Aunt Agony II 300806

Originally posted by SoonKeong:
I'm currently having this relationship with my gf for 3 years. All have been fine until she started working as an engineer months ago. She start to work 9am to 9pm, mon to sat, which meant only sunday is free for me.

I'm serving my ns now, which meant most of the time, i can only be out during the weekends. I dont know about the others, but i firmly believe a relationship can only last when it is been maintain together, example is like physically meeting and not only chat on phone or smses.

Things started to detoriate when i complain to her that i'm feeling very sian. Reason was i felt nelgected due to her work and she doesnt really make the effort to call me during lunch or dinner. Of course she did call once a while, but having a work which requires her to work the hours like she was having her final year exam, i felt there was a need for a more "quality" communication.

This week i was having my leave from monday to thursday. I told her why she couldnt be more "zhi dong" as in to come over to stay since we already have too little time for eachother. But as usual she will blow up and insist i dont understand her. What is the resonale behind this? I only ask her to be a little more zhi dong only to be slap across the face as branded as "not understanding " ? Am i asking her too much when time is the one that is drifting us part?

Thus, she quarrel with me all the time saying things like i dont trust her and i'm too immature becoz i cant understand what she is doing. But seriously, who in the world can tolerate when he can only phyically see his gf once a week and weekdays was like strangers?

She never think of giving in when she was the one who is giving so much absences. And always like to think she is not in the fault and keep aruging in loud volume that she has no choice and i dont trust her and dont understand her.

Since long ago, she started to take things for granted. She no longer take the iniative to meet me at mrts during going out and instead always insist me waiting for her at mrts. She no longer buy me stuff where she used to buy me cute toys and sweets and even i complain hungry in camp, she never even think of buying things for me to eat in there. She no longer give in during quarrel and always insist i'm the one at fault.

Today i spot check her handphone and find that there is tonnes of this fucker who keep feeding her with smses and phone call. When been asked who the hell is he, she immediately blow out, as if she kana slapped in the face.

Honestly, is this what a gf should behave? i really dont know. I started to feel drifted becoz we are having quarrel more frequently then having dinner together. Keep saying want to maintain relationship but yet have this kinda thing and expect me to cool off and be a man?



I guess this is like the final stage of 'cancer', preceding death. Telling you to input more trust into your relationship will probably not be able to salvage this Love as your relationship suffered more damages from constant quarrels and arguments.

The more logics you used to justify this series of quarrels, the more frustrated you become and the further she drifted away from you. Eventually, your potential 'competitor' appeared more attractive as your value slump. You may think that she has changed drastically; I am sure this feeling is mutual and this probably sets your relationship on declining mode.

You expect understanding from her, but at the same time, I don't think you have given the sort of understanding she seek. For example, checking of mobile phone is a blatant sign of mistrust. One may argue that being open is true honesty, but gnawing beneath that pseudo-honesty is great insecurity.

And like all insecure people - your need for control is overwhelming and when you exert control over your significant other, everything goes down from there onwards.

I believe you do understand that you cannot prevent love from slipping away, should she fly away one day.

Absence to a relationship is like what wind is to fire; extinguish the small and rekindle the great.

Cheers