Aunt Agony 160705

Originally posted by lil_pinkie:
I've a Qn mark in my mind, abt my bf. I'm not saying I'm having a bad r/s.. but sometime, certain quiries of mine cant be solved by talking it out with him. It end up in a quarrel.
I'm younger by 4 yrs than my bf. I do know that I've some thinking prob (as in childishness etc..) He tried to teach and guide me. He got a v.v.v.bad temper (undeniable), and I get scolded alot for my mistakes regardless big or small one.

I've not been treated this way even fr my ex.. (i know sometimes harsh words mean well..) & i'm restricted alot in how i behave etc. I dont wear revealing clothes but been snapped at for wearing low off-shoulder one. Sometimes, its like I'm his personal PDA, i should keep in mind of his liking and thing-to-do. If i missed it, i'm dead... kana scold again. I know gf are suppose to be more delicated in every area... but u see, im not even his wife (any possibility is going to be in the future, not now).. only a gf. I'm told to do this, do that.. I am tired. What i think the way I'll adopt for now, is to put down part of my feelings, and live on my "own". Cuz its always me running up to him, wanting to hug him n be loving, what i get back are cold shoulder. (but in some areas he is attentive and loving tho).

So u see, im a lovely-dovey type person, but he's not..

What kind of behaviour should i adopt in tis r/s


Your bf probably sees you as a junior, instead of a girlfriend standing at equal position, walking side-by-side along the life of the relationship. Chronologically speaking, age-wise, it contributed partially to this thinking and the other half is given by your personality, whom he had thought to be one that belongs to that of young girls of those age.

And because he probably likes/thought.it's.a.norm for a girlfriend to be attentive to his needs, in addition with the superiority in thoughts as spoken in the prior paragraph, it's no wonder he would attempt to 'teach' and 'guide' you... to be a girl of his needs.

Realising the crux of your issue revolves around the power of a relationship; you are struggling beneath the lack of equality and power in the same Love. The discrepancy you are feeling is that you feel you are beginning to lose yourself, your individualistic nature, which seemed like a stranger ever since you fall deep in love with your current bf and step into the relationship.

Chances are, this man does love you, in intensity similar to that of yours - however, he may lack the expressive side of doting, care and affection. And these are definitely your needs. You feel that his needs are at least met to his expectation generally, but minimal for yourself, which causes the differences and resorted to 'giving less' as a means to restore this balance.

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What kind of behavior should you adopt? A better option is to communicate this through him, minus the sudden quarrels. Quarrels appear for many reasons, sometimes, usually it's not so much about the CONTENT that we desire to communicate - more like the body language, the tone, the words, the style and the overall effect the communication is being brought forth.

You would probably feel/think that 'talking-about-this-to-him-is-useless-nothing-changed-and-we-will-argue. But what makes you think by adopting a different kind of attitude in this relationship will improve your situations? What you are doing is to comform and compromise by solo effort - his stance will remain because nothing has been done to alter the hidden law. Your relationship will gradually break down by the discrepancy suffered and left in ruins before you know it.

He have to know a few elements through your serious, non-quarrelsome talk with him:

I) The importance of equality in the relationship. Power struggle is tiring.

II) Compromise towards each other's needs. Balance out this scale of giving and receiving.

Cheers