When Karen sleeps, she is oblivious to everything around her.
Pwnz! =D
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
A Caring Child
Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge.
The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.
The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.
Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.
When his Mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry."
Aunt Agony 250808 II
Originally posted by Julynn83:
It's been nearly a year since we broke off. But i am still struck here on the same point where he left me.
He gave me all sorts of reason saying that he wants a breakup pushing all the blame to me. 2days later when i went to look for him again to try and save our relationship, i saw a lovebite on his neck. That kind of pain in my heart was undescrible. He already has a new gf.
The reason we quarrel and ended breaking up was because i found out that he have been chatting with this gal. I didnt expect things to turn out like that. Moments before we quarrel he was still lovingly holding my hand.
Being with him for 4 and a half year. We have even thought of starting our own family. We have even went to apply for a flat together. Little did i expect him to have a change of heart. Just moments after he break off with me. Maybe 4 years plus wasn't long but we have gone through so much ups and downs together, how would a guy say forget, let go and leave just like that?
He's happily with the gal now but here i am couldnt move on. I thought i had already let go.
Trying not to think but he kept calling me and ask me out. He doesnt have any intention in patching back. He just need someone's accompany when his gf is working. His calling and all, triggered the love i had for him that i had all along tried to hide and not to think, i kept telling everyone that i am oki and i have already forgotten him. In fact, i am just lying to myself.
I cried everytime i think of him, everytime i thought of all our memories, all the promise that he has once made, everytime when i passby the places we have went to before. There is so much so much memories everywhere.
I wanted to move on and forget about him but i just couldnt stop thinking. I donno if i am still waiting for him to come back. I am so confused myself. What a useless gal.
You attempt to use credits of the past to justify harboring excessive emotions into the now-defunct relationship. In Love's concept of time (CloUdiSm - Law of Time), I quote: 'What's dead cannot be revived and what's revived will not be original. What's original will be in the past and what's passed will remain dead.'
Death is often misunderstood - often liken to a form of some massive evil that lurks in dark, abominable to all existence. In fact, it's like an entrance; when one pushes the door, the other side appeared to be pulling - creating one-effect-two-perception situation. This simple relation between life and death in relationship is but our quintessential cosmic growth that expands our higher learning in Love. Neither existence nor non-existence of a relationship contributes to the success/failure of relationship; it's merely a continuous process.
In fact, throughout the lifespan of a relationship - it could gone through several process of 'death and rebirth', as Love evolved through the vicissitude of their relationship, shaped by the couple themselves.
Nobody says it's easy to move on; but the difference lies in our concept of acceptance, as well as our grieving process. Those that deny their circumstances often find it a struggle to cope with the demands of reality against incongruous delusion that they are trying to upkeep. Many times, the delusion is inherent and self generated, as our false belief strengthen to corroborate with the lies we have gorged ourselves till the point of insanity.
You perpetually questioned yourself with all the mundane 'why', which incarcerate you with heaps of nonsense and fettered you from moving on. Allow me to shatter some zealous beliefs you have held so dearly - why must a four-and-a-half years of relationship be of something to him as well?
You must understand that this value, in which you have emotionalize, is exclusive to your own personal belief and does not necessarily means the same on his side. His action suggested a strategy of hook-bait-reel-release technique in retention initiative and if you are foolish enough to buy the tale of the 'I-like-the-other-woman-but-I-love-you' crap - then don't weep if you ultimately realize the poignant truth that could ruin all good memories, which is probably all you have left right now.
You cannot judge the future based on the rules of the past. You will always be miserable if you cling onto expired game rules that disallow you to unlock your gate to freedom.
To move on, you don't have to run. You just need to draw your first step.
Start walking: a step in a day will mean ten steps in ten days and a hundred steps in a hundred days.
Remember, we are responsible for our own happiness and misery. If you choose to dwell, nobody can coerce you to climb out, other than yourself.
Cheers
It's been nearly a year since we broke off. But i am still struck here on the same point where he left me.
He gave me all sorts of reason saying that he wants a breakup pushing all the blame to me. 2days later when i went to look for him again to try and save our relationship, i saw a lovebite on his neck. That kind of pain in my heart was undescrible. He already has a new gf.
The reason we quarrel and ended breaking up was because i found out that he have been chatting with this gal. I didnt expect things to turn out like that. Moments before we quarrel he was still lovingly holding my hand.
Being with him for 4 and a half year. We have even thought of starting our own family. We have even went to apply for a flat together. Little did i expect him to have a change of heart. Just moments after he break off with me. Maybe 4 years plus wasn't long but we have gone through so much ups and downs together, how would a guy say forget, let go and leave just like that?
He's happily with the gal now but here i am couldnt move on. I thought i had already let go.
Trying not to think but he kept calling me and ask me out. He doesnt have any intention in patching back. He just need someone's accompany when his gf is working. His calling and all, triggered the love i had for him that i had all along tried to hide and not to think, i kept telling everyone that i am oki and i have already forgotten him. In fact, i am just lying to myself.
I cried everytime i think of him, everytime i thought of all our memories, all the promise that he has once made, everytime when i passby the places we have went to before. There is so much so much memories everywhere.
I wanted to move on and forget about him but i just couldnt stop thinking. I donno if i am still waiting for him to come back. I am so confused myself. What a useless gal.
You attempt to use credits of the past to justify harboring excessive emotions into the now-defunct relationship. In Love's concept of time (CloUdiSm - Law of Time), I quote: 'What's dead cannot be revived and what's revived will not be original. What's original will be in the past and what's passed will remain dead.'
Death is often misunderstood - often liken to a form of some massive evil that lurks in dark, abominable to all existence. In fact, it's like an entrance; when one pushes the door, the other side appeared to be pulling - creating one-effect-two-perception situation. This simple relation between life and death in relationship is but our quintessential cosmic growth that expands our higher learning in Love. Neither existence nor non-existence of a relationship contributes to the success/failure of relationship; it's merely a continuous process.
In fact, throughout the lifespan of a relationship - it could gone through several process of 'death and rebirth', as Love evolved through the vicissitude of their relationship, shaped by the couple themselves.
Nobody says it's easy to move on; but the difference lies in our concept of acceptance, as well as our grieving process. Those that deny their circumstances often find it a struggle to cope with the demands of reality against incongruous delusion that they are trying to upkeep. Many times, the delusion is inherent and self generated, as our false belief strengthen to corroborate with the lies we have gorged ourselves till the point of insanity.
You perpetually questioned yourself with all the mundane 'why', which incarcerate you with heaps of nonsense and fettered you from moving on. Allow me to shatter some zealous beliefs you have held so dearly - why must a four-and-a-half years of relationship be of something to him as well?
You must understand that this value, in which you have emotionalize, is exclusive to your own personal belief and does not necessarily means the same on his side. His action suggested a strategy of hook-bait-reel-release technique in retention initiative and if you are foolish enough to buy the tale of the 'I-like-the-other-woman-but-I-love-you' crap - then don't weep if you ultimately realize the poignant truth that could ruin all good memories, which is probably all you have left right now.
You cannot judge the future based on the rules of the past. You will always be miserable if you cling onto expired game rules that disallow you to unlock your gate to freedom.
To move on, you don't have to run. You just need to draw your first step.
Start walking: a step in a day will mean ten steps in ten days and a hundred steps in a hundred days.
Remember, we are responsible for our own happiness and misery. If you choose to dwell, nobody can coerce you to climb out, other than yourself.
Cheers
Monday, August 25, 2008
Aunt Agony 250808
Originally posted by bearie000:
hi all,
I just know a guy. But i scared that he is just leading me on. He is incredibly nice to me, dates me out, maintains eye contact when is chatting with me and confide and divulge many secrets to me. He teases me at times also.
But he has never made the move on me yet.However, he sent me sms like everyday and will ask me stuff like how am i doing etc. I do not know if he takes me as a friend or has some romantic interest in me.
The most perculiar thing is that he asked me for my opinions when he is shopping for apparel and stuff. He put on the shirt and asked me how does he looks in it etc... I wonder why does he do that? He also tell me about his work problems.. However, he rarely asks about my private life. He will just reveal everything about himself to me without me having to ask him about it.
I admit I am developing feelings for him as he is a very nice,sweet and gentlemanly guy.What should i do now? Does he really have some kind of romantic interest in me or just take me as a friend? In the past, i had experiences when a guy would date me out as a friend, sent me the wrong signals and then break the news that he only sees me as a friend when i confessed to me.
It would be very disappointing and double blow to me if he likes some gals and only dates me out as a friend. I have been in the friend zone in the past.
Please help. I dont wanna be hurt again
One cannot attempt to Love without risking to be hurt again. Like two side of a coin, it is just part of the deal as you accept Love into your life. When you open the floodgate, you take in all things, both good and bad.
If you are weary about his intention, avoid taking haste and making irrational decision.
You might have like him, but it doesn't mean that he is suitable for you.
Hence, your next course of action would be to figure out if he is the right fit - at least a comfortable fit.
Halt that emotions for just a moment first - enjoy the companionship naturally, without placing yourself into some self-constructed commitment. Since you both are still within the 'friendship' zone, then behave and think likewise (albeit you probably will not be able to feel along this direction, but that's ok).
Cheers
hi all,
I just know a guy. But i scared that he is just leading me on. He is incredibly nice to me, dates me out, maintains eye contact when is chatting with me and confide and divulge many secrets to me. He teases me at times also.
But he has never made the move on me yet.However, he sent me sms like everyday and will ask me stuff like how am i doing etc. I do not know if he takes me as a friend or has some romantic interest in me.
The most perculiar thing is that he asked me for my opinions when he is shopping for apparel and stuff. He put on the shirt and asked me how does he looks in it etc... I wonder why does he do that? He also tell me about his work problems.. However, he rarely asks about my private life. He will just reveal everything about himself to me without me having to ask him about it.
I admit I am developing feelings for him as he is a very nice,sweet and gentlemanly guy.What should i do now? Does he really have some kind of romantic interest in me or just take me as a friend? In the past, i had experiences when a guy would date me out as a friend, sent me the wrong signals and then break the news that he only sees me as a friend when i confessed to me.
It would be very disappointing and double blow to me if he likes some gals and only dates me out as a friend. I have been in the friend zone in the past.
Please help. I dont wanna be hurt again
One cannot attempt to Love without risking to be hurt again. Like two side of a coin, it is just part of the deal as you accept Love into your life. When you open the floodgate, you take in all things, both good and bad.
If you are weary about his intention, avoid taking haste and making irrational decision.
You might have like him, but it doesn't mean that he is suitable for you.
Hence, your next course of action would be to figure out if he is the right fit - at least a comfortable fit.
Halt that emotions for just a moment first - enjoy the companionship naturally, without placing yourself into some self-constructed commitment. Since you both are still within the 'friendship' zone, then behave and think likewise (albeit you probably will not be able to feel along this direction, but that's ok).
Cheers
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Fireworks!
Just realized that Kexin is doing Karen's trademark pose.
Fireworks! Raining and annoyingly blocked by throngs of brolly!
P.S: Bao - cheer up ya?
留着青山在，不怕没材烧. (:
[To read Chinese Characters, please encode to Uni-code (UTF-8)]
Cheers
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Aunt Agony 210808
Originally posted by Extinguished:
Been in this relationship for 6+ years. Both of us cant bear to let go, but he is not confident to carry on as well. For the past 2 months, we have been running in circles - trying to let go and trying to carry on.
At the beginning, we were happy and things were rosy. However, unhappiness built up from a few serious quarrels and many small issues. Things become boring, but I am contented, thinking that we will end up together no matter wat, trusting in him, in me, in us.
Things started to go wiry 2 months back due to his work stress and some other fundamental issues between us. And yes, it has dragged for 2 months and mushroomed into a bigger problem. He started to wonder if we will be happy together as we are of different wavelength (meaning we don't share the same jokes). Worst of all, he has a female colleague whom he can really click with and I made him realise that she has feelings for him. He cant helped comparing me with her and his feelings for her has developed as well. Due to circumstances, he knows that it is impossible for them, but he can't help thinking to try out with her. It makes it harder as he sees her everyday.
I have asked him to give us a chance till end of this year.
Can this extinguished flame be rekindled?
Is his feeling for me dormant somewhere and I will be able to find it back?
Or should I just let go this relationship of 6 years? He told me that he still feel regretful when we last decided to let go (which was last thur).
A three-nation research on divorce and separation was done last year and it was noted that an accumulation of daily trivial affairs are cited as the main cause of the failure in marriage and relationship.
Hence, those who had victory in marriage would have mastered interpersonal skills that allowed them to manage and compromise annoying daily issues that builds up over time, which maliciously seeks to oxidize and decay the core foundation of the very Love one have constructed.
People might envy such lengthy relationship, but the measure of relationship must always be qualitative and how relative it is to our personal growth, and not mere quantitative figures of how long the couple has been together or absolute assumption that a relationship gets better with age or ultimately leads to marriage and happily ever after.
Like the once-glorious Tang dynasty, which too crumble eventually; is there a reason so attractive that this ailing six years relationship is still relevant, in both of your reality, by being together?
Your six-year affair would amount to nothing, if the relationship is basically inane, mechanical and obligatory. A kiss is but mere touching of lips if the emotional component is missing. For one’s happiness in Love does not depend entirely on who you are with, but rather, the true rationale of breathing the relationship must be certain and burned into staunch conviction into our love beliefs.
The longer the relationship… the longer the race… the easier it is to be eliminated by stress and deranged circumstances.
Testing your relationship artificially is an immature way in problem-solving. Your relationship is already ‘constantly being tested’ via Love cosmic lessons – your artificial interference only suggest additional plunging of blades into the back of your relationship and damaging it further. It does not, unfortunately, improve your situations, other than bringing it closer to death.
Examine your relationship in-depth first and decide if there’s still a reason for the relationship to continue. Same goes for your man. Take one problem at a time. Tackle the immediate issues first - the decision with regards to the other woman, if he should quit his job, etc. Then seek to work out the internal comms, expectation and behaviour within the relationship as your second concern. Finally, you can preview and reiterate critical values and beliefs, once you have re-establish foothold onto your Love, so as to ensure longevity of your relationship.
Cheers
Been in this relationship for 6+ years. Both of us cant bear to let go, but he is not confident to carry on as well. For the past 2 months, we have been running in circles - trying to let go and trying to carry on.
At the beginning, we were happy and things were rosy. However, unhappiness built up from a few serious quarrels and many small issues. Things become boring, but I am contented, thinking that we will end up together no matter wat, trusting in him, in me, in us.
Things started to go wiry 2 months back due to his work stress and some other fundamental issues between us. And yes, it has dragged for 2 months and mushroomed into a bigger problem. He started to wonder if we will be happy together as we are of different wavelength (meaning we don't share the same jokes). Worst of all, he has a female colleague whom he can really click with and I made him realise that she has feelings for him. He cant helped comparing me with her and his feelings for her has developed as well. Due to circumstances, he knows that it is impossible for them, but he can't help thinking to try out with her. It makes it harder as he sees her everyday.
I have asked him to give us a chance till end of this year.
Can this extinguished flame be rekindled?
Is his feeling for me dormant somewhere and I will be able to find it back?
Or should I just let go this relationship of 6 years? He told me that he still feel regretful when we last decided to let go (which was last thur).
A three-nation research on divorce and separation was done last year and it was noted that an accumulation of daily trivial affairs are cited as the main cause of the failure in marriage and relationship.
Hence, those who had victory in marriage would have mastered interpersonal skills that allowed them to manage and compromise annoying daily issues that builds up over time, which maliciously seeks to oxidize and decay the core foundation of the very Love one have constructed.
People might envy such lengthy relationship, but the measure of relationship must always be qualitative and how relative it is to our personal growth, and not mere quantitative figures of how long the couple has been together or absolute assumption that a relationship gets better with age or ultimately leads to marriage and happily ever after.
Like the once-glorious Tang dynasty, which too crumble eventually; is there a reason so attractive that this ailing six years relationship is still relevant, in both of your reality, by being together?
Your six-year affair would amount to nothing, if the relationship is basically inane, mechanical and obligatory. A kiss is but mere touching of lips if the emotional component is missing. For one’s happiness in Love does not depend entirely on who you are with, but rather, the true rationale of breathing the relationship must be certain and burned into staunch conviction into our love beliefs.
The longer the relationship… the longer the race… the easier it is to be eliminated by stress and deranged circumstances.
Testing your relationship artificially is an immature way in problem-solving. Your relationship is already ‘constantly being tested’ via Love cosmic lessons – your artificial interference only suggest additional plunging of blades into the back of your relationship and damaging it further. It does not, unfortunately, improve your situations, other than bringing it closer to death.
Examine your relationship in-depth first and decide if there’s still a reason for the relationship to continue. Same goes for your man. Take one problem at a time. Tackle the immediate issues first - the decision with regards to the other woman, if he should quit his job, etc. Then seek to work out the internal comms, expectation and behaviour within the relationship as your second concern. Finally, you can preview and reiterate critical values and beliefs, once you have re-establish foothold onto your Love, so as to ensure longevity of your relationship.
Cheers
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Happy Birthday to Me
Bah. Another year closer to natural death.
Birthday gets less significant after 21 years old.
But I must still thank my team (Corp MTKG) and my crew (HRC) for their overwhelming love and indulging affection. These two months are going to be hellva busy for me, thus many meet-ups are kinda pending.
There are a couple of people I have not met for like years, but I am just so freaking tight on time!
I am also kinda worried for my CFG, as well as the assignments that I need to hand up.
Not taking part in this year O'School Recital might be a good thing.
As well as the bloody SAP system - I swear I am going to grasp that entire shit system into my head and conquer this lame program.
I am going to survive this madness until Q4!!!! ROAR!!!!!
Cheers
Birthday gets less significant after 21 years old.
But I must still thank my team (Corp MTKG) and my crew (HRC) for their overwhelming love and indulging affection. These two months are going to be hellva busy for me, thus many meet-ups are kinda pending.
There are a couple of people I have not met for like years, but I am just so freaking tight on time!
I am also kinda worried for my CFG, as well as the assignments that I need to hand up.
Not taking part in this year O'School Recital might be a good thing.
As well as the bloody SAP system - I swear I am going to grasp that entire shit system into my head and conquer this lame program.
I am going to survive this madness until Q4!!!! ROAR!!!!!
Cheers
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Love and Appreciation
There is still Love and Appreciation within HR.
Lao Da - don't be so sad. ^_^
Cheers
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Aunt Agony 120808
Originally posted by Chunghong2004:
I am 23 yrs soon 24.
I have this problem where if i like a girl, i will avoid her.
i knew this 23 yrs old chinese girl who is malaysian 5 years ago in poly (year2003). during 1st year 2nd semester in polytechnic, i confessed to her that i like her in MRT, she stunned for a while, don't know what to say, then she shaked her head left and right without saying anything. Until then, i don't dare to talk to her much. 3 years later (year 2006), when we were almost graduate from our course, i wrote a testimonial to all my friends, including, telling her that i still like her through a website i created for my classmates when each individual needs to login to view the testimonial.
Within days, she replied with a long email, more than 1000 words most likely, talking about how she fears of crowd, and her concerns and difficulties coming to singapore and study/work, talking about her friends and also stated sometime during polytechnic she does likes me too. I was rather touched because this is the first girl who tells she likes me. But again, due to my relationship phobia of liking someone but yet, don't dare to talk to her face to face or asking her out, i did nothing at all after that email. Soon after graduated from polytechnic, i went to NS. During this 2 years, all this while, we keep contact in email in a 3 monthly basis.
In year Aug 2008, one of my friend as well as her friend's wedding party (The same friend we know of), and she was the bridemaid. Don't know why, this time round, after 2 years without meeting face to face, i am able to approach her and said hi first, asking her how is she. A bit chit chat and jokes during the wedding cemonary. After my friend wedding, one of my good male friend, me and her have to make a 15 minutes walk in a slient, dark, one way street to the busstop. Again i had the chance to do some chitchat, as well as in the bus. Soon reached to a MRT station, i gave her a handshake for farewell and we went different direction.
Since then, i had been thinking about her again till now.
Because i have seen alot of breaking-up-couples, divorces in my life, two-timer or three-timer, and i am also have commitment phobia, i have been thinking what happen if we are really together, will we break up. What happened if we are married, will we divorces. I am quite confident that i have the gut to confess to her again, maybe not face to face, but through email. I am not because fear of rejection but my concern is more on those bad memories we may have if we are being together. I don't wish to destory the wonderful image of her - *if one day after we break up, i may hate her to core. -
I was thinking, althought i like her, however i really don't know her very well, on the appearance, she is wonderful to me, but is she a two timer, is she a 2 face personality, is she a person who toy people's feeling, is she a great spender,... etc, or maybe totally different from what i suppose to expect... i also don't really like girl that are more clever than, i don't know why.
Should i confess again or remains single to retain the wonderful memories of her? Is single better for me rather than getting into relationship?
There is something fundementally erroneous with your mindset and you are kinda living life in this rather narrow and hollow viewpoint that brings you nowhere.
Allow me to provide my two cents:
This is the difference between people who think about Love and people who are in Love.
The former are but scripted fantasy conjured towards achieving a flawless yet nil achievement results in their scoreboard. What happens is that you can probably speak in splendid details about your every brush encounter with this lady, yet you have no actual proof as a means to follow up to validate your affection and turn this piece of dream into reality.
You choose to reframe your mind to applause your lack of failure than to see it as a lack of success (or even growth for the matter of fact). After all, a 0-0 is still better than potentially a 0-1.
I will quote from Karl Marx: 'The philosophers have merely interpreted the world in various ways; the point, however, is to change it.'
Your topic title is misrepresented: you are NOT a person with committment phobia - you are just extremely fearful of failing
For those who talk about marriage even before you start proper dating, seriously, fringin` learn to crawl before you attempt to fly. Albeit this sounds damn old school but really, the dearth of true love is partially because people calculate way too much for their own good to even begin achieving anything significant in love - for their relationship.
And you know what's the worst? Your decision is largely claimed from pure observation of others and this is not even personal experience - concluding like a veteran, with zero battle experience. You are not a sociologist - you don't have to play a participant-observer role.
Attempt to be a lead - for your own life... your own show - or you quit acting altogether.
You can settle in your comfort zone and be an audience forever.
Cheers
I am 23 yrs soon 24.
I have this problem where if i like a girl, i will avoid her.
i knew this 23 yrs old chinese girl who is malaysian 5 years ago in poly (year2003). during 1st year 2nd semester in polytechnic, i confessed to her that i like her in MRT, she stunned for a while, don't know what to say, then she shaked her head left and right without saying anything. Until then, i don't dare to talk to her much. 3 years later (year 2006), when we were almost graduate from our course, i wrote a testimonial to all my friends, including, telling her that i still like her through a website i created for my classmates when each individual needs to login to view the testimonial.
Within days, she replied with a long email, more than 1000 words most likely, talking about how she fears of crowd, and her concerns and difficulties coming to singapore and study/work, talking about her friends and also stated sometime during polytechnic she does likes me too. I was rather touched because this is the first girl who tells she likes me. But again, due to my relationship phobia of liking someone but yet, don't dare to talk to her face to face or asking her out, i did nothing at all after that email. Soon after graduated from polytechnic, i went to NS. During this 2 years, all this while, we keep contact in email in a 3 monthly basis.
In year Aug 2008, one of my friend as well as her friend's wedding party (The same friend we know of), and she was the bridemaid. Don't know why, this time round, after 2 years without meeting face to face, i am able to approach her and said hi first, asking her how is she. A bit chit chat and jokes during the wedding cemonary. After my friend wedding, one of my good male friend, me and her have to make a 15 minutes walk in a slient, dark, one way street to the busstop. Again i had the chance to do some chitchat, as well as in the bus. Soon reached to a MRT station, i gave her a handshake for farewell and we went different direction.
Since then, i had been thinking about her again till now.
Because i have seen alot of breaking-up-couples, divorces in my life, two-timer or three-timer, and i am also have commitment phobia, i have been thinking what happen if we are really together, will we break up. What happened if we are married, will we divorces. I am quite confident that i have the gut to confess to her again, maybe not face to face, but through email. I am not because fear of rejection but my concern is more on those bad memories we may have if we are being together. I don't wish to destory the wonderful image of her - *if one day after we break up, i may hate her to core. -
I was thinking, althought i like her, however i really don't know her very well, on the appearance, she is wonderful to me, but is she a two timer, is she a 2 face personality, is she a person who toy people's feeling, is she a great spender,... etc, or maybe totally different from what i suppose to expect... i also don't really like girl that are more clever than, i don't know why.
Should i confess again or remains single to retain the wonderful memories of her? Is single better for me rather than getting into relationship?
There is something fundementally erroneous with your mindset and you are kinda living life in this rather narrow and hollow viewpoint that brings you nowhere.
Allow me to provide my two cents:
This is the difference between people who think about Love and people who are in Love.
The former are but scripted fantasy conjured towards achieving a flawless yet nil achievement results in their scoreboard. What happens is that you can probably speak in splendid details about your every brush encounter with this lady, yet you have no actual proof as a means to follow up to validate your affection and turn this piece of dream into reality.
You choose to reframe your mind to applause your lack of failure than to see it as a lack of success (or even growth for the matter of fact). After all, a 0-0 is still better than potentially a 0-1.
I will quote from Karl Marx: 'The philosophers have merely interpreted the world in various ways; the point, however, is to change it.'
Your topic title is misrepresented: you are NOT a person with committment phobia - you are just extremely fearful of failing
For those who talk about marriage even before you start proper dating, seriously, fringin` learn to crawl before you attempt to fly. Albeit this sounds damn old school but really, the dearth of true love is partially because people calculate way too much for their own good to even begin achieving anything significant in love - for their relationship.
And you know what's the worst? Your decision is largely claimed from pure observation of others and this is not even personal experience - concluding like a veteran, with zero battle experience. You are not a sociologist - you don't have to play a participant-observer role.
Attempt to be a lead - for your own life... your own show - or you quit acting altogether.
You can settle in your comfort zone and be an audience forever.
Cheers
Monday, August 11, 2008
Stop Cursing Kexin
Who dare bully 我们家 Kexin?
Simi sai uncle?
/me throw ten umbrellas.
Ok shit... it's Fann Wong. =D
Saturday, August 09, 2008
Aunt Agony II 090808
Originally posted by White_SoulReaper:
I am girl who is in 3rd year of polytechnic studies... I have a part-time job that earns me good money... So as you have read, I am super busy...
The thing is my BF thinks that i am not committed to the r/s because I dont spend enough time with him... I go out with him on most sundays.( sometimes go out with friends)... For the rest of the week I am busy with either school or work....
One more thing... He's very possesive, any time of the day he would call me for no apparent reason...And when he sees a guy talk to me, he would be very aggressive in the way he talks to that guy... WTH????
He's also studying but not working,,, So when we go out, i want to eat in a more expensive restaurant(can afford), he would drag me to the nearest coffee shop to eat... I dont mind paying for his meal...He could treat me for the movie or something... Everything he wants to pay...
Is sg that hot ? Every where he goes, he wears T-shirt, shorts and sandals... Nothing else... Even when meeting my parents...
I am a person with big dreams... And when i share my thoughts on how to persue these dreams, he ALWAYS puts me down!!!
We have been dating for 2 years BTW... Last night, he called and said that our r/s has strained... I thought everything was fine... And he blamed everything on me... He said that I should focus more on him...
How? What should I do? Is it really my fault that he feels that way?
In a relationship, derived from struggle between masculine and feminine roles, self-centrism on positioning often contributed to the root of BGR dissatisfaction because either side will formulate a structure of what they deemed as an appropriate patterns, personalities or behaviours required from their Significant Other (SO), while demanding the manifestation of this ideal. Almost like a mannequin, with no life force - one must understand that every human being is unique, hence it's difficult to fashion their style and personality into a structured model.
Of course there are ways to do it, but that's another topic for another day.
This give rise to incompatibility, which are often unrevealed until the birth of the relationship and later. Most people coped with such indifferences with various degrees of adjustments and compromising, but there are bound to be cases where major discord will materialize through the latent dysfunctional effect of incompatibility. Many times, it crippled the relationship until gradual death occurs or it simply grants instant annihilation.
Your man presents a classic male chauvinist in Love - the insecure male constantly exerting implicit pressure on their other half, through the eyes of his distorted perception and fear of competition from the other more seemingly 'competent' males. The actual concept of competency doesn't matter in this case, in fact everyone will appear to him as a potential contender. A male chauvinist often finds it a burden to change their attitude because he rationalize his personality as 'fixidity' and often claimed that his possessiveness and jealousy are 'natural behaviour' of being boyfriend. Thus he is unmotivated to change himself (being causal in his dressing, unromantic, or whatever) and choose to mask his insecurity by coercing his partner to demote her beliefs to his values.
Finger pointing and believing that his woman is the cause of the strain in the relationship.
Big dreams? Ah, hack it - your place lies in the kitchen and tending the kids. Forget about having a social life too. If you don't obey, you are the strain of the relationship.
In this contemporary era, the evolution of Love also changes as society transformed itself. The patriarchal perceptive, roles and function of what a relationship ought to be is waning and there is a greater calling for mutual respect and consideration in what's better for the relationship as a whole and not some specific parts.
First Law of Love states: it is we who chose our partners, not the other way round. You make the decision to be with him two years ago and now you are lamenting about this drastic incompatibility you are finding yourself at odd with - wouldn't it question the identity of the relationship and the reason that give birth to it's existence?
A male chauvinist is almost an affliction for life - they usually don't differ very much away from the formation of this personality because of cultural, social and reiterated self rationalizing - a faculty of the distorted mind and not from the pristine quality of the heart.
Understanding this, you probably need a session - not to trash - but to decide how you want your relationship to move on from here. By dragging a relationship to continue in the original fashion probably only suggest delaying the inevitable. If there is something in the relationship worth fighting for and still relevant enough to remain, then some kind of agreement needs to be cast in stone and be adhered.
It would be wise to communicate first, before you decide upon departure. For everyone is entitled a chance to understand the alternate perspective of the relationship from their other half before any ultimatum is slammed upon them
Cheers
Aunt Agony 090808
Originally posted by jfund:
which would u choose? to go overseas to further studies for a good future and risk ur relationship? or stay, keep the relationship and sacrifice ur future? pls dont give answers like 'long-distance will work if the couple is truely in love...' thanks!
You have already limit yourself with absolute possibilities - for the choice of one must be a sacrificial of another.
Why should that always be the case?
You know, in this post-modern society, we are so caught up in the concept of rationality that we literally engage this rational sense of ours in all aspects of our life and submerged ourselves in calculation of what's the most 'profitable choice' at the end of the day. Like the scenario you have presented: furthering your studies for a good future verse keeping your relationship and 'sacrifice' your future?
Firstly, your future is not sacrificed even if you don't go overseas and study. This is already a gross mispresentation. It's not as if you are sentenced to sixteen years jail during your prime years and screwed up your future in that sense.
The risk factor you have advocated is nothing but the existence of fear where Love absolutely cannot tolerate. Hence, it began to chip at your relationship until the cleft becomes a hole and before you realize it, you have lost the relationship to some self-generated fear, topple with adverse circumstances.
In Love, so what if the relationship fails? What's with this obsession with a failing relationship anyway? Have we become so rationalized with obtaining 'perfect scores' and 'good results' that we cannot have the imagination and higher understanding that there are times in love (and life) when we must fall in the beginning to win later?
Failure suggested growth and not degeneration - the latter often revealed an unevolved soul.
The irony of Love is that why focus on the fact that a relationship would fail when one should focus on leading the relationship while it last and make the best out of it?
Interestingly, you don't always lose when you have lost your relationship.
Think about it.
Cheers
which would u choose? to go overseas to further studies for a good future and risk ur relationship? or stay, keep the relationship and sacrifice ur future? pls dont give answers like 'long-distance will work if the couple is truely in love...' thanks!
You have already limit yourself with absolute possibilities - for the choice of one must be a sacrificial of another.
Why should that always be the case?
You know, in this post-modern society, we are so caught up in the concept of rationality that we literally engage this rational sense of ours in all aspects of our life and submerged ourselves in calculation of what's the most 'profitable choice' at the end of the day. Like the scenario you have presented: furthering your studies for a good future verse keeping your relationship and 'sacrifice' your future?
Firstly, your future is not sacrificed even if you don't go overseas and study. This is already a gross mispresentation. It's not as if you are sentenced to sixteen years jail during your prime years and screwed up your future in that sense.
The risk factor you have advocated is nothing but the existence of fear where Love absolutely cannot tolerate. Hence, it began to chip at your relationship until the cleft becomes a hole and before you realize it, you have lost the relationship to some self-generated fear, topple with adverse circumstances.
In Love, so what if the relationship fails? What's with this obsession with a failing relationship anyway? Have we become so rationalized with obtaining 'perfect scores' and 'good results' that we cannot have the imagination and higher understanding that there are times in love (and life) when we must fall in the beginning to win later?
Failure suggested growth and not degeneration - the latter often revealed an unevolved soul.
The irony of Love is that why focus on the fact that a relationship would fail when one should focus on leading the relationship while it last and make the best out of it?
Interestingly, you don't always lose when you have lost your relationship.
Think about it.
Cheers
Sunday, August 03, 2008
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Aunt Agony 030808
Originally posted by shuibianni05:
Pretty surprised by the 'inferior Q'. I don't feel inferior than him. In fact, I don't feel inferior to anyone; each individual has our own lives, regardless of 'so-called' status, as long as we are happy, nothing really matters.
As for someone being better than him, I believe there are, but I don't do any comparisons as everyone is an unique individual. I do have friends telling me to break and that they will treat me better than he does. I just went ???.
But it all boils down to the fact that I do feel tired out from the relationship. How not to?
I have been 'babysitting' the guy for four years; every single thing that crops up in his life, I am the one settling it. He may want to do it his way, I do let him, but silently I have to come up with a back up solution because his ways will never work.
I serve as the counsellor for his personal and work communications problems, the legal counsel as well as the management advisor for his family business. His friends and family didn't know; whenever they ask about his business, he will happily said the business has perked up etc etc. I just remain silent; I never expect anything in return except respect.
If u are referring 'worth' in terms of my life, I do lead a happy life, excluding the part on my relationship. I have a career, great family and great friends; I still am furthering my studies part time and I have been active in volunteer work. Everyone, apart from him, knows me as bubbly and outgoing.
I have tried talking to him numerous times, but he is sticking by his own thinking.
He felt that all he did is right; and most times will put his ridiculous ways as being stubborn, saying 'That's me. You know me.'
Financially he's not stable; after all, that's his father's business, whatever the business earns will go to the parents, not him. He's jus drawing a salary; below market rate.
Talking about finances, he will scold and make a big deal if I donate to charity; nowadays I just kept quiet about the donations stuff.
Same goes for if I give my parents allowances out of my salary.
I did fight for my decisions. Ultimately, he will pop the Q of 'Let's break off'; which will stop me from further 'discussion'.
I have never felt there is a need to 'break off' just because of minor issues. That's why I chose to remain silent; but seems that this 'break off' phrase has been popping up every now and then over the smallest of issues.
What's worst is that every two months, he will undergo a mood swing and starts feeling dejected and insists that our relationship has staled, 'froze', I am not caring and loving him enough etc. But he will be fine after a few days and apologise.
Two yrs back, his proposal was to tie me into the relationship as a few other suitors came up and he felt pretty threatened especially when they actually approach him to 'warn' him to treat me well. I am pretty amused.
What do u feel about this thinking of tying me down?
Another scenario was that two yrs plus back, I was nearly 'sexually abused' by a close friend. He was the third to know; because I expected what his reaction would be. He barked down the phone at me, text me scolding sms and told me if the friend succeeeded, I will never see him again. At that time, I really wonder if he's the victim or me. In case, u all are wondering if I have dressed very outrageously, nope, that night I wore bermudas and a big baggy T-shirt to go out for dinner with my friend.
Is that how all guys react when they know their gf was nearly 'sexually abused'?
I also forego my chances of overseas study and overseas work attachment, to him, it's something I should do in order to 'continue' this relationship. He felt there's always give and take; I have to give up all the opportunities in order to 'appreciate' his love.
To join in his family gatherings is something I should do because his bro-in-law also joins in their gatherings.
No matter how his family demands me to do things, demands things from me, including taking the pda I jus bought, I have to give in, including bearing all the non-sensical insults. FYI, they don't call my by name, they call me by my address - the block number. He doesn't stop them and felt it's ok that they call me that.
On the other hand, he seldom joins in my family gatherings; he doesn't come my place often either; reason, he's afraid my mum will grill her on how's treating me.
Funny?
He doesn't send me to my doorstep to make sure I am safe, no matter how late it is, he send me to the block beside mine. Reason - He said he's lazy and tired. On the bright side, there's at least an 'improvement'. He used to jus drop me off at the carpark and I walked back myself, my block isn't connected to the carpark; it could be 4am, but still, ps walk back urself.
My 5 years-old niece cried and insists on buying a soft toy, costing 20 bucks, when we brought her out, he said she's a spoilt brat, that we all spoilt her rotten because her parents had passed away in an accident. FYI, my sis and bro-in-law died in a car accident when my niece was still young.
But, his 13yr old bro, cries and shouts and screams and jumps up and down when we don't get him the whole series of game cards, costing about 50 bucks, he said my bro is only 13 yrs old, he's still young, he's not spoilt, jus young, not matured yet, don't know how to think.
Are all guys like that? Or mine is just simply a 'special case'?
When his old flame text him at 3am, he felt he was 'needed', he needs to go down the next day and see her immediately. It's fine, maybe she really needs a company.
But, to the extent of forgetting I am in hospital? I was admitted the night his old flame text him; I told him my ward and bed no, he said he would pop by tomorrow. He remembered only after he had met his old flame and had a good night's sleep.
These problems started in the very first year; I have hung on and tried to solve.
But to him, talking out = let's break off.
What can I do? Each time I wanna talk, he'll said if it's so hard, then break off.
Break off is not a solution, that I understand; I just wanna a talk to solve things. But if he just simply doesn't wanna talk and use break off as a way to stop the talk, I really don't know what else I can try.
Whatever ways I can think of, I have tried.
Straight outburst at him to wake him - tried, he just felt I am crazy.
Wanna slap him to wake him - his response, ps slap me, but forget about waking me up.
Let him cool off, then have a good talk with him to make him realise what's wrong - tried, replied me with a 'Yes, Yes, I know', two months later 'back to normal'.
Disappearing Act - Tried, he went around looking for me at places where I mostly hang out, promising me everything, two months later, 'back to normal'.
Even my mum talked to him, she 'hijacked' him at the carpark; he went 'Yes, Yes, Auntie'; weeks later, back to normal.
When asked how stable is our relationship by friends, he will say it's actually very stable; good etc. But still, he will act up every now and then. When confronted on why act up when he felt it's stable, he just shrugged his shoulders.
I am trying to be logical; if what I am doing is considered logical.
My life used to revolve around him, and him only. I can stay at home jus to wait for his tex/call because he told me he would be meeting me. If he told me he wanna meet me for dinner, I would wait. The longest I waited was till 11pm, jus for a dinner with him.
My parents knew; they attempted to drag me out for dinner couple of times, trying to tempt me by suggesting that they will be going to my fave restaurant.
I lied; saying he would be coming soon. the moment they left, I changed my clothes and went out; loitering around and waiting at nearby blocks for him.
As time passed, I realised it was truly ridiculous of me. 'Waiting' became a part of my life, wait for dinner, wait for lunch, wait and wait and wait.
Due to the irregular meals, I came down with gastric 3 years ago.
Ultimately, I starting having my own plans, my own life, rather than revolve my life around him.
Through the years, I have became very independent, on the other hand, he has became reliant.
Deep down we both knew, our positions have interchanged. I used to be the one waiting and waiting while he's occupied with family, friends and work. Now, he's the one who's waiting because I am tied up in work, family, studies and friends.
If insecurity is what he felt, I can't help. I have done all I can, I can't possibly give up all my friends.
From Day One he knew me, 90% of my friends have been guys.
And, he knew he was wrong, but he said he simply can't help it and term it as 'That's just being me, I can't change'.
Probably because of your adamant self beliefs that problems are generally solvable and you have much endurance to spare; your seemingly lack of drive to initiate yourself out of this relationship might to be due to a ironic situation where you feel that you haven't find enough reason to coerce yourself to leave, although they are blatant reasons to. (This is a karmic phenomenon known to CloUdiSm as Frog Theory X Fixedly).
Seriously, it doesn't really matter how much 'well-intended' reasoning someone else can put across - you don't really need those; what you require is simply just a decision and to stick with it. Either to walk away permanently or to change the circumstances of your relationship.
You must understand this: you can even walk away without a reason, if you are really bend on leaving. If you are firm on staying, nothing can make you go. For Love is freewill and emotional bondage are usually karmic by nature.
And all the angles and perspectives are actually barriers that hinder movements to freedom. Some people don't realize this: to bury themselves with all sort of angles and perspectives, by rationalizing that it is important to avoid making mistakes and having regrets in the future, is often the introduction of stagnation. Taking calculated moves are reasonable; but not when you are overly obsessed with the notion of fear, which ultimately immobilize you. Then the source of your angles and perspective are nothing but excuses for insecurity to thrive and the unconscious steps in employing avoidance tactics to evade existing problems.
You are resigned to the fact that your man wouldn't change, but subconsciously, you are waiting for an exception. You waited and waited - patience might be running out, but you could easily say that hope survived all adversity. Albeit, I say it's good to occupy your time and make life much more meaningful outside that of your ailing relationship, but you must also recognize that it is a facade to avoid confronting your relationship altogether and delaying the inevitable.
What do I mean by delaying the inevitable?
Should your relationship perish under major incompatibility, then it will surely manifest towards that direction, unless something drastic happen. Relationship only change, if humans evolved themselves. This ensures the long term positive development of a relationship and not resorting to short term measures to patch certain vulnerabilities for a limited period of time. The latter would be too prescriptive in problem-solving and is often ineffective because individual cosmic lessons are not mastered, thus reiterated lessons over and over again.
If a relationship is always a source of conflict, then the mark of wisdom would be to identity the real cusp of issue and evolve them.
Your man lives in a massive delusion; he thinks that his relationship is functioning well and flourishing. Although he sensed that something is not quite right somewhere in his kingdom, but like the Emperor's New Clothes, he somewhat believed that if he maintain this illusion of grandeur, things will just tide over somehow. He threatened you with break-up because it puts a full-stop to your approach in trying to dispel this illusion. And it works every time he play this trick, so that rules hardly change.
Your permission to succumb compromised the integrity of the relationship, thus sacrificing long term growth. Over a vast period of time, the relationship cracks and bleeds indefinitely.
Now you are completely lost in trying to mend the damage.
By yourself.
There is only so much discrimination, disrespect and suppression one can endure before burn-out occurs. 'That's just me and I can't change' attitude is pretty much self absorbed on his end too. But as a separate issue, your decision to choose him as your mate, with the misery that accompanied your choice, is surely part of your karmic circumstance to understand and learn certain abstract concept of Love.
If lost must occur before one could gain enlightenment, would you allow that growth by imparting the lesson of lost?
Sometimes, divorce is loving.(Ninth Law of Love).
Cheers
Pretty surprised by the 'inferior Q'. I don't feel inferior than him. In fact, I don't feel inferior to anyone; each individual has our own lives, regardless of 'so-called' status, as long as we are happy, nothing really matters.
As for someone being better than him, I believe there are, but I don't do any comparisons as everyone is an unique individual. I do have friends telling me to break and that they will treat me better than he does. I just went ???.
But it all boils down to the fact that I do feel tired out from the relationship. How not to?
I have been 'babysitting' the guy for four years; every single thing that crops up in his life, I am the one settling it. He may want to do it his way, I do let him, but silently I have to come up with a back up solution because his ways will never work.
I serve as the counsellor for his personal and work communications problems, the legal counsel as well as the management advisor for his family business. His friends and family didn't know; whenever they ask about his business, he will happily said the business has perked up etc etc. I just remain silent; I never expect anything in return except respect.
If u are referring 'worth' in terms of my life, I do lead a happy life, excluding the part on my relationship. I have a career, great family and great friends; I still am furthering my studies part time and I have been active in volunteer work. Everyone, apart from him, knows me as bubbly and outgoing.
I have tried talking to him numerous times, but he is sticking by his own thinking.
He felt that all he did is right; and most times will put his ridiculous ways as being stubborn, saying 'That's me. You know me.'
Financially he's not stable; after all, that's his father's business, whatever the business earns will go to the parents, not him. He's jus drawing a salary; below market rate.
Talking about finances, he will scold and make a big deal if I donate to charity; nowadays I just kept quiet about the donations stuff.
Same goes for if I give my parents allowances out of my salary.
I did fight for my decisions. Ultimately, he will pop the Q of 'Let's break off'; which will stop me from further 'discussion'.
I have never felt there is a need to 'break off' just because of minor issues. That's why I chose to remain silent; but seems that this 'break off' phrase has been popping up every now and then over the smallest of issues.
What's worst is that every two months, he will undergo a mood swing and starts feeling dejected and insists that our relationship has staled, 'froze', I am not caring and loving him enough etc. But he will be fine after a few days and apologise.
Two yrs back, his proposal was to tie me into the relationship as a few other suitors came up and he felt pretty threatened especially when they actually approach him to 'warn' him to treat me well. I am pretty amused.
What do u feel about this thinking of tying me down?
Another scenario was that two yrs plus back, I was nearly 'sexually abused' by a close friend. He was the third to know; because I expected what his reaction would be. He barked down the phone at me, text me scolding sms and told me if the friend succeeeded, I will never see him again. At that time, I really wonder if he's the victim or me. In case, u all are wondering if I have dressed very outrageously, nope, that night I wore bermudas and a big baggy T-shirt to go out for dinner with my friend.
Is that how all guys react when they know their gf was nearly 'sexually abused'?
I also forego my chances of overseas study and overseas work attachment, to him, it's something I should do in order to 'continue' this relationship. He felt there's always give and take; I have to give up all the opportunities in order to 'appreciate' his love.
To join in his family gatherings is something I should do because his bro-in-law also joins in their gatherings.
No matter how his family demands me to do things, demands things from me, including taking the pda I jus bought, I have to give in, including bearing all the non-sensical insults. FYI, they don't call my by name, they call me by my address - the block number. He doesn't stop them and felt it's ok that they call me that.
On the other hand, he seldom joins in my family gatherings; he doesn't come my place often either; reason, he's afraid my mum will grill her on how's treating me.
Funny?
He doesn't send me to my doorstep to make sure I am safe, no matter how late it is, he send me to the block beside mine. Reason - He said he's lazy and tired. On the bright side, there's at least an 'improvement'. He used to jus drop me off at the carpark and I walked back myself, my block isn't connected to the carpark; it could be 4am, but still, ps walk back urself.
My 5 years-old niece cried and insists on buying a soft toy, costing 20 bucks, when we brought her out, he said she's a spoilt brat, that we all spoilt her rotten because her parents had passed away in an accident. FYI, my sis and bro-in-law died in a car accident when my niece was still young.
But, his 13yr old bro, cries and shouts and screams and jumps up and down when we don't get him the whole series of game cards, costing about 50 bucks, he said my bro is only 13 yrs old, he's still young, he's not spoilt, jus young, not matured yet, don't know how to think.
Are all guys like that? Or mine is just simply a 'special case'?
When his old flame text him at 3am, he felt he was 'needed', he needs to go down the next day and see her immediately. It's fine, maybe she really needs a company.
But, to the extent of forgetting I am in hospital? I was admitted the night his old flame text him; I told him my ward and bed no, he said he would pop by tomorrow. He remembered only after he had met his old flame and had a good night's sleep.
These problems started in the very first year; I have hung on and tried to solve.
But to him, talking out = let's break off.
What can I do? Each time I wanna talk, he'll said if it's so hard, then break off.
Break off is not a solution, that I understand; I just wanna a talk to solve things. But if he just simply doesn't wanna talk and use break off as a way to stop the talk, I really don't know what else I can try.
Whatever ways I can think of, I have tried.
Straight outburst at him to wake him - tried, he just felt I am crazy.
Wanna slap him to wake him - his response, ps slap me, but forget about waking me up.
Let him cool off, then have a good talk with him to make him realise what's wrong - tried, replied me with a 'Yes, Yes, I know', two months later 'back to normal'.
Disappearing Act - Tried, he went around looking for me at places where I mostly hang out, promising me everything, two months later, 'back to normal'.
Even my mum talked to him, she 'hijacked' him at the carpark; he went 'Yes, Yes, Auntie'; weeks later, back to normal.
When asked how stable is our relationship by friends, he will say it's actually very stable; good etc. But still, he will act up every now and then. When confronted on why act up when he felt it's stable, he just shrugged his shoulders.
I am trying to be logical; if what I am doing is considered logical.
My life used to revolve around him, and him only. I can stay at home jus to wait for his tex/call because he told me he would be meeting me. If he told me he wanna meet me for dinner, I would wait. The longest I waited was till 11pm, jus for a dinner with him.
My parents knew; they attempted to drag me out for dinner couple of times, trying to tempt me by suggesting that they will be going to my fave restaurant.
I lied; saying he would be coming soon. the moment they left, I changed my clothes and went out; loitering around and waiting at nearby blocks for him.
As time passed, I realised it was truly ridiculous of me. 'Waiting' became a part of my life, wait for dinner, wait for lunch, wait and wait and wait.
Due to the irregular meals, I came down with gastric 3 years ago.
Ultimately, I starting having my own plans, my own life, rather than revolve my life around him.
Through the years, I have became very independent, on the other hand, he has became reliant.
Deep down we both knew, our positions have interchanged. I used to be the one waiting and waiting while he's occupied with family, friends and work. Now, he's the one who's waiting because I am tied up in work, family, studies and friends.
If insecurity is what he felt, I can't help. I have done all I can, I can't possibly give up all my friends.
From Day One he knew me, 90% of my friends have been guys.
And, he knew he was wrong, but he said he simply can't help it and term it as 'That's just being me, I can't change'.
Probably because of your adamant self beliefs that problems are generally solvable and you have much endurance to spare; your seemingly lack of drive to initiate yourself out of this relationship might to be due to a ironic situation where you feel that you haven't find enough reason to coerce yourself to leave, although they are blatant reasons to. (This is a karmic phenomenon known to CloUdiSm as Frog Theory X Fixedly).
Seriously, it doesn't really matter how much 'well-intended' reasoning someone else can put across - you don't really need those; what you require is simply just a decision and to stick with it. Either to walk away permanently or to change the circumstances of your relationship.
You must understand this: you can even walk away without a reason, if you are really bend on leaving. If you are firm on staying, nothing can make you go. For Love is freewill and emotional bondage are usually karmic by nature.
And all the angles and perspectives are actually barriers that hinder movements to freedom. Some people don't realize this: to bury themselves with all sort of angles and perspectives, by rationalizing that it is important to avoid making mistakes and having regrets in the future, is often the introduction of stagnation. Taking calculated moves are reasonable; but not when you are overly obsessed with the notion of fear, which ultimately immobilize you. Then the source of your angles and perspective are nothing but excuses for insecurity to thrive and the unconscious steps in employing avoidance tactics to evade existing problems.
You are resigned to the fact that your man wouldn't change, but subconsciously, you are waiting for an exception. You waited and waited - patience might be running out, but you could easily say that hope survived all adversity. Albeit, I say it's good to occupy your time and make life much more meaningful outside that of your ailing relationship, but you must also recognize that it is a facade to avoid confronting your relationship altogether and delaying the inevitable.
What do I mean by delaying the inevitable?
Should your relationship perish under major incompatibility, then it will surely manifest towards that direction, unless something drastic happen. Relationship only change, if humans evolved themselves. This ensures the long term positive development of a relationship and not resorting to short term measures to patch certain vulnerabilities for a limited period of time. The latter would be too prescriptive in problem-solving and is often ineffective because individual cosmic lessons are not mastered, thus reiterated lessons over and over again.
If a relationship is always a source of conflict, then the mark of wisdom would be to identity the real cusp of issue and evolve them.
Your man lives in a massive delusion; he thinks that his relationship is functioning well and flourishing. Although he sensed that something is not quite right somewhere in his kingdom, but like the Emperor's New Clothes, he somewhat believed that if he maintain this illusion of grandeur, things will just tide over somehow. He threatened you with break-up because it puts a full-stop to your approach in trying to dispel this illusion. And it works every time he play this trick, so that rules hardly change.
Your permission to succumb compromised the integrity of the relationship, thus sacrificing long term growth. Over a vast period of time, the relationship cracks and bleeds indefinitely.
Now you are completely lost in trying to mend the damage.
By yourself.
There is only so much discrimination, disrespect and suppression one can endure before burn-out occurs. 'That's just me and I can't change' attitude is pretty much self absorbed on his end too. But as a separate issue, your decision to choose him as your mate, with the misery that accompanied your choice, is surely part of your karmic circumstance to understand and learn certain abstract concept of Love.
If lost must occur before one could gain enlightenment, would you allow that growth by imparting the lesson of lost?
Sometimes, divorce is loving.(Ninth Law of Love).
Cheers
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