Aunt Agony 231012

Originally posted by foreveralone:

Need some serious advice / or simply hear me out.

I've been lurking around here on and off once in a blue moon and there's something bothering me for a long time and I need to get it off my mind.

I'm a working professional, below 30, getting married next year, we even bought our own BTO. I have a healthy and loving r/s with my gf who is a SQ cabin crew. She's pretty, has very nice body and all. A lot of people may be envious of what I have, but inside I actually felt very lonely (or not enough). She gives me a lot of attention but whenever she is overseas I crave to resolve my insatiable desire for sex / hook-ups.

I actually have a list of contacts of flings to talk to and hang out with whenever she is overseas (which she often is). I went dinner/drinking/clubbing with them behind my gf's back. I know it's wrong but I can't help it. I just enjoy the thrill of the danger and also the company of the girls. We never have sex but mostly some light petting and kissing.

Now by no means are the girls whores. They are also working professionals, some with bf as well. It's just we have had a long lasting relationship flirting and such, and I know my way around with girls :)

I don't know what's wrong with me. When my gf is with me I am perfectly fine of course. But when she's not around, I feel like a dog looking around for a bitch to fuck (without the fuck of course).

And the worst thing is, I may have a crush on her younger sister as well. She just turned 20 and I have already went clubbing with her once (just me and her). Though she looks up to me as a brother and a future brother-in-law, I don't know how I can control my advances on her.

I'm not ready to visit a shrink because I know I'm not sick. Do I have a sex addiction? If so, how can I change? I have a addiction to porn as well and I can mast multiple times a day. Please help!

You seemed to have an awareness that 'something' is not quite right; somewhat skirting around the border of promiscuity (or have you already crossed it?). Personally, that depends heavily on your perception of what defines a 'cheating behaviour' - apparently, you seemed cool about having light petting and kisses with others, hence your thoughts about having 'no sex' non-committed flirting relationship might seem 'alright' to you - but I doubt your other half could readily accept this arrangement unless this is an open relationship.

It is always good to seek additional help if you could you feel that you are losing control, however, I just want to caution you one important thing: it is easy to give ourselves a label of 'addiction' so as to abnegate your responsibility of your action because we often 'attribute' the cause of our action to our 'addiction', when in fact it is but a matter of choice.

For example, have you encounter times when you need to pee, but because of that fact that you are in the middle of a conversation/meeting, you actually made the choice to hold your toilet trip until the conversation ends? Surely, peeing is a natural biological urge and it seemed crazy to stop yourself from going to the loo - we do put ourselves in discomforting situation unconsciously due to variety of reasons. 

The only difference between my above analogy is that choosing to go to the toilet abruptly is unlikely to bring about serious repercussion from your significant other, while having sex with someone else behind your gf's back is a morally questionable choice. You could say that I have a 'sex addiction' and I have 'no choice' but to keep a list of numbers so that I could pick from the list randomly whenever I wanted, so as to satisfy my physical needs. 

However, the point is that keeping this option in this fashion is likely to ruin your relationship in the long run. Surely you could remain the way you are, but your outcome is clear - it is a destructive road ahead unless significant changes could manifest. In some cases, you might not get a second chance. If you deemed that this relationship is important to you, then given your current lifestyle, realistically, it does not help you to stay 'dry' and instead, promote this 'old' behaviour in an exceeding dangerous manner (clubbing/flirting/excessive engagement in porn, etc)

I can see that you are contemplating; however, the choice between contemplation and commitment towards resolution on your issue is usually separated by one huge chasm - whether we really want to resolve it. If not, it will end up like having eczema on your last finger - we don't usually give a damn about it until our skin start cracking, bleeding and flaking. 

P.S: Myth buster number one: you don't have to be sick in order to see a professional. You could see a counsellor and just have a chat to understand about the scope of your problem.

Cheers