Aunt Agony II 170705

Originally posted by drx:
So Yunhaier from what you say, the guy made a bad judgement by looking for the wrong girl to fall in love with? He did not understand her so the relationship failed? So in love is best to do things to suit a girls needs and wants? He should find someone who is willing to accept him for who he is after the girl left him for another man while still wondering what went wrong?

" Just lookout for ladies that appreciate nice guys. Full stop. It's as simple as that - someone who could see your goodness and qualities as part of her essential needs."

HE thought that she was the one for him too once but in the end she just dump him so your advice for him is to keep searching on for another the "one" to suit him?


You don't make a bad judgement by falling in love with a girl, who doesn't remain with you till marriage and after. You make a bad judgement only if your relationship is deeply karmic and create more than just a mess in every aspect of your life (E.g. falling in love with a flirty woman - it's probably a high risk if you are looking for some kind of stable relationship). To lose a relationship doesn't constitute a bad judgement - it probably would, in some lesser degree, if you don't even know why you lose it in the first place.

To some extend, there isn't any 'wrong relationship.' In my studies, it's only benefic or karmic. (Relationship that is harmonious and one that is disruptive - both of them can also serve to built or ruin you).

YOU think that she is the one for you - great. But that thought isn't mutual. Till the day when you find someone with this mutual thought, you will probably end up in marriage with her. Probably.

But in Love, it's more than just a civic minded/technical way of looking at a relationship. 1+1 equation doesn't always mean 2 in Love, which is how you are trying to apply that in yourself. In Psychology, we mimic our behaviour based on what behaviour that works and rewarded. We continue to mimic those behavior until they become an integrated part of our personality (or in this case, our definition and preception of Love). WHEN those behaviour don't work or gain acceptance, the mind is frustrated and the human takes on defensive measure to protect it's self image. Then in Love, the mind gradual form a 'logical equation' to appease the confusion, but the heart continues to bleed unconsciously because the heart do not see the way the mind do. But as long as this adjusted behaviour pays off - we will maintain them... we work to maintain sameness.

And when too painful rejection or whichever processing system (mind or heart) don't work, it explode and causes a system breakdown. Our self preception is greatly affected and we lose track of who and what we are.

You looked so lost. Seeking answers everywhere.

P.S: If you ain't the man your love is looking for - remaining in the relationship usually promise much misery. Find a woman who likes and appreciates the qualities that you bring out... and not be a man you think that a woman would appreciate. Think is assumption... only knowing is truth. Knowing only comes from communication, understanding and learning. And only by knowing, would you know the core of each individual's needs and work on the RIGHT ingredients to fulfill each specific needs.

Cheers