Aunt Agony 120808

Originally posted by Chunghong2004:

I am 23 yrs soon 24.

I have this problem where if i like a girl, i will avoid her.

i knew this 23 yrs old chinese girl who is malaysian 5 years ago in poly (year2003). during 1st year 2nd semester in polytechnic, i confessed to her that i like her in MRT, she stunned for a while, don't know what to say, then she shaked her head left and right without saying anything. Until then, i don't dare to talk to her much. 3 years later (year 2006), when we were almost graduate from our course, i wrote a testimonial to all my friends, including, telling her that i still like her through a website i created for my classmates when each individual needs to login to view the testimonial.

Within days, she replied with a long email, more than 1000 words most likely, talking about how she fears of crowd, and her concerns and difficulties coming to singapore and study/work, talking about her friends and also stated sometime during polytechnic she does likes me too. I was rather touched because this is the first girl who tells she likes me. But again, due to my relationship phobia of liking someone but yet, don't dare to talk to her face to face or asking her out, i did nothing at all after that email. Soon after graduated from polytechnic, i went to NS. During this 2 years, all this while, we keep contact in email in a 3 monthly basis.

In year Aug 2008, one of my friend as well as her friend's wedding party (The same friend we know of), and she was the bridemaid. Don't know why, this time round, after 2 years without meeting face to face, i am able to approach her and said hi first, asking her how is she. A bit chit chat and jokes during the wedding cemonary. After my friend wedding, one of my good male friend, me and her have to make a 15 minutes walk in a slient, dark, one way street to the busstop. Again i had the chance to do some chitchat, as well as in the bus. Soon reached to a MRT station, i gave her a handshake for farewell and we went different direction.

Since then, i had been thinking about her again till now.

Because i have seen alot of breaking-up-couples, divorces in my life, two-timer or three-timer, and i am also have commitment phobia, i have been thinking what happen if we are really together, will we break up. What happened if we are married, will we divorces. I am quite confident that i have the gut to confess to her again, maybe not face to face, but through email. I am not because fear of rejection but my concern is more on those bad memories we may have if we are being together. I don't wish to destory the wonderful image of her - *if one day after we break up, i may hate her to core. -

I was thinking, althought i like her, however i really don't know her very well, on the appearance, she is wonderful to me, but is she a two timer, is she a 2 face personality, is she a person who toy people's feeling, is she a great spender,... etc, or maybe totally different from what i suppose to expect... i also don't really like girl that are more clever than, i don't know why.
Should i confess again or remains single to retain the wonderful memories of her? Is single better for me rather than getting into relationship?



There is something fundementally erroneous with your mindset and you are kinda living life in this rather narrow and hollow viewpoint that brings you nowhere.

Allow me to provide my two cents:

This is the difference between people who think about Love and people who are in Love.

The former are but scripted fantasy conjured towards achieving a flawless yet nil achievement results in their scoreboard. What happens is that you can probably speak in splendid details about your every brush encounter with this lady, yet you have no actual proof as a means to follow up to validate your affection and turn this piece of dream into reality.

You choose to reframe your mind to applause your lack of failure than to see it as a lack of success (or even growth for the matter of fact). After all, a 0-0 is still better than potentially a 0-1.

I will quote from Karl Marx: 'The philosophers have merely interpreted the world in various ways; the point, however, is to change it.'

Your topic title is misrepresented: you are NOT a person with committment phobia - you are just extremely fearful of failing

For those who talk about marriage even before you start proper dating, seriously, fringin` learn to crawl before you attempt to fly. Albeit this sounds damn old school but really, the dearth of true love is partially because people calculate way too much for their own good to even begin achieving anything significant in love - for their relationship.

And you know what's the worst? Your decision is largely claimed from pure observation of others and this is not even personal experience - concluding like a veteran, with zero battle experience. You are not a sociologist - you don't have to play a participant-observer role.

Attempt to be a lead - for your own life... your own show - or you quit acting altogether.

You can settle in your comfort zone and be an audience forever.

Cheers