Aunt Agony 240107

Originally posted by kuri:
He says he really loves me.

I ask him why.

He says it's just based on feelings.

I say but my behaviour has been rather annoying from the first time we met.

And he says yes there were times i made him clenched his fist in frustration, however he has learnt to accept it for who i am.

Say i m thinking too much you may,but there's a nagging doubt in my head.
If i were really irritating to him why would he have wanted to get close to me in the first place?
Why bother to tolerate me if i need to b tolerated?

Love has no reason?

Really?


I would say that much of this 'issues' are byproduct by your unconscious negative attitude towards love and relationship. Your lack of confidence is mere reflection of your previous failure in relationship/s (or at least, it didn't turn out to something that you truly hoped it would be?). Somehow, your mind capture the essence of an 'unloving self', which is something you are unable to brush away unconsciously and provided the underlying root reason to reject him.


Originally posted by kuri:
Well,if i were to fall in love with him eventually it would be due to wat i said earlier i like him for,his patience with me. it is mainly that which attracts me to him.

But i dun see anything bout me that would interest him in the first place so i dun see why would he claimed to have fallen in love with me?
This is stirring up a lot of insecurities in me.

For starters, i am playful, quirky, unpredictable and perhaps immature, the definitely need to be coaxed all the time insecure kiddie. The kind who in his own words had considered a "dangerous girl" to him.
He was a serious young man with stable secure career and stuff who wanted a serious gf who would eventually be his life partner. I pointed out that difference to him and implied that perhaps he had thought he had fallen for me cos i m a new thrill, even asked him explicitly "are you sure it's not on impulse?" several times.
He told he's old enough and been thru sufficient experience to know how he feels and what he wants.

Cos this insecurity and the incompatiability which i pointed out, i m worried i would break his heart eventually or he would mine so i hav been pacing back and forth, cos i m unsure whether a relationship with him would have any chance of working out.

Also he's under a lot of stress lately, starting to show some signs of tireness towards having to be so sensitive to me and having to deal with my baby tantrums at times.


Your above reply revealed some deep gnawing inferiority - your incessant suspicion and doubt about his feelings for you mirrors exactly how it appears inside your troubled emotions. This 'unloving self' creeps in from some unfortunate experience and mutated rampantly into your perception and attitude towards love.

It's so blatant whenever I come across such virulent mindset and that he/she believes, to certain great extend, that they are not 'entitled' any fulfilling relationship. And because the mind refuse to believe that they are 'lovable' and they are also have the prerogative to any fulfilling relationship, they will always behave and react in a manner to compensate this negative mindset.

This is shown through your pseudo-testing of his patience and intentional provocative attitude to create a self fulfilling prophesy - that you are indeed 'unlovable', immature and not able to make this love a reality because you want to coerce him to concede. When he finally gives this up altogether, your subconscious goes 'Ah... I knew it... I am this bad...' and reinforced whatever false belief you foolishly cling on.

In the end, you may regret... and probably live with it forever if things are irrevocable.

Bear paints a likely scenario if your mindset continues to degenerate in this manner and it could possibly repeat onto the next guy and start another series of karmic cycle.

Your insecurity comes from yourself - resolve your negativity and mindset to gain clarity.

Cheers