Friday Rendezvous.

Friday Rendezvous.

Dope shit.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 271207

Originally posted by LordIcarus:
Is it important? What if one day, your gf comes up to you and told you she's no longer one. How would you react.
I told her i love her & i don't mind. Am i doing the right thing?



The concept of virginity doesn't even exist in the spiritual aspect of love because it only bothers people who lead and perceive their relationship in the lowest of all planes (CloUdiSm three realms of relationship).

I find it simultaneously amusing and somewhat hypocritical for one to proclaim love for another, yet having to be so bothered by this virginity issue. It is logically impossible for relationship to devalue, if your relationship is initiated by Love and not via other elements. If the concept of virginity could diminish your perception of 'Love' for your other half, seriously, it's not even Love to begin with in the first place; therefore one would surely be bothered with the analogy of being 'used' verse 'new'.

True Love is a constant that doesn't get affected by its environment or any 'moment of truth'. This universal acceptance has absolutely nothing to do with being magnanimous; rather, it's a simple understanding in the mechanics of Love - of having unconditional acceptance.

If you are even casting doubts on your relationship over such mundane issue, I questioned the quality and definition of Love you are seeking.

Here's some food for thought: does it necessarily mean that a virgin girlfriend:

I) Makes a better gf?

II) Would enable you to have a more fulfilling relationship?

III) Would enable your relationship to last longer?

Without you answering: it's none of the above.

I see some illustrations with regard to why the concept of a virgin girlfriend is 'better' - well, I would agree with them if you perceive your Significant Other as nothing more just than meat/possession/goods. Such unanimated objects are valued by the usefulness of their existence; therefore, having it 'new' will surely lengthen its usefulness.

Does it mean the same for your Love?

Do you demeaning the classification of personality, character and soul of a woman to that of such unanimated objects?

Ironically speaking, how 'useful' is virginity?

Can it stop her from walking away (if she bends on leaving)?

Can it prevent your relationship from wilting?

Can it grant her to Love you again if she has lost that fiery emotion towards you forever?

No.

Eventually, it only mollifies one aspect - the Self. The exhilaration of unwrapping your Christmas gift and learn that your toy is new probably gave your inner ego a satisfactory boost to sneer around that your toy is brand new, while the other kids could only be contented with 'second hand'.

Although you are no wrong in desiring a virgin mate when you are likewise yourself, our expectation and our cosmic lessons hardly blend in perfectly. In fact, it often clashes violently, giving rise to conflicts of the mind and heart.

So what must you trust in face of these uncertainty?

Love, of course - Unless you never had it right from the start.

You can't believe in something you don't have.

Cheers

Peace, Education, Culture and Kosen-rufu

Tina Turner Chanting




CNA Interview with Dr. Lawrence E. Carter Sr. (Daisaku Ikeda)



A great human revolution in the life of one person can change the destiny of humankind and our planet - Ikeda Sensei.

P.S: To disable the bloody song, click on any 'comment' tab in anyone of my post. That would do the trick.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 251207

Originally posted by griefman:

Friends,

I have been hanging here about a month here, reading every thread about breakup and heart break. Mine not the worst but hit me hard. I have been into 4 relationship, 1st(8 months), 2nd(3 years), 3rd(9 months) and last(10 months). Still wondering what's wrong within me, each relationship learned and changed for better, it's not working. The same old reason, they leaved without giving a reason, sometimes I wonder is it true I have been cursed or the fortune teller is right that girl will not be long with me and they will leave to seek better opportunity. That's when we spoke about future and married, either I am not financial ready or they don't want to commit.

By the way, I am living in average lifestyle, just a bit credit card debt. It aint poor but still can go hanging out in nice restaurant or vacation within asia. Back to my recently break up story, long story short, I think I am an insecure nice guys that say finish last, but seem to be finish first. Named what the nice guys did and I am doing it all, being clingy(I have try to be minimized but sometimes they complain and I go further more), I seldom make decision(Yea, I am afraid she might have better decision, I guess I am wrong here), I always give in(we do quarell, but I always tell myself to tolerate and let her win), She called me when she's stressed with friend or family problem, I still attend the call while a meeting is on(I want to be the one she think of when she is not happy), She want luxury handbag(I save money and eat bread to get her), She's jobless(I pay everything except house rental to sustain her living), she name me a dog name(I don't mind as long as she love it), I tag her along during shopping, just like a puppy(Well, all guys did that right, sometimes I even paid for her), I massaged her every night and intimate with her even I am very tired(Never nag a word to her even she wants more). I open door for her in and out the car and carry all her shopping bag or anything(she just walk in front of me and yell me to follow her faster). By doing all this, I am tired, but I am happy. Is this the power of love? I don't know.

Fast forward, she got a job, stress up and one of her family member got sick and gonna die soon, she always complaint about how stress her job and boss, she never been working for exact 1 year(changed 3 job). I have tried to calm her down that every bosses is like that, try to deal with it, it's their job to monitor and ask you to do thing, do your best. Her family problem, I cant help much I am not doctor, I try to calm her down that miracle will happen and don't give up. Accompany her more. But she always called her so called best

friend(they know each other longer when I exist) who is male, I never nag about it but inside me feel unhappy and sad. So, not sure how it end, maybe his male friend successfully manipulate her mind or she suddenly feel like something not right and I can sensed it.

So, One fine day, I sensed that her reply in sms is abit weird(like stranger), when I touch her she refused, she's not naked in front of me as usual. I think she has changed and I discussed with her, she say she is stress up and don't know what she want in life. She is mess up with so much thing, she want a cool off. I was stunned and try to explained to her that it's fine, maybe a revolution period that you havent get use to, that day she move out and before that day we have a great day, we kisses, watched movie and just like normal. That's the last time I saw her. She tell me, it's still fresh in my mind "she's young(24 yrs old), she want to go out and see the world, she say she love me, if 10 she give me 9, the only one that not good enough is that I am not enough rich, she say if one day she fulfilled her dream or she is still single, she will come back to me and get married, she say that all her friends also like that, break off a period and come back and get married" Do you know what's her intention here? Please advise.

When she leave, in a taxi, I called her, she has changed 360 degree, she acted cold and from that day onwards, she never reply my sms and calls. Even when I called she pick up and say that I am irritating, I have No Contact for her about 2 weeks, then at the end the cool off become break off. Felt like being use as a fool to let her have chance to test drive herself can survive without me or not and it works for her and break off.

Two months gone, lonely and depressed, till date I still think of her everytimes, having No Contact but still doesn't work better. During that period, called her best female friend to talk about her and her female friend promised not to tell her I called her to seek about her current situation. Then today I called her to greet her Merry Christmas, she yelled at me say me irritating and don't called her friend anymore(She say her friend also find me irritating, not telling me because dont want to hurt me), it makes her sick. So sad, I rather didnt make the called. By the way, I have a month No Contact with her, just minimun sms a week 2 times, she say that's irritate?

Till now, I have only 2 question that's keep bothering me and I know I should let go, but it keeps hunting me:

1) Does she have a new boyfriend?

2) Does she have sex with someone else? (As she is sporting type)

I know is not my position to know and it's her life, not sure why it keep remind me of these 2 question and i wouldn't want to know but yet in my subconcious it remind me. Maybe when I knew the answers for the 2 questions, I can have a reason to move on?

Getting crazy sometimes, no friend to go out, just go gym and stay home browsing sgforums till midnite.

Thanks for reading and appreciate your advise.

Having to believe in fortune teller weaving a tale about your cursed destiny of having woman dumping you is probably next-to-crap. If you only recall his doomsday prediction and subconsciously see that as your destiny - it's no surprise to me why you will suffer from such plight and perceive it as inevitable.

Theory of fixed destiny, to me, is a classic charlatan speech that is detrimental to one's spiritual growth, especially when one decides to believe in such notion and accept them without resistance. Freewill and individual evolution will overcome any network of destiny designed to incarcerate us into one chosen path.

There is NO one chosen path - in fact, life is full of multiple paths, both converging and diverging. Your reality gradually forms as you initiate the decision to opt for your course of action. You are indeed the master of your own fate and destiny - therefore, if you cannot learn to control it, then circumstance will gladly take over and manifest whatever reality your circumstance leads you.

If you have been through four relationships, failing the same way you did previously, I seriously find it hard to believe that you have truly evolved. Surely you did learn something, but your learning is probably very much technical and not spiritual. Somehow, it seemed to me that your choice of partner also assisted the fulfilment of your 'cursed destiny' - your woman is pretty much a materialistic femme and you do not have the financial power to satisfy this aspect.

If your past experience with all these 4 women revolved around this negative materialistic quality, I see a problem in your natural selection and eventual choice. That would need serious tweaking and it belongs to another topic altogether.

The way you lead your relationship is catastrophic. I believe it has a lot to do with your emotional development because to compensate your insecurity, you subconsciously and artificially create a persona that actually sacrifices your long term growth for short term measure. You try to appease your relationship with periodic LV/GUCCI tributes, surrendering leadership & freewill to your other half, as well as allowing disrespect to thrive in your relationship - because you reckon that this would in turn make her love you more.

Serious misconception in love and even seriously weak personality; completely way off. WAY off.

CloUdiSm states: 'we attract the quality we exude...' And because you exhibit such vibes, it's no wonder again why you would attract such materialistic mates!

Her break off excuse is classic - you are not rich enough for her.

I wondered if you even have any dignify left in you to feel disgusted at such claim.

I doubt it's even Love now; your desire of wanting back is probably close to that of some melancholy habitual reasoning cum depression than Love per se. Your fear of loneliness utterly outweighs your understanding in love; never mind if you are being treated like a dog. Never mind if you have to starve to buy that LV bag for her - as long as it patches this loneliness and temporal misery, you will still accept the deal.

Because loneliness in your mind eye, is a still a higher price to pay.

That's the problem of having no life outside the life of your relationship - you end up ruining your relationship faster than you think.

You will probably need to preview your entire life and personality as a whole if you wish to see any success in love. I can tell you, without drastic positive evolution, nothing will change. Your cosmic lesson is screaming at you to graduate, but your lack of wisdom simply doesn't allow you the privilege to - you will retain and learn what you need until you truly understand, learn and demonstrate through actual proof.

Stop living in the shadow of a puppy and start living in the skin of a man. You are not born a beast, but a human with power to shape your destiny. Until you learn to walk on two, you will forever return back to fours.

Cheers

Worn Out

I am so worn out.

Packed like sardine.

With so many things line up for me.

I am beginning to feel that this body of mine is starting to give way to fatigue.

Sigh... not feeling well.

Can't even find the time to blog my Thailand trip. (Will try blog all the shit I had left it pending)

But whatever it is, eventually everything will fall rightfully in place.

I know it.




Cheers

Aunt Agony 211207 (Continued from AA 201207)

Originally posted by OrionB:

Yes, I do know where possessiveness exist, it isn't love...

Regading human revolution, what you wrote it may all just seem 'easy to say, but hard to do', but in the end, I will still have to do it. Can't possibly lead my life this way anymore.

I am already in a religion, but not so much of passion and conviction as of yet. Perhaps it's time to try. I really need a whole lot of determination...

Sigh, I just find it really confusing. I am one who doesn't revolve my whole world around him, and it's not that i lack self-confidence, or friends, but still insecurity/possessiveness bites into me somehow.

It's how you position your perception that makes a world of difference.

If you see it as a liability and not truly a motivation spur from individual evolution, chances you wouldn't have the necessary endurance to see through any significant changes. Your subconscious would probably view it as 'I need to' - when it should be 'Why I should'.

A murderer need not be a violent man - likewise, an insecure person can exist even if you do not fit under the classic conditions of the norm. Like I have mentioned, the possibilities are many - who knows, I might just uncover the rationale of your affliction by studying your domestic environment or even your early childhood development.

To surmount challenges in love is certainly a daunting task. To begin, one must have the initiative and drive to strike out. On a positive note, you do have the wanting to change yourself, but it's really more than just work hard. Knowing where the rot lies and addressing it properly will mould your personality and relationship better.

Constantly telling yourself that you shouldn't do this or that is what I called hard work that eventually amounts to nothing. You see - you tried, but it had little success because you are just pushing yourself to behave in a pattern that is against your 'natural state of your emotions'.

The definition of 'natural' is simply the way your personality automatically reacts to your environment - namely the possessiveness that triggers itself every time your boyfriend sparks an event that fire off your affliction.

To your emotions: that's the natural mode of behaviour. And now you are telling your emotions not to react this way?

You see the conflicts?

You got to do more than just 'selling of concepts' to your mind - you got to implement it into your core values and BELIEVE in what you have introduced with great conviction and trust that it will help you achieve a better personality and relationship. Note that I did not say it guarantees you an everlasting love - but certainly you will breathe easier in your relationship.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 201207

Originally posted by OrionB:

I have procrastinated long enough, I was always hesitating if I should write in here and share my r'ship dilemmas, and also gathering valuable advices frm the people roaming the forum at the same time. But I guess it's time, or I'll never be truly happy in my relationship.

One thing for sure, I admit that I am a possessive girlfriend. To what extent, maybe you guys can decide for me?

A typical scenario would be I am displease whenever he's around girls. I could just start an argument over little things that concern his girl-friends. Is this normal? Or am I being overly-possessive? Sigh. I know he isn;t the type who would turn his back against me, but still, knowing that he is around girls just make me feel ultra uncomfortable. What's with me? He tries to pacify me sometimes, and after awhile I would brush it away and be back to normal. But it comes back again.

I think I have highly fluctuating moods.

Another thing is that, I am extremely unhappy whenever he neglects me or something like that. For eg, if he replies a tad late (via sms most of the time), or if he forgets something such as bringing smth he said he would bring during our date, I'll be utterly upset.

This is childish, I know. But I can't seem to run away from this nature in me! One moment, i resolve to be selfless, that love should not be selfish, that i should trust him blah blah, and the next day, my willpower dissolve and I am back to the immature me.

There were times I blurted out hinting that we should just end the relationship, but somehow or other, we managed to resolve our problems at that point of time and continued being together. But that was only temporary before my childish act comes running back to me.

Friendships were never like this, only relationships. My previous one was the worst one ever, I don;t noe if it affected me into how I am today.

But that's not the point, I just want to know how should I (the possessive one) handle the relationship? Or should I set my partner free? I know he feels suffocated at times. Haiz.

I sometimes wonder if I should had step into a relation at all in the first place. Right now, whenever I feel like letting go, pain stops me completely. It's too hard to say break up. It hurts like crazy.

You lead a very intense relationship because you are unable to tame your emotions and yet allow it to consume you absolutely. Your failure to evolve has little to do with willpower; possessiveness can only be dissolve through wisdom and higher enlightenment. And ironically, pain exalts possessiveness. Therefore without the presence of wisdom, it's often reiterated cosmic lessons.

No amount of induced pressure can dispel this emotional juggernaut - you will only heighten your frustration and deepen the intensity of your struggle. There are many possibilities as of how did you acquire this poison in life, but regardless of circumstances, one thing remains common: possessive is almost like an emotional Trojan residing inside of you, perpetually seeking to introduce 'communism' with every relationship you encounter, as you see your partner as a form of commodity/possession, subconsciously working to deprive of your relationship of maturity, space and growth (it's worst if you are heavily bogged down by several fixed aspects in your natal chart).

The truth is that you will eventually ravage your own relationship with your bare hands as your emotional affliction take step to dominate - akin to demonic possession. You find yourself usurping the crown of power and tilt the equilibrium towards you in full swing, albeit the division of power is originally split equally between the couple.

***

Allow me to banish some myth in which you would probably see yourself in:

I) "I am possessiveness because I am afraid of losing someone I love. And it's only right because it's somebody I love.'

The truth is that you indulge yourself in fear - so much fear that the essence of love is hardly even present. The word 'Love' is very much desecrated by the notion of fear, like a malicious spirit lurking behind a corrupted idol. If I could reframe the context, it will look like this:

"I am possessiveness because I am fearful. And it's only right because I fear.'

And I tell you because of ONE negativity, your entire life actually work to compromise and bends, sometimes illogically and breaking structures, outwardly to support this fear.

Let me illustrate a linear example that comes back in one circle:

> Because you fear, you are possessive.

> Because you are possessive, you exert militaristic control.

> Because you militaristic control, you rob space & growth of your love.

> Because you rob space & growth of your love, the foundation of your relationship is feeble.

> Because your foundation of your relationship is feeble, your relationship does not have the natural mechanism to fend off crisis.

> Because your relationship is unable to fend off crisis, it perishes or decimate greatly.

> Because your relationship perishes or decimate, it triggers more fear.

> And the cycle repeats.

In reality, the above relationship is much more complex - the connection is usually more radical, affecting all aspects of your life.

Just because of ONE negative condition in life - Fear.

***

II) 'Being possessive is natural'

That's completely bull - Possessiveness is an affliction that disguised itself behind many 'noble' intention/s. The noble intention is but a facade.

***

In my years of doing relationship analysis, I can tell you that people suffering from possessiveness never truly shake away from this. Most people live with this affliction till they expire from earth and thus, they will never experience the true happiness of love - forever chain up in primary dimension of love... never promoting.

There are only three ways to eliminate this Scorpio-classic: I will tell you the third pointer

Achieve human revolution – You first learn to discard your old self and learn to accept growth in love - not deny them. You learn to confront your fear and not having to succumb to it by having to compromise your circumstance to patch this negativity. Be religious and spiritual; pray with conviction to the higher entity you believe in or communicate to your inner self in sincere dialogue to evolve and the strength to remove this affliction that prevents you from attaining true happiness.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 181207

Originally posted by Allen.Iverson:

i like this girl who is older than me by a year. been goin out with her and i like her. shes interested in me as well. but we always run out of things to talk about and there will always be awkward moments of silence.

furthermore, i feel that i lack the ability to make her laugh alot. girls like guys who can make them laugh but i cant make her do so often. how can i not appear to be so dull towards her?

pls dont tell me that its who i am and i shouldnt change the way i am cos i believe that it is a personality trait that can be improved upon and is highly beneficial.

need help!! please!!

Love per se isn't some mutually exclusive entity living on its own dimension - in fact, it's very much interwoven with one's life.

I see this as two possibilities:

I) You are naturally weak in communication, self expression and delivery (Mercury-detrimental).

II) Your lacklustre life doesn't give you enough variety to keep conversation going.

And chances are, it's likely to be a mix of both because these two pointers are highly intertwined.

Personality trait can be an acquired skill if you reiterate enough to behaviour to infuse it as part of your core value. But you must first understand where this defect lies and if you are equipped with the strength and wisdom to strike out and start a human revolution.

A dull person is languid because the way they lead their life probably doesn't give them the opportunity to expand on human interaction. These people are likely to invest their time in solitary activities that usually doesn't require much personal interaction between people.

And the flourish of internet probably worsens this issue, if people start reckoning that it's a good substitute for reality.

Love is not a miracle that dissolves all problems into nothingness; ironically, being in Love is like looking into a magical mirror of truth: it expose all our inner negativity and coerced us to face directly with our weakness, especially our personality.

Only through the eyes of Love, would we understand how much 'defects' we have developed unconsciously over the years.

A person who doesn't know how to speak must learn to challenge himself to talk. Albeit he might not be the best speaker, but at the very least, he learns to speak, which is paramount to one's spiritual growth. The growth doesn't lies with the ability to speak, but rather, the notion of having to surmount his weakness.

A dull life is but a transitory condition that can be shattered by having to invest your life, effort and time into something more worthwhile that could enhance your personality and life, especially if it involves an assembly of people, in which one must interact in such social setting.

One can be insipid, but one doesn't have to accept the fate of a dull life for everyday, there's always 24 hours for all. The difference between one from another is the time used by them individually.

In summary: one cannot be a dull person that is interesting or an interesting person that is dull. Being in love doesn't make you an interesting person automatically - if your current life doesn't allow you the condition to be interesting, you will always feel inadequate in conversation because your vocabulary is limited.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 161207

Originally posted by hunky_boi:

ok.. this story goes like this..

i met this girl at my work place and i really love her..

i tried proposing to her but was rejected, she say that she love another guy liao... and they got patch back.. so i quietly waited...

i waited for them to break..

so i ask again on my birhday and was also rejected..

she say tat we better study first..

a week back i bring back the question whether she like me or not or will she give me a chance to prove my love the third time and got back the same result..

but last few days, we keep meeting up, every time i am the one who suggested to meet de.. most of the time, i am jus sending her home from work or school..

if she dont really like me, why agree to meet me and allowing me to send her home ???

You assumed her intention seemed to suggest that she is giving you a chance to 'prove yourself' - but there's absolutely nothing for you to prove because she is already very clear in her positioning - three times to be precise - that there's only enough room for you to be a friend and no further.

You are probably the conventional type of guy who needs absolute answer from your crush to get your butt moving. But the truth is that in Love, is always the grey - you don't normally get black-and-white answers simply just because you need them.

It's not even about hinting - she has blatantly said 'No' thrice - if that isn't enough to let you see the light, I can tell you that the result from further attempts will hardly differ.

Why coerced someone to love you when you are just not the fit?

Why force a piece into a puzzle and make things ugly?

If you are unable to handle rejection and accept a mere friendship, I would suggest you take the initiative to cut contact, than to escalate your situation and pressure her to 'cut your contact'.

Nothing about face issue - if you are not emotionally evolved to handle it, my advice is always to avoid facing the predicament.

Cheers

UP Logo (Construction Firm)

Ok... Jingwen's logo looks better. =D

Cheers

SCCCI Seminar Lab 07

Darn. I realized I only have one photo - one tyco snap outside the refreshment area.

Wai Leng has yet to send me the photos. (That reminds me to get it from her).

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 091207

Originally posted by crimson soldier:
Knew this girl for almost 4 years already. Started as friends but as I got to know more about her, I found myself falling for me. 2 years ago got closer but when I asked her to be my gf she did not respond. Did not pressure her and even avoided her deliberately because I knew she was uncomfortable with me after that. Though I still liked her I only asked about her through her friends and sent her smses only on her birthday and new year, etc.

Through the last 18 months she was always on/off my mind when I was alone, like on the bus, before sleep. Told myself I would think about her until she got a bf that would take care of her well or I met another "special" one somehow.[b] I had given up all hope of being with her.


Recently I went though the greatest tragedy of my life but to my greatest surprise(honestly) she showed the most concern to me among my friends through smses, calling and giving small thoughtful presents. I told her that she was very important to me and her concern had helped me through the tragedy. She did not seem to be uncomfortable in reaction and has in fact asked me on a overseas trip(with mutual friends of course) or to meet her.

To be honest, I don't know whether if pure sympathy was the cause of her concern. If all she felt for me was sympathy then I rather she just show it more subduedly.

I am not complaining but if she just gave false hope, then I would have to feel [b]terrible and hopeless again when the time comes.


I have never told our mutual friends of my liking for her because I do not want her to be teased or to feel pressured when we are with mutual friends. Frankly I was comfortable with my feelings not being returned through the last 2 years even though I loved her in my heart, I told myself love had no conditions. Prepared to wait 10, 20, 30 years quietly until she gets a bf.

And no, I do not believe it is irrational or unhealthy of me to refuse to force myself to forget her. I still try to get to know other girls and expand my circle and when the times comes, I will be able to let go....


I would have post the same thing:

Originally posted by curiousOrange:
But subconsciously, you are avoiding a definite answer because you don't want to move on.

I refer to CloUdiSm old writing about the theory of Fantasy, where it explains that the annihilation of one's fantasy ironically, creates a pain much worst than a physical lost. In fact, the notion of waiting is often a gross misrepresentation of the quality of faithfulness. Somehow, this definition of faithfulness got twisted and some people demonstrate this very essence and apply on situation that doesn't apply to them.

A narcissistic fantasy is then born (Neptune influenced).

In simple, what I am trying to say is that the quality of faithfulness doesn't apply to you because you have absolutely no position or status as a boyfriend/husband - there isn't a need for you to shoulder any liability or see yourself having to share any form of responsibility to 'watch over her' and all that seemingly noble intention of you waiting for her finding a 'good man that could take care of her' and such is completely way out of your perimeter, as a causal friend.

Five words to sum up: who are you to her?

Once you understand the position I am trying to establish above, I will reveal to you the rationale of your decision.

There's a formidable link between the theory of fantasy and how it affects people attitude and behavioral patterns towards love and relationship. This Neptune affliction is especially susceptible for people who (1) never had a relationship before, (2) with heavy fixed aspects that often find themselves living/desiring the past.

Once we tasted how Love felt, we will never be able to remove this Trojan that lives within our memory forever because the inner workings of our emotions actually undergo a complex transformation.

Then here it goes: Because you are unable to remove this affection from sinking roots; between the journey from your current position to advert of your next coming girlfriend is an ebony shade of nothingness. Also more critically, because this love interest you perceived actually has no form, neither does it belongs to any entity of a relationship, a fantasy is created to fill up this void between your journey from where you are standing to the appearance of your next girlfriend.

Emotionally, one cannot live on void, thus one live on fantasy.

To be brutally frank in common tongue, your subconscious thoughts will probably read this way:

'Since I have not taken fancy on anyone and I have no girlfriend, I rather keep my one sided affection for her, then to lose this and have no direction.'

This is Love?

Hardly.

***

I hope you spare some effort to go through curiousOrange's post: the courage to seek an answer for a closure is probably more liberating than you could ever imagine. A non-calculated wait is really a convenient excuse employed by people who prefers to dwell in passiveness because they fear to face the blade of truth.

You may think that it doesn't matter to you because you are single, but I can tell you that unless you learn to lose sight of the shore, you will never discover new islands.

Are you thinking that once you have found another love, you could easily toggle your emotional switch like how you could do it for your lamplight?

My dear, we all are humans: you would probably pay for this foolishness at the price of your next relationship. If don't you learn it now, you will probably learn it later.

But like inflation - prices gets more expensive as time goes.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 091207

Originally posted by moletan2003:
Hi I am having some problem with my girlfriend and need some advice. Recently, my girlfriend have been going out with this particular guy for about 5 times since may this year. I ask her why is it that she is going out with him? and she explained that it is because that she just wants to know more friends.

I understand that it is perfectly fine to know more friends, however I think that the guy is interested in her hence his persistence. And I did voice out my concern to my girlfriend and she promised me she will not go out with him again. That was 2 months ago. Yesterday, she went out with him again.

Today, I told her in person that we should stop seeing each other for a month and really decide on whether we should continue with this relationship. She agreed.

I have been with my girlfriend for about coming to 2 years. Currently I am a civil servant but come next year Jan I will be quitting my job and concentrate on my degree. I took this step to enhance my paper qualification so as to increase my chance of getting a better paid job. She is supportive but she also understand that I will not be able to be as stable as before when I quit my job.

I am sad that this has happened but I also need some assurance from her. Am i selfish in asking her to stop seeng this guy?? objectively there is nothing wrong with her seeing other guys. emotionally, i am actually quite bothered by her willingness to go out with him. I am very sad cause I have put in alot of effort in maintaining this relationship but she is just not being helpful.



You have re-encountered a situation previously occurred in the past - that your girlfriend has decided to date another guy outside this relationship and began to question or review the existence of your relationship.

Albeit I do not know you personally, unless you are somehow fortunate enough to find someone that appreciate your sort of personality and definition of love that you share, you may want to do some quiet introspection to uncover where the rot first began in your relationship. I reckoned that the last thing you would ever want to see is this same vicious cycle befalling on you again for the third time or beyond.

A perfectly satisfied woman can never be seduced - surely, there must be that little subconscious frustration or unsatisfied needs that go unnoticed throughout the course of your relationship, which conjured the 'push' factor for her to look elsewhere. I won't say that it's unreasonable for you to be insecure, because somehow, your woman does show signs of drifting and you seemed powerless to do anything.

Somehow the excuse of having 'to know more friends' is but a facade to date other guys and to jump ship when the opportunity arises.

The crack is NOT caused by her trying to expand her social circle outside that of her relationship - but rather, if the introduction of this guy could possess the power to devastate your relationship, I say it's more than meets the eye because if your relationship of two years cannot even handle the appearance of one fellow - looks like the structure of your relationship isn't as sturdy as you might thought it could be.

Love can withstand any adversity ONLY if it's true to its highest and most sacred intention. Superficiality and inferior love will only crumble with the passing of time for a feeble relationship cannot endure the decomposition nature of time. Time, being the greatest test of love, will always seek to comminute - what years of relationship you took to build - overnight... like how fragile a glass can be... smashing delicately against the brick wall.

Sadly, if your love decides that she wants to out, there's little you could possibly do to restore this damaged relationship. For love has neither auto-save nor backup function to return back to the 'golden age' of your relationship. Your request for a cool down period probably hints that this relationship is almost as good as gone.

A cool down period hardly serve its original purpose - more often than not, it's usually served as a preparation for one to leave the shore to pursue new isles.

This period might just give her enough clarity to take flight and fly high. And you: the time for acceptance and the courage to walk forward.

Cheers

Do It Anyway

It's really ironic how a vicissitude of phenomena would transform into actual manifestation of obstacles, despite bearing no intention of the latter where it was never known to be. Obstacles that exist not physically, but packaged precisely into our psychological and emotional platform, acting mutinously to sacrilege the Self component, coming from a push factor.

The impermanency of matters and form is the natural cycle of life. That itself will seek to destroy what that has been build or sustain till date. As long as the dust of life conjured anything you could seek in Air, Land, Sea - nothing is permanent. Whether physical, emotional or spiritual.

I will quote from Mother Teresa:

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 061207

Originally posted by mother-of-pearl:

I found out tat my bf had betrayed me....after being together for 3 long years.

Few months ago, I suspect something amiss..Sixth sense maybe.And i was right. I knew it right from the start and was pretending tat i didnt know a single thing.

I exploded and confronted him...He said he was stressed.. He didnt know what he was doing...

He asked for my forgiveness... and I forgave him.

He shows me her sms to him tat she wanted to maintain as frens with him, seeked my opinion, and i say NO! Cannot.. Coz i tink she is unable to let go of you.

Why is he showing me the sms? Telling me abt her job, which last time he will jus flare up when i mentioned "Her".

I jus dunno wat I can do to stop it from happening once more...

Is it my fault tat led him to stray? Or i gave him too much freedom to do his things?

I devote every of myself to him... Will it pay off?

Any kind advises?

Thanks..

Most relationship never made it there because most relationships perish, not because of circumstances, but because of inner conditions.

Allow me to share my two cents for your consideration: please do not reckon that the mutual respect of space, freedom and understanding contributes to the downfall of your relationship. In fact, it's probably the first finger we often pinpoint whenever promiscuity/infidelity strikes in any relationship.

But I can tell you these only represent the catalysis.

The attribution to external causes per se only reveals a distorted truth; it always seeks to blur the real underlying problem of ourselves and tries to besmirch one's perception in Love.

Our relationship is never stagnant; stagnation is but an phrase we often used to describe the life of a relationship, but theoretically, relationship never stays dormant. A long period of stagnation is often unconscious degeneration of the relationship and before you know it, this degeneration will be revealed upon the introduction of 'catalysis'.

One must fully understand that relationship is indeed forged by freewill. Nobody is coerced to love another person; we love incidentally and later made the choice to further this love into a relationship. Therefore, you got to weigh your own risk to see if you are still willing to pool the resources to make this investment worthwhile.

Pull out if you can't seem to forgive - you will save yourself a lot of misery.

Hardwork never equate to success in love - you merely learn to adapt according to what your cosmic lesson would require and introspect regularly. Never set yourself on the degenerating path no matter what your encounters are - it's sad to know of people who saw the beauty of trust, only to destroy and blind this perception they once to bad circumstances.

So continue to keep good perspective and definition of love, but work hard at keeping the flame alive, if your decision is to continue. Three years of relationship might be a major consideration why you are still willing to give it a try, but if you are just planning to try-try-see-how, I say don't bother. Either you do your best to make it work, or drop everything altogether.

I will reiterate again: that would seriously save you a lot of misery.

If we go back to the golden rule - whatever decision you make, it must eventually bring you happiness. From there, I believe it should dissolve your dilemma… like sugar to hot water.

Cheers

If she were 15

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