Originally posted by booo!:
Sorry for the long post but hope you guys get the whole situation. Thanks in advance for the advices.
Im currently in a private school studying my o levels. At the start of the year, i met this girl named A and a guy named B. Soon A and myself started hanging out and texting each other everyday, A and myself grew close, but back then I never regarded her anything closer than good friends. Shortly 3 weeks after I knew her, B liked her and started advancing towards her, B and myself were good friends.
Finally a month after they were together, A and myself still maintained this close r/s as good friends. One day, B went over to A's house, he went to purposely check her MSN message history with me as B knew that A and I were quite close. B found out that in the earlier part of the year, I did mention to A that B clubs alot and grinds alot. But that was before A and B got together. The following week, B confronted me and it came to a point where he started pushing and stuff. B mentioned that A was his bitch and I had no right to even talk to her, or to even mention that he goes clubbing alot. Then at that point I did not want to fight, so I told him to come whack me first, but in the end my classmates dragged both of us away.
Then, I was dam pekchek over the incident alr, I told myself, for the sake of getting back at B, I shall not whack him, but instead get his girl. Since A was close to me, I was confident of doing the job. Thus at night when A was sleeping, I called her and so called expressed my feelings towards her, I told her if I was to ever go for her, would she give me a chance. She said Yes.
A day later at night I told A what happened over the incident between B and me. She was angry, she broke off with B immediately. For some reason, I was delighted. Over the weeks, B tried to get back with A which was around early march period, but failed. B's reputation in school grew to the worse and alot did not like him. A by now was disgusted at the sight of him. Two weeks ago, B came and bang me from the back as I was walking in front. He turned and said not happy ah, come toilet settle, in his terms meant 1v1 lor. Then I just continued walking, then later B grabbed my shoulders but I just twisted his hand, then again, classmates pulled us away. A came out, wanted to help, but I forced her back in class first. I then later said i no balls to fight, then i went back into class lor.
Then recently, few days ago, B told A that no matter what A does, B will wait for her and show her what true love is. I felt jealous. Since the past few weeks, I have always been awaiting A to call and text me, like always looking at my phone. As for A, she is a simple minded girl and quite naive. Instead, I felt bad for taking advantage of the situation. In class, I purposely went to class late walking in together with A to spite B, whats better than hurting someone emotionally eh. To be serious, deep down inside I find its hard to get to be a couple with A due to different characteristics, behaviour and thoughts and also that A is in the same class as me. Thus I feel that we would be better as good friends. But however, Im not confident of the r/s if it were to ever happen.
I dont know myself, if I even like her, or want to further the r/s. Things would be hard if we ever got together, I dont want to let her suffer and go thru all the shit that I would bring. She doesnt like smokers and sadly Im one that smokes, but I would go to the extent of quitting to make her happy. Last time I didnt give fuck bout girls, but A is one who can always never fail to cheer me up when im down, make me laugh all the time. I dont know how far coincidences can bring but, 8/10 times I look at my phone awaiting her sms, it would just nice come in. Sigh.
Thanks for reading. (:
Somewhere in your mind snapped and you decide to pursue her as if she was the most effective 'revenge tool' to wield against the other guy. Frankly speaking, I doubt it's all about revenge; imho, there are more hidden affections than dry vengeance because if your decision is solely born out of some maniac, vindictive root, you are likely to adopt a 'chase-fuck-throw-taunt' methodology. Why even bother treating her even better than that other guy?
Upon close examination, closer truth might be that you are also unconsciously interested in her; it’s just that she got attached to this guy too quickly insofar that you are unable to conclude any form of meaningful relationship. The 'moral' factor probably stepped in and might unconsciously pressure you not to step on the 'dating accelerator'.
The break comes when this guy affronts you - what happen is that this incident stir up everything from within: your decision to chase this girl is masked by the facade of 'revenge' - indirectly, it instill courage for you to pursue this girl, through rationalizing (Freud considers this as a defensive mechanism). Deep down inside, you probably cared more than you 'took advantage.'
Why am I so sure?
Jealousy will never appear if revenge is your only concern. The fact that it did suggested something more.
You last paragraph reveals a fear, which I reckoned that it's this unspoken phobia that deterred you away this woman. I have no comments if you feel that there is a huge incompatibility chasm you cannot resolve because I do not know you or her personally. But what I would like you to do is to learn to make your own decision/s from today onwards - notably, your decision must be a SELF motivated desire and not any externally-motivated decision.
The latter decision is like trying to make the other guy appear like a loser by hanging around his ex-girlfriend, while the former represents a desire to chill out with this woman, without giving a damn whether the other guy is in the picture or not.
From there, it will tell you a lot about how you position her in your life. Then perhaps you might have more visibility to eventually solve your own conundrum.
Cheers
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