Aunt Agony II 270107

Originally posted by p0610465:

Hi guys, I was always looking around in Aunt Agony and seeing people with their emotion problems. Never expected 1 day I would need to post here too.

I was with my gf for 3 years plus. Our character is very different. I don't know how to describe the differences, but we are just plain different. I used to be a guy who is like very easy going 1. So she used to complain that I am not gentlemen etc. So I tried to changed by doing things like opening doors for her, carrying her heavy stuff for her even if she didn't ask me to. She also changed in her own way.

Then recently for the past few months, we will always be quarreling over the slightest issue. Like we have different opinions on things also can quarrel.
So is over all this small minor quarrels that I know that she actually know she got so much unhappiness about me. Eg, she thinks I am still not gentlemen enough, I not sweet enough, not gentle enough. And everytime after all this quarrel, she will try to dump me. Even though sometimes is not my fault. So tried to pacify her and try to get her to patch up the relatioship back after all this small quarrels.

And today we quarreled yet again. This time over branded stuff. I told her, she buy branded stuff is for the brand and not for the quality as she claimed. Then she go use all her business knowledge she learnt in poly to 'attack' me back, and so the quarrel leads again to the same ending again. We 'broke up' again. Whether we will come back together again, I really don't know.

My point is that she keeps asking me to change. But I am I. It is my characteristic. Why keep asking me to change? Her ideal bf must be atleast Average looking(i don't think too highly of myself physically),Must be a gentlemen(I am just a guy who don't treat female with special care. It is like I treat my female friends equally as my male friends. I won't go rush to open the door or what. I open if i am nearer to the door or something like that)

And she like guys with nice chest. (I used to be a Staff Sergeant in the NCC but after coming to poly, you should know what happen to the fitness and body shape)

Am I such a lousy bf? Why does anything I do seem to be wrong to her? I loved her alot but why I do seem so weak in relationship, or am I just plain lousy? I really don't know. I am really so sick of life. I can't get distinction for any of my poly subjects, relationship screwed up. I don't know what I want in life anymore. I feel like a loser. Someone unwanted, some worthless sucker.

I have thought about dying, but afraid to jump. Wanted to take pills, but worry of a slow painful death. Even ending my own life I am scared. I am really very useless and lousy..
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Sorry for the long entry, I just don't know where to voice out my feelings anymore.



Sometimes, people are too focused on plain idealism that they very often try to input those dreamy visions into that of their love partner. Of course reality is very much different from fantasy - that's probably the reason why she would have so much bone to pick about you, as she wants to shape you into her ideal boyfriend.

But we all know there isn't a perfect mate - only imperfect partners constructing a seeming-perfect relationship.

I personally know of this lady, who isn't particularly fantastic in any aspects, always living in idealism with regards to the man in her life. Eventually, she has gotten someone below par in all aspects of her expectations and she has never failed to pick on her boyfriend. This poor guy tried to compromise to her desire because he reckon that her 'demands' are reasonable and he wants to improve.

Never did he realise how she was trashing his esteem, to transform him into something that he wasn't and trying to fit him into her frame of an 'ideal boyfriend'.

She wants a gentleman? Above average looking? Great Bod? Then why did she choose you in the first place, knowing that you are nowhere near a gentleman... equipped with a pretty face or even a killer physique? Or the truth is such that because you happened to be available and there wasn't any other better choice?

I think when it comes to love, one of the greatest element crucial to forge a miracle relationship is appreciation? How can you ever hope to accept someone for who he/she is without appreciating him/her as himself/herself? It's good to eradicate our flaws and improve upon them, but if she wants you to 'improve' so as to satisfy her own agenda, basically, it's not so much about you... much more than it's about her?

Nobody has the prerogative to destroy another's esteem, especially those we considered as love ones. I would say if she is so dissatisfied you, you might as well release her for greener pasture so that she might be 'happier' being with someone who could fit the frame of her ideal boyfriend?

Cheers