Aunt Agony III 300607

Originally posted by Chii_Chii:
I am 26 this year. Having spent the last 3 yrs with my bf, with like no plans to get married becoz he say we are not finanicially stable enuf yet. Though I really wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, many circumstances DO NOT allow me to do so.

Another Problem is tat he is married. Though he says he no longer sees his wife anymore. I dunno if i should trust tat and keep on living my life like a invisible 3rd party.

I dun wan to waste my time waiting like an idiot. Doing everything practically like what a wife would do for him, but STILL, I'm jus his GF.

My parents are urging me to get married... but.. I dunno what to tell my parents about his status. Theres no signs tat he's going to settle his divorce anytime yet.

He told me to wait... for the maturity of his matrimonial house and his ROM date to turn 5... It already turned 6 this yr...How long do I have to wait?

I feel so sad... Gave up a good job offer becoz he dun like it, jus for him.
I think I am so silly....

Any advices regarding what I should do about it?
Please help... Sighs…


We can never anticipate how our love will begin or turn out because back in our childhood days, we often fantasize how romantic or splendid our relationship will be in the future, loving the seemingly perfect mate in bliss and happiness.

I used to wonder why some people have this penchant of falling for married man/woman. Of course, apart from being karmic in nature, sometimes, it's just the quality of unavailability that attracts itself on higher level. It's subconscious in nature and appears to defy logics – after all, how can someone being unavailable be an attractive factor?

CloUdiSm states 'We attract the quality we exude' - when our unconsciousness are apt towards people who are unavailable or apt towards the notion of a 'suffering love' - such scenarios are likely to happen and we see ourselves getting entangled in them, bleeding from the tentacles of deception.

Firstly, you must understand that each of us uniquely have our own separate needs. Being in love doesn't necessarily means that our needs are similar, in fact, it's often the opposite - having complementary needs. You probably love being in love with him, but that doesn't mean the same for him. Coming from a complicated marriage, it's highly possible that you might just be an element of escapism for him - forging a sub-rosa relationship by serving as a avenue of emotional comfort whenever he has unresolved marital conflicts with his wife.

His intention of having this relationship might not be as linear - where you can safety upgrade yourself to a marriage from a relationship. His hesitation betrayed strongly of this as chances are, he might not even be thinking of leaving his wife completely.

Loving him is one thing, being suitable is another - many people often claimed about how much they loved their ex, but seriously does that constitute to suitability? And eventually, how have their relationship turn out to be?

P.S: I am not advocating you to break up, but I want you to know that the circumstances you are driven into have already been predicted since day one. When you accepted a clandestine relationship with a married man, you must be prepared to face all the adversities thrown into your path. This is termed as RHC in CloUdiSm (Relationship of Higher Complication).

Is love enough to sustain all these challenges? Or rather, is this love something close to what you have picture it to be after three years?

Please do not be bounded to think that after three years, this man is someone you must marry. In fact, if someone is simply not suitable, dragging and lengthening your relationship might amount to nothing at the end of the road.

You simply can't make an unsuitable man… suitable.

Cheers