Aunt Agony 280107 (Expand on AA 240107)

Originally posted by kuri:

hmmm he said he has been quite fast in his last relationship cos he wants wat he wants? anyway that relationship lasted for 7 years afterall so he believes smt that comes fast can last long too and he cohabited with his ex so u cant say he's that inexperienced..that's why i asked in another thread that if a guy has had sex in his previous relationship is it possible for him to come to terms that there's none or not going to be it in his current one? at first he said he's not like other guys he doesnt lust for me he loves me so he wouldnt hold it against me even if we only start kissing one yr after we get together now he says isnt making out normal in a normal relationship? he's running into contradicting thoughts in himself hence the "sorry i did smt" confessions which led me to become more apprehensive bout him n strain the "relationship" more. i m trying to find a way to resolve the frustrations i really dun want him to b hurt anymore think it will wreck his confidence in girls after the last trauma he had n now me but it's really not feasible to go on long like this..



I reckoned that once guys are used to love making in a relationship, they see it as part of a package and not because they lust after their girlfriend in a negative sense. Hence, it doesn't suggest that he's sexually easy because love must exist before love making could happen.

As what FI could have said: series monogamy perhaps?

The reasoning is very simple: if a woman has gotten used to having chauffeured around in cars throughout her experience in any relationship, it could mean a lot of adjustment to make if her next boyfriend doesn't have his own private transport. But this doesn't mean that the woman is materialistic, it probably suggests that she has seen that as part of the 'man package'.

Likewise, the man could learn abstinence and the woman could learn to cope with taking public transport, but when you are talking about habitual - apart from just robust love, there is also a great demand for discipline and compromising. It would be great if one is able to surmount those little thingy and work upon that potential relationship, but it wouldn't be easy.

Your man has gradually shown it: start kissing after one year into a relationship? When in fact he has cohabited with his ex and kissing is probably as natural as air? Now he's asking 'isn't making love normal?' Logically, he would have told himself that if he really loves you, he would respect your decision, but emotionally, it would have told him 'even if you kiss her, what so blasphemous about it?' And that would counter all logics (emotions are 24 times stronger than the mind) because that itself is 'logical' as well.

I wouldn't say that this potential relationship is doomed to failure because yunhaier believes in freewill and the fate of relationship is dictated by our own hands. But surely, there's much work to be done. The question is: are you (and him) ready for the difficulties ahead? If you are feared by how a relationship with him would turn out and constantly imagine or picture the possible dire consequence, I would safety say that every negative thought will become a reality - you accepted that as part of your freewill, isn't it?

There isn't a point to accept him, if some parts of your soul aren’t convince about his proposal. If you are not comfortable, chances are, you still wouldn't be when you are with him.

P.S: I would like to share an interest note: Many people presume that the abstinence of sex will create a more fulfilling experience of love making in marriage, but that only applies in certain situation. It truly depends on the root of the abstinence (or aversion) to sex - because if one holds unhealthy perception/mindset towards her sexuality, it WILL carry forward into her marriage and a marriage doesn't resolve problems about his/her sexuality, neither does it alter the perception of sex in any ways.

What makes people think that when you legalized sex through marriage, the man would (i) have better sex, (ii) more sex? (Dignified planets in Earth Elements and relatively good placing may suggest better love making in exchange of security, but when 8th/5th house is severely afflicted by Saturn, it's another issue altogether). I am not promoting pre-marital sex; rather, it's more important to discern the underlying structure of your partner's mindset, so that one would have a more holistic view to make better decision or to have higher understanding.

Sex or no sex is not as important as understanding how your mate function. I think most people only try to understand personality, not comfortable with the notion of understanding each other's sexuality.

Cheers