Fallacy of Recovery

The rate of recovery from a defunct relationship is an area of Love that people often have problems grappling with. Some people really struggled with the outcome of losing their relationship more than others; however it is not always suggestive of the fact that those that 'fare better' are less attached to their relationship - it is really about their own conception of the problem regarding separation and death. People with difficulty in coming in terms with these concepts generally faced greater issues because the lost of their relationship is really just another aspect of death.... another aspect of separation.

I will address the fallacy of recovery, which people often subconsciously adopt and fuel their own misery.

I. Expecting recovery to happen naturally

Recovery is NOT a natural process; it does not happen naturally like how you shit naturally after a few meals consumption. Recovery is a constant active process, in which we constantly battle the relapses, the flashbacks and the depressive moods. It is a conscious choice to pick an alternative behavior or adopt new ones to help us cope with the death of our relationship.

By not doing anything to engage our body, mind and spirit - it is likely to maximize the misery we are going to face in full frontal effect.


II. Expecting to recover instantly

We are only humans; expecting us to recover immediately after a break up is almost like asking for the moon. This is especially true for the ones that have grown so attached to their other half and the sudden separation is more likely to bring about a period of chaos, confusion and disorder. Some people have this false belief that if I do 'this' and straight away I will recover. Good attempt, but chances are relapse are also as likely to happen.

Be gentle on yourself. Time (and action) needs to play its part to ensure that recovery has a fair chance to manifest in your life. It is not magic, so don't expect miracles to happen on your emotions.


III. Expecting recovery, while maintaining attachment to a nonexistent relationship

This is a common fallacy that people suffers from; although it is painful to lose a relationship, it is equally painful to retain ourselves and get attached to a relationship that no longer exist. The emotional craving does not get sated in any ways and this certainly brings about great misery. They are likely to lament that nothing help them to relief the pain, but unconsciously, they are choosing the behavior to perpetuate this misery. It is like punching the wall and praying that it does not hurt - the distortion in reality and delusion will only serve to direct ourselves in a downward spiral of depression.


IV. I can forgive, but I can't forget. 

Asking someone to forget another person in my opinion is one of the worst advice commonly being dished out. Realistically speaking, how can anyone ever forget anyone? Unless you suffer from dementia, which is not likely to happen until another 50 years time, this suggestion is as good as a meaningless quote.

You CAN'T forget anyone as a matter of fact - you can only get USED to the feeling of leading life without your other half. Getting used to a discomfort feeling is not quite the same as forgetting the source of your discomfort - the latter is bound to fail.


V. I won't forgive him/her - how I can just let him/her go so simple? 

Sure you won't forgive; but even if you don't, your ex will likely to be out there making merry and getting back to his/her life while you are miserably depressed about your spilled milk. Your forgiveness is NOT a permission for your ex to move along in life; your forgiveness is basically a self forgiveness - where you forgive yourself for making an unwise decision or making some mistakes in the past that has become irrevocable.

Nobody is perfect - accept that some circumstances are beyond our control. Without self forgiving, it makes recovery a difficult process.