Originally posted by White_SoulReaper:
I am girl who is in 3rd year of polytechnic studies... I have a part-time job that earns me good money... So as you have read, I am super busy...
The thing is my BF thinks that i am not committed to the r/s because I dont spend enough time with him... I go out with him on most sundays.( sometimes go out with friends)... For the rest of the week I am busy with either school or work....
One more thing... He's very possesive, any time of the day he would call me for no apparent reason...And when he sees a guy talk to me, he would be very aggressive in the way he talks to that guy... WTH????
He's also studying but not working,,, So when we go out, i want to eat in a more expensive restaurant(can afford), he would drag me to the nearest coffee shop to eat... I dont mind paying for his meal...He could treat me for the movie or something... Everything he wants to pay...
Is sg that hot ? Every where he goes, he wears T-shirt, shorts and sandals... Nothing else... Even when meeting my parents...
I am a person with big dreams... And when i share my thoughts on how to persue these dreams, he ALWAYS puts me down!!!
We have been dating for 2 years BTW... Last night, he called and said that our r/s has strained... I thought everything was fine... And he blamed everything on me... He said that I should focus more on him...
How? What should I do? Is it really my fault that he feels that way?
In a relationship, derived from struggle between masculine and feminine roles, self-centrism on positioning often contributed to the root of BGR dissatisfaction because either side will formulate a structure of what they deemed as an appropriate patterns, personalities or behaviours required from their Significant Other (SO), while demanding the manifestation of this ideal. Almost like a mannequin, with no life force - one must understand that every human being is unique, hence it's difficult to fashion their style and personality into a structured model.
Of course there are ways to do it, but that's another topic for another day.
This give rise to incompatibility, which are often unrevealed until the birth of the relationship and later. Most people coped with such indifferences with various degrees of adjustments and compromising, but there are bound to be cases where major discord will materialize through the latent dysfunctional effect of incompatibility. Many times, it crippled the relationship until gradual death occurs or it simply grants instant annihilation.
Your man presents a classic male chauvinist in Love - the insecure male constantly exerting implicit pressure on their other half, through the eyes of his distorted perception and fear of competition from the other more seemingly 'competent' males. The actual concept of competency doesn't matter in this case, in fact everyone will appear to him as a potential contender. A male chauvinist often finds it a burden to change their attitude because he rationalize his personality as 'fixidity' and often claimed that his possessiveness and jealousy are 'natural behaviour' of being boyfriend. Thus he is unmotivated to change himself (being causal in his dressing, unromantic, or whatever) and choose to mask his insecurity by coercing his partner to demote her beliefs to his values.
Finger pointing and believing that his woman is the cause of the strain in the relationship.
Big dreams? Ah, hack it - your place lies in the kitchen and tending the kids. Forget about having a social life too. If you don't obey, you are the strain of the relationship.
In this contemporary era, the evolution of Love also changes as society transformed itself. The patriarchal perceptive, roles and function of what a relationship ought to be is waning and there is a greater calling for mutual respect and consideration in what's better for the relationship as a whole and not some specific parts.
First Law of Love states: it is we who chose our partners, not the other way round. You make the decision to be with him two years ago and now you are lamenting about this drastic incompatibility you are finding yourself at odd with - wouldn't it question the identity of the relationship and the reason that give birth to it's existence?
A male chauvinist is almost an affliction for life - they usually don't differ very much away from the formation of this personality because of cultural, social and reiterated self rationalizing - a faculty of the distorted mind and not from the pristine quality of the heart.
Understanding this, you probably need a session - not to trash - but to decide how you want your relationship to move on from here. By dragging a relationship to continue in the original fashion probably only suggest delaying the inevitable. If there is something in the relationship worth fighting for and still relevant enough to remain, then some kind of agreement needs to be cast in stone and be adhered.
It would be wise to communicate first, before you decide upon departure. For everyone is entitled a chance to understand the alternate perspective of the relationship from their other half before any ultimatum is slammed upon them
Cheers
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