harmonious with less conflicts - but what are the chances?
This is what I wanted to convey - How Definition of Relationship would affect a relationship and in NNP's case, his girlfriend gradually realise how important is equal education and status is to her. It is interesting BECAUSE when she accepted the relationship 4 years back, the connotation of education didn't matter to her at all - so it goes to show that this is a NEW definition... generated as the relationship goes on. I am not saying that she doesn't have the prerogative to a better life - what I am saying is that how altering this definition would cause a split in a relationship, like we have seen in his case. NNP posted his own woes, unknown to him, this whole pile of chim-like thingy (written in my post) actually took place. Does anyone actually think that the one slap is the behaviour that deteriorate the relationship? It could be the catalysis, but certainly not the root.
P.S: This post is to simplify and clarify my own posts.
Cheers
In my own perception, love isn't measured by how much one earns and shouldn't be measured by how much one earn. But then it could become a factor for arguments and of course in the end is how strong is your will to keep on believing that it won't affect the relationship.
Like I mention previously, both relationship (my ex and current gf), both expect about the same from me but from a different angle and attitude and my vision for myself in the future becomes different. My ex gave me nothing but pressure and stress and I couldn't look far enough to see which direction I should go whereas my current gf is more encouraging and and it gave me enough space and to look further thus I'm able to plan and move.
A marriage is not base on how many tables you hold for your wedding or how elabroate your wedding dinner is. You can spend $100,000 on a wedding dinner but what does that prove? Nothing. Marriage is a lifetime commitment and a life time course. You learn from your partner everyday, read them and understand them and when problem arise, see it as a test to the relationship and how well you can handle the test. If you don't study well and understand a certain subject, do you think you can pass the test? The answer is "NO".
Often people make a mistake of pointing the finger at the opposite party when problem arise in the relationship but how many people did actually try to think of their own shortcoming?
It's easier to preach then to action on it. I know almost everything I should do in a relationship but I can't deny that I'm a human afterall. Greed, demands, selfishness, all that are part of human desire and it's just a matter how greedy you are and how demanding you are.
If you have read before my past posts especially regarding my past r/s, I do learn a lot and try to correct my mistakes. Please take note, I mention "TRY". Even now I can't say I'm a perfect partner for my gf, I'm not even near perfect but rather far from it. Each day I learn from my current gf how to love her and how to love myself. Each day I proceed on in my life to make it better so that there'll be less problems to think of. But during these time I do still make mistakes. I'm not a saint, sometimes I can't see where I gone wrong, especially when it just happen. But day after day, I try hard to give myself more time to think of what happen and why it happened and sometimes if I were to think of it, I am at faults too.
Regarding to your last question, let me quote you a very good example. There's two apple right in front of you and you can only choose one. Apple A, in your own eyes, looks sweet, juicy and delicious and Apple B look more plain and not so nice. Someone picked up Apple B and took a bite and comment that it's very sweet and juicy and cruncy and when he took another bite from Apple A, all he commented is that this Apple A isn't nice at all. With all that comments coming, which apple will you think you'll choose?
I know deep in my heart that love can't be measured by anything, but I'm still learning not to measure love that way. Knowing and having the ability to do it is of two different matter, and again it's an effort for both instead of just a party. Love is not just a feeling shared. Imagine you and your partner are being tied together. She's one who is eager to move forward in life and keeps on moving but you on the other hand is slower or doesn't wanna move at all. Initially she might still feel it's ok to drag on for a while but how much longer can she drag? She'll feel tired and it'll become a burden, an obstacle. Same even for the other way round. Why you think some man had affairs outside even after they are married and have a good wife who stays at home and look after the family?
Anyway, there's too much factors to name it all out. I would be damned by other forumities if I were to name all out cause it'll be a long long list. [This post is directed at Aunt Agony II 121105]
Silly, actually the 'You' in my last question wasn't directly at you; it was a question for everybody. Probably that's why you got so defensive. Ok, I should just change to 'Us' next time.
Anyway, it's great since you returned me an essay with all your thoughts.
Higher learning of Love is to stimulate thinking and emotions.
***
Maybe I should just explain what I mean by 'Definition of a relationship' as I so frequently mentioned. In CloUdiSm context, definition of a relationship means and occurs during the inaugural stage of the relationship... the moment just before the couple gets together. We all come together in a relationship because mentally and emotionally, we have accepted the deal and package our partner 'present' to us. This whole package includes every single details about him/her... we decided that it was alright and we accepted the relationship. Naturally, if there was something repelling about the 'package', one wouldn't hesitate to reject the relationship.
This definition is keyed into our relationship during the transition. For example, one Leo Girl and Scorpio guy sees trust as essential in Love. This will extend out to honesty between one another, being open and constant communication. This is a shared definition and how the relationship maneuver depends largely on what this definition is defined at the beginning of the relationship. [I use your words... quote and explain my prior lines]
[quote]My ex gave me nothing but pressure and stress and I couldn't look far enough to see which direction I should go whereas my current gf is more encouraging and and it gave me enough space and to look further thus I'm able to plan and move.[/quote]
Your relationship moved the way it was defined by you.
To add mutual definitions, as the relationship moved on, it wouldn't cause much issues - the real knocks is when one tries to re-define existing ones or add new ones in their own effort subconsciously. We cannot prevent our environment from new psychological and emotional input... it is a natural phenomenon in Love. However, when too much amendment is made to this definition, the couple suddenly becomes so incompatible. [I use your words... quote and explain my prior lines]
[quote]Imagine you and your partner are being tied together. She's one who is eager to move forward in life and keeps on moving but you on the other hand is slower or doesn't wanna move at all. Initially she might still feel it's ok to drag on for a while but how much longer can she drag? She'll feel tired and it'll become a burden, an obstacle. Same even for the other way round. Why you think some man had affairs outside even after they are married and have a good wife who stays at home and look after the family?[/quote]
You are right about how a relationship would probably end in such classic context; you said it in layman's term... I merely explained it in theoretical format (CloUdiSm Fifth Law of Love - Package Law).
A realistic question would be: what are the chances of coming together IF the woman already knew that this man is moving at this pace of life? Actually, the chance is zero unless she has decided and 'keyed' it in into her definition that this doesn't matter to her and there are other factors that she is looking into Love other than this aspect.
Maybe one would ask, 'What if only AFTER one has entered into a relationship and discover this discrepancy? Then my question back would be 'Are you willing to make that a mutual definition or resist against it?' A successful relationship is when both sees a common direction and NOT merely gazing at each other. Of course, chances are, to accept new definitions, through new found knowledge could also meant an impossible task to some.
A scenario would be: Leo girl and Scorpio guy decided that Love was there, everything else seemed fine and got together. Gradually, Leo girl thought that Scorpio guy display traits of possessiveness and Leo girl dreaded possessive partners. New definitions are uncovered, waiting for acceptance - [Say, Love means intense time spent together, even at the expense of own lifestyle and Love means life without platonic friends of the opposite gender]. To a girl who loved her own space, friends and time - those new definitions are bound to be resisted fiercely. She could accept those deals and keep the relationship harmonious with less conflicts - but what are the chances?
This is what I wanted to convey - How Definition of Relationship would affect a relationship and in NNP's case, his girlfriend gradually realise how important is equal education and status is to her. It is interesting BECAUSE when she accepted the relationship 4 years back, the connotation of education didn't matter to her at all - so it goes to show that this is a NEW definition... generated as the relationship goes on. I am not saying that she doesn't have the prerogative to a better life - what I am saying is that how altering this definition would cause a split in a relationship, like we have seen in his case. NNP posted his own woes, unknown to him, this whole pile of chim-like thingy (written in my post) actually took place. Does anyone actually think that the one slap is the behaviour that deteriorate the relationship? It could be the catalysis, but certainly not the root.
P.S: This post is to simplify and clarify my own posts.
Cheers
Saturday, November 12, 2005
Aunt Agony II 121105
Originally posted by laosu:
Sadly, I do agree with what [Aunt Agony 111105] has said.
But let me add on something.
I still don't believe that education level could be a barrier, where you stop in your education shouldn't be a problem but problems sets in if your life stops there. True enough you do work hard and earn an honest living but then again her earning power will be so much higher than you when she comes out to work. I guess she already starting to sense that.
NNP, let me point out to you a cruel fact about being a man. Even if your gf has the same education level as you, she might too demand that you do better than her.
I too face the same problem as you two years back with my ex-gf. She has a lower education level than me but life is cruel. My earnings are never enough for her as she got a rather f**k up family. In the end she choose to give up this relationship and end up with someone richer than me (or at least the earning power is higher than me)
My current gf, has the same education level than me but she always urge me to do better and to plan for our future. Unlike my ex-gf, my current gf uses a different approach to make me move forward. Basically both are demanding the same thing from me but on a different approach. All my ex gave me is stress and the current gf is more like constantly encouraging me to move forward which is more effective.
Ultimately what I want to tell you is, whether or not you keep this r/s, do find ways to upgrade yourself to your own befinit and not to others. We have to keep moving ahead in order to be able to take care of our own life and then to take care of others. Not many girls in Singapore are willing to settle down with someone who can't see his own future. Remember, it's like a race, you have to be able to keep it up. Even if you are behind her, don't be too far behind as she'll start to feel like she's losing you. Your gf perhaps are already feeling that way and it's understandable that some mean friends or hers will laugh at you for being such a lowly person and as friends they would advise her to find someone better, someone with a brighter prospect. but then again, which friend wouldn't wan the best for the friend?
In a relationship, whatever happens, it's always a two sided thingy. It takes two hands to clap. Before you start to condemn her for her change of attitude, why don't you try to think back and reflect on your own self? Don't think of the things you did for her but rather think of the things you NEVER do for her. Have you given her enough security to make her feel that she can rely on you for the rest of her life (rely as in emotionally not financially)? A man who earns $2k a month can provide comfortable life as for now but to get married, buy house and start a family, do you think $2k is enough? The answer is "NO".
And think about this, if one day you two did get married, by the time she would have graduated and probably earning a salary of $3K and you still at $2K, even if you didn't live on her earnings but what will others say? You can tell me that it doesn't bother you what they say or tell me that she shouldn't be bothered by what other people say but the fact is, we are all humans and all these words does make an impact on a person's mind and pride. So, how will you react to it and how will she take it? Doesn't that make it more easy for problems to set in? And what if you both or either of you can't take it anymore? Divorce? Is that what you want ultimately?
Go think about it before you make any decision and I would advise that you two have a good talk alone with no other friends or disturbance. You want something from her but don't forget she'll want something from you too. Go find out what is it.
You are replying based on society's yardstick measurement of what a good relationship would be. Your relationship lived heavily on how people SEE in your relationship. Don't get mistaken - it is the right thing to improve oneself and I would encourage it... however, is this stir from within or wholly based on external causes?
Is Love measured by how much she earns more than you? Does that makes you lesser in any ways, if it happens? Does it necessary mean that if a guy earns more than a woman it makes a relationship more successful than those who don't? Or is their relationship lesser in any aspects?
This is our definition and perception in relationship: It matters to you because this is how you define your own Love.
I am sure you people may hear of stories or know personally of such scenarios (woman more successful in life than their man), but their relationship is still strong and passionate. The reason is very simple: their definition of their own relationship has gone beyond what THIS SOCIETY wants you to define in his own words.
***
I remember when I was so much younger (Pri school), I asked my mum this question:
'Mum, what if someone is too poor to get married? To hold a wedding seemed costly... does it means the couple will never be together? [I was shoOo young and thought that to be married formally, you must hold a dinner]
She replied - well, a marriage means you register your marriage with ROM. That makes you husband and wife. A restaurant dinner is customary.
'But everyone who get married would hold the dinner what - it means that getting married HAS to hold that restaurant dinner, isn't it.'
My mum smiled at me
'The wedding is only to acknowledge to everyone that you are getting married. But of course, it is not needed if you think it isn't necessary. Even though a wedding dinner is a once in a lifetime event, your marriage goes further than your wedding dinner.'
'But everyone is holding that dinner... it seemed that if you don't hold the dinner, you ain't married.'
***
I realise, even as a child, how powerful 'society' standard has effect on how we define and perceive Love. We define a good relationship BASED on material packages (Tiffany ring... good income.... background... status... lavish wedding dinner) to appearance (good looking... pretty... fashionable...) to 'standards' (Guys must be older than the girl, must earn more than his wife, must be same 'skin colour'... must be taller than their wife) to everything else that shouldn't have connection with Love, but is connected because we made it matter to us.
You mean if a quiet couple from humble background, merely ROM (No official celebration of sort), enough to lived by income and say woman is older than man... their relationship is LESSER that those who has everything that they don't? Despise having very loving relationship?? Then why does those couple have failing marriage DESPITE having excellent society's ‘standard of compatibility’
How much has this wicked society influence you? How has it affect your Love and Relationship?
This is something interesting to ponder about.
Cheers
Sadly, I do agree with what [Aunt Agony 111105] has said.
But let me add on something.
I still don't believe that education level could be a barrier, where you stop in your education shouldn't be a problem but problems sets in if your life stops there. True enough you do work hard and earn an honest living but then again her earning power will be so much higher than you when she comes out to work. I guess she already starting to sense that.
NNP, let me point out to you a cruel fact about being a man. Even if your gf has the same education level as you, she might too demand that you do better than her.
I too face the same problem as you two years back with my ex-gf. She has a lower education level than me but life is cruel. My earnings are never enough for her as she got a rather f**k up family. In the end she choose to give up this relationship and end up with someone richer than me (or at least the earning power is higher than me)
My current gf, has the same education level than me but she always urge me to do better and to plan for our future. Unlike my ex-gf, my current gf uses a different approach to make me move forward. Basically both are demanding the same thing from me but on a different approach. All my ex gave me is stress and the current gf is more like constantly encouraging me to move forward which is more effective.
Ultimately what I want to tell you is, whether or not you keep this r/s, do find ways to upgrade yourself to your own befinit and not to others. We have to keep moving ahead in order to be able to take care of our own life and then to take care of others. Not many girls in Singapore are willing to settle down with someone who can't see his own future. Remember, it's like a race, you have to be able to keep it up. Even if you are behind her, don't be too far behind as she'll start to feel like she's losing you. Your gf perhaps are already feeling that way and it's understandable that some mean friends or hers will laugh at you for being such a lowly person and as friends they would advise her to find someone better, someone with a brighter prospect. but then again, which friend wouldn't wan the best for the friend?
In a relationship, whatever happens, it's always a two sided thingy. It takes two hands to clap. Before you start to condemn her for her change of attitude, why don't you try to think back and reflect on your own self? Don't think of the things you did for her but rather think of the things you NEVER do for her. Have you given her enough security to make her feel that she can rely on you for the rest of her life (rely as in emotionally not financially)? A man who earns $2k a month can provide comfortable life as for now but to get married, buy house and start a family, do you think $2k is enough? The answer is "NO".
And think about this, if one day you two did get married, by the time she would have graduated and probably earning a salary of $3K and you still at $2K, even if you didn't live on her earnings but what will others say? You can tell me that it doesn't bother you what they say or tell me that she shouldn't be bothered by what other people say but the fact is, we are all humans and all these words does make an impact on a person's mind and pride. So, how will you react to it and how will she take it? Doesn't that make it more easy for problems to set in? And what if you both or either of you can't take it anymore? Divorce? Is that what you want ultimately?
Go think about it before you make any decision and I would advise that you two have a good talk alone with no other friends or disturbance. You want something from her but don't forget she'll want something from you too. Go find out what is it.
You are replying based on society's yardstick measurement of what a good relationship would be. Your relationship lived heavily on how people SEE in your relationship. Don't get mistaken - it is the right thing to improve oneself and I would encourage it... however, is this stir from within or wholly based on external causes?
Is Love measured by how much she earns more than you? Does that makes you lesser in any ways, if it happens? Does it necessary mean that if a guy earns more than a woman it makes a relationship more successful than those who don't? Or is their relationship lesser in any aspects?
This is our definition and perception in relationship: It matters to you because this is how you define your own Love.
I am sure you people may hear of stories or know personally of such scenarios (woman more successful in life than their man), but their relationship is still strong and passionate. The reason is very simple: their definition of their own relationship has gone beyond what THIS SOCIETY wants you to define in his own words.
***
I remember when I was so much younger (Pri school), I asked my mum this question:
'Mum, what if someone is too poor to get married? To hold a wedding seemed costly... does it means the couple will never be together? [I was shoOo young and thought that to be married formally, you must hold a dinner]
She replied - well, a marriage means you register your marriage with ROM. That makes you husband and wife. A restaurant dinner is customary.
'But everyone who get married would hold the dinner what - it means that getting married HAS to hold that restaurant dinner, isn't it.'
My mum smiled at me
'The wedding is only to acknowledge to everyone that you are getting married. But of course, it is not needed if you think it isn't necessary. Even though a wedding dinner is a once in a lifetime event, your marriage goes further than your wedding dinner.'
'But everyone is holding that dinner... it seemed that if you don't hold the dinner, you ain't married.'
***
I realise, even as a child, how powerful 'society' standard has effect on how we define and perceive Love. We define a good relationship BASED on material packages (Tiffany ring... good income.... background... status... lavish wedding dinner) to appearance (good looking... pretty... fashionable...) to 'standards' (Guys must be older than the girl, must earn more than his wife, must be same 'skin colour'... must be taller than their wife) to everything else that shouldn't have connection with Love, but is connected because we made it matter to us.
You mean if a quiet couple from humble background, merely ROM (No official celebration of sort), enough to lived by income and say woman is older than man... their relationship is LESSER that those who has everything that they don't? Despise having very loving relationship?? Then why does those couple have failing marriage DESPITE having excellent society's ‘standard of compatibility’
How much has this wicked society influence you? How has it affect your Love and Relationship?
This is something interesting to ponder about.
Cheers
Aunt Agony 121105
Originally posted by numby:
they like cannot get over them when break-up when the guy is has been toying wif the girls feelings...some girls r willing to do anything to get the guy back to her side...
Love can never be smooth sailing.
Bad guys are pawns of karma USED to further Love's cosmic lessons.
I believe the existence of 'bad' guys (and woman) is paramount. If Love was perfect - we will never, in our lifetime, discover the true meaning of Love. Sure, we all know that Spring is awesome... but have you seen Spring's ugly nature? Or the beautiful side of Winter? Without bad guys, how do we know the 'goodness' of nice guys?
There are reasons why certain people intrude into our lives. We, acting as a security guard deployed at the main gate - deciding who and who is allowed to enter. We form a relationship with those we chose from freewill - nobody force a knife upon our throat to accept those BGR.
In the end, we only have ourselves to be blame... the decision we made.
Cheers
they like cannot get over them when break-up when the guy is has been toying wif the girls feelings...some girls r willing to do anything to get the guy back to her side...
Love can never be smooth sailing.
Bad guys are pawns of karma USED to further Love's cosmic lessons.
I believe the existence of 'bad' guys (and woman) is paramount. If Love was perfect - we will never, in our lifetime, discover the true meaning of Love. Sure, we all know that Spring is awesome... but have you seen Spring's ugly nature? Or the beautiful side of Winter? Without bad guys, how do we know the 'goodness' of nice guys?
There are reasons why certain people intrude into our lives. We, acting as a security guard deployed at the main gate - deciding who and who is allowed to enter. We form a relationship with those we chose from freewill - nobody force a knife upon our throat to accept those BGR.
In the end, we only have ourselves to be blame... the decision we made.
Cheers
Friday, November 11, 2005
Aunt Agony 111105
Originally posted by Not_nice_person:
i'm a guy and i have a gf of 4 yrs..thinking of breaking up wif her cause i cant tolerate her temper any longer.
I apologised so many times but she still dun want to accept..
I treat her so well, but tat;'s all i get :cry: why? issit because i'm of low education? i quit sc h ard sec 3 to work, but she is undergrad so she haf the right to put me down and treat me like dirt?
why people have a cert and they r so hao liao abt it? everytime she does something wrong, i keep quiet. I dun want to incur her and her complains and her frens sarport her not me, cause they see me of low education mah
guys, what wld u do if uwere in my shoes? why girls nowadays talk until like tat?
As you people begin to debate if his slap is justifiable or not... to me, it doesn't really matter. IMHO, NNP isn't a violent person by personality for if he is indeed one... such undesirable acts would litter throughout his 4 years relationship and NOT just that particular day.
However, there is an issue.
And is seemed that this relationship is divided by a splitting chasm; the once Love has mutilated by evolving definition and perception of what a good Love ought to be like. This is because our needs changes as we grow with time - what we originally seek may not be what we want ultimately... What we could give... may not be what they want eventually.
Low education doesn't matter in the past, but it seemed to matter right now. What happens is that she begin to see how 'equal status' is of growing importance to her - measured by society's standard. This is a generating need in making, vastly different from what you seek in your own relationship.
There is a contrast in definition; causing you two to look in separate direction. One of the worst thing in Love.
Believe in the beauty of willingness for it makes no meaning for a relationship to continue IF we bear such intense unhappiness and discontentment. If we are willing to remain in our Love, we must be convinced that there are reasons why we are still hanging around.
It seemed that you are losing that reason and she... uncovering new reasons to top her agenda: on her new expectations. The girl you INITIALLY fell for... has gone. Similarly, the guy she INITIALLY fell for... has vanished.
Love that has gone sour...
Cheers
i'm a guy and i have a gf of 4 yrs..thinking of breaking up wif her cause i cant tolerate her temper any longer.
I apologised so many times but she still dun want to accept..
I treat her so well, but tat;'s all i get :cry: why? issit because i'm of low education? i quit sc h ard sec 3 to work, but she is undergrad so she haf the right to put me down and treat me like dirt?
why people have a cert and they r so hao liao abt it? everytime she does something wrong, i keep quiet. I dun want to incur her and her complains and her frens sarport her not me, cause they see me of low education mah
guys, what wld u do if uwere in my shoes? why girls nowadays talk until like tat?
As you people begin to debate if his slap is justifiable or not... to me, it doesn't really matter. IMHO, NNP isn't a violent person by personality for if he is indeed one... such undesirable acts would litter throughout his 4 years relationship and NOT just that particular day.
However, there is an issue.
And is seemed that this relationship is divided by a splitting chasm; the once Love has mutilated by evolving definition and perception of what a good Love ought to be like. This is because our needs changes as we grow with time - what we originally seek may not be what we want ultimately... What we could give... may not be what they want eventually.
Low education doesn't matter in the past, but it seemed to matter right now. What happens is that she begin to see how 'equal status' is of growing importance to her - measured by society's standard. This is a generating need in making, vastly different from what you seek in your own relationship.
There is a contrast in definition; causing you two to look in separate direction. One of the worst thing in Love.
Believe in the beauty of willingness for it makes no meaning for a relationship to continue IF we bear such intense unhappiness and discontentment. If we are willing to remain in our Love, we must be convinced that there are reasons why we are still hanging around.
It seemed that you are losing that reason and she... uncovering new reasons to top her agenda: on her new expectations. The girl you INITIALLY fell for... has gone. Similarly, the guy she INITIALLY fell for... has vanished.
Love that has gone sour...
Cheers
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Aunt Agony 091105
Originally posted by chong-ster:
i got to know this gal abt half a year ago... everything was fine btw us, and we were v close, but she told me she didnt want to get into a relationship for the next month or two. i was fine with it, and never bugged her to be with me or whatsoever.
she's been telling me she yearns to be with me, she wants to be my partner, but deep down inside, i think she doesnt mean it.
abt a month ago, she left me, and i knew it was because of a guy. but she claimed it wasnt because of him and she had no feelings for him. but i knew she was lying, because my friends saw them out, and told me abt it. i also read her text messages sent to/from him... she told him she missed him, missed his hugs/kisses etc...
i asked her about it indirectly (not telling her that i read her msgs) but she still claimed that she'd already given him up because she only feels for me. not long ago, she again, told me she loved me, but just today, i read her messages again, and she sent one to him. saying that she wanted to meet him for a while, to lock lips....
many times i told myself to hate her and move on, but everytime she talks to me or appears in front of me, i'll just hopelessly fall in love with her again. i know its bad of me to read her text messages, but... i just couldnt help it at all.
i dont know why she still come up with lies to keep me with her, when so obviously she also wants to be with the guy too. maybe its because she wants the best of both worlds. i know i hate her for doing this. and many times i've told myself to hate her to the core, but i just can't.
she knows i've given her my best and almost everything i have.. but she still doesnt want to be with me. im fine with it.. but which guy can accept a girl who keeps another guy with her too????
maybe im just hopeless and dead stupid.
You are deeply in Love with your own imagination... in the seas of delusion. Facts has already shown you the TRUTH, but because delusion is so powerful and kept you overwhelmed, every time when she employed deception through blatant lies - your mind CHOSE to believe those lying words because you think and feel that even if there is only 1% chance of it being the truth, that is still a possibility.
In astrology, this is what happens when Neptune gets afflicted - people get deluded and choose to dwell in those illusions.
If logics could save you, you would have already been saved.
Chances are, you are reluctant to release yourself off this bondage. You create an opening to introduce wounds into your heart and you refuse to patch the vulnerability.
Good scolding? You don't need to... and in fact, no amount of words would suffice.
What you need is to hurt yourself more... until the day when you realise that this 1% hope you are clinging on, is no more than just a false hope. You would only understand what it means by it was never meant to be right from the start... if you choose to leave where you are standing forever and never to return.
To return is to discover that you running in circles, back to where you are.
P.S: If this current emotional pain is not enough deter you, then ripped the wounds wider... until you are able to see reality.
Cheers
i got to know this gal abt half a year ago... everything was fine btw us, and we were v close, but she told me she didnt want to get into a relationship for the next month or two. i was fine with it, and never bugged her to be with me or whatsoever.
she's been telling me she yearns to be with me, she wants to be my partner, but deep down inside, i think she doesnt mean it.
abt a month ago, she left me, and i knew it was because of a guy. but she claimed it wasnt because of him and she had no feelings for him. but i knew she was lying, because my friends saw them out, and told me abt it. i also read her text messages sent to/from him... she told him she missed him, missed his hugs/kisses etc...
i asked her about it indirectly (not telling her that i read her msgs) but she still claimed that she'd already given him up because she only feels for me. not long ago, she again, told me she loved me, but just today, i read her messages again, and she sent one to him. saying that she wanted to meet him for a while, to lock lips....
many times i told myself to hate her and move on, but everytime she talks to me or appears in front of me, i'll just hopelessly fall in love with her again. i know its bad of me to read her text messages, but... i just couldnt help it at all.
i dont know why she still come up with lies to keep me with her, when so obviously she also wants to be with the guy too. maybe its because she wants the best of both worlds. i know i hate her for doing this. and many times i've told myself to hate her to the core, but i just can't.
she knows i've given her my best and almost everything i have.. but she still doesnt want to be with me. im fine with it.. but which guy can accept a girl who keeps another guy with her too????
maybe im just hopeless and dead stupid.
You are deeply in Love with your own imagination... in the seas of delusion. Facts has already shown you the TRUTH, but because delusion is so powerful and kept you overwhelmed, every time when she employed deception through blatant lies - your mind CHOSE to believe those lying words because you think and feel that even if there is only 1% chance of it being the truth, that is still a possibility.
In astrology, this is what happens when Neptune gets afflicted - people get deluded and choose to dwell in those illusions.
If logics could save you, you would have already been saved.
Chances are, you are reluctant to release yourself off this bondage. You create an opening to introduce wounds into your heart and you refuse to patch the vulnerability.
Good scolding? You don't need to... and in fact, no amount of words would suffice.
What you need is to hurt yourself more... until the day when you realise that this 1% hope you are clinging on, is no more than just a false hope. You would only understand what it means by it was never meant to be right from the start... if you choose to leave where you are standing forever and never to return.
To return is to discover that you running in circles, back to where you are.
P.S: If this current emotional pain is not enough deter you, then ripped the wounds wider... until you are able to see reality.
Cheers
Sunday, November 06, 2005
Aunt Agony III 061105
Originally posted by Airbus330Captain:
Thanks for your advices guys .. .
Well , all I can say is that I can imagine both of us being together happily , having a family together. I havent had that feeling for a long time. I ask you guys a question. If you see someone who is already attached (and the bf is someone you know as a friend) but you have strong feelings for her , what will you do ? Wait for her to break off depending on how strong their relationship are ? Forget it and move on or confess to her hoping that a miracle will happen ?
I believe love is selfish but what I really believe that even if I like her but she doesnt like me , love cannot be forced and if i really love her , I should be happy for her happiness, that is how I feel.
I know many people explains it this way, but technically speaking, this is a contradiction. If you believe that Love is selfish, you will not understand what is mutual respect and empathy for the woman you loved because selfishness only understand a self absorbed form of happiness (read Ayukat).
You are suffering heavy conflicts with the mind and heart; with one telling you to pursue your heart's desire and another reminding you about moral, ethics, conscience, norms, standards, etc.
I believe in all is fair in Love and War (with the exception of married potential for a married potential is much more complicated and definitely karmic). To me, being attached signified nothing, apart from trying to know each other better. BGR is indeed a 'get-to-know-more' about each other stage - even if your relationship is of many years. I have a known friend who realise that he knew so little about his gf... even after a 5 years relationship - especially the 'new' her. He was having a crisis of his own and only then, what he thought is either based on assumption or the past.
Time changed... people changed.... No one is the same one year back - we all evolved with time.
Do you gamble... say BlackJack? Do you ever realise that regardless of how your luck is like (good or bad), you will never raise above this particular amount of stake?
In your case, the stake is on a friendship.
Are you comfortable with this stake? Comfortable playing?
P.S: Love is sacrificial - best of both worlds normally don't exist in Love.
Cheers
Thanks for your advices guys .. .
Well , all I can say is that I can imagine both of us being together happily , having a family together. I havent had that feeling for a long time. I ask you guys a question. If you see someone who is already attached (and the bf is someone you know as a friend) but you have strong feelings for her , what will you do ? Wait for her to break off depending on how strong their relationship are ? Forget it and move on or confess to her hoping that a miracle will happen ?
I believe love is selfish but what I really believe that even if I like her but she doesnt like me , love cannot be forced and if i really love her , I should be happy for her happiness, that is how I feel.
I know many people explains it this way, but technically speaking, this is a contradiction. If you believe that Love is selfish, you will not understand what is mutual respect and empathy for the woman you loved because selfishness only understand a self absorbed form of happiness (read Ayukat).
You are suffering heavy conflicts with the mind and heart; with one telling you to pursue your heart's desire and another reminding you about moral, ethics, conscience, norms, standards, etc.
I believe in all is fair in Love and War (with the exception of married potential for a married potential is much more complicated and definitely karmic). To me, being attached signified nothing, apart from trying to know each other better. BGR is indeed a 'get-to-know-more' about each other stage - even if your relationship is of many years. I have a known friend who realise that he knew so little about his gf... even after a 5 years relationship - especially the 'new' her. He was having a crisis of his own and only then, what he thought is either based on assumption or the past.
Time changed... people changed.... No one is the same one year back - we all evolved with time.
Do you gamble... say BlackJack? Do you ever realise that regardless of how your luck is like (good or bad), you will never raise above this particular amount of stake?
In your case, the stake is on a friendship.
Are you comfortable with this stake? Comfortable playing?
P.S: Love is sacrificial - best of both worlds normally don't exist in Love.
Cheers
Aunt Agony II 061105
Originally posted by tsubasa82:
Went on a date with a gal a month ago. Everything was great, and we had sex after that. But after the sex, she told me that she only broke off with her bf like 2 mths before we got together. She's not ready for a relationship yet.
So i told her i'll wait till she's ready.
However, she started to become cold towards me when we're in front of friends. I felt that something's not right. Last monday, she told me to give up on her. She said i still don't understand her, but how am i supposed to understand her when she always try to avoid me? I've been trying to talk to her, but she doesn't respond. And she said that we're not suitable and i'm not her type. It's really like WTF.
I asked her why she had sex with me, was i just a substitute. She said that i hurt her by saying that. She did it with me because she really like me that time. But then it's like only 1 month ago.
Now, in front of friends i have to behave as if i'm alright. But deep down inside, i'm really devastated. It really didn't matter to me whether we had sex or not, i really like her.
I really don't know what to do. It's like quite impossible for me to be with her again.
She might have learnt that her Love for you isn't substantial. Perhaps it may only be liking or even using you as a substitute, but one truth remains: not ready for a relationship begins not after the sex part, rather, it existed all these while.
When one undergo an emotional turmoil from a failed relationship, there is a great tendency to seek emotional dependency from others. What happened is that we try to restore whatever damage our failed BGR has dealt to us, using other channels to redirect our emotional focus so that we could allow time to repair what is necessary. We want life as 'normal' as how we perceive what 'normal' means to us. You see people start hanging out with friends, indulge in new hobbies, bury themselves in books, work OT or even attempting to try out new Love partner to displace their past.
Sex probably provoked her thoughts deeper - about her own feelings. She might have gained certain thoughts that render her the inability to accept you into a relationship with her. Clouds of doubts began to disperse from her befuddled heart and she gradually began to understand more about herself. This understanding is the reason of her rejection.
Cheers
Went on a date with a gal a month ago. Everything was great, and we had sex after that. But after the sex, she told me that she only broke off with her bf like 2 mths before we got together. She's not ready for a relationship yet.
So i told her i'll wait till she's ready.
However, she started to become cold towards me when we're in front of friends. I felt that something's not right. Last monday, she told me to give up on her. She said i still don't understand her, but how am i supposed to understand her when she always try to avoid me? I've been trying to talk to her, but she doesn't respond. And she said that we're not suitable and i'm not her type. It's really like WTF.
I asked her why she had sex with me, was i just a substitute. She said that i hurt her by saying that. She did it with me because she really like me that time. But then it's like only 1 month ago.
Now, in front of friends i have to behave as if i'm alright. But deep down inside, i'm really devastated. It really didn't matter to me whether we had sex or not, i really like her.
I really don't know what to do. It's like quite impossible for me to be with her again.
She might have learnt that her Love for you isn't substantial. Perhaps it may only be liking or even using you as a substitute, but one truth remains: not ready for a relationship begins not after the sex part, rather, it existed all these while.
When one undergo an emotional turmoil from a failed relationship, there is a great tendency to seek emotional dependency from others. What happened is that we try to restore whatever damage our failed BGR has dealt to us, using other channels to redirect our emotional focus so that we could allow time to repair what is necessary. We want life as 'normal' as how we perceive what 'normal' means to us. You see people start hanging out with friends, indulge in new hobbies, bury themselves in books, work OT or even attempting to try out new Love partner to displace their past.
Sex probably provoked her thoughts deeper - about her own feelings. She might have gained certain thoughts that render her the inability to accept you into a relationship with her. Clouds of doubts began to disperse from her befuddled heart and she gradually began to understand more about herself. This understanding is the reason of her rejection.
Cheers
Aunt Agony 061105
Originally posted by Big Bot:
Just now while watching the stupid NKF drama series... I got a sudden Deja Vu like feeling... more a vision of the future kind of feeling...
I got a feeling that I'll be attending the wedding of the girl I love the most and the groom isn't me and she'll come to my side and wish me happiness...
How? I don't want such a thing to happen...
In the end, how much wounds we accumulate in Love reflects deeply on our mindset. Some people are bound to hurt badly in love not because God isn't fair... rather, their definition of what Love is to them conjured those illusionary injuries. It is illusionary because those are non-existence unless you are thinking along that direction - the wounds are self-summoning.
You see Love as a form of possession... a commodity in which your self desire overwhelmed every other factors. So much 'Self' that you loses 'Other' (Empathy) - the only way to achieve fulfilling relationship.
What makes you think that 'someone' is taking her away?
She has to be willing... allow that 'someone' the permission to be taken away, isn't it?
A perfectly satisfied woman cannot be seduced.
Cheers
Just now while watching the stupid NKF drama series... I got a sudden Deja Vu like feeling... more a vision of the future kind of feeling...
I got a feeling that I'll be attending the wedding of the girl I love the most and the groom isn't me and she'll come to my side and wish me happiness...
How? I don't want such a thing to happen...
In the end, how much wounds we accumulate in Love reflects deeply on our mindset. Some people are bound to hurt badly in love not because God isn't fair... rather, their definition of what Love is to them conjured those illusionary injuries. It is illusionary because those are non-existence unless you are thinking along that direction - the wounds are self-summoning.
You see Love as a form of possession... a commodity in which your self desire overwhelmed every other factors. So much 'Self' that you loses 'Other' (Empathy) - the only way to achieve fulfilling relationship.
What makes you think that 'someone' is taking her away?
She has to be willing... allow that 'someone' the permission to be taken away, isn't it?
A perfectly satisfied woman cannot be seduced.
Cheers
Saturday, November 05, 2005
深夜播的夜曲。。 how I feel in Love with Darkness
一群嗜血的螞蟻 被腐肉所吸引
我面無表情 看孤獨的風景
失去妳 愛恨開始分明
失去妳 還有什麼事好關心
但鴿子不再象徵和平 我終於被提醒
廣場上餵食的是禿鷹
我用漂亮的押韻 形容被掠奪一空的愛情
啊 烏雲開始遮蔽 夜色不乾淨
公園裡葬禮的回音 在漫天飛行
送你的白色玫瑰 環境凋零
烏鴉在樹枝上詭異的很安靜
靜靜聽 我黑色的大衣 想溫暖妳
日漸冰冷的回憶 走過的走過的生命
啊 四周瀰漫霧氣
我在空曠的墓地 老去後還愛妳
為妳彈奏蕭邦的夜曲 紀念我死去的愛情
跟夜風一樣的聲音 心碎的很好聽
手在鍵盤敲很輕 我給的思念很小心
妳埋葬的地方叫幽冥
為妳彈奏蕭邦的夜曲 紀念我死去的愛情
而我為妳隱姓埋名 在月光下彈琴
對妳心跳的感應 還是如此溫熱親近
懷念妳那鮮紅的唇印
那些斷翅的蜻蜓 散落在這森林
而我的眼睛 沒有絲毫同情
失去妳 淚水混濁不清
失去妳 我連笑容都有陰影
風在長滿青苔的屋頂 嘲笑我的傷心
像一口沒有水的枯井 我用淒美的字型
描繪後悔莫及的那愛情
In the solemn noon where the truth was released like a sudden gale,
It choked the passage where the mind attempts to process the message,
Packed jammed with news that was both mentally and emotionally stimulating,
The tear duct played its role to complement weeping thoughts,
Wishes from the Genie bottle appeared to have granted,
What original desire was warped into profound uncertainty,
And like the pursuer was being pursed,
When fate twist you like dough,
Heaven make sport of man,
Too fast too furious,
Balance and scales,
Running thoughts,
Delusion
230704
Masquerading behind a mortal outlook.
Lies a vampire within.
Ironically,
this vampire, who was once mortal,
stared hard at the reflecting pool
And sees nothing of his past.
Has the pool aged?
Or has his vision blurred?
Something amiss... or something that wasn't meant to be there?
P.S: How sinister... how dark... how bleak... how crazed... as my fingers danced through the keyboard in subconscious fatigue state. I am supposed to rest my mind, but it brought me here instead.
Reality and Fantasy... masquerading each other in their own realm.
I am inside my own world... yet again.
Cheers
我面無表情 看孤獨的風景
失去妳 愛恨開始分明
失去妳 還有什麼事好關心
但鴿子不再象徵和平 我終於被提醒
廣場上餵食的是禿鷹
我用漂亮的押韻 形容被掠奪一空的愛情
啊 烏雲開始遮蔽 夜色不乾淨
公園裡葬禮的回音 在漫天飛行
送你的白色玫瑰 環境凋零
烏鴉在樹枝上詭異的很安靜
靜靜聽 我黑色的大衣 想溫暖妳
日漸冰冷的回憶 走過的走過的生命
啊 四周瀰漫霧氣
我在空曠的墓地 老去後還愛妳
為妳彈奏蕭邦的夜曲 紀念我死去的愛情
跟夜風一樣的聲音 心碎的很好聽
手在鍵盤敲很輕 我給的思念很小心
妳埋葬的地方叫幽冥
為妳彈奏蕭邦的夜曲 紀念我死去的愛情
而我為妳隱姓埋名 在月光下彈琴
對妳心跳的感應 還是如此溫熱親近
懷念妳那鮮紅的唇印
那些斷翅的蜻蜓 散落在這森林
而我的眼睛 沒有絲毫同情
失去妳 淚水混濁不清
失去妳 我連笑容都有陰影
風在長滿青苔的屋頂 嘲笑我的傷心
像一口沒有水的枯井 我用淒美的字型
描繪後悔莫及的那愛情
In the solemn noon where the truth was released like a sudden gale,
It choked the passage where the mind attempts to process the message,
Packed jammed with news that was both mentally and emotionally stimulating,
The tear duct played its role to complement weeping thoughts,
Wishes from the Genie bottle appeared to have granted,
What original desire was warped into profound uncertainty,
And like the pursuer was being pursed,
When fate twist you like dough,
Heaven make sport of man,
Too fast too furious,
Balance and scales,
Running thoughts,
Delusion
230704
Masquerading behind a mortal outlook.
Lies a vampire within.
Ironically,
this vampire, who was once mortal,
stared hard at the reflecting pool
And sees nothing of his past.
Has the pool aged?
Or has his vision blurred?
Something amiss... or something that wasn't meant to be there?
P.S: How sinister... how dark... how bleak... how crazed... as my fingers danced through the keyboard in subconscious fatigue state. I am supposed to rest my mind, but it brought me here instead.
Reality and Fantasy... masquerading each other in their own realm.
I am inside my own world... yet again.
Cheers
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Aunt Agony 031105
Originally posted by ^mR.yellow^86:
[b]some say people who attached to one guy/girl only even if you can't have him/her are touching, sad, but some say it's stupid. What about you guys' and gals' point of view? let's hear from you guys and gals. guys and gals might have the different opinion about it.
Originally posted by DrTech:
He's talking about people who can't let go... continually liking/loving the other party even though they know they can't have him/her...
It can be a good or bad thing...
How can it be a good thing when you resist the idea of moving on? To resist the notion of moving on is to resist growth.
There is one bitter truth about people waiting: there is simply nothing to look forward, so they wait. Most people, who claim to wait for someone, often practice this what I call 'looking for the horse while riding the donkey'. If Love had you SO 'devoted'... so deep till you are 'left with no choice' but to wait... you will probably spent the rest of your life waiting this for meaningless someone and missed out opportunity on other potential partners. The TRUE form of waiting; is just to wait placidly until something happen. But the fact is that ultimately, these people moved on, with time, because they discovered it was impossible from the start.
You THINK he/she is the one for you... do you think you are the ONE for him/her?
Don't kid yourself - to wait for someone has NOTHING to do with loyalty and since it has nothing to do with it, what is so touching about people waiting aimlessly? Loyalty and devotion only applies to people who are IN A RELATIONSHIP... for anything else, it is foolishness and unacceptance.
I used to have people who swore to wait by me... for their own emotional agenda. I knew it was baseless and told them please don't make such comments, but they insisted in their own emotional ways. I laugh... not thinking that they are stupid, but rather, intrigued by how Love works.
These people are currently in their own relationship, revelling in bliss happiness. And obviously, I am happy for them to be able to exercise those loyalty in their current relationship instead of someone like me.
If you see devotion as a good characteristic, shouldn't you spent those precious quality on someone that is WORTH your devotion and not cover them up with a white lie by claiming that you are simply waiting and equates that to devotion.
These self-gratifying thoughts are merely tools to remain you in waiting list.
Cheers
[b]some say people who attached to one guy/girl only even if you can't have him/her are touching, sad, but some say it's stupid. What about you guys' and gals' point of view? let's hear from you guys and gals. guys and gals might have the different opinion about it.
Originally posted by DrTech:
He's talking about people who can't let go... continually liking/loving the other party even though they know they can't have him/her...
It can be a good or bad thing...
How can it be a good thing when you resist the idea of moving on? To resist the notion of moving on is to resist growth.
There is one bitter truth about people waiting: there is simply nothing to look forward, so they wait. Most people, who claim to wait for someone, often practice this what I call 'looking for the horse while riding the donkey'. If Love had you SO 'devoted'... so deep till you are 'left with no choice' but to wait... you will probably spent the rest of your life waiting this for meaningless someone and missed out opportunity on other potential partners. The TRUE form of waiting; is just to wait placidly until something happen. But the fact is that ultimately, these people moved on, with time, because they discovered it was impossible from the start.
You THINK he/she is the one for you... do you think you are the ONE for him/her?
Don't kid yourself - to wait for someone has NOTHING to do with loyalty and since it has nothing to do with it, what is so touching about people waiting aimlessly? Loyalty and devotion only applies to people who are IN A RELATIONSHIP... for anything else, it is foolishness and unacceptance.
I used to have people who swore to wait by me... for their own emotional agenda. I knew it was baseless and told them please don't make such comments, but they insisted in their own emotional ways. I laugh... not thinking that they are stupid, but rather, intrigued by how Love works.
These people are currently in their own relationship, revelling in bliss happiness. And obviously, I am happy for them to be able to exercise those loyalty in their current relationship instead of someone like me.
If you see devotion as a good characteristic, shouldn't you spent those precious quality on someone that is WORTH your devotion and not cover them up with a white lie by claiming that you are simply waiting and equates that to devotion.
These self-gratifying thoughts are merely tools to remain you in waiting list.
Cheers
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