Originally posted by Scion79:
I am impressed. Sincere thanks for your meticulous and surprisingly immaculate analysis. It has certainly enabled a new dimension towards my
perception in life. You pointed out that I have many dimensions of vulnerability as a whole pertaining to relationships and emotions. That is such an
accurate mirror of my inner-most feelings.
Prior to my acquaintance to S, my preceding relationships and flings could not engage me beyond my esteem, cognitive emotions and aesthetic desire, which belongs to the 2nd quantum defined in Marslow's hierarchy of needs. To put it in layman terms, I have not explored my humane self fully by reaching the top consortium of self-actualization and ultimately, self-transcendence. Through S's tender sincerity, I began to learn how to love and to sacrifice unconditionally. (Which is such a shame given that my 1st relationship started when I was 13 and all those 10 years before I met S, I have not been able to bask in the full potential of unblemished and pure love).
You surprise me with your accurate inference of "You have unseen blemishes clogged deep right in your soul since the day S promulgate breaking up." In many situations in life, you can forgive but it is somehow difficult to forget. Different individuals have diverse takes towards dealing with life's hard knocks. This is best described by the Elephant metaphor involving 7 blind men, which is so highly advocated by Alan Greenspan before his tenure at the world bank was up. Since that fateful breakup, the bruise in my ego has egged me on full acceleration to improve myself and achieve as much as I can. On hindsight, I can say that without this setback, I would probably have remained languid and unambitious, especially so when I could easily take my family wealth for granted. However like what you prophesied, the hate of having my feeling of love in its purest form disappointed remains embedded deep. Now can you share some views how I should let go of this hatred and start to accept love without prejudice? I trust your insight would be beneficial from the sincere and profound reply
you have posted thus far.
Seperate issue, you mentioned that a player by rationale should have no qualms taking a relationship easy without finding hard to let go right ? With the risk of sounding absurd, I am actually a soft hearted person. My current situation would have easily been resolved by terminating B and cutting off all contacts if I
was callous enough. Do you understand why I find it hard to bring up the seperation issue to B now?
Anyway I really appreciate your advise, it is wise and unpretentious. Out of curiosity, what is your profession? You seem to have a very analytical mind
and surpassing articulation skills. It was indeed my pleasure to correspond with you. Have a lovely day ahead.
Cheers
How can you accept love without prejudice?
You just have to return back to the self when 'S' manifested it out from your life when you were in aussie.
You have been there before - you know the road to unlock that route; just that you have chose not to.
***
Seriously, it depends on whether you prefer to pursue a relationship driven out of love or fear.
Fear is a huge black word that covers all aspects of negativity that you employed to protect yourself and your ego. And it's impossible to be self protective and loving at the simultaneously - that logics never worked. It's either you are a loving person that allows love to evolve you or you prefer to be self absorbed, warding love away by swinging your blades maliciously at something so natural.
You were right about you being delicate inside because chances are, you are having strings of relationship because there's so much unconscious fear in love that you had to leave women before one of them uncover this side of you... the facet of yourself you never wanted to divulge unknowingly again.
You might think that your reason for not leaving B is because of her; but I am afraid when you probe deeper, it's more likely to be you. That domineering woman you first knew her, had become submissive and equipped with complete evolution in her attitude towards her relationship - do you see a mirror image?
Do you see yourself, in her, 5 years back?
Have you realised that you had become the position of 'S' when 'S' was 'S'?
Your hatred and disappointment in love has transformed you into the very hatred you abhorred.
What's callous in love could be gentle in the long run. Albeit, it may appear heartbreaking to call it off, but what's that compared to the insidious truth of you having the initial agenda of this love: to profit from this partnership in career-knowledge wise, sexually and every other thing in which might not have mentioned here? Yes, it's between two consented adults, but allows me to reveal my two cent below:
At her age, B probably just needs a man to settle with, regardless of the expectation she has for her mate (I assume she is about 32).
You don't have to - Man always has that luxury.
Now that you have readily admit you have no love for this woman and since you are not going to marry her (neither are you releasing her), are you going to retain her until you resolve your emotional insecurity? At the age of 32, how long do you intend to keep her?
I wonder if you realise that you will probably destroy her like how 'S' did to your emotional state - your sympathy has become a facade for cruelty.
Cheers
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Aunt Agony IV 260807
Originally posted by silly&dumb:
I am posted overseas for work for 2 years. Before i left, both me and my bf agreed that this is a good test for our r/s.
All has been fine, until recently, I found myself developing a crush for one of my colleagues. 1st time .
From the time I acknowledged this "infatuation", I know it will head no where. Because also,we're from different parts of the world . i know this but I somehow got very attracted to him. Each time he gives me that charming wide smile, I find myself secretly going "gaga" inside.
to cut the long story short, I am in serious dilemma with myself. I find myself lost in a situation where i will always fnding reasons to place myself near him, or checking out where he is, what he is doing.
And these carried on for 2 weeks. But our contact is always a wide smile or short conversation with regards to the work he is doing.
everything was in stagnant phase until yesterday, I gathered up enough courage to sit beside him in the meeting room and then i said to him " i think you are very cute" in his language. I guessed he was quite surprised but he was all smiles.
Then today, we happened to be together for lunch, and on the walk back to the office, he suddenly asked me if i have a boyfriend.
that moment struck me. I had not expected him to ask me this and I seriously duno wad to say. No idea why he asked me that question which i regard as very "personal" and I pretended that i have not heard him. then he asked me again.
Then I told him that Im not sure, and maybe yes, maybe no. he asked why?
i just stammered and I just cannot lie completely.
I am such a hypocrite. But I don't know how to deal with myself.
LDR is not just any other test - it's a high risk gamble with regards to blind faith without physical presence; like believing in God without seeing God's avatar in person.
One truth is that not many can handle the implication of absolute freedom because when we are so dazzled by this fresh breath of freedom, we realised that we have so much powers on hand that we can do anything we want without being caught (or at least the accountability can be concealed).
Right now, it's so possible for you to cheat on your bf without his knowledge, fool around for a good two years and after you had your fun, you could go back to your boyfriend in Singapore and treat everything that took place as surreal (unless your conscience hinders you in any ways). Of course, by then, if you reckon that you loves his man better, you are also free to dump the guy in Singapore and continue this relationship.
A best of both worlds isn't it?
You are facing a factor most commonly attributed to the failures of LDRs - when you realised that you have new considerations. Imho, the lack of your bf's presence might have contributed to your initiatives, but nevertheless, when you talk about test, this is after all your 'examination question', therefore your dilemma is anticipated and isn't random.
You are not a hypocrite; you are just emotionally confused because this man wanted to check your on current 'status' and you felt that if you were to be truthful, it might eliminate whatever possibilities it could have been - whatever the possibilities your subconscious mind quietly desired.
Take it easy first. Yes, you might have felt something different in this man; but it's too early to decide on anything. It could be a product of your emotional needs not tendered while slogging overseas - seriously, you will never know. My suggestion is to be truthful with yourself, your circumstances and take it one at the time; making dubious replies will make you appear evasive.
Please allow time to give you some directions.
Cheers
I am posted overseas for work for 2 years. Before i left, both me and my bf agreed that this is a good test for our r/s.
All has been fine, until recently, I found myself developing a crush for one of my colleagues. 1st time .
From the time I acknowledged this "infatuation", I know it will head no where. Because also,we're from different parts of the world . i know this but I somehow got very attracted to him. Each time he gives me that charming wide smile, I find myself secretly going "gaga" inside.
to cut the long story short, I am in serious dilemma with myself. I find myself lost in a situation where i will always fnding reasons to place myself near him, or checking out where he is, what he is doing.
And these carried on for 2 weeks. But our contact is always a wide smile or short conversation with regards to the work he is doing.
everything was in stagnant phase until yesterday, I gathered up enough courage to sit beside him in the meeting room and then i said to him " i think you are very cute" in his language. I guessed he was quite surprised but he was all smiles.
Then today, we happened to be together for lunch, and on the walk back to the office, he suddenly asked me if i have a boyfriend.
that moment struck me. I had not expected him to ask me this and I seriously duno wad to say. No idea why he asked me that question which i regard as very "personal" and I pretended that i have not heard him. then he asked me again.
Then I told him that Im not sure, and maybe yes, maybe no. he asked why?
i just stammered and I just cannot lie completely.
I am such a hypocrite. But I don't know how to deal with myself.
LDR is not just any other test - it's a high risk gamble with regards to blind faith without physical presence; like believing in God without seeing God's avatar in person.
One truth is that not many can handle the implication of absolute freedom because when we are so dazzled by this fresh breath of freedom, we realised that we have so much powers on hand that we can do anything we want without being caught (or at least the accountability can be concealed).
Right now, it's so possible for you to cheat on your bf without his knowledge, fool around for a good two years and after you had your fun, you could go back to your boyfriend in Singapore and treat everything that took place as surreal (unless your conscience hinders you in any ways). Of course, by then, if you reckon that you loves his man better, you are also free to dump the guy in Singapore and continue this relationship.
A best of both worlds isn't it?
You are facing a factor most commonly attributed to the failures of LDRs - when you realised that you have new considerations. Imho, the lack of your bf's presence might have contributed to your initiatives, but nevertheless, when you talk about test, this is after all your 'examination question', therefore your dilemma is anticipated and isn't random.
You are not a hypocrite; you are just emotionally confused because this man wanted to check your on current 'status' and you felt that if you were to be truthful, it might eliminate whatever possibilities it could have been - whatever the possibilities your subconscious mind quietly desired.
Take it easy first. Yes, you might have felt something different in this man; but it's too early to decide on anything. It could be a product of your emotional needs not tendered while slogging overseas - seriously, you will never know. My suggestion is to be truthful with yourself, your circumstances and take it one at the time; making dubious replies will make you appear evasive.
Please allow time to give you some directions.
Cheers
Aunt Agony III 260807
Originally posted by F.raon.I.R:
sososo sucky.Coz i happened to see my crush in other guy's arm posing for pic.damn.It was a birthday pic,this guy created this confession situation with help of some frens like u saw in tv.i'm feeling damn down now.Ever since i saw that picture,my mind has been pre occupied with that picture that i rather never ever see.hai.what should i do.I am very tempted to ask her about what's their relationship like though i wanna act blur,asking her if she's still single.
i don't know what i am to her.I wonder if my actions are obvious to her,my feelings for her.Confused.
need some time for this sorrows man.. :x :cry: :cry:
Why even bother in the first place?
If you so affected over your 'competitors' (when you should be focusing in yourself by selling both your tangible and intangible qualities to her), then you will forever be insecure because guys will still be flocking to her even if she is attached with you.
It's always never about competitors - it's always about yourself and your inferior complex.
Cheers
sososo sucky.Coz i happened to see my crush in other guy's arm posing for pic.damn.It was a birthday pic,this guy created this confession situation with help of some frens like u saw in tv.i'm feeling damn down now.Ever since i saw that picture,my mind has been pre occupied with that picture that i rather never ever see.hai.what should i do.I am very tempted to ask her about what's their relationship like though i wanna act blur,asking her if she's still single.
i don't know what i am to her.I wonder if my actions are obvious to her,my feelings for her.Confused.
need some time for this sorrows man.. :x :cry: :cry:
Why even bother in the first place?
If you so affected over your 'competitors' (when you should be focusing in yourself by selling both your tangible and intangible qualities to her), then you will forever be insecure because guys will still be flocking to her even if she is attached with you.
It's always never about competitors - it's always about yourself and your inferior complex.
Cheers
Aunt Agony II 260807 (Continued from Aunt Agony 110207)
Originally posted by sggirl07:
My bf and i have broke up for half a year. This was my story (Refer to AA 110207)
For those who are lazy to read, to summarise, he was married and seperated, and asked me to wait for him for completion of his separation, which would be due by end march.
During this period of time, we barely met. manytimes, he agreed to meet, but last min had to cancel. and manytimes i asked to meet, he turned down saying he was busy
i waited for him, but when the deadline was approaching, he continued to be evasive. still so reluctant to answer my qns on things, and when i asked when can we meet, he said maybe april. i was so mad and i felt that he was stringing me along. Confronted him , but he was still evasive.
so we broke up in end march.
Recently he called me, claimed that he has divorced, asked me to patch up. So i asked for time to think. we communicate via email, msn and phone. he asked to meet. i turned him down. as i think it is not a gd idea to let emotion overtake gd judgement, and you really wont know how things will turn out after meeting up. he agreed. i think it is fair to only set a deadline, so i told him i will let him know the answer by october. he agreed too.
all this while, i have been considering. And all this while, he has asked to meet occasionally, i turned him down.
this morning, he insist that he wants to meet me this weekend, and want things to 'move', cos he is lonely and he is refraining himself from getting involved in other relationship while waiting for me.
i feel that this is absurd. this is too much. so if he wants, he can ignore me totally and dont meet me at all even though we were together (ie a couple). and now he is lonely, i must meet him despite i need the time to have a clear mind to think? :evil:
Is he disregarding my feelings? Does he really think i am a inferior being to him? Does he even respect me at all?
It seemed that your karmic bonds with him have yet to be severed because if it truly does, whatever he does, say or want wouldn't even compromise your original stand of wanting out initially.
If happiness is paramount to any relationship we are in; it seemed that you have wasted your emotions for more than half a year and yet decided to any significant decision to get him out of your life and move on.
You have chosen to end the relationship, but not your spiritual bonds with him. Your suffering derives largely from your karmic bonds with this man - not merely just the relationship.
Perhaps you are right about you being delusional; at this current stage, you are still questioning if he's disregarding your feelings? If you are the sort of person who needs absolute definite answer to any particular question, you will probably get none from him. He has been using this strategy to bind you emotionally (probably his ex-wife as well) and it's still rather effective till date because you are still affected and failed to be nonchalant.
If being evasive on his part can grant him the opportunity to stop you from walking out of him altogether - however remote - he would probably reckon that what are his chances if he's all open and honest, you wouldn't? It's akin to a salesman telling you everything bad about the product - would you buy something that gives you no incentive to purchase it?
This man reeks of a deceptive aura; albeit having a broken marriage isn't criminal, but surely, his failure in marriage suggested much about his inner condition that contributed at least 50% of the crumbling relationship with his ex-wife.
The theory is simple; if he's open, honest and all that positive qualities to assist his relationship to a better flow and outcome, a divorce isn't likely to take place because it would have saved his marriage instead. It is precisely because of his twisted emotional condition that manifested itself negatively that causes such upheaval and chaotic state in aspects of his love relationship.
Also people, before you start condemning man/woman coming out of failed marriage, I prayed that you have an open mind to understand that marriage isn't always the final judgement of love in our relationship - that component is always determined by our individual cosmic lessons. Some people do not have that fortune to love happily-ever-after after marriage because for some, it's where their lessons in love truly begin.
Our failure in love provides us the opportunity to understand love as unique individuals because essentially, how our emotions developed is based on our life experiences: how I grow and developed emotionally is vastly different from how each and every one of you does. But the bottom-line is that if we fail in seeking whatever enlightenment needed to achieve a break through from our doleful state in love, our cosmic lessons will reiterate itself until we perish trying.
It's no crime in loving a man/woman having out from a failed marriage - your choice only matters if you are loving an evolved individual or the same figure that 'manslaughtered' his/her relationship previously.
Which do you reckoned that your man belongs to?
Cheers
My bf and i have broke up for half a year. This was my story (Refer to AA 110207)
For those who are lazy to read, to summarise, he was married and seperated, and asked me to wait for him for completion of his separation, which would be due by end march.
During this period of time, we barely met. manytimes, he agreed to meet, but last min had to cancel. and manytimes i asked to meet, he turned down saying he was busy
i waited for him, but when the deadline was approaching, he continued to be evasive. still so reluctant to answer my qns on things, and when i asked when can we meet, he said maybe april. i was so mad and i felt that he was stringing me along. Confronted him , but he was still evasive.
so we broke up in end march.
Recently he called me, claimed that he has divorced, asked me to patch up. So i asked for time to think. we communicate via email, msn and phone. he asked to meet. i turned him down. as i think it is not a gd idea to let emotion overtake gd judgement, and you really wont know how things will turn out after meeting up. he agreed. i think it is fair to only set a deadline, so i told him i will let him know the answer by october. he agreed too.
all this while, i have been considering. And all this while, he has asked to meet occasionally, i turned him down.
this morning, he insist that he wants to meet me this weekend, and want things to 'move', cos he is lonely and he is refraining himself from getting involved in other relationship while waiting for me.
i feel that this is absurd. this is too much. so if he wants, he can ignore me totally and dont meet me at all even though we were together (ie a couple). and now he is lonely, i must meet him despite i need the time to have a clear mind to think? :evil:
Is he disregarding my feelings? Does he really think i am a inferior being to him? Does he even respect me at all?
It seemed that your karmic bonds with him have yet to be severed because if it truly does, whatever he does, say or want wouldn't even compromise your original stand of wanting out initially.
If happiness is paramount to any relationship we are in; it seemed that you have wasted your emotions for more than half a year and yet decided to any significant decision to get him out of your life and move on.
You have chosen to end the relationship, but not your spiritual bonds with him. Your suffering derives largely from your karmic bonds with this man - not merely just the relationship.
Perhaps you are right about you being delusional; at this current stage, you are still questioning if he's disregarding your feelings? If you are the sort of person who needs absolute definite answer to any particular question, you will probably get none from him. He has been using this strategy to bind you emotionally (probably his ex-wife as well) and it's still rather effective till date because you are still affected and failed to be nonchalant.
If being evasive on his part can grant him the opportunity to stop you from walking out of him altogether - however remote - he would probably reckon that what are his chances if he's all open and honest, you wouldn't? It's akin to a salesman telling you everything bad about the product - would you buy something that gives you no incentive to purchase it?
This man reeks of a deceptive aura; albeit having a broken marriage isn't criminal, but surely, his failure in marriage suggested much about his inner condition that contributed at least 50% of the crumbling relationship with his ex-wife.
The theory is simple; if he's open, honest and all that positive qualities to assist his relationship to a better flow and outcome, a divorce isn't likely to take place because it would have saved his marriage instead. It is precisely because of his twisted emotional condition that manifested itself negatively that causes such upheaval and chaotic state in aspects of his love relationship.
Also people, before you start condemning man/woman coming out of failed marriage, I prayed that you have an open mind to understand that marriage isn't always the final judgement of love in our relationship - that component is always determined by our individual cosmic lessons. Some people do not have that fortune to love happily-ever-after after marriage because for some, it's where their lessons in love truly begin.
Our failure in love provides us the opportunity to understand love as unique individuals because essentially, how our emotions developed is based on our life experiences: how I grow and developed emotionally is vastly different from how each and every one of you does. But the bottom-line is that if we fail in seeking whatever enlightenment needed to achieve a break through from our doleful state in love, our cosmic lessons will reiterate itself until we perish trying.
It's no crime in loving a man/woman having out from a failed marriage - your choice only matters if you are loving an evolved individual or the same figure that 'manslaughtered' his/her relationship previously.
Which do you reckoned that your man belongs to?
Cheers
Aunt Agony 260807
Originally posted by sunray999:
Hello, I have a gal that I like, however, I still havent thought of a way to tell her that I like her without being so direct.
We are good friends at the moment.
Anyone has advise? Can share pls?
A hint is a hint.
A strong hint is still a hint.
How indirect could you keep hinting your affection?
Only through blatant action/verbal declaration would you be able to bring what you need across.
If not, your liking is but hidden.
Because a hint is eventually still a hint - words stuck at where the throat is and fettered hands clenched, when it should have been open.
P.S: Quoting MCsquare once again: Ren Ai Zhe You Li, Ai Ren Zhe You Yong
Cheers
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Original Fake/Kaws X Takara
This has to be one of the most precious birthday gift till date.
There are things that money can't always buy.
P.S: But for all other things, there's MasterCard. LOL!
Cheers
Friday, August 24, 2007
Aunt Agony 240807
Originally posted by Scion79:
Dear all,
I'm new in the forum, let me share my story. Apologies as its gonna be a long one, I shall make it as short and painless as I can, pls bear with me. First, I shall detail the current background and a short introduction to the female leads of my story. I am attached to B. S is my ex-gf and we broke off almost 3 years ago. she has been single since then.
B - she is 4 years my senior and has a pretty and classy look. She looks very much younger for her age of 32. Career wise, I would say she's the ambitious and career woman type. Used to be in the phama-aesthetics industry and currently, she's into hospitality brand management (Client includes Starwood, Ascot, Macau Sands, San Regies etc). She is blessed to have a rather well to do family and that explains her spoilt, attention seeking and demanding nature. Family background wise, can consider that we are compatible.
S - she is 1 year my junior. Look wise, she too has a pretty face although her height is comparatively compromised and her frame is waif like. (though personally I think she's very attractive) Career wise, she too can be considered ambitious though she has slowed down considerably lately. She’s an account manager in the advertising industry and by a twist of coincidence; my organization is one of the major client to her Advertising agency (Part of WPP group, though I won't reveal which one to protect her identity). I am the main contact point fronting the partnership (from a client perspective that is) Though she's not servicing my account, we have ample opportunities to meet. Family background wise, I would say she had been thru a bad childhood which gives rise to her insecured nature. S is a very sincere person who place others in a higher priority than herself. She is simply sweet...
Following so far?? Let's flashback to 5 years ago (2002). I was a young and wayward punk who juz ORDed. Due to my mediocre results, I could not enter local Uni so off I went to Australia to further my studies. And I was so blessed I got to know S, who is really an angel to me. I used to have many flings in the past but S changed my perception in relationships. We did everything together. she cooked my meals and I did all the household chores for her. Mutually, we fell for each other unknowingly and progressively. Then something happened. One nite, when she professed her feelings for me in a very subtle manner, I didn't get the hint and unknowingly rejected her. How silly I was... After that, I returned to Sin for my holidays as S had to stay behind to complete a deferred module. During this 3 weeks, I realized that absence made my heart grew very much fonder. I missed S dearly and finally, I realized she meant so much to me. When I went back, she was already attached to my so-called friend. (Well curse myself cuz I was the dork who rejected her). I was totally shattered. Well to cut the story short, me and S did eventually become an item. Life was so sweet, except the fact that she was rather possessive and temperamental. Well nobody is perfect and I gladly changed from a free-spirited and untamed person to a submissive and gentle partner. I was determined she's the destined one for me... While she lay sleeping one night, I secretly measured her fingers for the ring size and bought her a diamond ring. I intended to surprise her and propose to her once I graduated from Uni. S graduated before me and returned to SIN ready to embark on her career. Well at this point, things turned for the worse. S had always been rather success driven and she decided to engage full gear into her career. Being her partner, I gave her no stress at all, always calling her from long distance only when her schedule allows. Under the eagerness to excel in her career, S gives herself huge expectations resulting in tremendous stress. Before long, we grew very distant. Finally, 1 week before my birthday, she ended our relationship via SMS, citing very superficial reasons. I wasn't even given a chance or explanation via telecon... I was crushed. Being a person full of pride, I accepted it without any contest or plead for a re-evaluation of the relationship.
I spent countless nights sleeping in my car (in the cold Aussie winter) cuz I couldn't forget all the happy times we had setting up our rented apartment together and stepping into this same apartment only brings back painful memories. For the 1st time, my tears shed freely for a woman...
Back of my mind, I attributed it to her insecurities and her unwillingness to have a partner who could not guide her well enough in her career. To put it bluntly, she must have thought that I was still a loafing student, good for nothing, who has no qualms in squandering my parent's wealth. (I admit to that...) From that day onwards, I redirected my sorrow to studies. I vowed to get good grades and be someone at least comparable to her. I know S is capable and her potential is great and boundless. Thus, I vowed never to lose out to her. All along however, I do not blame her. She was someone I loved dearly, eternally... Regardless, I know that she will always remain very special in my heart....Frankly if I were to choose again knowing the unpleasant outcome, I would have chosen to love her with all my heart as I did...
Eventually, I graduated with good grades. Career wise, I think I can be considered rather lucky. However in terms of relationships, I have totally lost confidence
in everything. I reverted to my flamboyant ways and had many flings, hurting many ladies in the process. My notion is that relationships are transitional and thus I have developed this self protecting mechanism. To me, my career matters most. Relationships are intangible and thus I can't attribute a projected NPV of the
relationship nor can I determine its ROI. I developed a casual attitude. I know I'm very selfish, but to all my flings, I made it upfront that I wasn't the commited sort and well, it takes 2 hands to clap.
Eventually in Jan 2006, I met B. She was very stuck up and aloof initially and that sorta prompted me further to woo her. We could talk about anything under the sun from Hedge funds to entartainment.. We just couldn't run out of topics to discuss and I find that unlike most of my flings (who can be considered bimbotic, sry no pun intended), B possess good looks as well as brains. Largely, she is considered to be a successful career woman, many would think she's arrogant too.. B surpass S in terms of career (due to her age maybe), and to that, I vowed to win her over as I once told myself I will get the affections of a woman who is intellectually stronger than S and more established in her career as well. B seemed the perfect persona for my choice. Also, I felt that with her age and experience, B would be a great guidance to me in terms of career development, imparting me vast knowledge on the industries she's exposed to.
Courtship wasn't easy as B had 2 other suitors after her at that time, both were accomplished professionals far surpassing me in terms of career establishment (much older than me too of course). After a hard span of 3 mths, me and B were together but problems started to surface. 1st, B has high expectations in terms of quality of life(read: monetary problems). Of course due to her age, her salary is higher than mine. She demands tiffany diamond rings (I didn't even intend to marry her!!) and thinks that my monthly salary is not sufficient to support her. (fyi my salary is hovering around 4.3K per month.. I think it should be comfortable if we spend wisely but B thinks otherwise). Secondly, we have huge disparities. She adores a very different pastime as compared to me. For me, I love clubbing,
painting the town red, as well as modding my car (like most guys I reckon). B does oil painting and fencing among others. Maybe like they said, opposites attract. Thirdly, we have opposing takes towards what is acceptable relationship between guys and ladies. I have many close lady friends but to me they are
purely friends, B knows about my flirting past and she wants me to shun my lady friends. We had major disagreements and end up quarreling most of the time when we meet (which is rare as both of us are workaholics). Whatever passion we had at first died. To me, it was more like going through the motion. By this time, I have already inherited whatever knowledge she has to impart to me and there is no long any intangible leveraging power being together with her.
Finally during December last year, we decided to take a 3 week break in Japan to re-evaluate our relationships without the stress from work. By then, I no longer had any feelings towards her. I became so cold that she sensed it and during our outbound SIN-FUK flight, I confessed to her on-board that my feelings had died. Guess it wasn't a great way to fly for B... Naturally, our 3 weeks in Japan was a disaster. Upon return, B was diagnosed to be suffering from dysmenorrhea, which is a rare case of painful menstrual cramps caused by the thickening of internal endometriosis walls and excessive bleeding. The only long-term solution was either childbirth (which I’m definitely not prepared to undergo with her... not even marriage lest to mention childbirth!!) or hysterectomy. The preventive measure however was to remain relaxed and stress free. With that, B's perception towards life changed. She became very much less demanding and became subtle and submissive. From the discovery of her condition in March till now, she has totally changed towards me, being more supportive and understanding now. However my heart is already dead. Being with her is very much like a responsibility more than anything else. Because of B's constant and unpredicted stomach cramps, our social life is much affected. We cannot go out partying, shopping, etc like we used to cuz B would suddenly break out in cold sweat and have to go home immediately to rest. To me, it has given rise to a very boring and mundane relationship. Nevertheless I find it hard to leave B out of pity more than anything else. It's becoming increasingly unbearable.
Recently, I celebrated S's birthday. B is blissfully unaware of course. S got drunk and when I was sending her home, she mumbled something like I'm sorry
and I love you. Well of course I took it with a pinch of salt. Hypothetically, I have got over S. I do admit I still love her in a way but having gained back my freedom and nonchalant outlook towards life, I can never envisage leading a happy life as S's submissive partner again. In some cases, its really better to remain closest friends than being together. Lately, S also mentioned she's afraid she might be left on the shelf, etc etc.. We have been meeting up more often lately. Though the possibility is small, I'm afraid I might fall for S again unknowingly. This would be disaster as I know we won't have a fairytale ending, regardless.. Views please???
As for my relationship with B, I really dun know how I should communicate to her and call off the whole thing. I know i'm selfish but isn't it better to end it early
in a relationship where no love is involved rather than prolonging the pain. Right from the start of my relationship with B, I had made a disclaimer that i'm not the committed sort and I have little confidence in long lasting relationships. B knows and accepted that. Well I would say our relationship had been sweet too but its actually more of a physical one than an emotional one. Now, any views or suggestions how I should end the relationship with B with least pain possible to her?
Thanks for the patience in reading my post thus far, greatly appreciated. Cheers and have a great day ahead.
No worries about your long post; in fact, you have pen down an extremely detailed situation about your own woe.
***
There are a couple of subconscious issues that have been affecting and implicating your love life, whether or not you recognise those afflictions. Perhaps afflictions might be too harsh of an adjective to use, but you get the gist of what I am driving at later as my post unfolds itself.
Inherently, you are like bee, actively visiting from flowers to flowers. And a bee does what a bee does; until the bee forgets being a bee.
Perhaps in all other superficial relationship you have been before, you probably only learnt about what's love and passion until the day you realise the sinking feeling of its absence. It could be a change of environment that actually bonded you and S together; but when you eliminate this variable, many things will likely to change accordingly.
In fact, her presence revealed many dimensions of your vulnerability as a whole, despite being a player, in which by rationale, you should be able to take it easy, making this no exception.
However, no matter how reinforced our exo-skeleton is, our emotions and ego are as tender as raw meat itself. Our emotions are easily wounded and to make matter worst, it's not always readily responsive to self rejuvenation and recovery.
It seemed to me that you have this penchant of falling for capable women that fly high in areas of their career, which is the main factor you have attributed to the fall of your previous love. Your decimated love has wickedly flailed your sensitive ego as you reckoned that this utter failure is largely because of your lack of achievements and status in society (Sun probably gets affected in face of tension of aspects in MC/significator/s of 10th house).
Your vow to evolve is not a statement of love; rather, it is a statement coming from a bruised ego.
Because the bee returns to being a bee.
The amusing question is why return being a bee when your evolution could actually led you to become something else more spiritually matured and stable? Like a mortal and not an insect?
You have incarcerated your love profile to this enclosed definition - the wholesale segmentation between flings or 'S' solitarily, in which you have classified her as your benchmark of what love and passion truly means. This formula in your heart is such that for as long as nobody presents itself in a finished product that resembles this secret concoction that caused you to shed your first tear in love, it belongs to the former category.
Sometimes even when we stopped bleeding, it doesn't necessarily means we are healed. Emotional injuries not resolved will often rot from within - gradually, you probably have realised that your defensive mechanism is a huge hindrance to your advancement in aspects of love. Your facade may have shielded you by gaining relative happiness at the cruel expenses of other ladies, but your void within will consume you inside out subconsciously because five years later, you are still sauntering in circles.
Though you are pretty honest with yourself - being in a physical-apt relationship, it can hardly speak of any substantial love affection. So is it any surprise when you mentioned that your passion has died? Probably your automatic trigger has labelled her under the same category as your other flings, perhaps just that you slog a little harder this time round in your pursuit, thus you are giving more consideration to this relationship, compared to the usual relationships you so quickly grow restless with.
Yes, her illness might have touched your humane side, but love cannot survive on sympathy. You will only grow to escalate more emotional frustration as you are unwilling to be in the relationship.
No elements can substitute the power of love; all other retention strategies will fail with the test of time. Therefore, your hesitation is merely delaying the inevitable with regards to B.
You have unseen blemishes clogged deep right in your soul since the day S promulgate breaking up. Whether or not you will fall for her again, the question lies not with love, but with the man: would you allow yourself to be vulnerable once again? You know like opening yourself to have someone get inside you and possibly messing you up once again?
You can't fall in love unless you allow yourself the condition to do so.
It applies not only to 'S' - it's the same for 'A-Z'.
Cheers
Dear all,
I'm new in the forum, let me share my story. Apologies as its gonna be a long one, I shall make it as short and painless as I can, pls bear with me. First, I shall detail the current background and a short introduction to the female leads of my story. I am attached to B. S is my ex-gf and we broke off almost 3 years ago. she has been single since then.
B - she is 4 years my senior and has a pretty and classy look. She looks very much younger for her age of 32. Career wise, I would say she's the ambitious and career woman type. Used to be in the phama-aesthetics industry and currently, she's into hospitality brand management (Client includes Starwood, Ascot, Macau Sands, San Regies etc). She is blessed to have a rather well to do family and that explains her spoilt, attention seeking and demanding nature. Family background wise, can consider that we are compatible.
S - she is 1 year my junior. Look wise, she too has a pretty face although her height is comparatively compromised and her frame is waif like. (though personally I think she's very attractive) Career wise, she too can be considered ambitious though she has slowed down considerably lately. She’s an account manager in the advertising industry and by a twist of coincidence; my organization is one of the major client to her Advertising agency (Part of WPP group, though I won't reveal which one to protect her identity). I am the main contact point fronting the partnership (from a client perspective that is) Though she's not servicing my account, we have ample opportunities to meet. Family background wise, I would say she had been thru a bad childhood which gives rise to her insecured nature. S is a very sincere person who place others in a higher priority than herself. She is simply sweet...
Following so far?? Let's flashback to 5 years ago (2002). I was a young and wayward punk who juz ORDed. Due to my mediocre results, I could not enter local Uni so off I went to Australia to further my studies. And I was so blessed I got to know S, who is really an angel to me. I used to have many flings in the past but S changed my perception in relationships. We did everything together. she cooked my meals and I did all the household chores for her. Mutually, we fell for each other unknowingly and progressively. Then something happened. One nite, when she professed her feelings for me in a very subtle manner, I didn't get the hint and unknowingly rejected her. How silly I was... After that, I returned to Sin for my holidays as S had to stay behind to complete a deferred module. During this 3 weeks, I realized that absence made my heart grew very much fonder. I missed S dearly and finally, I realized she meant so much to me. When I went back, she was already attached to my so-called friend. (Well curse myself cuz I was the dork who rejected her). I was totally shattered. Well to cut the story short, me and S did eventually become an item. Life was so sweet, except the fact that she was rather possessive and temperamental. Well nobody is perfect and I gladly changed from a free-spirited and untamed person to a submissive and gentle partner. I was determined she's the destined one for me... While she lay sleeping one night, I secretly measured her fingers for the ring size and bought her a diamond ring. I intended to surprise her and propose to her once I graduated from Uni. S graduated before me and returned to SIN ready to embark on her career. Well at this point, things turned for the worse. S had always been rather success driven and she decided to engage full gear into her career. Being her partner, I gave her no stress at all, always calling her from long distance only when her schedule allows. Under the eagerness to excel in her career, S gives herself huge expectations resulting in tremendous stress. Before long, we grew very distant. Finally, 1 week before my birthday, she ended our relationship via SMS, citing very superficial reasons. I wasn't even given a chance or explanation via telecon... I was crushed. Being a person full of pride, I accepted it without any contest or plead for a re-evaluation of the relationship.
I spent countless nights sleeping in my car (in the cold Aussie winter) cuz I couldn't forget all the happy times we had setting up our rented apartment together and stepping into this same apartment only brings back painful memories. For the 1st time, my tears shed freely for a woman...
Back of my mind, I attributed it to her insecurities and her unwillingness to have a partner who could not guide her well enough in her career. To put it bluntly, she must have thought that I was still a loafing student, good for nothing, who has no qualms in squandering my parent's wealth. (I admit to that...) From that day onwards, I redirected my sorrow to studies. I vowed to get good grades and be someone at least comparable to her. I know S is capable and her potential is great and boundless. Thus, I vowed never to lose out to her. All along however, I do not blame her. She was someone I loved dearly, eternally... Regardless, I know that she will always remain very special in my heart....Frankly if I were to choose again knowing the unpleasant outcome, I would have chosen to love her with all my heart as I did...
Eventually, I graduated with good grades. Career wise, I think I can be considered rather lucky. However in terms of relationships, I have totally lost confidence
in everything. I reverted to my flamboyant ways and had many flings, hurting many ladies in the process. My notion is that relationships are transitional and thus I have developed this self protecting mechanism. To me, my career matters most. Relationships are intangible and thus I can't attribute a projected NPV of the
relationship nor can I determine its ROI. I developed a casual attitude. I know I'm very selfish, but to all my flings, I made it upfront that I wasn't the commited sort and well, it takes 2 hands to clap.
Eventually in Jan 2006, I met B. She was very stuck up and aloof initially and that sorta prompted me further to woo her. We could talk about anything under the sun from Hedge funds to entartainment.. We just couldn't run out of topics to discuss and I find that unlike most of my flings (who can be considered bimbotic, sry no pun intended), B possess good looks as well as brains. Largely, she is considered to be a successful career woman, many would think she's arrogant too.. B surpass S in terms of career (due to her age maybe), and to that, I vowed to win her over as I once told myself I will get the affections of a woman who is intellectually stronger than S and more established in her career as well. B seemed the perfect persona for my choice. Also, I felt that with her age and experience, B would be a great guidance to me in terms of career development, imparting me vast knowledge on the industries she's exposed to.
Courtship wasn't easy as B had 2 other suitors after her at that time, both were accomplished professionals far surpassing me in terms of career establishment (much older than me too of course). After a hard span of 3 mths, me and B were together but problems started to surface. 1st, B has high expectations in terms of quality of life(read: monetary problems). Of course due to her age, her salary is higher than mine. She demands tiffany diamond rings (I didn't even intend to marry her!!) and thinks that my monthly salary is not sufficient to support her. (fyi my salary is hovering around 4.3K per month.. I think it should be comfortable if we spend wisely but B thinks otherwise). Secondly, we have huge disparities. She adores a very different pastime as compared to me. For me, I love clubbing,
painting the town red, as well as modding my car (like most guys I reckon). B does oil painting and fencing among others. Maybe like they said, opposites attract. Thirdly, we have opposing takes towards what is acceptable relationship between guys and ladies. I have many close lady friends but to me they are
purely friends, B knows about my flirting past and she wants me to shun my lady friends. We had major disagreements and end up quarreling most of the time when we meet (which is rare as both of us are workaholics). Whatever passion we had at first died. To me, it was more like going through the motion. By this time, I have already inherited whatever knowledge she has to impart to me and there is no long any intangible leveraging power being together with her.
Finally during December last year, we decided to take a 3 week break in Japan to re-evaluate our relationships without the stress from work. By then, I no longer had any feelings towards her. I became so cold that she sensed it and during our outbound SIN-FUK flight, I confessed to her on-board that my feelings had died. Guess it wasn't a great way to fly for B... Naturally, our 3 weeks in Japan was a disaster. Upon return, B was diagnosed to be suffering from dysmenorrhea, which is a rare case of painful menstrual cramps caused by the thickening of internal endometriosis walls and excessive bleeding. The only long-term solution was either childbirth (which I’m definitely not prepared to undergo with her... not even marriage lest to mention childbirth!!) or hysterectomy. The preventive measure however was to remain relaxed and stress free. With that, B's perception towards life changed. She became very much less demanding and became subtle and submissive. From the discovery of her condition in March till now, she has totally changed towards me, being more supportive and understanding now. However my heart is already dead. Being with her is very much like a responsibility more than anything else. Because of B's constant and unpredicted stomach cramps, our social life is much affected. We cannot go out partying, shopping, etc like we used to cuz B would suddenly break out in cold sweat and have to go home immediately to rest. To me, it has given rise to a very boring and mundane relationship. Nevertheless I find it hard to leave B out of pity more than anything else. It's becoming increasingly unbearable.
Recently, I celebrated S's birthday. B is blissfully unaware of course. S got drunk and when I was sending her home, she mumbled something like I'm sorry
and I love you. Well of course I took it with a pinch of salt. Hypothetically, I have got over S. I do admit I still love her in a way but having gained back my freedom and nonchalant outlook towards life, I can never envisage leading a happy life as S's submissive partner again. In some cases, its really better to remain closest friends than being together. Lately, S also mentioned she's afraid she might be left on the shelf, etc etc.. We have been meeting up more often lately. Though the possibility is small, I'm afraid I might fall for S again unknowingly. This would be disaster as I know we won't have a fairytale ending, regardless.. Views please???
As for my relationship with B, I really dun know how I should communicate to her and call off the whole thing. I know i'm selfish but isn't it better to end it early
in a relationship where no love is involved rather than prolonging the pain. Right from the start of my relationship with B, I had made a disclaimer that i'm not the committed sort and I have little confidence in long lasting relationships. B knows and accepted that. Well I would say our relationship had been sweet too but its actually more of a physical one than an emotional one. Now, any views or suggestions how I should end the relationship with B with least pain possible to her?
Thanks for the patience in reading my post thus far, greatly appreciated. Cheers and have a great day ahead.
No worries about your long post; in fact, you have pen down an extremely detailed situation about your own woe.
***
There are a couple of subconscious issues that have been affecting and implicating your love life, whether or not you recognise those afflictions. Perhaps afflictions might be too harsh of an adjective to use, but you get the gist of what I am driving at later as my post unfolds itself.
Inherently, you are like bee, actively visiting from flowers to flowers. And a bee does what a bee does; until the bee forgets being a bee.
Perhaps in all other superficial relationship you have been before, you probably only learnt about what's love and passion until the day you realise the sinking feeling of its absence. It could be a change of environment that actually bonded you and S together; but when you eliminate this variable, many things will likely to change accordingly.
In fact, her presence revealed many dimensions of your vulnerability as a whole, despite being a player, in which by rationale, you should be able to take it easy, making this no exception.
However, no matter how reinforced our exo-skeleton is, our emotions and ego are as tender as raw meat itself. Our emotions are easily wounded and to make matter worst, it's not always readily responsive to self rejuvenation and recovery.
It seemed to me that you have this penchant of falling for capable women that fly high in areas of their career, which is the main factor you have attributed to the fall of your previous love. Your decimated love has wickedly flailed your sensitive ego as you reckoned that this utter failure is largely because of your lack of achievements and status in society (Sun probably gets affected in face of tension of aspects in MC/significator/s of 10th house).
Your vow to evolve is not a statement of love; rather, it is a statement coming from a bruised ego.
Because the bee returns to being a bee.
The amusing question is why return being a bee when your evolution could actually led you to become something else more spiritually matured and stable? Like a mortal and not an insect?
You have incarcerated your love profile to this enclosed definition - the wholesale segmentation between flings or 'S' solitarily, in which you have classified her as your benchmark of what love and passion truly means. This formula in your heart is such that for as long as nobody presents itself in a finished product that resembles this secret concoction that caused you to shed your first tear in love, it belongs to the former category.
Sometimes even when we stopped bleeding, it doesn't necessarily means we are healed. Emotional injuries not resolved will often rot from within - gradually, you probably have realised that your defensive mechanism is a huge hindrance to your advancement in aspects of love. Your facade may have shielded you by gaining relative happiness at the cruel expenses of other ladies, but your void within will consume you inside out subconsciously because five years later, you are still sauntering in circles.
Though you are pretty honest with yourself - being in a physical-apt relationship, it can hardly speak of any substantial love affection. So is it any surprise when you mentioned that your passion has died? Probably your automatic trigger has labelled her under the same category as your other flings, perhaps just that you slog a little harder this time round in your pursuit, thus you are giving more consideration to this relationship, compared to the usual relationships you so quickly grow restless with.
Yes, her illness might have touched your humane side, but love cannot survive on sympathy. You will only grow to escalate more emotional frustration as you are unwilling to be in the relationship.
No elements can substitute the power of love; all other retention strategies will fail with the test of time. Therefore, your hesitation is merely delaying the inevitable with regards to B.
You have unseen blemishes clogged deep right in your soul since the day S promulgate breaking up. Whether or not you will fall for her again, the question lies not with love, but with the man: would you allow yourself to be vulnerable once again? You know like opening yourself to have someone get inside you and possibly messing you up once again?
You can't fall in love unless you allow yourself the condition to do so.
It applies not only to 'S' - it's the same for 'A-Z'.
Cheers
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Aunt Agony III 190807
Originally posted by huishan:
hi i long time never come in liao...hehe...by the way now i got two of my personal question about BG relationship want want to ask some of the boys and girls at there...by the way recently now got one guy like me...but i dont like him...but he keep on asking me to be his steady lei...haiz so stress...when we meet out...then he want hold my hand and kiss me...but i keep on pushing him away as i dun have that kind of feeling to him...i reject him is because now i already got someone in my mind...and he also know that i like him...but i dont think he will like me...because think he still haven forget his ex gf...so now i only want to be friends with him first...but now i also dont know how...so does anyone can tell mi what to do?
To the man that you don't like: Perhaps you are subconsciously giving him the signal, despite claiming no love for this man pestering you.
If a man takes no hint from your lack of affection, it's always better to exert actual proof of a rejection, instead of 'saying-one-thing-and-doing-another'. Simply put, why are you even meeting this guy if he's so relentless in his pursuit?
Our action speaks louder than words; each time you accepted his date, it signifies a gleams of hope. You can say a million times that you don't like him, but your actions will convey a message ten times stronger.
To the man that you like: be around him at the right moment. However, since you probably can't determine when would that be, just have your presence felt within 'vision'. With time, he will probably get over it - all you need to a good gamble to avoid being a substitute for his ex-gf.
You probably can't coerce someone to like you, but at the very least, you can take calculated risk to avoid becoming a target for a potential rebound.
Cheers
hi i long time never come in liao...hehe...by the way now i got two of my personal question about BG relationship want want to ask some of the boys and girls at there...by the way recently now got one guy like me...but i dont like him...but he keep on asking me to be his steady lei...haiz so stress...when we meet out...then he want hold my hand and kiss me...but i keep on pushing him away as i dun have that kind of feeling to him...i reject him is because now i already got someone in my mind...and he also know that i like him...but i dont think he will like me...because think he still haven forget his ex gf...so now i only want to be friends with him first...but now i also dont know how...so does anyone can tell mi what to do?
To the man that you don't like: Perhaps you are subconsciously giving him the signal, despite claiming no love for this man pestering you.
If a man takes no hint from your lack of affection, it's always better to exert actual proof of a rejection, instead of 'saying-one-thing-and-doing-another'. Simply put, why are you even meeting this guy if he's so relentless in his pursuit?
Our action speaks louder than words; each time you accepted his date, it signifies a gleams of hope. You can say a million times that you don't like him, but your actions will convey a message ten times stronger.
To the man that you like: be around him at the right moment. However, since you probably can't determine when would that be, just have your presence felt within 'vision'. With time, he will probably get over it - all you need to a good gamble to avoid being a substitute for his ex-gf.
You probably can't coerce someone to like you, but at the very least, you can take calculated risk to avoid becoming a target for a potential rebound.
Cheers
Aunt Agony II 190807
Originally posted by Othello_Red:
I'm really just wondering if that's possible. Cuz I dunno if that's what's happening to me.
Basically I've been with my gf for almost 2yrs now. At the start of the r/s I threw everything in, but got hurt v badly by her. We used to quarrel almost everyday and it didn't help that I'm studying overseas. I tried to keep giving in, but it seemed then that the more I give in, the more she takes. And whenever we quarrel, she'd always want a break up and I'd have to fight very hard to win her back. After awhile, I guess I just gave up subconciously.
Problem is that, now she realised her mistakes and is trying hard to treat me better. But I just don't love her as much anymore. Worse, I feel the love slipping away. She's a nice girl, but I just can't bring myself to throw everything into the r/s again. Basically, now, I dun care as much, but she's really doing all she can to keep the r/s up and really doesn't want a break up. I'm really afraid that I might just have run out of love for her.
Guess I just wanna hear ur views on this.
Have you gamble and lost heavily before?
When that happens, chances are, your mind wouldn't think of winning, but rather, you would be trying to 'break even' from your losses by betting more or stretching yourself to the maximum 'credit limit' you can handle.
Of course, more often than not, our luck is already bad enough to begin with (which is why we are losing) and as we gamble further, we lose even more... until we are left with no choice but to cease.
But there are times when we see ourselves recuperating from our debts... strangely
***
You might reckon that you have run out of love for someone, but in reality, you have reached your break-even point. So much so that right now, your inner self is asking if you should continue your gamble because you can now opt to exit safely, since clarify has returned to you.
It's very much an innate fear; asking you to accept her whole heartedly once again with more 'investments'. This is a blatant reminder of the pain you went through previously. Most people are fine with not winning or scoring victories, for as long as they can avoid disappointments and failures.
Once you have cleared your spiritual debts (via a karmic relationship); through our higher consciousness, there's often little meaning to remain anymore and we feel the need to 'graduate' from our circumstances. Graduation doesn't necessary means departure - it could also mean shedding the old skin of your relationship by breathing a new life and renew the entire structure of your love.
Your always have the freewill to decide the outcome of your relationship. Currently, imho, to break up is as viable as to give her one last chance.
It's your call my friend.
Cheers
I'm really just wondering if that's possible. Cuz I dunno if that's what's happening to me.
Basically I've been with my gf for almost 2yrs now. At the start of the r/s I threw everything in, but got hurt v badly by her. We used to quarrel almost everyday and it didn't help that I'm studying overseas. I tried to keep giving in, but it seemed then that the more I give in, the more she takes. And whenever we quarrel, she'd always want a break up and I'd have to fight very hard to win her back. After awhile, I guess I just gave up subconciously.
Problem is that, now she realised her mistakes and is trying hard to treat me better. But I just don't love her as much anymore. Worse, I feel the love slipping away. She's a nice girl, but I just can't bring myself to throw everything into the r/s again. Basically, now, I dun care as much, but she's really doing all she can to keep the r/s up and really doesn't want a break up. I'm really afraid that I might just have run out of love for her.
Guess I just wanna hear ur views on this.
Have you gamble and lost heavily before?
When that happens, chances are, your mind wouldn't think of winning, but rather, you would be trying to 'break even' from your losses by betting more or stretching yourself to the maximum 'credit limit' you can handle.
Of course, more often than not, our luck is already bad enough to begin with (which is why we are losing) and as we gamble further, we lose even more... until we are left with no choice but to cease.
But there are times when we see ourselves recuperating from our debts... strangely
***
You might reckon that you have run out of love for someone, but in reality, you have reached your break-even point. So much so that right now, your inner self is asking if you should continue your gamble because you can now opt to exit safely, since clarify has returned to you.
It's very much an innate fear; asking you to accept her whole heartedly once again with more 'investments'. This is a blatant reminder of the pain you went through previously. Most people are fine with not winning or scoring victories, for as long as they can avoid disappointments and failures.
Once you have cleared your spiritual debts (via a karmic relationship); through our higher consciousness, there's often little meaning to remain anymore and we feel the need to 'graduate' from our circumstances. Graduation doesn't necessary means departure - it could also mean shedding the old skin of your relationship by breathing a new life and renew the entire structure of your love.
Your always have the freewill to decide the outcome of your relationship. Currently, imho, to break up is as viable as to give her one last chance.
It's your call my friend.
Cheers
Aunt Agony 190807
Originally posted by blu_sky:
Thinking about changin my job.
have been going for interviews. Some job interviews are really tough, they drilled and drilled. asked really irrelevant qns and and stupid really tries to piss you off. but such cos are bigs cos, T related cos. so strange and stupid, ask wat my hobbies are. like if i enjoy drinking and getting drunk everynite, i will tell them! :lol:
went to a interview today. really great one. it was like an exchange, conversation between the interviewer and me. and i feel really great after that. i feel that i am getting the respect i deserve for my maturity and accomplishment
Would you choose a job that is:
a) well-established co, confirmed good prospects, really expanding, but make you feel like the are drillin you all the time; or
b) smaller co, but profit making and expanding too, make you feel like a human again?\
oh damn, i hate travelling for work. why all these jobs require travelling despite i am in such 'back offcie'?
Actually we often find ourselves trapped in such quagmire all the time.
We are stuck because we always try to quantify happiness and fulfilment based on numeric remuneration and eventually realised that it doesn't balance - which is why we are stuck.
Your choice will reveal, at this current stage in life, what you really seek.
A woman vying for top positions in the highly stressed corporate world will usually find themselves drained out faster than man - not because women are the ‘inferior sex', but rather because in competing, women have to turn on their 'masculine mode' and work with that dimension of energy level for a vast period - through managing, commanding or simply being aggressive in her line of work just to be goal oriented. Over a considerable amount of time, the spiritual flow within the woman will be disruptive as the 'feminine aspect' of herself becomes inane.
Do what you need to make you feel human and natural.
The ironic truth about life is that when we are young, we worked so hard for money, just to use those money to buy back our youth. Perhaps in that sense, we should always opt for the happier choice.
Cheers
Thinking about changin my job.
have been going for interviews. Some job interviews are really tough, they drilled and drilled. asked really irrelevant qns and and stupid really tries to piss you off. but such cos are bigs cos, T related cos. so strange and stupid, ask wat my hobbies are. like if i enjoy drinking and getting drunk everynite, i will tell them! :lol:
went to a interview today. really great one. it was like an exchange, conversation between the interviewer and me. and i feel really great after that. i feel that i am getting the respect i deserve for my maturity and accomplishment
Would you choose a job that is:
a) well-established co, confirmed good prospects, really expanding, but make you feel like the are drillin you all the time; or
b) smaller co, but profit making and expanding too, make you feel like a human again?\
oh damn, i hate travelling for work. why all these jobs require travelling despite i am in such 'back offcie'?
Actually we often find ourselves trapped in such quagmire all the time.
We are stuck because we always try to quantify happiness and fulfilment based on numeric remuneration and eventually realised that it doesn't balance - which is why we are stuck.
Your choice will reveal, at this current stage in life, what you really seek.
A woman vying for top positions in the highly stressed corporate world will usually find themselves drained out faster than man - not because women are the ‘inferior sex', but rather because in competing, women have to turn on their 'masculine mode' and work with that dimension of energy level for a vast period - through managing, commanding or simply being aggressive in her line of work just to be goal oriented. Over a considerable amount of time, the spiritual flow within the woman will be disruptive as the 'feminine aspect' of herself becomes inane.
Do what you need to make you feel human and natural.
The ironic truth about life is that when we are young, we worked so hard for money, just to use those money to buy back our youth. Perhaps in that sense, we should always opt for the happier choice.
Cheers
Aunt Agony 190807
Originally posted by blu_sky:
Thinking about changin my job.
have been going for interviews. Some job interviews are really tough, they drilled and drilled. asked really irrelevant qns and and stupid really tries to piss you off. but such cos are bigs cos, T related cos. so strange and stupid, ask wat my hobbies are. like if i enjoy drinking and getting drunk everynite, i will tell them! :lol:
went to a interview today. really great one. it was like an exchange, conversation between the interviewer and me. and i feel really great after that. i feel that i am getting the respect i deserve for my maturity and accomplishment
Would you choose a job that is:
a) well-established co, confirmed good prospects, really expanding, but make you feel like the are drillin you all the time; or
b) smaller co, but profit making and expanding too, make you feel like a human again?\
oh damn, i hate travelling for work. why all these jobs require travelling despite i am in such 'back offcie'?
Actually we often find ourselves trapped in such quagmire all the time.
We are stuck because we always try to quantify happiness and fulfilment based on numeric remuneration and eventually realised that it doesn't balance - which is why we are stuck.
Your choice will reveal, at this current stage in life, what you really seek.
A woman vying for top positions in the highly stressed corporate world will usually find themselves drained out faster than man - not because women are the ‘inferior sex', but rather because in competing, women have to turn on their 'masculine mode' and work with that dimension of energy level for a vast period - through managing, commanding or simply being aggressive in her line of work just to be goal oriented. Over a considerable amount of time, the spiritual flow within the woman will be disruptive as the 'feminine aspect' of herself becomes inane.
Do what you need to make you feel human and natural.
The ironic truth about life is that when we are young, we worked so hard for money, just to use those money to buy back our youth. Perhaps in that sense, we should always opt for the happier choice.
Cheers
Thinking about changin my job.
have been going for interviews. Some job interviews are really tough, they drilled and drilled. asked really irrelevant qns and and stupid really tries to piss you off. but such cos are bigs cos, T related cos. so strange and stupid, ask wat my hobbies are. like if i enjoy drinking and getting drunk everynite, i will tell them! :lol:
went to a interview today. really great one. it was like an exchange, conversation between the interviewer and me. and i feel really great after that. i feel that i am getting the respect i deserve for my maturity and accomplishment
Would you choose a job that is:
a) well-established co, confirmed good prospects, really expanding, but make you feel like the are drillin you all the time; or
b) smaller co, but profit making and expanding too, make you feel like a human again?\
oh damn, i hate travelling for work. why all these jobs require travelling despite i am in such 'back offcie'?
Actually we often find ourselves trapped in such quagmire all the time.
We are stuck because we always try to quantify happiness and fulfilment based on numeric remuneration and eventually realised that it doesn't balance - which is why we are stuck.
Your choice will reveal, at this current stage in life, what you really seek.
A woman vying for top positions in the highly stressed corporate world will usually find themselves drained out faster than man - not because women are the ‘inferior sex', but rather because in competing, women have to turn on their 'masculine mode' and work with that dimension of energy level for a vast period - through managing, commanding or simply being aggressive in her line of work just to be goal oriented. Over a considerable amount of time, the spiritual flow within the woman will be disruptive as the 'feminine aspect' of herself becomes inane.
Do what you need to make you feel human and natural.
The ironic truth about life is that when we are young, we worked so hard for money, just to use those money to buy back our youth. Perhaps in that sense, we should always opt for the happier choice.
Cheers
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Bape Jeans Aug 2007
Finally some power bape shit la. I think autumn/winter has better taste than the really cmi S/S season.
Cheers
Aunt Agony II 090807
Originally posted by reyes:
just wana share my personal sorrows.
my work require me to do regional to support customers and looking for business opportunity.
everytime i received requirement to do overseas, i felt worried and scare that i had to broke the news to her and get nags, complain from her. imagine i had to do it 2-3times mth.
i had good relationship with my daughter. somehow i feel she is not doing enough as a mother. my daughter enjoy my companion more than with her. it is not that she is a disciplianiam but she simply bochap and chap the wrong things. whenever i am in singapore i will play with my daughter and bring her to outing, watch elmo show, barnie show, cartoons and chat with her about anything.
i handle all bills at home. i need to remember when to pay utilities bills, conservation charges, pay her credit card bills ( she pay me when she received her pay which is normally after due date). but most of myfriends is handle by their wife.
she doesnt save, spent every cents of her pay. i try to save around 20-30k a year for my old age and also plan for my children education fees.
my mom bought breakfast every weekend for her. she never bother to wake up to buy any breakfast for me or my mom.
she brought her dog but seldom walk it. now the dog become another of my good pals, which is the only one that bother to wait for me to come home after late work in office.
she only cook less than 10 times for the family in 5 yrs. And seldom offer to pay for dinning out although her pay is quite OK.
that is my version of the story i try to ask myself think on her side.
i told myself, no matter what for the sake of children i will hold this family together.
do any bros have any similar less than happy marriage.
please share if you can.
It appears to me that this difference in expectation hasn't been communicated to her like how it should have been between husband and wife. You married her for 5 years, but now you begin to lament about how dissatisfied you are with her attitude towards everything else outside you. Perhaps you might already felt this coming many years back, but you probably opt for the easier option to avoid open talks.
Now such behaviour has been rooted - tearing them out of place will promise much strife.
This is interesting because you covered a wide spectrum of issues, even some that might appear to be mundane, but certainly, these are clashes of definition of what you reckon she should or should not 'do' as three separate roles - a wife, mother and daughter-in-law. You reckon that your marriage is not as happy as you would like it to be, but if you don't work on your marriage through proper channels and instead taking the easier option to avoid, I don't see how changes can take place by configuring your relationship on auto-pilot.
You might fear that bringing those issues openly for discussion might escalate implications, but surely if you don't - you will escalate your frustration instead and will burst when you hit boiling point.
Nobody is perfect, but hope lies in crafting a seeming-perfect marriage and like dough, love is not constant - it has to be remade and remoulded all the time.
You got to work on your communication for many years to come.
Take baby steps in achieving the big picture. Albeit that might not result in your ideal goal, but you have to look forward and strive to improve your relationship.
You don't have to resign to a 'less-than-happy-marriage' - you certainly have a choice.
Cheers
just wana share my personal sorrows.
my work require me to do regional to support customers and looking for business opportunity.
everytime i received requirement to do overseas, i felt worried and scare that i had to broke the news to her and get nags, complain from her. imagine i had to do it 2-3times mth.
i had good relationship with my daughter. somehow i feel she is not doing enough as a mother. my daughter enjoy my companion more than with her. it is not that she is a disciplianiam but she simply bochap and chap the wrong things. whenever i am in singapore i will play with my daughter and bring her to outing, watch elmo show, barnie show, cartoons and chat with her about anything.
i handle all bills at home. i need to remember when to pay utilities bills, conservation charges, pay her credit card bills ( she pay me when she received her pay which is normally after due date). but most of myfriends is handle by their wife.
she doesnt save, spent every cents of her pay. i try to save around 20-30k a year for my old age and also plan for my children education fees.
my mom bought breakfast every weekend for her. she never bother to wake up to buy any breakfast for me or my mom.
she brought her dog but seldom walk it. now the dog become another of my good pals, which is the only one that bother to wait for me to come home after late work in office.
she only cook less than 10 times for the family in 5 yrs. And seldom offer to pay for dinning out although her pay is quite OK.
that is my version of the story i try to ask myself think on her side.
i told myself, no matter what for the sake of children i will hold this family together.
do any bros have any similar less than happy marriage.
please share if you can.
It appears to me that this difference in expectation hasn't been communicated to her like how it should have been between husband and wife. You married her for 5 years, but now you begin to lament about how dissatisfied you are with her attitude towards everything else outside you. Perhaps you might already felt this coming many years back, but you probably opt for the easier option to avoid open talks.
Now such behaviour has been rooted - tearing them out of place will promise much strife.
This is interesting because you covered a wide spectrum of issues, even some that might appear to be mundane, but certainly, these are clashes of definition of what you reckon she should or should not 'do' as three separate roles - a wife, mother and daughter-in-law. You reckon that your marriage is not as happy as you would like it to be, but if you don't work on your marriage through proper channels and instead taking the easier option to avoid, I don't see how changes can take place by configuring your relationship on auto-pilot.
You might fear that bringing those issues openly for discussion might escalate implications, but surely if you don't - you will escalate your frustration instead and will burst when you hit boiling point.
Nobody is perfect, but hope lies in crafting a seeming-perfect marriage and like dough, love is not constant - it has to be remade and remoulded all the time.
You got to work on your communication for many years to come.
Take baby steps in achieving the big picture. Albeit that might not result in your ideal goal, but you have to look forward and strive to improve your relationship.
You don't have to resign to a 'less-than-happy-marriage' - you certainly have a choice.
Cheers
Aunt Agony 090807
Originally posted by pinkroses:
Hi. I am a girl studying in a junior college. Recently, i feel very stressed up and i tend to get agitated easily. It started with this. Me and my three other friends went to the same junior college and we go to school together sometimes in the morning if they are not late, we will meet each other. We seldom talk nowadays and i realise i have nothing to talk to them. I start to think that i am a boring person.
One of them is in the same class as me. Recently, she stopped talking to me in school. I felt hurt, didn't know what was wrong even i asked her many times. Then, one of this friend told me her emotions backfired. I could not understand what was that and i just cried in school. Then, she told me she needs space but she continues to talk to others, just not me.
Nowadays, i only talk to friends whom i started to know in jc. We have a common interest in gaming but all we talk about is that, and it gets boring and we will be quiet once it stops.
Promos are coming but i just cannot focus with the numberous problems on my mind. They tell me to leave her alone but i just can't do it. I have many failed friendships in secondary school. One ended because i was too possessive. I tried to overcome it but i just couldn't. And my friend who does not talk to me in school keeps telling me she like this other friend in our clique whom i think she is getting very close to. I feel jealous and hurt and hatred somehow seem to build up. I don't know what to do. Everyone's giving different comments and i just get upset easily.
Please enlighten me on what i should do.
In this lifetime, if we can name 5 true friends, I think that's already very good.
Some people can't even name one.
Our journey in life is to seek out those true friends.
Most of the people we encounter do not belong to this category; they are more likely to be transitory in nature, appearing like glorious sunrise and vanished as quickly like sunset.
Your source of suffering isn't due to the natural shift of cycle in human relationship, but lies in your perception of possession. Your need to cling and hold onto status quo generated much unhappiness from within because you are unable to embrace the fact that nothing in life is absolute and the only constant thing in life is changes itself.
It's only human to feel depress when our friendship with someone, whom we deemed important, degenerates. But on the other hand, it probably means that they might not be the people who will walk through your life as true friends at the end of the road.
You can't coerce someone to be your true friend if this person simply isn't.
Why force a wrong key into the keyhole? The key will just crack inside as you turn it.
Cheers
Hi. I am a girl studying in a junior college. Recently, i feel very stressed up and i tend to get agitated easily. It started with this. Me and my three other friends went to the same junior college and we go to school together sometimes in the morning if they are not late, we will meet each other. We seldom talk nowadays and i realise i have nothing to talk to them. I start to think that i am a boring person.
One of them is in the same class as me. Recently, she stopped talking to me in school. I felt hurt, didn't know what was wrong even i asked her many times. Then, one of this friend told me her emotions backfired. I could not understand what was that and i just cried in school. Then, she told me she needs space but she continues to talk to others, just not me.
Nowadays, i only talk to friends whom i started to know in jc. We have a common interest in gaming but all we talk about is that, and it gets boring and we will be quiet once it stops.
Promos are coming but i just cannot focus with the numberous problems on my mind. They tell me to leave her alone but i just can't do it. I have many failed friendships in secondary school. One ended because i was too possessive. I tried to overcome it but i just couldn't. And my friend who does not talk to me in school keeps telling me she like this other friend in our clique whom i think she is getting very close to. I feel jealous and hurt and hatred somehow seem to build up. I don't know what to do. Everyone's giving different comments and i just get upset easily.
Please enlighten me on what i should do.
In this lifetime, if we can name 5 true friends, I think that's already very good.
Some people can't even name one.
Our journey in life is to seek out those true friends.
Most of the people we encounter do not belong to this category; they are more likely to be transitory in nature, appearing like glorious sunrise and vanished as quickly like sunset.
Your source of suffering isn't due to the natural shift of cycle in human relationship, but lies in your perception of possession. Your need to cling and hold onto status quo generated much unhappiness from within because you are unable to embrace the fact that nothing in life is absolute and the only constant thing in life is changes itself.
It's only human to feel depress when our friendship with someone, whom we deemed important, degenerates. But on the other hand, it probably means that they might not be the people who will walk through your life as true friends at the end of the road.
You can't coerce someone to be your true friend if this person simply isn't.
Why force a wrong key into the keyhole? The key will just crack inside as you turn it.
Cheers
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Aunt Agony II 040807 (Continued from AA 040807)
Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:
We are ard 30 yrs old. Been married over a year liao. No serious conflicts before marriage. Both of us love each other, and wanted to start a family together. Simple lifestyle, no grand luxury stuff. I capricorn, she a gemini/cancer hybrid. She had been hurt by a previous r/s b4.
In that sense, divorce will likely to happen if your marriage persists in this way of management. There's only so much a person can endure before all hell break loose eventually. What you are doing now is merely to concede to her instability, but you are not anywhere near resolving it.
Looking at your plight, I doubt she is even emotionally-mature enough for marriage in the first place, as this readiness can only be certified by having evolved/transformed personalities, influenced solely by the power of love. Period. Anything else will usually result in massive quake of various degrees, when put together under one roof because marriage is the ultimate test in love.
One reality of marriage is that albeit most people will claim that love is the reason for their union, however, upon close examination, their love is hardly pristine. This 'love' they claimed to share, is often grossly mispresentated by emotional afflictions, circumstances or simply pressure from our biological clock.
I don't know if you ever realise this: but the sort of 'hurt' that she has gone through do not necessarily means full blame on her ex-boyfriend/s. In fact, it's probably her definition of love that she has brandished, akin to swinging a two-bladed axe, injuring herself as she slash at her ex-love when her inherent possessive nature dominates her emotions like a deranged warrior.
This is a vicious cycle, as her man will escape in face of such suffocation. When that happens, she will apt to exercise greater control because she will attribute her failure in love due to external factors, not because of her unevolved self.
I find it hard to believe that marriage without trust begins with love - I can tell you from my experience, it so much closer to that of fungi living on tree than the tree itself - fuelled primarily by the fear of isolation and loneliness.
Although I wouldn't recommend, but as a start, it might be beneficial if you can speak to her best/good friend/s and get them to talk to her. A marriage counsellor will still be a better option imho because I doubt you know how help yourself to avoid this impending doom and if somebody can open her soul and attempt to repair them, it might save your marriage from certain death.
If you want to see changes, the changes must happen from within - giving in is merely a short term measure that do not solve long term implications.
Cheers
We are ard 30 yrs old. Been married over a year liao. No serious conflicts before marriage. Both of us love each other, and wanted to start a family together. Simple lifestyle, no grand luxury stuff. I capricorn, she a gemini/cancer hybrid. She had been hurt by a previous r/s b4.
In that sense, divorce will likely to happen if your marriage persists in this way of management. There's only so much a person can endure before all hell break loose eventually. What you are doing now is merely to concede to her instability, but you are not anywhere near resolving it.
Looking at your plight, I doubt she is even emotionally-mature enough for marriage in the first place, as this readiness can only be certified by having evolved/transformed personalities, influenced solely by the power of love. Period. Anything else will usually result in massive quake of various degrees, when put together under one roof because marriage is the ultimate test in love.
One reality of marriage is that albeit most people will claim that love is the reason for their union, however, upon close examination, their love is hardly pristine. This 'love' they claimed to share, is often grossly mispresentated by emotional afflictions, circumstances or simply pressure from our biological clock.
I don't know if you ever realise this: but the sort of 'hurt' that she has gone through do not necessarily means full blame on her ex-boyfriend/s. In fact, it's probably her definition of love that she has brandished, akin to swinging a two-bladed axe, injuring herself as she slash at her ex-love when her inherent possessive nature dominates her emotions like a deranged warrior.
This is a vicious cycle, as her man will escape in face of such suffocation. When that happens, she will apt to exercise greater control because she will attribute her failure in love due to external factors, not because of her unevolved self.
I find it hard to believe that marriage without trust begins with love - I can tell you from my experience, it so much closer to that of fungi living on tree than the tree itself - fuelled primarily by the fear of isolation and loneliness.
Although I wouldn't recommend, but as a start, it might be beneficial if you can speak to her best/good friend/s and get them to talk to her. A marriage counsellor will still be a better option imho because I doubt you know how help yourself to avoid this impending doom and if somebody can open her soul and attempt to repair them, it might save your marriage from certain death.
If you want to see changes, the changes must happen from within - giving in is merely a short term measure that do not solve long term implications.
Cheers
Aunt Agony 040807
Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:
Any married guy can help? My wife always threaten divorce whenever we quarrel. Both of us are bad-tempered, and a small tiff can escalate into a big fight. But I love her and separation is never on my mind. It is not the same case with her. She admitted that she didn't mean it as she only said it in the moment of anger to purposely irritate me! But now, the idea of divorce is slowly getting into my head.
In terms of temper, both of us have different momentum. She can explode, even into streaks of violence, but is quick to forgive and forget. I am calm, argue rationally, but difficult to forget fights. Perhaps it's me, but I've noticed that I have not gone on a full week without her finding fault and starting an argument with me.
Latest saga now is: -
I complain mildly that she controls over me too strictly, and asks too many questions.
She denies it.
I quote a few examples and she flares up.
She said if I have reported everything, then she wouldn't need to ask.
I told her if she were more supportive, then I would have shared everything with her.
She threaten divorce after exploding...again.
Feeling I may be too frank, I apologise.
She never calm down.
Now we are still not talking. I can see she's angry 'cause she slam the door and threw stuff violently around.
How? Help? :(
No matter how many 'phrases' you might have skipped to get yourself married, eventually, to maintain a happy-and-somewhat-fulfilling relationship, it still boils down to the very basis and this is something you can't escape if you wish to saunter this marriage till death do you guys apart.
Apart from having short-circuit tempers that savagely gash open wounds in your relationship time and again - in fact, I reckoned that there are quite a number of unresolved 'negative issues' brought into the airspace of your marriage and now you two are suffering the consequence of such causes because it's so blatant that when you put two unevolved soul as marriage partners, the intensity is insane.
The tongue is critical and quick to wound, yet not equipped with the wisdom or maturity to communicate wisely. Trust is greatly amiss, demonstrating the need for command and control as her innate alarm triggers and in response, it overwhelmed her emotions with hallucinatory thoughts and insecurity. Threatening divorce is the first sign of a crumbling marriage - this is the same methodology employed by people who threaten breaking up, suicide or any drastic measure to 'overpower' another party to submission. Over the time, you will gain immunity to such 'threats' and the relationship will probably collapse when you decide you had enough of such nonsense.
It is such a painful way to lead any form of relationship.
Your marriage is clearly in a dire state. I suggest since you two can't handle it among yourselves, it might be beneficial to have engages a mediator/marriage counsellor - that's if she is still willing to work things out with you.
I would like to understand some background:
How old are the both of you? How long have you been dating before marriage? How long have you been married? Were the conflicts this bad before marriage? In your opinion, what's the reason for getting married? What sort of lifestyle you two are leading? What are both your astrological signs? Any crisis took place in BGR previously?
Cheers
Any married guy can help? My wife always threaten divorce whenever we quarrel. Both of us are bad-tempered, and a small tiff can escalate into a big fight. But I love her and separation is never on my mind. It is not the same case with her. She admitted that she didn't mean it as she only said it in the moment of anger to purposely irritate me! But now, the idea of divorce is slowly getting into my head.
In terms of temper, both of us have different momentum. She can explode, even into streaks of violence, but is quick to forgive and forget. I am calm, argue rationally, but difficult to forget fights. Perhaps it's me, but I've noticed that I have not gone on a full week without her finding fault and starting an argument with me.
Latest saga now is: -
I complain mildly that she controls over me too strictly, and asks too many questions.
She denies it.
I quote a few examples and she flares up.
She said if I have reported everything, then she wouldn't need to ask.
I told her if she were more supportive, then I would have shared everything with her.
She threaten divorce after exploding...again.
Feeling I may be too frank, I apologise.
She never calm down.
Now we are still not talking. I can see she's angry 'cause she slam the door and threw stuff violently around.
How? Help? :(
No matter how many 'phrases' you might have skipped to get yourself married, eventually, to maintain a happy-and-somewhat-fulfilling relationship, it still boils down to the very basis and this is something you can't escape if you wish to saunter this marriage till death do you guys apart.
Apart from having short-circuit tempers that savagely gash open wounds in your relationship time and again - in fact, I reckoned that there are quite a number of unresolved 'negative issues' brought into the airspace of your marriage and now you two are suffering the consequence of such causes because it's so blatant that when you put two unevolved soul as marriage partners, the intensity is insane.
The tongue is critical and quick to wound, yet not equipped with the wisdom or maturity to communicate wisely. Trust is greatly amiss, demonstrating the need for command and control as her innate alarm triggers and in response, it overwhelmed her emotions with hallucinatory thoughts and insecurity. Threatening divorce is the first sign of a crumbling marriage - this is the same methodology employed by people who threaten breaking up, suicide or any drastic measure to 'overpower' another party to submission. Over the time, you will gain immunity to such 'threats' and the relationship will probably collapse when you decide you had enough of such nonsense.
It is such a painful way to lead any form of relationship.
Your marriage is clearly in a dire state. I suggest since you two can't handle it among yourselves, it might be beneficial to have engages a mediator/marriage counsellor - that's if she is still willing to work things out with you.
I would like to understand some background:
How old are the both of you? How long have you been dating before marriage? How long have you been married? Were the conflicts this bad before marriage? In your opinion, what's the reason for getting married? What sort of lifestyle you two are leading? What are both your astrological signs? Any crisis took place in BGR previously?
Cheers
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