Old Skool Adidas Tee

Although I know I should not spend before my pay credits into my bank account, but I couldn't resist this old skool tee from Adidas from Vivocity. Sigh... it has been a while since I bought anything for myself.

I am such a poor man.



Shucks, forgot to switch back to normal mode. But hack - somebody outside is waiting for me.

Childaid 2006 is coming up!

I can't believe Pat is choreographing for my little juniors. Seriously can't wait to see the routines. Hahaha!

Aunt Agony 261106

Originally posted by MySilence:
ok,this is going to be really really long so do bear with me.
though long but i feel it is to let u know where im coming from.
im 22 this year male.i used to be in all boys school from primary to secondary.

my contact with the opposite sex is very little.
all this plus an inferior complex made me a shy person,even more so with girls.

i retook my o levels this year in a private school.
i made many friends in the school,more girls than guys.
i came to "like" one of my friend.i told her my feelings n well it didnt turn out well.
then i started really thinking n i realised it was not really"like" like i thought it was.
then she got attached n i m very happy for her,in fact i helped her n the guy to be together.
among my group of friend there is this girl whom i now might like.
i only found out that she was not attached a few months back ,turns out the guy was just her crush.

all the time b4 knowing that i treated her as my sister n a friend.
i called her sister n she called me brother n the rest of my friends also sees us as that.
after knowing that she was not attached,something hit me.
i realised i might like her.infact i have being liking her all these time but i suppressed it thinking that she is attached.

whenever she leans against me it feels really good,i never experience such a feeling,it was warmth n it makes me wanna have a gf so badly.
now comes the main focus of the long story.
she is malay n im chinese,n we dont have any thing in common.
we dont talk much to each other.she is now attached,well kind of.
she dont have feelings for the guy anymore so she just kinda play along.
she still have feelings for the crush whom i thought is her bf n there is a guy in my class who is handsome n really popular with the girls they just simply adore him to death n she too likes him.

so the thing is with all these guys in her mind do i even stand a chance or have a place somewhere in her heart?
does she like me a least bit?
or does she really see me as her brother n friend?
is my feelings really"like" or is it just me being too lonely n empty?
will i really not feel empty after having a gf?
can 2 pple ffrom totally different backgrounds n interests be together?
should i tell her i think i like her?
is my feelings just impulse?

if i should tell her,i wanna to know first whether she likes me,so how do i get to know that?
how to test her?
thanks n applause to those who managed to read this far without going wtf is wrong with him?
get a life!hope to hear or rather see from u pple.once again thanks.


I think you have answered your own question. If you two doesn't even communicate much on friendly level or share anything similar, I don't think this feeling developed from knowing her as a person, much more than it stems from your loneliness.

She is probably friendly and the friendly vibes are easily mistaken as developed feelings for people like you, because you have hardly gotten close (platonic sense) to a lady in that sort of level and when someone first 'reach' there, you will feel 'funny' - like an emotion not felt before and you classify them as Love.

Allow me not to induce too much negativity in your thoughts for I would encourage you to explore your own feelings... with deep introspection and wisdom. Love is freewill - we should learn to cope with our own emotions and learn them like how toddlers master their first walk. In all our inaugural exploration of emotions, we suddenly feel helpless, walking through in this mysteriously exciting, yet daunting rite of passage.

P.S: When I was much younger, I had a slight brush with this sort of phenomenon - I was from single-sex school for ten years, but the difference is that I had social network outside school, of both guys and girls. I learned to segment friendliness and attraction.

Maybe I am spiritually inclined - I sensed vibes from people and over the years, I learn to recognise those vibes.

Cheers

ISeeDeadPeople

Weary.

Danzation 2006

I was so busy this entire week, preparing and handling the high pressured in-house event at SPH that I probably only took a breather after work on Friday. The mad rush of events will swarm again every week after this, topping up with Dance Arts recital early next month.

I am packed like a can of sardine.

Finally after two days of JH's chalet, I crumbled into sheer exhaustion from deprived sleep. It's a miracle on how I was able to reply my Aunt Agony topics in this current state.

And later there is Doug and Hq's birthday dinner at PS.

Woah! Maxed out!

***

I will be honest about this, I was quite disappointed with Danzation 2006. I thought that Dance Reflection was so much better, especially in terms of the management of event. Maybe it was NRA's first show and the committee doing it were inexperienced. I asked Eugene about it and it mentioned that Sunday had better host control. Even Patrick said that Lionel felt the wait in between the dance was painful - in exact quote.



I SMS Alex about his commendable effort in this show and thought that he did great on his part of his performance - it's always great to see Ex-Acsian (BR) getting involved in dance and he's the only guy other than me (and maybe Joo Teng) that I know are into such thingy. Could see his passion since he's so much more involved into dance than myself, who is only doing it in spirit of fun.

With such a huge influx of fledging dancer injected into NRA bloodline - I could foresee more a substantial team in the near future. Afterall, NRA cannot just always depend on their Tina and the rest to brand the entire group into the local scene. New blood must come in and take over... and the cycle must continue with newer blood and more diversity in style.

I have always enjoyed good dance performance and hope that I can revel in more of such items.

The photos are taken during the fifteen minutes break.





I believed that Polytechnic can also produce good dance clubs with good dancers. Maybe it's time for other Polytechnic to do likewise and start their own branding like NRA.

P.S: I was shocked to see an old friend - gay James. Well, he still looked the same, since I first knew him during my ACS days.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 191106

Originally posted by Agonized:
Hi, I really need help on this as I have no one to turn to.
My boyfriend and I have been in courtship for 10 years. We have already made plans to get married next year. Sad to say, last year, I began to have a crush for a school mate. Well, I thought it was a mere crush. It began to develop until we're really quite good buddies. Of course, deep down inside I have a strong and deep liking and you may call it, love or concern, for him and his well-being and everything about him. Well, I confessed to my bf last yr and he was very nice about it.

He booked a wedding package to show me his sincerity in loving me. But apparently it din work. And my strong feeling for my schoolmate still remained. And my bf even proposed to me this year when I felt the most insecure about the relationship. But I felt very guilty that I liked someone above him, so I wanted to do what I thought was right, which was to be faithful to such a good bf. So I accepted the proposal. Of course, very soon, I got back those strong feelings for my school friend. And me and my bf almost broke up. But we made up and I was really determined to forget this guy. But yet I wanted to keep the good friendship we've built up.

The irony is that the more we build up the friendship, the more I liked him and the less I loved my bf. Now me and my bf are even planning to buy a flat! I mean things are happening way too fast and I just don't want to hurt my bf again. He's really a very good guy. Everybody loves him. And they say i'm a fool if I dun marry him. I know he's a good guy but I've just kind of lost my first love for him.

In fact I feel very very happy with this school friend. The more complex thing is, this schoolfriend himself is attached. And I hate to destroy ppl's relationship. But I really like him, though I dunno if he likes me in that sense anot. I know you guys may feel very disgusted reading this. I am disgusted with myself too. I just dunno how to get a hold of myself. And I've reached this stage that I dun even know if I should carry on with my wedding plans or should I remain single and hope that a miracle happens between me and my schoolfriend, meaning he'll like me as well and we'll both be in a available situation for each other.



You situation will crash into a dead end, leaving you critically impaired.

Your boyfriend seemed to have mistaken the intent of your confession - he sees it as a signal to propose a marriage, bringing the relationship to the next level when in fact, matrimony is not appropriate at the moment. Because he's almost lost you, he would probably take haste to bind you into a marriage before your love vacillate again.

Yet unknown to him, this man doesn't know that your love for him is fading. His hasty advancement towards marriage is building on the fact that he probably thinks that you still loves him very much, albeit somebody slip into the picture. This is something quite dire and do you even plan to talk to him about this to resolve this conundrum?

I cannot advise you to marry him unless every fragment of your soul is willing to be his wife because as long as you are not emotionally ready, you are risking complication and frustration into your marriage life later on. You are agreeing to his plan of marriage solely out of duty... accounting this one decade of relationship, which amounts to nothing if you do not feel this love inside of you.

One good question: is it really because of this school mate that is causing your feelings to waver or if it because as time goes by, your feelings diminished insofar as somebody could easily slipped into your heart and implant confusion?

There is a distinctive hairline difference between the two because if the answer was the latter, you could jolly well be dissatisfied with this relationship all these while, waiting for somebody suitable to come by before you take that initiative or courage to leap ship. And in this case, the catalysis is your school mate.

In that case, I suggest you speak to your man and hold back all plans first. All plans made in name of marriage must cease until you have decide on some kind of alternatives, which enables you to carry on in this relationship. Be it changes, compromising or whatever - do you even feel enough to believe that this relationship could probably work out because something is lacking and you want to patch up those voids?

Of course, if you opt for the transgressive approach - in attempting to reveal your feelings to your school mate AND see if there is a possibility between you and him - be prepared for heaps of emotional distress and suffering.

It's useless; even if your man give you the moon in the sky if you do not feel like being in this relationship with him or having that wanting to work things out mutually.

Love is freewill - when you remove duty, moral and social bondage incarcerated by our society.

If it was the former, I would say that if you cannot handle the implication of your overwhelming emotions for him while trying to maintain friendship, I suggest you just remove having that contact with him. If you cannot handle fire, you eliminate fire before the flame consumed you totally.

It will grow if you allow yourself the condition to make it grow as maintaining friendship is but a facade.

You have to make critical decision for yourself and not fly on auto-pilot on this because if you do not take drastic measure, you will crash into a dead end. And it will definitely happen, if you do not take heed and jammed those breaks before you retrace a route.

Drastic measure must be back-up by concrete reason. Should you decide on any decision, make sure you believe in the decision you have chosen.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 191106

Originally posted by sickandtired:
hi everyone..new member here.. kinda troubled so hope u all can give me wsome views..

my gf and i have been together for 4 years and still counting. in our 3rd year we broke up and patched back about 3 months later. during this 3 months, i had another 'gf' whom i didn't love at all. i dreaded meeting her and the only reason why i stayed with her during the 3 months was that i didn't know how to say "NO" to the relationship.

After plucking up the courage, i left her and my previous gf and me patched back. things were going smoothly but it was never the same. As she was my first ever gf, the breakup was very painful for me. but after patching up, i kinda just enjoy the relationship half heartedly. no doubt i love her but i just cant bring myself to be as loving as i was the first time round.

my gf herself always like to make problems. it's like she is so insecured. she always likes to check on my emails and frenster accounts. everytime some gals whom i dunno adds me, she starts her nonsense and will throw all kinda questions at me. but i do not ask her anythin when guys msg her thru this stupid program called frenster! i haf even stopped chatting on msn whenever she is around as she dislieks me chatting with gals. i mean, come on, wats wrong with chatting with ppl online? i haf frenz who are guys and gals.. and besides, i made frenz with these gals when we were not together. and we are purely chatting and catchin things up. we didn't meet or love each other. is it wrong t obe friends with others when you are attached?

what irritates me even more is that she always wants to break up. she likes to threaten and say this word. after enduring this type of "break-up" attitude, i finally said enough is enough and left early this year. but 3 months later, i realised that i can't be without her. it's as if i had gotten used to her presence and doings.

after patching up, i did talk to her about her actions and she said she was sorry about it etc. things went well until recently, she starts her nonsense again. i know that the feelings have died down between us and both of us are trying. but all these quarrels are not doing us any good. and i cant just leave her and break up cause she herself is going through many problems. she has left her house due to arguments with her parents. i feel my gf has a attitude problem. she is very affected by what happens around her.

for example, if another person is having an affair, she will assume i am or will have one in the future. because of all these thoughts, we haf argues countless times and it is due to thoughts like these(of a different kind) that she left her house and is putting up with me now.

everyday i come back home after work and play my games or do my stuff and yet she suspects me. i am so tired and sad but then i cant bring myself to leave her.

i know i am not that good a person too.i am insensitive and she always calls me a MCP(of coz i dun think i am a MCP) i dunno how to love her and neither do i know how to make her feel loved in front of others. but yet she is still with me despite she telling me many times that all she wants is to be loved. i am trying but i cant love her like other guys will love their gf. i am just like that. my love is shown differently and she is trying to accept that i think.

i am so disappointed that after so long we are still having problems. i am so sure that if we go our own ways, we both can find better partners than each other but i just want her and i hope there is a solution to this. i cant expect a marriage life with suspicions.

pls give ur views..thanks..


The sense of insecurity is usually imaginary - people reckon that something negative will happen even though you showed no blatant signs of drifting. The sense of insecurity is conjured by the ghost of their inferior esteem, which was probably reinforced from previous failed relationship experience or negative childhood ideology of love - that they gradually form a cognitive model of what 'love' means to them.

Inferior esteem begets inferior model/structure of love.

When you returned back to your relationship, it's like reading the same book with a different cover page. Do you seriously think that things will change just because there was a three months rest?

It's silly to assume that people will evolve just because there was a transitory separation, especially if it involved personalities or core beliefs. While you are expecting her to tone down on her attitude, she is requesting you to be more sensitive to her needs - eventually none of you did achieve success in this compromising, which was why old problems haunted because there wasn't any new solution to tackle this issue.

It seemed that the both of you are reminiscing on previous, 'better' times of the relationship and surviving solely on that (plus habitual reason), rather than the reason of love.

Unable to get used to your new life is a bad excuse to patch back - it's for your own self absorbed reason, don't you think?

Your circumstance thickens with complication as she began to cohabit with you (I am presuming that she has left house and is currently taking residence at your place). Her dependency on you increases and so is her insecurity because now, she needs you more than you need her in that sense.

Your woman belongs to an archetype of love personality who rejected the notion to believe that love could be harmonious and fulfilling. They will constantly find cracks within the structure of their love relationship, to prove their invalid point: that all relationships are unstable and my partner will flee because everybody else seemed to be a better 'grade' than I do, when they should focus those time and energy into fostering a better bond and a more breathable relationship. They are conditioned by their environment and experience to believe sincerely that they are not entitled a harmonious relationship - and that their man/woman will bound to cheat them and invite all sort of emotional suffering in their life. And because you did not cheat on her technically, she pictured it psychologically and received the same torment in kind because subconsciously, she wants to prove the point about her being unloving and nothing good will ever happen to her - a self fulfilling prophesy.

That's a blind spot - adding onto the fact that it's in a very challenging angle to restore and cleanse those emotional deficiency. Of course, I believe that most people carry certain kind of emotional defects from their past/development stages unto their present/future relationship and throughout their life.

Are you able to accept her definition and perception of what she reckons to be a workable relationship? To drop contacts with all other women in your life and shower more TLC? On the reverse, is she able to accept that a healthy relationship consists of life outside love and your conservative approach in affection?

Two distinctive definitions will create chaos unless assimilation is achieved. Both of you do not have to pick the extreme - a blend and mix of a compromised definition that is accepted mutually will work nicely and lower the intensity of the relationship.

That's if you could still tap on the motivation of love to give you the endurance needed to smooth out the edges of this relationship. It makes no sense if your overwhelming disappointment overshadowed your fluttering love - probably spells an impending doom?

Cheers

Aunt Agony 141106

Originally posted by lostboy1978:
Hi, I' m new to this forum just new to seek some advise.

I'm married with 2 kids, my wife is a full time housewife

2 months ago so said she wanted to work part-times, but after that she started to change.

One night, around 1am i saw her hp vibrate and i take a look.It was from a guy said he had reached home. I then reply back (pretending) when is the last time we meet and he said "we just meet last friday what??"

I erupted and woke my wife up and confronted her , she denied.Then i left home in the morning and start to sms her she is not trueful to me at all.
Then suddenly she said yes , she meet him just because of work and a short while only. She said he is only friend.

I sms the guy and ask him not to disturb my family or else...

Then every settled and we are back to normal.

Then last friday she said wanted to go spa and i agreed to take care of the kids.I called her at around 11 plus wondering why she's not home yet.

She never ans,I call her 20 over times worried about her .

Then the call was through, she never ans it , the phone was accidentally answered.I heard her toking with some guys laughting happliy over the phone,the back groung sounds like a kara ok place.I wait till 1plus then she came home. telling me the mrt reaches the interchange at 12 plus and have to wait for cab.

I told her everything but she denied again. She said i'm getting too sensative and dont trust her.What can i do.We quarrel and she leave home .Went to my in laws place.

2nd incident, yesterday i called up my in laws and she told me my wife went to work.Then my friend sms me that he saw her at boat quay... I double check with him again and he is very sure its my wife.

I confronted her but she denied again... bu lastly admitted (she sound like i 'm forcing her to admit one)

I think our relation is coming to and end.. We should i do?

we broke off once before we ROM cos she seem bo chap with me and come home late at night.Once i saw her from the block she got 2 guys and 1 gal friend accompany her.Then i confronted her and after tat we broke off.

we patch back few months later and we decided to go ROM. Then few months later the same problem come back. She alway side her friend then me,Once she let this girl stay over our place .Cos she said her mother(that girl) dont want her to go home.

Wtf she only know her for a few day only.This girl sure got problem or else why parent not letting her go home.I told my wife abt it and she is not happy.
Then we quarrel again and i thought we broke off for good this time.

Few months later i was oversea working and kind of miss her so i sms her,
she told me she's got my baby alre .

I was suspiciously abt it in the beginning but in the end no problem cos baby look like me

I think i got problem myself also. Maybe sub consciously i am sick , wat can i do??



Your marriage seemed to have began on a wrong footing and this is worsen by the fact that the both of you do not seem to be emotionally prepared and especially maturity is critically missing.

A hasty ROM was announced after a short, violent separation, which was followed by another break up, which was thought to be the end of the relationship. She was pregnant with your child (as stated), and you are probably 'left with little choices' but to continue the marriage.

I regress the timeline - you are likely to be married young (my guess calculation is about 24+)... a relatively young father and husband in fact, in comparison to other Singaporean males here.

I read through this thread carefully and wonder if you may actually realize this: your wife doesn't seemed very pleased with your chauvinist and suspicious nature throughout this relationship (before and after marriage). And you seemed to have issues with the two qualities or at least the manner which you bring your message/idea across communication.

It might be a strong possibility.... that the reason behind wanting a part-time employment could actually be an escapism/avoidance tactic to certain unpleasant, yet unmentioned issues in the house, or namely your relationship. Albeit I do not condone lying, through yunhaier's analysis, it appear that she may have wanting to work with an intention to get away from your love.

You mean all it takes is only 2 months for her to find an interest for promiscuity?

There is already gnawing dissatisfaction in the marriage - the extra-marital affair is just a catalysis to blow things out of proportion, probably out of emotional suppression. You may have confirmed your finding, but I hope you will still read what I may have to say.

Let me ask a simple question, which you could have been thinking all day long:

WHY CHEAT?

Why would she cheat?

I read through your posting - your previous break ups were due to serious arguments, not exactly because of infidelity. I must say that the communication style in your relationship (before and after marriage) is horribly unevolved and you also have a strong tint of chauvinism.

[quote]Originally posted by lostboy1978:
How to cheer up :cry: .. women always said you only know work and give money only, :(

But if i dont work how to support family?? Must be at home all the time acompany her ma??

Really dont understand women..i work so hard trying to give them a better life she though i got more freedom then her... :( [/quote]

What's the use of having the whole world, when you lose your soul?

If you were to exchange all your time for bigger houses... bigger cars... and sacrifice human relationship, your marriage risk ending up empty.

Your wife had to resolve this emptiness in the marriage.

She will think to herself: is there all to her relationship? All to life?

I will cite another posting which suggested strong chauvinism ideology:

[quote]Originally posted by lostboy1978:
My kids is 3 n 2...

If everything went out well its ok.. but if cannot then we separate 1st then see how.

I got a feeling it wont last, But i feel ok to take take of the kids by myself.

Have another relationship again?? NO WAY MAN, where to find women willing to take care of children and do house work nowadays...[/quote]

So you are just dumping the traditional woman's chore to the woman herself?

Together with the lack of affection and appreciation, it's no wonder that the woman will be emotionally frustrated and seek to fill up this gap with something drastic.

Note that I also do not condone cheating, it's just that when things happen, do we go finger pointing and blasting blames at one another? Or do we acknowledge part of this 'blame responsibility' in a cracked marriage? When we talk about the trust factor - you can easily claim that she lied to you and that's distrust, while I can also point that you married her and wondering if the child was indeed yours.

So what will happen if the child turns out to be somebody's flesh and blood? Perhaps some one night stand? What would you do? You think that your child looks a bit like you and you decides that he/she is your child - now... how accurate would that be?

Mistrust existed all over - even the hasty marriage began on dubious grounds, therefore, I don't expect this marriage to be harmonious or smooth flowing.

The act of infidelity may actually be more of a push factor from you than a pull factor from external environment because I don't seriously think that someone can go out there, work a fringing part time work (perhaps that's only few days in a week kind?) and end up in extra-marital affairs. It almost seemed like a 'desperate' measure to do something drastic.

She already has that vulnerability and the desire to free her suppressed emotional condition. I also must add the fact that this suppressed condition may have probably first taken place when she realized that she is pregnant and was left with little choice other than telling you about it and hoping that you would marry her. Even if she was unhappy with you, what choice does she has?

To be an unwed single mum?

Bad reason for marriage will beget tumultuous marriage - No relationship can escape the cosmic lesson Love will attempt to teach. Elements and qualities that one has fail to learn in BGR, shall learn in marriage - probably at twice the cost.

P.S: Before you sentence your marriage to death, allow yourself and her a chance to talk like matured adults. Yes, she has cheated on you, but always talk first and judge later. Find out what's wrong and see what options you might have first, before throwing your finale move.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 071106

Originally posted by OZracing:

hi there, thanks for the reply... actually dont know how to start telling you... its very complicated... i just intro myself bah... 19m here... studying ITE and going NS soon... actually the problem is with my ex... we broke off 2 years ago... and was together for 2 years as well... this 2 years we kinda gone through quite somethings together like quarrels... breaking up and patching back... untill i'm in ITE we started quarreling more and more each time the fire just increase... she said that i go ITE sure go find other girls etc... i think she is very unsecured... my first few weeks in school she actually took the effort to come to my school to wait till my lesson end... why i said she took the effort cause she stays in pasir ris and my school is in bukit batok... she never complain where else i'm the bastard...i didnt want her to come to school... as she have suspected correctly... i started losing interest in her cause of other girls... we broke off like that... but i didnt really bother her as i'm with other girl... but during this time when we broke off... i didnt know that she is still waiting for me until her friend hint me... i'm a bastard though... i was with my new steady and she saw it... it's at the bus interchange... so she msged me where am i... i replied her i was with my parents... right after i replied her... i saw her with her friends... i didnt care much just walk away... that night her friend came to find me and give me a piece of mind... her friend said that after she saw me she cried at the interchange and i just walked away... i feel very bad... but never stopped me from find new steady... she waited for me for almost a year but i didnt go back... but after 'trying several girls' i felt that the one i really wanted all along is my ex-girlfriend...but i was too late... she already got a steady... but they didnt last long too cause she told me they cant give the feeling the same as i did.. after hearing this of cause i was happy... but at that current time i already have a steady... so didnt thought of asking her back... and our communication broke down like that... but sometimes she would msg me that she miss me... and she also said that when she is with her steady she would think of me... so after all this... i broke up with the current steady cause of alot of problem... and i started going out with my ex... when we was together i can feel its just like last time when we were actually together... so i waited for her birthday this year wanting to ask her back... i waited for her under her block until 4am in the morning just to surprise her... finally she was back... but i found out that its was a guy that sent her back... that guy is actually after her... but did not make it... i didnt know that and i felt very helpless... as i felt that way i didnt say anything to ask her back but just a simple happy birthday wish... in return she just ask for a hug... i gave her a smile and said its better not bah... don't want the guy to mistaken... after that she faked a smile and said alright... but that night we talk about alot of stuffs... but still i didnt ask her back... few weeks later i finally got the courage to ask her again... but she already got a steady and she tell me that although she cant trust her current boyfriend but she will try to love him all she can... of cause i was very sad... no mood for things etc... till it was too late that i found out from her friend that she was actually waiting for me to ask her back on her birthday but i didnt... haiz... i really felt back... weeks ago... we just had a chat(i blocked her on my MSN, so it might help forgetting her)... but it didnt... everytime i wanne avoid her she somehow find a way to get into my life... i just bash her saying that stop pestering me... i really don't know what i want... my parents like her alot then my other steadys and so does her parents... my friends said fight for the things that you love... i always ans them back secretly in my heart... whats there to fight for when the love is not there... can you help me? after all this i really felt that she is the one for me... i'm going NS soon... should i just move on or should i wait for her? like what my friends said? fight for the things you love.. anyway my SIS is getting married this month and my parents invited her to the VIP table with me... i don't know if i really love her or just cause my parents like her alot... can you advice me? thanks! :(


So what will likely to happen if you going to get back together? Am I not right to say that eventually, it would end up with another similar cycle once again? Your conviction in remaining faithful is one thing, the personality conflicts and the mindset that clashes constantly is another thing.

How much have you truly evolved? Do you think that this patch would be much more harmonious than the previous patch?

I mean, if all these break-patch cycle didn't register in your mind something - that the both of you, especially yourself, should grow some deep maturity in your action and mindset, what's the use of getting back together only to see yourself breaking it up later in the future?

Although it's true that you should fight for your own happiness, but are you blind fighting without a cause? Don't you think it's mundane to go through all this misery, melodramatic relationship especially when you don't know your own feelings - on whether it is because you really loves her or is it because she fits better than the rest of the other woman in your life?

Think carefully... because your feelings are chaotic and all over the place. You must also understand that realising past mistakes isn't maturity - that's merely enlightenment. Maturity means making good decisions - at least for the greater good of things.

If you cannot see yourself exercising wisdom in dealing with a potential relationship with her and MAKE it good, I suggest you just release her to pursue her own happiness. Your image in her life is preventing her from moving on completely. That's not only being very self absorbed on your part, but also hinted that ultimately, you are the one you love the most.

You craved for her when you realise your foolishness and kicked her to one secluded corner when she is not required - you probably love yourself much more than anyone else in this world - Love to you is all about you... you and you. It's never about her more than yourself.

Think!

Will the arguments and conflicts appear, if you are with her once again? Does she even trust you enough at this stage? Is your love fleeting again?

These are sample difficult questions that cannot be proven to me even if you were to lay promise/s or whatsoever because only time will tell. If you are truly evolved, you may try to pursue this relationship, but I don't see a point because NS is another factor - that will increase your chance of failing this relationship once again, if it doesn't strengthen it.

My suggestion is to talk about it openly. I mean if she still has feelings for you, I think it's good to communicate on how you guys are going to make it work this time. And when I mean WORK... I really mean WORKING for the relationship and not just airy words and empty promises. Because... if it was the latter, I suggest you don't waste your time and her time. I think you guys have wasted much youth over this karmic relationship, so I think we should just avoid such scenario altogether.

Of course, if she doesn't want to get back or if feelings have faded for her - please move on.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 061106

Originally posted by green_mile:
it gets harder and harder to feel good around him. I know he loves me too but still i feel insecure. Sometimes i think im not good enough for him and since he's such a good guy he could do a lot better than me. He could find a smarter, prettier and more adventurous girlfriend. I dont know why but i feel he compares me with every gorgeous girl he meets. Paranoia?

I hate feeling like this. I wish i could stop it but i cant.


You got to work on your esteem a little - if you are feeling inferior in his presence, then what are you going to do about it apart from just acknowledging it?

I mean of course, it's natural and politically correct to say that we should always be ourselves - but we cannot eliminate the fact that there must be some sort of self improvement/s so that it would allow us to feel empowered and better in whatever love/life we are pursuing.

I believe that one must always be themselves at all times, but that shouldn't be an excuse not to exercise improvement in our life and relationship.

Nobody other than yourself can make yourself feel good.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 041106 (Continue from AA 041106)

Originally posted by galfriend:

In a way, im so scared about facing the truth, im so scared about facing my feelings rawly, for i fear that if i do, the willful me will juz run into his arms regardless of right or wrong, good or bad, which i had done umpteen times during the 5 years we were together.
Which caused me to be hurt from head to toe, emotional scars over and over my body.



I would have guessed it; the meaningless promise and an endless wait, because those are elements of stagnation that deprive us of growth. From here, I would have presume that you and him have undergo several break-patch cycle that probably ends at that final irrevocable break up at the end of five years.

Your relationship was given MORE than one chance to work out. I don't know how much failures would you need before you would understand that some things are never meant to be and when you try to force your way in, the situation becomes ugly.



Originally posted by galfriend:

Yes, certain parts of me still desire him. Certain parts of me still angry with him. Certain parts of me still cant bear to leave him. But a really large part of me tells me that we cant be together. You know the song, "Shan Hu Hai", by Jay Chou? Yes, it is love between a bird and a fish... so unforbidden.

I want to stop waiting. Perhaps i should, yes i should. But what if the moment i stop waiting, he decides he wants to settle down? im so afraid and im so confused. yes, what if the moment i stop waiting, he decides he wants to settle down? you know "25 minutes" by MLTR?

Im sorry if i sound so love sick, so helpless, for im really baring my heart.

Thank you for your insights.



You have spent seven and half years wandering in limbo; are you going to up the stake to ten years? Fifteen years? Or more?

Your mind is resisting the fact that you should get on with life. Resolve the bondage by telling yourself: don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

Have that critical understanding of 'chen jin yong you' instead of 'tian chang di jiu'.

NEVER presume that the one we feel the most intense for, is the one we love the most because this could jolly well be a karmic relationship on your part, disguising as 'the one you love most'. Of course in a perfect scenario, it would have been logical and easy to say that we should always settle for the one we love most - but how often does this situation occurs? If divorce rate stands at a steady 33.3%, then the phenomenon of settling with someone, other than the ones we love most, would be even higher.

Looking at this situation, if you reckon that the one you love most is him (and abandoned the theory of karmic relationship completely), how confident are you to say that the marriage wouldn't end up in divorce, considering that it couldn't even last through a BGR?

It's not a question of love; it's a question of a woman - yourself.

Your refusal to accept 'that's the end of it' is the root where your pain comes from, it is not where the heart aches. You are not letting go - you are grasping tightly, refusing to release those bondage. Your hands is bleeding because of your grip, not because of love.

You are condoning your own suffering to remain in your soul and multiply maliciously.

***

I had someone I love the most.

But circumstances made it impossible.

I was a mortal then, thinking like what anyone else would think - you had to be with the one you love most.

But circumstances made it impossible.

In the end, I realise that I caused by own suffering because I deny my own personal growth.

I became what I am now because I have been taught to release, not because I was taught to hold on.

We become stronger that way; we forge a closer understanding of what Love means as we are discharged from our emotional baggage.

Learn acceptance.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 041106

Originally posted by galfriend:
I was with him for 5 years. Loved him so much during the 5 years. Tried so hard to make it work, but it just didnt work. Finally we couldnt take it , and we called it off.

i am 33 years old and he is 38. we still go out with our friends as we have a lot of mutual friends. i want to settle down. i have a few very eligible guys courting me, but i feel that i am waiting for him, but i know we are not suitable.

I told him outrightly. he said if one day he wants to settle down, i will be the woman he wants to marry. but, he is not settling down yet.

It has been more than 2.5 years since we parted. I had 2 bfs after that, which didnt work out. but somehow, i feel that there is still this feeling i have for him, this deep feeling, that sometimes i feel severe pain in my heart. I feel that im waiting for him, but im not so sure. Im juz so confused about this feeling.

Is this love? Do i still love him?



If a five years relationship was to happen and got concluded, chances are, the residue of the relationship would linger spiritually for a vast period of time. It depends on how often you unlocked that secret chamber in your inner private space and get in touch with that ‘forbidden love' living inside of you.

I fondly recall CloUdiSm written in my earlier days: Love is the spirit while relationship being the body. You may eliminate the body, the spirit still thrives. The reason why we are unable to banish that love is because it is tied with our memories (Negative relationship that causes unhappiness, miseries and sufferings; the 'spirit' often manifest as fear). And because we cannot eradicate our memories, the imprint remains - fear/unconscious love.

Some part of your life still secretly desires him; it may seem that you may appear to have moved along in life, but you never entirely did. Perhaps, it's the subconscious lure of the marital promise that binds you into this unwritten agreement to wait. You may have attempted to date others, but your mind is likely to discredit them, subconsciously, as your potential, marital partners.

Although there may be 'movements' in your life, but you are walking in a circular garden that brings you back to square one. Certainly different time frame, but surely same location.

Let me tell you what you are doing right now; you are observing like an eagle from afar. The eagle may appear apathetic and passive, because the eagle waits to respond to a reaction, like a scurrying rat across the rice field.

You could be waiting for a reaction; this would pretty accurate if he is still single till date. Or if your mind is severely deluded, you could be waiting for him to get married so that that piece of reality will shatter that verbal promise into trillions of broken fragments, before you will tell yourself to move on for real.

But just how long? Just how long are you going to wait? Five years relationship... two-half years roundabout... thirty three now and you are still wondering... waiting and feeling lost.

Love and relationship are two separate entities; you may think that you love him very much, but if the relationship doesn't work out, perhaps we should not force a piece into the puzzle because it just doesn't look pretty that way.

You are still mourning over your lost.

Learn acceptance - because if you continue to feed your past, you are denying yourself having a fulfilling relationship with someone else. Even though you may have a boyfriend, but because you are unable to release that bondage, you will never be truly happy in any love that you pursue.

Cheers

I am Mighty

Check this out:

http://yunhaier.youaremighty.com/

HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHH
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH!

*Died laughing*

Exploitation

Life is about exploitation.

Period

Aunt Agony 011106

Originally posted by mitgalant:
Hi guys,

i am currently in a relationship of 2.8 yrs. recently i had a major quarrel with my gf. Then we stopped contactin one another for like 1 to 2 months. During this standoff, she starts to get independent and starts goin out with her frens.

Meanwhile over at my side, i am tryin my best to see if i really want this relationship. She assured me that she still want this relationship

After much consideration for a month or so, i finally got back to her. We started doin things like goin out, to the beach etc but suddenly, when i ask her, y is she so cold towards me, she replied me that she no longer feel the same in this relationship

She prefers her singlehood now. She is enjoyin herself now. Every friday night clubbin all these.

She does not seems interested in this relationship now.

What can i do to make her come back to me like the past ? I really really love her alot.

Can give me some advises. Thanks


That is the reason why I always do not recommend a time off period, over proper communication to either resolve an issue or dissolve the relationship. Yunhaier remember meeting up with this fellow from SGF few years ago, who did the same thing as you and suffer the same fate.

When you give a time off to somebody - you are effectively giving wings to her. Now that she enjoys her flight, you wouldn't be able to stop her from revelling in her new life.

When you deny communication, you gave approval to degenerate the relationship.

Drop her that ultimatum - if she desire that freedom so much... if she sees herself like a caged bird, then I don't see why you want to keep someone so unhappy by your side. If Love was understanding, love would have told you to release that bird for greater happiness.

If you cannot give what she needs - then I don't see why should you even covet her.

Cheers