Aunt Agony 191012 (Continued from AA 181012)

Originally posted by Devoted gal8888:

Yunhaier:

thanks for feeling what i have gone through...u really still the best love consultant in this forum har..

" is like flipping through the next chapter of your personal love novel and, ironically, revealing a chapter of tragedy - and not one of blissfulness." Yeah this sound like a tragic storybook flipped..and drama..

my curiosity would be ‘why now?-> i also want to know why now..i highly suspect is 3rd party but he say no...and he say only recently he start to think why he did not go overseas earlier for his career advancement..i am quite sad as his future plans on overseas career , i am not in the picture..so maybe it leads to him thinking what to do with me...maybe he don't feel he love me so tell me all these..he say he can give up everything because of love...he say he feel back always mocking at me when he treat me coldly and i always very nice to him never got angry and patient with him..he start to find out what's wrong and if this will keep hapening in future and will not be fair to me...he saw husband scold wife in public and reminded him of himself and he feel himself very bad... and why and how to save this relationship...but he say he only find out why ->because he don't love me but yet to find out HOW

.. I tell him "Love need 2 person to put in effort and to work on......can we salvage this ? " he answered "don't force me, let me think.." and he is saying if he go china, i can think also...I feel like he is hoping for me to leave him first..he say he know i love him very much..he feel very sad to hurt such kind girl like me...so he say i can scold him bastard or jerk..all he can say is Sorry..everything he thinks now is his career..he wan to excel...so he cannot commit..

i am trying to save this but i don't know how long i need to wait for his answer...if i move in to the house, it may be better, it may be worst..i really don't know..seem like he is pullin the string to where i land..i know the situation but yet i still canot tell myself to give him up..so end up maybe i will be suffering for few years waiting for him...and telling myself he may come back to me..one day....

Damn stupid woman am i...

:(



If it has something to do with his career and strictly not a third party, your position is still somewhat slightly better. However, I do find it contradicting when he said (in your earlier post) that he is afraid of 'falling in love with other girls', which seemed to me that this is somehow inconsistent with his stance of wanting to be career-focus. If that was his reasoning, then he shouldn't be worried about falling for other girls, much more than worried about not advancing fast enough for his career.

There are a number of possible hypothesis; which is why I say it really depends on what is going on behind screen.

For example, a man could find growing affection towards another woman but he might not technically be 'having an affair' because nothing is cast into stone. In this case, he is right that there is no third party because nothing has happened. But the circumstances probably made him realized something about the relationship, which has caused major quakes. In that case, career-focus might not be the reason; it also served as a convenient distraction from the real problem, almost like a form of escapism.

Truly, there are several tracks to this. However, what kind of decision you make depends on how much information you have on hand. The good thing about having more information is that you would discover discrepancy by comparing notes. Out of curiosity, I have a few critical questions:

I) If he doesn't love you from the start, what kept him going on for so many years? Brutally speaking, is he is waiting for the right opportunity to leap to someone else better?

II) Are you giving him any form of pressure or obstacle when it comes to his career? If he could cope with having you and his career previously, what made the change?

III) Does he mean that if he wants to focus on his career, he doesn't need or want any relationship? Or does he not want you only? But he is fine if someone else comes along?

Cheers