Aunt Agony 280705

Originally posted by blueberryjam:
its been a 8mths relationship.. more downs than ups. he's a sweet guy, very true. he used to be a flirt, but he changed already, i believed. things were going great. but we dont allow each other to be with the oppo sex, we're both easily jealousy kinda people.. very sensitive. as he used to twotime girls, i really dunno what made me fall for him, at times i regret it so, at times i don. we both lack the mutual trust very badly.. and thus, the security level is not met.

we quarrel very oftenly, sweet times were pretty short. we would meet one night, have fun, go back, things were still alright, till next morning, in school.. sure got things to quarrel again. i dunno what happened to him recently. he is a totally changed man. my frens asked me to just break and leave him, i've been thinking about it, its hard.. i know i sure can live without him.. but we have lessons together and things will be so awkward.. each time i see him, im sure memories will be back again..

the problem now is that.. he changed... suddenly i dunno wat came over him, he talks in that irritating tone like.. attitude liddat.. i didnt even do anything wrong.. he jus keeps finding faults with me.. im really tired.. i asked him if he still loves me, he said yes. and that he is finding faults with me deliberately. i asked him why, he replied 'don bother'.. then this morning i sent him an sms, kinda like to sweettalk him, i apologised even though i dunno wat i did.. i told him im really confused (as few days ago we were talkin abt breaking up).. i miss him alot and that he is my one and only. guess what he replied?? just a "whatever.." hais.. i dunno wat to reply him.. we're not smsing anymore...

im really confused... i was thinkin of ending this once and for all.. but... life's gonna be hard without him.. i'll miss him so much.... he's given me more than what i wanted... he's the greatest love of my life... we used to quarrel and then made up the next day.. but this time.. his attitude really pissed me off and it's been a week.. i dunno what to do.. can anyone advise me?? hais...

What makes you think that he has changed overnight and NOT returning back to his usual self? He hasn't changed abit, he's merely being himself, isn't it?

I always ask this favourite question whenever people dated known flirts (first began on my tudi) - considering the whole list of ex-es, what makes you think you would be the one who will change him/her? Everyone before you tried and failed (or couldn't be bothered), so what are the chances?

These people may change eventually, but if you want to be the ONE who initiate the movement, you have to satisfy certain criteria and alot of emotional endurance. To the common folk, such criteria would probably be deem as 'luck', but it is actually more than that and that would include heavily on the topic of AOS. IMHO, there are only two reasons why nothing works:

I) You are part of the statistic. You behave and mimic the same psychological and emotional feel of all his past gf. You are not any different and in fact, just like them. You can't change him because your predecessor failed as well.

II) Astrologically speaking, you wouldn't be the one who change him. Someone had to provide him with the hard lesson and that person may not be you.

CloUdiSm warned of such relationship, especially when you are viewing and handling it in a form of a serious, committed relationship (of course, it doesn't matter if you are also a player in this game of love). The default law states: 'Avoid first as it's better to be the second.' The person who changed the player isn't always the person he/she will end up with - very likely, it's the second candidate.

P.S: If he wants to remain hostile to you, what kind of love do you foresee? Remember, it's not you - it's him. Love cannot assimilate into the unwilling and if he doesn't want the relationship AND treat it like he doesn't want, then forget it. The power of love can create wonders, but it only reserve for hearts who desire to see its magic.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 260705

Originally posted by FaithGuy:
Hi guys,

I dont know how to describe this kind of feeling , its sickening , hurts, pain and struck to the bone.

I fall in love with girl A . A rejected first time but shown interest over time because i didnt give up . sounds like a perfect fairytale love story ???

Just when this perfect love story begins, girl B steps into the whole game, girl B likes me , girl A knew girl B's intention ( they are good friends ).

Finally, girl A agrees .

I re-instated my stand to A I doesnt like B and i will definitely love A . I indirectly hinted B i am going after A . B , isnt very happy , i can sense that .
I told A all about it . A is in a dilemma whether this relationship should be continued.

NOW , WHAT DID I DO WRONG ??? I really feel like taking a knife and stab myself . There is no perfect path to choose , did i choose the wrong path ?
I knew from the start if something like this happen, one of 3 has to give up.....

i need solid and concrete advice.


Why must both of you open a path to include someone else into picture?

You like your woman and your woman as well - why must you two account for SOMEBODY else? Isn't love between two? You think it's some kind of love triangle - in a matter of factly, it isn't. It only becomes when you allow that to happen.

If you wanna seek for your own personal happiness, the last thing you ought to do is to consider the whole world as part of your package. You will never be able to please everyone and circumstances will force you to make a decision... SO choose something sensible... something that you desire and wouldn't regret in years to come.

One of the three has to give up? Isn't it obvious who would that be? SINCE WHEN IS SHE PART OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP? It seemed that your woman didn't exactly fall very deep in love with you; she seemed to be merely giving you and this relationship a chance, thus the befuddlement when a completely nonsensical scenario, which shouldn't have affected either one of you, crop up.

P.S: Love well and maintain your grounds strongly. Do not always think that every single thing in love is complication - it isn't.

Cheers

JUGGERNAUT MADNESS

I AM AFTERALL, THE DOTA SUPPORT PRO.... CHECK OUT THE ITEMS! MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAA! (Too bad I think it's too small to view also -_-`)

Aunt Agony II 250705

Originally posted by [H]opes:
in a relationship..without sex..everything cant work out?with true love..guys can forgo sex?


Possible.

Say IF the issue of sex belongs to the karmic challenge of the couple. Which goes to say that if either party have difficulty in getting sexually intimate, it will test the overall structure of the relationship, depending on the preception, mindsets and attitude towards their own relationship.

Some people have this natural aversion to sex. In psychology, they would probably tell you your parental axis influence, early childhood development and such. In astrology, it is shown similar to the above discipline, in addition to affliction in 8th house, especially with negative Saturn influence. Sometimes, it is caused by scenarios - e.g. Rape, abuse, in which alienate one's preception towards sex.

Do not be mistaken that every BGR required sex upfront. Sex doesn't always automatically come as part of a relationship; it's an emotional privilege that is shared mutually in one's most comfortable state. In simple, if somehow, either party is uneasy with the notion of having sex, which means one is not emotionally ready/balance and which means one is NOT in his/her most comfortable state, therefore it doesn't satisfy the above conditions... thus nulled.

To plain phucking or make love?

A whole new world of difference. Exercise your judgement to decide if your man belongs to which category.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 250705

Originally posted by frostice:
I came from a boy sch since pri till sec. i am not a very good looking guy and short. So not like my others friends mostly all got gf liao, execpt me when during sec.

But one day. that time i tink i was still sec4. i saw this girl in my tutution centre which i cant take my eyes off her. To me she is pretty and special, but my friends say is ok looking only. So everyday my mind is full of her. Finally one day i decided to go right up to know her and i successed. So we exchange contact. That day i was so happy until i couldnt sleep. :D (come to tink back i tink i am abit crazy that time)

Although i got her contact but i dare not call her because dont know wad to tok about and also i think the 1st gal i ever like. But the funny thing she call me the next day and talk to me through i have nothing much to tok, but she say nevermind she will do the toking. So from then on it seems everyday she tok to me and like we can tok for hours and hours happily. :D But when comes to dating her, i only date out her a few times.

But happy times dont last long, after sometime i found out that she came from a rich family and had bf already. At that time i totally lost out, very sad and it seem like the world lost out of colour. So i tink for nights and nights, finally i decided to give up, because i not like bf tall, good looking, and also not as poor as i am and she is rich gal, how can a poor guy like me give her happliness. So i try to keep distance away from her, dont call her, reject her call, and even when i saw her i just say hi and walk off le. (my heart really pain when i do that) after long time, she seldom call me le, and i also never call her le. But that didnt stop me from thinking of her.
but after a year later, one day suddenly a call, i heard her voice again.

At that time i was kinda of happy again. She told me that she is very sad, becoz her bf is with other gal and still wan to be with her and she love her bf very much and they have been together for years. So i try my best to console her but i really am too stupid abt console ppl. But in the end she feel better when toking to me...and say thanks to me for console her. But i still didnt feel that i got any chance to chase her. After that she didnt call me again le, and i also didnt want to interfere with their relationship problems. Although i really feel like calling her, ask her bf to get lost, and chase her. But i dont know y all my confidence r lost out.

Then after a few years later, i met her she already got a new bf... then i sian again, although i recently just contact her but already not like last time we used to chat about happily liao :( ...i always think if that time i really did not give up on her, would she be my gf by now??? But what to do is Over....hai :( Until today it had been 4 years i still like her, and since then i had never go on relationship yet, i also dunno y, maybe i still very like her or probably i lost confidence in relationship liao or maybe i cant find someone like her again....hai :(

u ppl must be thinking i am dumb, stupid and ball-less.... maybe i am... :(

can u ppl give me some advices....


To me, whether you wanna give up or not, isn't exactly the greatest concern here. I feel there is something more critical here that you probably have to learn about your failure before history repeats itself and you find yourself experiencing a double whammy.

This is a case where you rejected yourself.

[quote]...how can a poor guy like me give her happliness. So i try to keep distance away from her, dont call her, reject her call, and even when i saw her i just say hi and walk off le[/quote]

[quote]After that she didnt call me again le, and i also didnt want to interfere with their relationship problems.[/quote]

If she is attached, whether or not to give up, it remains subjective to the individual. You chose to give up, its fine as well. BUT the above malicious mindsets will serve to ruin you until you decide to do something about it. Happiness talks nothing about monetary wealth dude - only people who doesn't understand thinks that its all about money. YOU haven't even started and killed yourself with this thought - very bad.

IMHO, when you two had almost zero contact and she called you out of the blue and related matters of the heart - THIS IS IN FACT, blatantly a fringing` obvious hint that she is trying to drop. Reasons' very simple: when your emotions is in the mess, you scan for the closest/intimate companion in your memory to rant or talk about it. Your love affairs is such that people usually can't talk very much to others they ain't comfortable with, because it involves the next stage of emotions - opening up. You don't find strangers/hi-bye friends, whom you do not have contact for so long, to talk about these things UNLESS your scenario causes your world to shake and all closest/intimate friends became an unsuitable channel. (Or unless you are a known AA to your friends)

She calls you because unconsciously, she wants you to know that she is single. Duh, obviously she knows that you probably had some feelings for her.

P.S: This is a case of self-rejection, not rejected rejection.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 200705

Originally posted by ua_24: I was wondering, i read once that u'l never be together with someone u love the most.. instead it's someone u jus love.. n happens to love u back.. i was kinda wondering if any of you guys out there have any comments??


I recalled one old theory, which yunhaier came across years ago...about Fantasy.

And before I begin, what's YOUR definition of The One?

What and who sets the definition of The One in you?

Very often, sometimes, it is either the woman/man you can't have or its your first love. The reason is because for people you never had - it's the jubliant love, affection and warmth that your emotions first brought forth. However, its such feelings are young, untested in face of challenges and difficulty - like a baby, undaunted by anything because he has yet to walk the path that could make him learn reality.

This applies to your first love as well - because you never knew what Love is like before, your first Love sets the benchmark on what Love feels like. If this is in conjunct with the above scenario as well (namely, people whom you never had and belongs to your first love), this will be a lasting impact.

Eventually, we thought that he/she is the ONE we loved the most, but actually, they are the one that created the first (not neccessary the most) impact, not exactly being loved the most. We kept thinking this way, until the wavering emotions became a false truth... we realise that we fall in love with a Fantasy Figure, because it is easier to face a Fantasy Figure WHOM is so perfect in our imagination... than to venture into the reality, which seemed so cruel. Everything seemed different in reality... people are unable to match to the 'standard' of our Fantasy Figure, fall short of being perfect.

We begin to equate that Fantasy Figure as our Perfect Love or the person we loved the most. You got to realise, sometimes, it's not the constant figure in our mind, who COULD represent the one whom we loved the most. This is infact a mistake and cost alot of invisible damage to our current relationship we are having now.

In Tarot, it is signified by the Major Arcana card 'The Fools'. The young chap, who have just decide to embark his new life journey. He is inexperience and greenhorn, but is filled with the promise of having a better life out there where he would be venturing.

How do we know? Not exactly, but our first journey (relationship) pave the FIRST crossroad of personality, character and especially our raw emotional state. It will shape and mould our mindset, based on what happened and how we deal with the experience. Some people have very screwed-up first relationship, then they adopt a very negative mindset and attitude towards love and relationship. THIS will serve to implicate their future until they exercise the essential wisdom to understand why have they landed here. Some people found no answer because they are slow to enlightenment and people around them ain't helpful to hasten the effect of letting them see certain unseen dimensions.

We are reinforced by our early childhood, psychological state AND enviromental factor.

There are six individual levels, being eternal students of Love. (This has NOTHING to do with your chronological age).

Infant
Toddler
Child
Adolescent
Teenager
Adult

Although I have yet to translate this six levels, which came from Linda Goodman, into CloUdiSm format.

The latter six comes during your marriage:

Marriage: I balance. Teaches love as beauty and learns love as harmony.
Sex: I desire. Teaches love as passion and learns love as surrender.
Knowledge: I see. Teaches love as honesty and learns love is loyalty.
Experience: I use. Teaches love as wisdom and learns love as unselfish.
Idealism: I know. Teaches love as tolerance and learns love as Oneness.
Submission: I believe. Teaches love is compassion and learns love as All.

P.S: Learn to love every relationship like 'The One', only then, you are able to release the lock, which hinder your potential relationship from blossoming. The actual concept of 'The One' is but a spiritual theory in Love, which is altogether, a different topic.

New Balance X Eric Haze M574

I just had a complete new impression of NEW BALANCE. 新白兰是。。。哈哈哈哈哈 ^_-

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 170705

Originally posted by drx:
So Yunhaier from what you say, the guy made a bad judgement by looking for the wrong girl to fall in love with? He did not understand her so the relationship failed? So in love is best to do things to suit a girls needs and wants? He should find someone who is willing to accept him for who he is after the girl left him for another man while still wondering what went wrong?

" Just lookout for ladies that appreciate nice guys. Full stop. It's as simple as that - someone who could see your goodness and qualities as part of her essential needs."

HE thought that she was the one for him too once but in the end she just dump him so your advice for him is to keep searching on for another the "one" to suit him?


You don't make a bad judgement by falling in love with a girl, who doesn't remain with you till marriage and after. You make a bad judgement only if your relationship is deeply karmic and create more than just a mess in every aspect of your life (E.g. falling in love with a flirty woman - it's probably a high risk if you are looking for some kind of stable relationship). To lose a relationship doesn't constitute a bad judgement - it probably would, in some lesser degree, if you don't even know why you lose it in the first place.

To some extend, there isn't any 'wrong relationship.' In my studies, it's only benefic or karmic. (Relationship that is harmonious and one that is disruptive - both of them can also serve to built or ruin you).

YOU think that she is the one for you - great. But that thought isn't mutual. Till the day when you find someone with this mutual thought, you will probably end up in marriage with her. Probably.

But in Love, it's more than just a civic minded/technical way of looking at a relationship. 1+1 equation doesn't always mean 2 in Love, which is how you are trying to apply that in yourself. In Psychology, we mimic our behaviour based on what behaviour that works and rewarded. We continue to mimic those behavior until they become an integrated part of our personality (or in this case, our definition and preception of Love). WHEN those behaviour don't work or gain acceptance, the mind is frustrated and the human takes on defensive measure to protect it's self image. Then in Love, the mind gradual form a 'logical equation' to appease the confusion, but the heart continues to bleed unconsciously because the heart do not see the way the mind do. But as long as this adjusted behaviour pays off - we will maintain them... we work to maintain sameness.

And when too painful rejection or whichever processing system (mind or heart) don't work, it explode and causes a system breakdown. Our self preception is greatly affected and we lose track of who and what we are.

You looked so lost. Seeking answers everywhere.

P.S: If you ain't the man your love is looking for - remaining in the relationship usually promise much misery. Find a woman who likes and appreciates the qualities that you bring out... and not be a man you think that a woman would appreciate. Think is assumption... only knowing is truth. Knowing only comes from communication, understanding and learning. And only by knowing, would you know the core of each individual's needs and work on the RIGHT ingredients to fulfill each specific needs.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 170705

Originally posted by drx:
An ugly guy loves a girl. After being friends for 2 years, they becomes lovers and girl just after 1 year the girl left him. He uses 100% of his love for the girl and was shock at what she done. He had given tender loving care to her in the end she left him for another man.

So did he do a bad judgement ?



100% effort = 100% result? It never happens.

So ?% must be given to give at least 80% result? In the first place, what's 80% result we are talking about? For all you know, the scenario that happens could be THE 80%, for if we could rewind time, the relationship could probably be even shorter and less fulfilling if the percentage of giving is less.

Then again, throughout your post, the whole entire chunk of essay you have written, is so heavily saturated with the guy's opinion, thoughts and preception of what goodness in a relationship is all about. There is little information about what he knows about the actual emotional realm of his love.

Losing a relationship without understanding why... very bad.

Regarding your seven listed points of a 100% love from the guy... What makes you think this whole list is WHAT the girl is looking for? You are SO sure that these points are somewhere near her actual needs? And how much does this guy knows about her? We are talking about emotional sense; how much does he knows?

To fight a war without intelligence network is to die without knowing why.

***

Seriously, it's hard to pinpoint exactly what went wrong with the relationship because chances are, this guy may not truely know the woman he has gotten for a year. And because he don't really know the woman the way he ought to and if this wasn't communicated, he probably thinks what he is doing is 'on the right track' and thus continued whatosever way he always do.

The woman may gradually realise that the man, despite being very nice guy, isn't the kind of man she would seek transitory or ultimately. This is NOT a question of 100% giving, nice guy or whatever - this is the question of suitability and needs. Say I dislike eating pasta, although eating pasta will definitely fill my stomach, but that doesn't mean I must eat pasta because I know it can fill my stomach. (Nice guy is nice, but that doesn't mean her needs is such that she would desire a nice guy... understand?)

And before you go 'Ok, I am going to become a bad guy (in whatsoever definition you thought of a 'bad guy') - its useless as you are trending on foreign land. That region is completely alien to you and if you try to walk that path, you end up belonging to nowhere (In marketing sense, you merely spolit your branding - you can't have mix messages in your branding). Just lookout for ladies that appreciate nice guys. Full stop. It's as simple as that - someone who could see your goodness and qualities as part of her essential needs.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 160705

Originally posted by lil_pinkie:
I've a Qn mark in my mind, abt my bf. I'm not saying I'm having a bad r/s.. but sometime, certain quiries of mine cant be solved by talking it out with him. It end up in a quarrel.
I'm younger by 4 yrs than my bf. I do know that I've some thinking prob (as in childishness etc..) He tried to teach and guide me. He got a v.v.v.bad temper (undeniable), and I get scolded alot for my mistakes regardless big or small one.

I've not been treated this way even fr my ex.. (i know sometimes harsh words mean well..) & i'm restricted alot in how i behave etc. I dont wear revealing clothes but been snapped at for wearing low off-shoulder one. Sometimes, its like I'm his personal PDA, i should keep in mind of his liking and thing-to-do. If i missed it, i'm dead... kana scold again. I know gf are suppose to be more delicated in every area... but u see, im not even his wife (any possibility is going to be in the future, not now).. only a gf. I'm told to do this, do that.. I am tired. What i think the way I'll adopt for now, is to put down part of my feelings, and live on my "own". Cuz its always me running up to him, wanting to hug him n be loving, what i get back are cold shoulder. (but in some areas he is attentive and loving tho).

So u see, im a lovely-dovey type person, but he's not..

What kind of behaviour should i adopt in tis r/s


Your bf probably sees you as a junior, instead of a girlfriend standing at equal position, walking side-by-side along the life of the relationship. Chronologically speaking, age-wise, it contributed partially to this thinking and the other half is given by your personality, whom he had thought to be one that belongs to that of young girls of those age.

And because he probably likes/thought.it's.a.norm for a girlfriend to be attentive to his needs, in addition with the superiority in thoughts as spoken in the prior paragraph, it's no wonder he would attempt to 'teach' and 'guide' you... to be a girl of his needs.

Realising the crux of your issue revolves around the power of a relationship; you are struggling beneath the lack of equality and power in the same Love. The discrepancy you are feeling is that you feel you are beginning to lose yourself, your individualistic nature, which seemed like a stranger ever since you fall deep in love with your current bf and step into the relationship.

Chances are, this man does love you, in intensity similar to that of yours - however, he may lack the expressive side of doting, care and affection. And these are definitely your needs. You feel that his needs are at least met to his expectation generally, but minimal for yourself, which causes the differences and resorted to 'giving less' as a means to restore this balance.

***

What kind of behavior should you adopt? A better option is to communicate this through him, minus the sudden quarrels. Quarrels appear for many reasons, sometimes, usually it's not so much about the CONTENT that we desire to communicate - more like the body language, the tone, the words, the style and the overall effect the communication is being brought forth.

You would probably feel/think that 'talking-about-this-to-him-is-useless-nothing-changed-and-we-will-argue. But what makes you think by adopting a different kind of attitude in this relationship will improve your situations? What you are doing is to comform and compromise by solo effort - his stance will remain because nothing has been done to alter the hidden law. Your relationship will gradually break down by the discrepancy suffered and left in ruins before you know it.

He have to know a few elements through your serious, non-quarrelsome talk with him:

I) The importance of equality in the relationship. Power struggle is tiring.

II) Compromise towards each other's needs. Balance out this scale of giving and receiving.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 120705

Originally posted by Percussion_guy86:
Weve been together for 1yr,4mths and 3days.She`s from China and study in TP microelectronics(i`m SP).After about 6 7 mths,i decided to stay with her outside.Of course,my parents,shld say my mum totally opposed.My dad was very supportive as in i am big enough to be responsible for my own action(i`m 18 she`s 19).

So we happily moved in together.In the beginning,its always beautiful.Like many couples,we quarrelled,and patched.Then the process will repeat itself.I will always be the one to give in.Sometimes,her words can really stab your heart so hard that...that a big guy like me will cry in the middle of the night when she`s not looking.But,she`s like that,her...character...of course after so long,i can tell if she loves me or not...she does. :)

Things began to...turn sour?
For the past few days,we never talk.i was thinking...its over sooner or later....you can feel it.The tension is getting tighter and tighter...tense.They are many probles between us.The bniggest one is my family.

i often have to fork out money for my family.my brother is working very hard but he`s also staying with his stead.My sis is still very young and my mum is unable to work because of illness.Only left my dad.He`s not getting paid much and he`s reaching 65.Still cooking in a restaurant.The problem is my stead feels that i`m helping TOO MUCH.Sometimes she`s right...when my family needs mony,i can give to them and help,but when we need help,they cant help us.Because of this,i had rejected my family for many times...

The stress is building and building...my eyes is watery now as i type...because of this i often bury myself in music.i love playing drums...percussion freak in bugis...it really de-stress me(going later)...i have been thinking of breaking up with her but i jus cant let it go!!!i really love her...its been so long...many happy times.........i cant bear the feeling of leaving her and not seeing and holding her again...nut i know for the long term...its not gonna work out....f!ck...crying in com lab in school...

i never told my friends this...so i`m the bad guys in their eyes..."dumping your GF..."...its hard to let them know...we`re still staying together.but,i guess i`m gonna move out this few days...somemore exam coming...how to study?...hai...

WAT TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Why move out?

This is question number one.

You do NOT even have a completely WRECKED domestic environment where you are forced by circumstances to escape the hellhole. Your family faces financial difficulty, but that doesn't equate to a wrecked home. Many household are going through what your family is going through - your rebellious strike out is a choice that promise final despair, stress and dead end. Very loving to stay together in co-habitation? You soon realise that your level of love cannot cope with the pressing problems thrown at you constantly like whirling blades in air.

Logically speaking, you do not even have the finanicial ability to even maintain life, family and relationship all at a go. Furthermore, you are still studying - even if you push for part time, your income will barely be sufficient.

Moving out in your case is not a sign of maturity (or trying to be independent as you may thought of yourself), rather a form of escape to somewhere which you thought love could substitute whatsoever element that is missing in your home. You tried to build a 'home' of warmth and love in this new 'home' - so pray tell me how does this security of your new home work to keep itself stable? You can't... & you finally see the cracks and flaws of your great love-cohabitation idealogy, crumbles like a house of cards in face of cruel reality.

Standing at the crossroad, the future of your love looks bleak. Having to break up with your girlfriend is probably the same as having to admit all the willful decisions you made is a huge mistake afterall. Who would want to go through ALL THE MILES and end up coming back to square one?

You can continue your current way of life, although its probably not doing you any good... for if it does, you would never had to come here in the first place. How now brown cow? Do you still want to carry on false hope, impractical love and motes of delusion? Or would you chose to humble yourself, acknowledge your plight and work towards ending it, even if it means having to sacrifice?

P.S: You have been living in short-term vision, learn to equip with some foresight with wisdom. It can save your alot of tears and hurt in the long run. Make sensible decisions for your life NOT because it seemed great-at-the-moment - but exercise them with enlightenment.

Cheers

OMFG!

OMFG!!!!!!!

Cheers

终于大功告成!

终于啊。。。终于。。。像我这样的IT大白痴，真的是一种成就感。

(今天的最后一个中文留言 ^_-)

Aunt Agony 080705

quote:
Originally posted by rammstein619:

What you said is indeed true to a large extent but although I would more than happy to return the kiss but there's always a risk where it gets out of hand. You can say that I'm a proactive kind of person. Whenever I decide on something especially important decisions , I always visualise of the possible outcome should I say YES or NO.

Alright this may sound stupid but I'm 17 and my ex is 15. First things first , she's a minor and the Singapore law protects women especially the minors. Actually I've been searching high and low for a website similar to the "Aunt Agony" section of this forum ranging from Teenage magazine , Lime , Teens etc cause I'm just too lazy to write a proper hand written letter and hope that someone responses to your queries in the next month issue....

Secondly , I have seen my close friends surcum to a platonic relationship all because of a broken first love and feeling of being unloved by a girl. In fact , I have 2 very close friends and they too have fallen into a platonic relationship before and as such , I start to wonder , "Should you love a girl because of her personality or because of her body?" I don't learn stuff using the "theory" method but rather on the "experience" method.


Going to drop a little unorthodox here: You, indeed, show wisdom in your thoughts - but this merely applies to your Higher Self. (In the simplest term I can put: someone who doesn't succumb to the negative energy of Mars/Lust. This is a very good thing by itself). Forum mates praise you for this, not actually seeing double edge:

[quote]...seeing couples holding hands is of like something obscene for me... [/quote]

[quote]because in my point of view "one thing might lead to another". You 2 can be kissing , the next day frenching , the next next day petting and finally the next next next day engaging in full blown sex and what we get at the end of the day is a platonic relationship in action.[/quote]

This is not exactly discipline... more like abstinence. You want to prevent POSSIBILITIES, even if it doesn't neccessary always have to follow the sequence like a book. IMHO, this is not exactly healthy, for its ok if you are not comfortable with the notion of sex before marriage. However, affections is like Love - it shouldn't be held back. Holding hands is of like something obscene to you? I am pretty sure, you may have to rediscover yourself through your relationship as you grow older.

Simple affection does NOT equate to the possibility of sex. I think such affections are wonderful things. If you want Love to go somewhere, you cannot hold back on the gift of affections - holding hands, hugging, kissing, etc are signs of NATURAL affections... so natural in love is like life is to breathing.

And there is too much logic in your mindset. Law and Order, fixed concept and all the beauty of a civil mind. Prevention, issue, problem, consequence, feedback and follow up... hidden in your subconscious. You apply what you see happened to your close friend, modified by your unconscious fear and go through alot of deep thoughts - in the end, I can tell you that your result is mostly blank. Which is why you ended up here, seeking for advice.

People would probably tell you 'hey, good guy.. continue this way. You are a rare gem, probably the last man on Earth, etc' - but ultimately do you get your fulfilling relationship? My answer is probably not, until you rediscover yourself, learn to use the 'Art of Emotional Science' and learn more about yourself instead of overly relying on others for answers.

People don't see this: 'Because you are not subjected to lust through great deal of mental, emotional and physical discipline - such cosmic lesson is probably beneath your feet as you have probably secure firm victory over it. People sees it as awesome, because it's something they are trying to sort in their life. But NOT you. However, you have sexuality blockage... an emotional discomfort dealing with affections. Holding hands is one of the possibility leading to sex? If you are telling me petting is.. I would have agreed. But holding hands?

Your girl said that you are not romantic - it's a bad choice of word, thus you probably never knew what is the root of your problem. The actual term is 'Not receptive/responsive to her affection.' and therefore, unloving and NOT unromantic.

P.S: By telling how much you love her (or yourself), but lack the proof in action, will tanish every single effort of yours in the long run. I always say this "Love looks in the same direction." If your definition of Love is this way, either you find someone who shares the same definition as you, or you learn to love and appreciate Love the way Love wants you to.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 060705

Originally posted by macjoe: What is marriage supposed to do for/to two people that they can't doas singles outside of marriage these days?
Married vs Single-single status
1. Married can buy house - single-single can liao so buy next to each other.2. Married can have sex - single-single can also mah.3. Married divorces - no such thing for single-single4. Married can have babies - single-single can adopt.5. Wife maintenance, Husband no maintenance - none for two split singles
So please tell me the benefit of marriage that many seek to enter?
:?:


BENEFITS of a marriage? Ironically, you people are asking THE BENEFITS of a marriage when in actual fact, a marriage brings NOTHING but merely a recognition of the next phrase the couples' love has evolved, in which the ultimate quality of sacrifice makes much better sense and worth than in BGR, which has it's limit during test date phrase - the couple sacrifice much more, in all dimensions, in a marriage than BGR.

Tell you the truth, you can't see those so called 'benefits' because you are using different yardsticks to measure those intangibles. You are trying to equate the goodness of marriage via material/dollars sense, which completely makes no sense. The same way anyone could have tell you that love is completely redundant because even without it, technically speaking, you could still survive, breathe and live. Worst still, you could get hurt very badly, so why get involved at all?

Own the world, but loses its soul?

Generally, there are three forms of marriage (sometimes, a mixture of two or even three):

Cirumstances: Forced by circumstances, a marriage happens without much choices. People generally marry because of reasons other than Love. Shot-gun marriage, eyeing on fortune, etc.

Biological/Chronological: People get married because it's the time to get married. Gently pushed by biological clock, people plan and get married when they feel that 'it's time' - whatever it means to them. Sometimes people get married because they are together 'too long' and felt that they needed to induce something to revive the stagnant love.

Spiritual: People get married because they want to spend the rest of their life together. Simple and truthful.

The following contrast you have shown above, merely shows the alternatives a couple could have without the marriage commitment. But then again, it makes no sense to have something just for the SAKE of having. One good example is the babies example you quoted. Obviously, people can adopt - however, for people who truely love little ones, there is a VAST world of difference between their OWN child and adopted ones, especially since they could conceive naturally. What about house? Anyone can own a house - it's WHO you are living with that makes the difference. You can stay in any house of your dream...alone and you will feel worst than one staying in a 3-room flat with love and laughter.

What you are trying to do is measuring the intangibles through tangibles means, which I stress again, makes zero sense.

I don't blame you because you are not there yet. And because you have yet to reach that level, you are highly subjected to people who THOUGHT they are there, but sadly, nowhere near actually. These 'people' impart their negativity to you and you accepted their mindsets. Then again, but makes you think their view is the true meaning it holds?

P.S (Astro): Certain people's horoscope birthchart are more resilient to marriage (Esp. Saturn in 7th house). A powerful Uranus transition cum progression can trigger a divorce BUT that has to be promised by your birth chart in the first place. Some people do not have divorce aspects in their charts, instead, their charts shown a need to learn the areas of love and relationship through alot of cosmic learning. Through freewill, they might temporary break up or whatsoever, but the bonds never seemed to sever completely.

Cheers