The new black Kaws Companion - if only I could lay my hands on one of those goodie... ^_^
Cheers
Monday, January 29, 2007
Kaws Companion
The new black Kaws Companion - if only I could lay my hands on one of those goodie... ^_^
Cheers
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Aunt Agony II 280107
Originally posted by veronicatan:
i smsed him ytday afternoon, asking him if he think he is beginning to take me for granted. called me 1/2 hour later but i was attending to a customer, couldnt talk. called him 2 hours later during my dinner break but he was in a work thing. he didnt call me last night. this morning, saw him in msn. chatted for a while, but he didnt mention about the sms at all. is he really taking me for granted?
i know that is unhealthy or harmful for a relationship. but looking that the facts, he is always not free to sms/return call and when i asked that qn, he doesnt reply, is that a sign of taking for granted. i know people in relationship should be understanding tat partner are busy and etc, but isnt relationship also about making time for each other? as it is, we only talk when we have the time. for the past 8 days, we only talked 3 times in msn cos we 'run' into each other coincidentally. the fact is, i have been waiting in front of the laptop for him to go online. yes, btw, he is posted overseas to work for 3 mths, 1 mth has passed. he is now overseas. and there is no difference in timezone
I would say give him the benefit of the doubt, since he's on official purpose overseas and not there to make merry.
At least try to lower what's 'standard' to you during this three months. IF love wasn't an issue, he has probably some good reason/s why he isn't proactive in upkeeping communication. Of course, you might argue that he could have make time for it if he has the heart to, but I wouldn't not advocate your thinking along that direction since it probably spell unnecessary worries and fears.
I wouldn't say he is taking you for granted literally, as this is likely to be a small hurdle of three months. You might want to relate your experience to him personally when he comes back and talk about it. After all, should you condemn him for something, at least allow him the chance to explain or at least improve himself if it's troubling you.
Meanwhile, do what you can to improve things - leave the major talk for later... when he comes back.
Cheers
i smsed him ytday afternoon, asking him if he think he is beginning to take me for granted. called me 1/2 hour later but i was attending to a customer, couldnt talk. called him 2 hours later during my dinner break but he was in a work thing. he didnt call me last night. this morning, saw him in msn. chatted for a while, but he didnt mention about the sms at all. is he really taking me for granted?
i know that is unhealthy or harmful for a relationship. but looking that the facts, he is always not free to sms/return call and when i asked that qn, he doesnt reply, is that a sign of taking for granted. i know people in relationship should be understanding tat partner are busy and etc, but isnt relationship also about making time for each other? as it is, we only talk when we have the time. for the past 8 days, we only talked 3 times in msn cos we 'run' into each other coincidentally. the fact is, i have been waiting in front of the laptop for him to go online. yes, btw, he is posted overseas to work for 3 mths, 1 mth has passed. he is now overseas. and there is no difference in timezone
I would say give him the benefit of the doubt, since he's on official purpose overseas and not there to make merry.
At least try to lower what's 'standard' to you during this three months. IF love wasn't an issue, he has probably some good reason/s why he isn't proactive in upkeeping communication. Of course, you might argue that he could have make time for it if he has the heart to, but I wouldn't not advocate your thinking along that direction since it probably spell unnecessary worries and fears.
I wouldn't say he is taking you for granted literally, as this is likely to be a small hurdle of three months. You might want to relate your experience to him personally when he comes back and talk about it. After all, should you condemn him for something, at least allow him the chance to explain or at least improve himself if it's troubling you.
Meanwhile, do what you can to improve things - leave the major talk for later... when he comes back.
Cheers
Aunt Agony 280107 (Expand on AA 240107)
Originally posted by kuri:
hmmm he said he has been quite fast in his last relationship cos he wants wat he wants? anyway that relationship lasted for 7 years afterall so he believes smt that comes fast can last long too and he cohabited with his ex so u cant say he's that inexperienced..that's why i asked in another thread that if a guy has had sex in his previous relationship is it possible for him to come to terms that there's none or not going to be it in his current one? at first he said he's not like other guys he doesnt lust for me he loves me so he wouldnt hold it against me even if we only start kissing one yr after we get together now he says isnt making out normal in a normal relationship? he's running into contradicting thoughts in himself hence the "sorry i did smt" confessions which led me to become more apprehensive bout him n strain the "relationship" more. i m trying to find a way to resolve the frustrations i really dun want him to b hurt anymore think it will wreck his confidence in girls after the last trauma he had n now me but it's really not feasible to go on long like this..
I reckoned that once guys are used to love making in a relationship, they see it as part of a package and not because they lust after their girlfriend in a negative sense. Hence, it doesn't suggest that he's sexually easy because love must exist before love making could happen.
As what FI could have said: series monogamy perhaps?
The reasoning is very simple: if a woman has gotten used to having chauffeured around in cars throughout her experience in any relationship, it could mean a lot of adjustment to make if her next boyfriend doesn't have his own private transport. But this doesn't mean that the woman is materialistic, it probably suggests that she has seen that as part of the 'man package'.
Likewise, the man could learn abstinence and the woman could learn to cope with taking public transport, but when you are talking about habitual - apart from just robust love, there is also a great demand for discipline and compromising. It would be great if one is able to surmount those little thingy and work upon that potential relationship, but it wouldn't be easy.
Your man has gradually shown it: start kissing after one year into a relationship? When in fact he has cohabited with his ex and kissing is probably as natural as air? Now he's asking 'isn't making love normal?' Logically, he would have told himself that if he really loves you, he would respect your decision, but emotionally, it would have told him 'even if you kiss her, what so blasphemous about it?' And that would counter all logics (emotions are 24 times stronger than the mind) because that itself is 'logical' as well.
I wouldn't say that this potential relationship is doomed to failure because yunhaier believes in freewill and the fate of relationship is dictated by our own hands. But surely, there's much work to be done. The question is: are you (and him) ready for the difficulties ahead? If you are feared by how a relationship with him would turn out and constantly imagine or picture the possible dire consequence, I would safety say that every negative thought will become a reality - you accepted that as part of your freewill, isn't it?
There isn't a point to accept him, if some parts of your soul aren’t convince about his proposal. If you are not comfortable, chances are, you still wouldn't be when you are with him.
P.S: I would like to share an interest note: Many people presume that the abstinence of sex will create a more fulfilling experience of love making in marriage, but that only applies in certain situation. It truly depends on the root of the abstinence (or aversion) to sex - because if one holds unhealthy perception/mindset towards her sexuality, it WILL carry forward into her marriage and a marriage doesn't resolve problems about his/her sexuality, neither does it alter the perception of sex in any ways.
What makes people think that when you legalized sex through marriage, the man would (i) have better sex, (ii) more sex? (Dignified planets in Earth Elements and relatively good placing may suggest better love making in exchange of security, but when 8th/5th house is severely afflicted by Saturn, it's another issue altogether). I am not promoting pre-marital sex; rather, it's more important to discern the underlying structure of your partner's mindset, so that one would have a more holistic view to make better decision or to have higher understanding.
Sex or no sex is not as important as understanding how your mate function. I think most people only try to understand personality, not comfortable with the notion of understanding each other's sexuality.
Cheers
hmmm he said he has been quite fast in his last relationship cos he wants wat he wants? anyway that relationship lasted for 7 years afterall so he believes smt that comes fast can last long too and he cohabited with his ex so u cant say he's that inexperienced..that's why i asked in another thread that if a guy has had sex in his previous relationship is it possible for him to come to terms that there's none or not going to be it in his current one? at first he said he's not like other guys he doesnt lust for me he loves me so he wouldnt hold it against me even if we only start kissing one yr after we get together now he says isnt making out normal in a normal relationship? he's running into contradicting thoughts in himself hence the "sorry i did smt" confessions which led me to become more apprehensive bout him n strain the "relationship" more. i m trying to find a way to resolve the frustrations i really dun want him to b hurt anymore think it will wreck his confidence in girls after the last trauma he had n now me but it's really not feasible to go on long like this..
I reckoned that once guys are used to love making in a relationship, they see it as part of a package and not because they lust after their girlfriend in a negative sense. Hence, it doesn't suggest that he's sexually easy because love must exist before love making could happen.
As what FI could have said: series monogamy perhaps?
The reasoning is very simple: if a woman has gotten used to having chauffeured around in cars throughout her experience in any relationship, it could mean a lot of adjustment to make if her next boyfriend doesn't have his own private transport. But this doesn't mean that the woman is materialistic, it probably suggests that she has seen that as part of the 'man package'.
Likewise, the man could learn abstinence and the woman could learn to cope with taking public transport, but when you are talking about habitual - apart from just robust love, there is also a great demand for discipline and compromising. It would be great if one is able to surmount those little thingy and work upon that potential relationship, but it wouldn't be easy.
Your man has gradually shown it: start kissing after one year into a relationship? When in fact he has cohabited with his ex and kissing is probably as natural as air? Now he's asking 'isn't making love normal?' Logically, he would have told himself that if he really loves you, he would respect your decision, but emotionally, it would have told him 'even if you kiss her, what so blasphemous about it?' And that would counter all logics (emotions are 24 times stronger than the mind) because that itself is 'logical' as well.
I wouldn't say that this potential relationship is doomed to failure because yunhaier believes in freewill and the fate of relationship is dictated by our own hands. But surely, there's much work to be done. The question is: are you (and him) ready for the difficulties ahead? If you are feared by how a relationship with him would turn out and constantly imagine or picture the possible dire consequence, I would safety say that every negative thought will become a reality - you accepted that as part of your freewill, isn't it?
There isn't a point to accept him, if some parts of your soul aren’t convince about his proposal. If you are not comfortable, chances are, you still wouldn't be when you are with him.
P.S: I would like to share an interest note: Many people presume that the abstinence of sex will create a more fulfilling experience of love making in marriage, but that only applies in certain situation. It truly depends on the root of the abstinence (or aversion) to sex - because if one holds unhealthy perception/mindset towards her sexuality, it WILL carry forward into her marriage and a marriage doesn't resolve problems about his/her sexuality, neither does it alter the perception of sex in any ways.
What makes people think that when you legalized sex through marriage, the man would (i) have better sex, (ii) more sex? (Dignified planets in Earth Elements and relatively good placing may suggest better love making in exchange of security, but when 8th/5th house is severely afflicted by Saturn, it's another issue altogether). I am not promoting pre-marital sex; rather, it's more important to discern the underlying structure of your partner's mindset, so that one would have a more holistic view to make better decision or to have higher understanding.
Sex or no sex is not as important as understanding how your mate function. I think most people only try to understand personality, not comfortable with the notion of understanding each other's sexuality.
Cheers
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Aunt Agony II 270107
Originally posted by p0610465:
Hi guys, I was always looking around in Aunt Agony and seeing people with their emotion problems. Never expected 1 day I would need to post here too.
I was with my gf for 3 years plus. Our character is very different. I don't know how to describe the differences, but we are just plain different. I used to be a guy who is like very easy going 1. So she used to complain that I am not gentlemen etc. So I tried to changed by doing things like opening doors for her, carrying her heavy stuff for her even if she didn't ask me to. She also changed in her own way.
Then recently for the past few months, we will always be quarreling over the slightest issue. Like we have different opinions on things also can quarrel.
So is over all this small minor quarrels that I know that she actually know she got so much unhappiness about me. Eg, she thinks I am still not gentlemen enough, I not sweet enough, not gentle enough. And everytime after all this quarrel, she will try to dump me. Even though sometimes is not my fault. So tried to pacify her and try to get her to patch up the relatioship back after all this small quarrels.
And today we quarreled yet again. This time over branded stuff. I told her, she buy branded stuff is for the brand and not for the quality as she claimed. Then she go use all her business knowledge she learnt in poly to 'attack' me back, and so the quarrel leads again to the same ending again. We 'broke up' again. Whether we will come back together again, I really don't know.
My point is that she keeps asking me to change. But I am I. It is my characteristic. Why keep asking me to change? Her ideal bf must be atleast Average looking(i don't think too highly of myself physically),Must be a gentlemen(I am just a guy who don't treat female with special care. It is like I treat my female friends equally as my male friends. I won't go rush to open the door or what. I open if i am nearer to the door or something like that)
And she like guys with nice chest. (I used to be a Staff Sergeant in the NCC but after coming to poly, you should know what happen to the fitness and body shape)
Am I such a lousy bf? Why does anything I do seem to be wrong to her? I loved her alot but why I do seem so weak in relationship, or am I just plain lousy? I really don't know. I am really so sick of life. I can't get distinction for any of my poly subjects, relationship screwed up. I don't know what I want in life anymore. I feel like a loser. Someone unwanted, some worthless sucker.
I have thought about dying, but afraid to jump. Wanted to take pills, but worry of a slow painful death. Even ending my own life I am scared. I am really very useless and lousy..
.
Sorry for the long entry, I just don't know where to voice out my feelings anymore.
Sometimes, people are too focused on plain idealism that they very often try to input those dreamy visions into that of their love partner. Of course reality is very much different from fantasy - that's probably the reason why she would have so much bone to pick about you, as she wants to shape you into her ideal boyfriend.
But we all know there isn't a perfect mate - only imperfect partners constructing a seeming-perfect relationship.
I personally know of this lady, who isn't particularly fantastic in any aspects, always living in idealism with regards to the man in her life. Eventually, she has gotten someone below par in all aspects of her expectations and she has never failed to pick on her boyfriend. This poor guy tried to compromise to her desire because he reckon that her 'demands' are reasonable and he wants to improve.
Never did he realise how she was trashing his esteem, to transform him into something that he wasn't and trying to fit him into her frame of an 'ideal boyfriend'.
She wants a gentleman? Above average looking? Great Bod? Then why did she choose you in the first place, knowing that you are nowhere near a gentleman... equipped with a pretty face or even a killer physique? Or the truth is such that because you happened to be available and there wasn't any other better choice?
I think when it comes to love, one of the greatest element crucial to forge a miracle relationship is appreciation? How can you ever hope to accept someone for who he/she is without appreciating him/her as himself/herself? It's good to eradicate our flaws and improve upon them, but if she wants you to 'improve' so as to satisfy her own agenda, basically, it's not so much about you... much more than it's about her?
Nobody has the prerogative to destroy another's esteem, especially those we considered as love ones. I would say if she is so dissatisfied you, you might as well release her for greener pasture so that she might be 'happier' being with someone who could fit the frame of her ideal boyfriend?
Cheers
Hi guys, I was always looking around in Aunt Agony and seeing people with their emotion problems. Never expected 1 day I would need to post here too.
I was with my gf for 3 years plus. Our character is very different. I don't know how to describe the differences, but we are just plain different. I used to be a guy who is like very easy going 1. So she used to complain that I am not gentlemen etc. So I tried to changed by doing things like opening doors for her, carrying her heavy stuff for her even if she didn't ask me to. She also changed in her own way.
Then recently for the past few months, we will always be quarreling over the slightest issue. Like we have different opinions on things also can quarrel.
So is over all this small minor quarrels that I know that she actually know she got so much unhappiness about me. Eg, she thinks I am still not gentlemen enough, I not sweet enough, not gentle enough. And everytime after all this quarrel, she will try to dump me. Even though sometimes is not my fault. So tried to pacify her and try to get her to patch up the relatioship back after all this small quarrels.
And today we quarreled yet again. This time over branded stuff. I told her, she buy branded stuff is for the brand and not for the quality as she claimed. Then she go use all her business knowledge she learnt in poly to 'attack' me back, and so the quarrel leads again to the same ending again. We 'broke up' again. Whether we will come back together again, I really don't know.
My point is that she keeps asking me to change. But I am I. It is my characteristic. Why keep asking me to change? Her ideal bf must be atleast Average looking(i don't think too highly of myself physically),Must be a gentlemen(I am just a guy who don't treat female with special care. It is like I treat my female friends equally as my male friends. I won't go rush to open the door or what. I open if i am nearer to the door or something like that)
And she like guys with nice chest. (I used to be a Staff Sergeant in the NCC but after coming to poly, you should know what happen to the fitness and body shape)
Am I such a lousy bf? Why does anything I do seem to be wrong to her? I loved her alot but why I do seem so weak in relationship, or am I just plain lousy? I really don't know. I am really so sick of life. I can't get distinction for any of my poly subjects, relationship screwed up. I don't know what I want in life anymore. I feel like a loser. Someone unwanted, some worthless sucker.
I have thought about dying, but afraid to jump. Wanted to take pills, but worry of a slow painful death. Even ending my own life I am scared. I am really very useless and lousy..
.
Sorry for the long entry, I just don't know where to voice out my feelings anymore.
Sometimes, people are too focused on plain idealism that they very often try to input those dreamy visions into that of their love partner. Of course reality is very much different from fantasy - that's probably the reason why she would have so much bone to pick about you, as she wants to shape you into her ideal boyfriend.
But we all know there isn't a perfect mate - only imperfect partners constructing a seeming-perfect relationship.
I personally know of this lady, who isn't particularly fantastic in any aspects, always living in idealism with regards to the man in her life. Eventually, she has gotten someone below par in all aspects of her expectations and she has never failed to pick on her boyfriend. This poor guy tried to compromise to her desire because he reckon that her 'demands' are reasonable and he wants to improve.
Never did he realise how she was trashing his esteem, to transform him into something that he wasn't and trying to fit him into her frame of an 'ideal boyfriend'.
She wants a gentleman? Above average looking? Great Bod? Then why did she choose you in the first place, knowing that you are nowhere near a gentleman... equipped with a pretty face or even a killer physique? Or the truth is such that because you happened to be available and there wasn't any other better choice?
I think when it comes to love, one of the greatest element crucial to forge a miracle relationship is appreciation? How can you ever hope to accept someone for who he/she is without appreciating him/her as himself/herself? It's good to eradicate our flaws and improve upon them, but if she wants you to 'improve' so as to satisfy her own agenda, basically, it's not so much about you... much more than it's about her?
Nobody has the prerogative to destroy another's esteem, especially those we considered as love ones. I would say if she is so dissatisfied you, you might as well release her for greener pasture so that she might be 'happier' being with someone who could fit the frame of her ideal boyfriend?
Cheers
Aunt Agony 270107
Originally posted by darkskies:
we have broken up for over half a year now. i thought i had already gotten over it.
during this period, whenever images of her appeared in my mind, i would immediately think about other things and try to avoid the issue. whenever friends mentioned her, i would change the subject. gradually i started to think lesser, and i became a more positive person. i thought it was all working out...
apparently i was wrong. seeing her together with another guy, hand in hand, appearing right in front of me. but i can't blame fate. singapore is so small afterall. the pain all returned. flashbacks of the past. how she used to hold my hand like she held his.
then i realized, i never really let go...
When I was young, I was bitten by giant red ants because I was trampling their nest playfully. As I grew older, whenever I see those ants crawling along anywhere, it always reminded me of how painful my little feet were previously - but that doesn't mean I am feeling the actual pain.
Of course, if I were to trample over their nest once again, the chances for me to feel the same pain I did years back is very likely?
Probably because I didn't learn my lesson?
***
Flashback doesn't mean anything because your flashback didn't create the reason for you to do anything about it. It merely reminds you of your ordeal, but it is not a signal to remain stagnant or a reason for not releasing yourself.
You are doing fine. Just continue your effort to evolve yourself. With time, you should be fine.
Cheers
we have broken up for over half a year now. i thought i had already gotten over it.
during this period, whenever images of her appeared in my mind, i would immediately think about other things and try to avoid the issue. whenever friends mentioned her, i would change the subject. gradually i started to think lesser, and i became a more positive person. i thought it was all working out...
apparently i was wrong. seeing her together with another guy, hand in hand, appearing right in front of me. but i can't blame fate. singapore is so small afterall. the pain all returned. flashbacks of the past. how she used to hold my hand like she held his.
then i realized, i never really let go...
When I was young, I was bitten by giant red ants because I was trampling their nest playfully. As I grew older, whenever I see those ants crawling along anywhere, it always reminded me of how painful my little feet were previously - but that doesn't mean I am feeling the actual pain.
Of course, if I were to trample over their nest once again, the chances for me to feel the same pain I did years back is very likely?
Probably because I didn't learn my lesson?
***
Flashback doesn't mean anything because your flashback didn't create the reason for you to do anything about it. It merely reminds you of your ordeal, but it is not a signal to remain stagnant or a reason for not releasing yourself.
You are doing fine. Just continue your effort to evolve yourself. With time, you should be fine.
Cheers
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Project Runway (校服版）
I was involved in STOMP's latest event - Design a School Uniform Competition - which was concluded last Sat. But I must say that it was hellva fun event, albeit it kinda shagged me out from all those preparation in the morning and full run. Somehow, I could see that Shalala was stressed by our student models, especially Andrea's gothic girl and my Kingston. Haha!
Sidney damn freaking suay too - everybody thought he was Kingston when they spotted him concealing behind the sound console, peering through the small crowd, wondering where was I.
Sorry dude (but at least the book was good... hiak!).
And I was the male student models 保姆: ensuring that they performed properly, eat their lunch, styled their hair (Kingston's hair was single-handedly done by me), wore the matching shoes with their outfit, help them put on make up (yes, I powdered all their fringin` faces), noise control, take photograph, reserved goodie bags and make sure that they don't run around with their uniform.
And STOMP MMS singer - Paul Tangirala looked so much like Thiru? I laughed the shit out of my pants when I first saw him.
Oh well... it was worth every single bit of hardwork. Minus the rain, I would have rate this event a 8.7 out of 10 (-0.3 for the rain).
Relatively easy, but fun project.
Sigh... another month to go before my contract ends with SPH.
Log on to STOMP.com.sg (under STOMP cast) and search for 'Project Runway, School Uniform Style) to view the walk!
P.S: To view Chinese characters, go to view and Encode to Unicode (UTF-8). ^_^
Cheers
Aunt Agony II 240107
Originally posted by thickskin23:
I have a gf who been with me for 7 years, She is very nice to me. One month ago i meet another girl. I guess i was attracted by her, we had lunch and phone chats and i could tell that she like me also, i just feel comfortable with her ( We never hold hands or do other things).
However i realised i cannot carry on this anymore, so i told that girl i was just toying with her feelings. I feel so sad when i said that but i could not be bad to my gf who give 7 years of her best life to me.
Now i am still trying to get over that girl but at times i find myself at the mrt station waiting to just catch a glimpse of her.
I really wanted to tell my gf that i did something wrong, i just cannot bear to meet with her eyes when we go out. I even stop holding her hands but i feel so terrible as i had been faithful for the past 7 years, i really feel that i am cheap.
I just call and ask to meet my gf but she said she is still busy. We hardly had time to see each other lately since she got promoted. Anyway i think i should really had a good talk with her, nowadays our conversation is all about her work.
i call myself cheap beacause i am attracted to another girl while still in relationship, i should not allow myself to get pass the first barrier.
Your emotional needs are not satisfied, therefore vulnerability creeps in.
Even if there's another girl whom you regard highly with a weird feeling, I don't think that would constitute you being 'cheap', as long as you don't cheat on your gf by going anywhere further.
Contrary to popular belief, I do not believe in the abstinence of evil for the preservation of good - I believe in knowing temptation (evil) and get in touch with them because only when you have bathed in pool of 'temptation' and gotten out 'unscathed' by choosing good, would you actually gain enlightenment and self guard yourself from future adversity.
Of course, the common man's belief is that if you cannot handle it, avoid it - I would say that is hellva right too.
But I always choose the unorthodox way to manage myself.
Rule of thumb is: if you feel something is not quite right, always look into your relationship for reasons and resolve it. Most of the time, the actual reasons are not found beyond the boundaries of your relationship (although it may seemed so). In simple: You may think that it's the girl's appearance in your life, but I would tell you that it's your relationship.
Cheers
I have a gf who been with me for 7 years, She is very nice to me. One month ago i meet another girl. I guess i was attracted by her, we had lunch and phone chats and i could tell that she like me also, i just feel comfortable with her ( We never hold hands or do other things).
However i realised i cannot carry on this anymore, so i told that girl i was just toying with her feelings. I feel so sad when i said that but i could not be bad to my gf who give 7 years of her best life to me.
Now i am still trying to get over that girl but at times i find myself at the mrt station waiting to just catch a glimpse of her.
I really wanted to tell my gf that i did something wrong, i just cannot bear to meet with her eyes when we go out. I even stop holding her hands but i feel so terrible as i had been faithful for the past 7 years, i really feel that i am cheap.
I just call and ask to meet my gf but she said she is still busy. We hardly had time to see each other lately since she got promoted. Anyway i think i should really had a good talk with her, nowadays our conversation is all about her work.
i call myself cheap beacause i am attracted to another girl while still in relationship, i should not allow myself to get pass the first barrier.
Your emotional needs are not satisfied, therefore vulnerability creeps in.
Even if there's another girl whom you regard highly with a weird feeling, I don't think that would constitute you being 'cheap', as long as you don't cheat on your gf by going anywhere further.
Contrary to popular belief, I do not believe in the abstinence of evil for the preservation of good - I believe in knowing temptation (evil) and get in touch with them because only when you have bathed in pool of 'temptation' and gotten out 'unscathed' by choosing good, would you actually gain enlightenment and self guard yourself from future adversity.
Of course, the common man's belief is that if you cannot handle it, avoid it - I would say that is hellva right too.
But I always choose the unorthodox way to manage myself.
Rule of thumb is: if you feel something is not quite right, always look into your relationship for reasons and resolve it. Most of the time, the actual reasons are not found beyond the boundaries of your relationship (although it may seemed so). In simple: You may think that it's the girl's appearance in your life, but I would tell you that it's your relationship.
Cheers
Aunt Agony 240107
Originally posted by kuri:
He says he really loves me.
I ask him why.
He says it's just based on feelings.
I say but my behaviour has been rather annoying from the first time we met.
And he says yes there were times i made him clenched his fist in frustration, however he has learnt to accept it for who i am.
Say i m thinking too much you may,but there's a nagging doubt in my head.
If i were really irritating to him why would he have wanted to get close to me in the first place?
Why bother to tolerate me if i need to b tolerated?
Love has no reason?
Really?
I would say that much of this 'issues' are byproduct by your unconscious negative attitude towards love and relationship. Your lack of confidence is mere reflection of your previous failure in relationship/s (or at least, it didn't turn out to something that you truly hoped it would be?). Somehow, your mind capture the essence of an 'unloving self', which is something you are unable to brush away unconsciously and provided the underlying root reason to reject him.
Originally posted by kuri:
Well,if i were to fall in love with him eventually it would be due to wat i said earlier i like him for,his patience with me. it is mainly that which attracts me to him.
But i dun see anything bout me that would interest him in the first place so i dun see why would he claimed to have fallen in love with me?
This is stirring up a lot of insecurities in me.
For starters, i am playful, quirky, unpredictable and perhaps immature, the definitely need to be coaxed all the time insecure kiddie. The kind who in his own words had considered a "dangerous girl" to him.
He was a serious young man with stable secure career and stuff who wanted a serious gf who would eventually be his life partner. I pointed out that difference to him and implied that perhaps he had thought he had fallen for me cos i m a new thrill, even asked him explicitly "are you sure it's not on impulse?" several times.
He told he's old enough and been thru sufficient experience to know how he feels and what he wants.
Cos this insecurity and the incompatiability which i pointed out, i m worried i would break his heart eventually or he would mine so i hav been pacing back and forth, cos i m unsure whether a relationship with him would have any chance of working out.
Also he's under a lot of stress lately, starting to show some signs of tireness towards having to be so sensitive to me and having to deal with my baby tantrums at times.
Your above reply revealed some deep gnawing inferiority - your incessant suspicion and doubt about his feelings for you mirrors exactly how it appears inside your troubled emotions. This 'unloving self' creeps in from some unfortunate experience and mutated rampantly into your perception and attitude towards love.
It's so blatant whenever I come across such virulent mindset and that he/she believes, to certain great extend, that they are not 'entitled' any fulfilling relationship. And because the mind refuse to believe that they are 'lovable' and they are also have the prerogative to any fulfilling relationship, they will always behave and react in a manner to compensate this negative mindset.
This is shown through your pseudo-testing of his patience and intentional provocative attitude to create a self fulfilling prophesy - that you are indeed 'unlovable', immature and not able to make this love a reality because you want to coerce him to concede. When he finally gives this up altogether, your subconscious goes 'Ah... I knew it... I am this bad...' and reinforced whatever false belief you foolishly cling on.
In the end, you may regret... and probably live with it forever if things are irrevocable.
Bear paints a likely scenario if your mindset continues to degenerate in this manner and it could possibly repeat onto the next guy and start another series of karmic cycle.
Your insecurity comes from yourself - resolve your negativity and mindset to gain clarity.
Cheers
He says he really loves me.
I ask him why.
He says it's just based on feelings.
I say but my behaviour has been rather annoying from the first time we met.
And he says yes there were times i made him clenched his fist in frustration, however he has learnt to accept it for who i am.
Say i m thinking too much you may,but there's a nagging doubt in my head.
If i were really irritating to him why would he have wanted to get close to me in the first place?
Why bother to tolerate me if i need to b tolerated?
Love has no reason?
Really?
I would say that much of this 'issues' are byproduct by your unconscious negative attitude towards love and relationship. Your lack of confidence is mere reflection of your previous failure in relationship/s (or at least, it didn't turn out to something that you truly hoped it would be?). Somehow, your mind capture the essence of an 'unloving self', which is something you are unable to brush away unconsciously and provided the underlying root reason to reject him.
Originally posted by kuri:
Well,if i were to fall in love with him eventually it would be due to wat i said earlier i like him for,his patience with me. it is mainly that which attracts me to him.
But i dun see anything bout me that would interest him in the first place so i dun see why would he claimed to have fallen in love with me?
This is stirring up a lot of insecurities in me.
For starters, i am playful, quirky, unpredictable and perhaps immature, the definitely need to be coaxed all the time insecure kiddie. The kind who in his own words had considered a "dangerous girl" to him.
He was a serious young man with stable secure career and stuff who wanted a serious gf who would eventually be his life partner. I pointed out that difference to him and implied that perhaps he had thought he had fallen for me cos i m a new thrill, even asked him explicitly "are you sure it's not on impulse?" several times.
He told he's old enough and been thru sufficient experience to know how he feels and what he wants.
Cos this insecurity and the incompatiability which i pointed out, i m worried i would break his heart eventually or he would mine so i hav been pacing back and forth, cos i m unsure whether a relationship with him would have any chance of working out.
Also he's under a lot of stress lately, starting to show some signs of tireness towards having to be so sensitive to me and having to deal with my baby tantrums at times.
Your above reply revealed some deep gnawing inferiority - your incessant suspicion and doubt about his feelings for you mirrors exactly how it appears inside your troubled emotions. This 'unloving self' creeps in from some unfortunate experience and mutated rampantly into your perception and attitude towards love.
It's so blatant whenever I come across such virulent mindset and that he/she believes, to certain great extend, that they are not 'entitled' any fulfilling relationship. And because the mind refuse to believe that they are 'lovable' and they are also have the prerogative to any fulfilling relationship, they will always behave and react in a manner to compensate this negative mindset.
This is shown through your pseudo-testing of his patience and intentional provocative attitude to create a self fulfilling prophesy - that you are indeed 'unlovable', immature and not able to make this love a reality because you want to coerce him to concede. When he finally gives this up altogether, your subconscious goes 'Ah... I knew it... I am this bad...' and reinforced whatever false belief you foolishly cling on.
In the end, you may regret... and probably live with it forever if things are irrevocable.
Bear paints a likely scenario if your mindset continues to degenerate in this manner and it could possibly repeat onto the next guy and start another series of karmic cycle.
Your insecurity comes from yourself - resolve your negativity and mindset to gain clarity.
Cheers
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Aunt Agony II 210107
Originally posted by CoupdeGras:
Yesterday afternoon had a small tiff with my gf at dobbyghaut. Just as we were about to take our dinner she left without informing me. Call her a number of times and she dun bother to reply any calls i make to her. I told myself maybe she needs some time to cool down and intend to look for her at around 12 at her house. When i reach there she is still not home. So i waited till 1 before giving her another call. This time round a guy pick up and ask me what i want and who i am. I was so shock, thought i had call the wrong number but worse still she finally answer and was in a drunk state. I ask her where she is and who she is with.... She refuse to tell me and only say dat her good friends dawn is with her
So i cont asking if she is going to come home and she say yes she will and soon.... I waited from 1am to 5 am for her my heart has never thump so fast b4 and worse still her friend dawn whom is staying above her is being send back by my gf ex.... So i question dawn whether my gf is with her ex now or not? I kinda like give up on any other thoughts and hope that she will be fine. however her friend shun all my question and say she will be fine.
Finally she returns at around 530 and never bother to explain anything to me. i'm so confuse and my mentally going crazy now. We have been staying together for 1 year and i put in my best to give her what every i can. but just a small tiff and her runaway outside with her ex make me feel really insecure.
Should i trust her again or should i leave it to fate and leave her. I bet another incident like this i will go crazy. I really hate the thoughts of going thru another torture times like last nite. Maybe she jus want to have fun while my thoughts of marrying her is so strong. I'm 26 and she is 24 . Should i not put everything into 1 relationship? When i was driving just now i almost know into a cab.... i am so lost...
Your girlfriend seemed to encounter difficulty in handling her emotions. I wouldn't know how 'small' your tiff is, but if she has always been resolving her own inner conflicts by drowning herself with booze and alcohol, it's a worrying trend. Runaway with ex kinda complicates this whole thing as well?
How come the ex is still in the picture? Maybe you could explain the 'grey-area' relationship between them?
People indulging in alcohol in this manner usually display tendency of an avoidance archetype personality in love. Neptune rules alcohol and at the same time... delusion.
Have you spoken to her previously with regards to this issue?
And lastly, does your 'tiff' actually belong to a bigger problem?
Cheers
Yesterday afternoon had a small tiff with my gf at dobbyghaut. Just as we were about to take our dinner she left without informing me. Call her a number of times and she dun bother to reply any calls i make to her. I told myself maybe she needs some time to cool down and intend to look for her at around 12 at her house. When i reach there she is still not home. So i waited till 1 before giving her another call. This time round a guy pick up and ask me what i want and who i am. I was so shock, thought i had call the wrong number but worse still she finally answer and was in a drunk state. I ask her where she is and who she is with.... She refuse to tell me and only say dat her good friends dawn is with her
So i cont asking if she is going to come home and she say yes she will and soon.... I waited from 1am to 5 am for her my heart has never thump so fast b4 and worse still her friend dawn whom is staying above her is being send back by my gf ex.... So i question dawn whether my gf is with her ex now or not? I kinda like give up on any other thoughts and hope that she will be fine. however her friend shun all my question and say she will be fine.
Finally she returns at around 530 and never bother to explain anything to me. i'm so confuse and my mentally going crazy now. We have been staying together for 1 year and i put in my best to give her what every i can. but just a small tiff and her runaway outside with her ex make me feel really insecure.
Should i trust her again or should i leave it to fate and leave her. I bet another incident like this i will go crazy. I really hate the thoughts of going thru another torture times like last nite. Maybe she jus want to have fun while my thoughts of marrying her is so strong. I'm 26 and she is 24 . Should i not put everything into 1 relationship? When i was driving just now i almost know into a cab.... i am so lost...
Your girlfriend seemed to encounter difficulty in handling her emotions. I wouldn't know how 'small' your tiff is, but if she has always been resolving her own inner conflicts by drowning herself with booze and alcohol, it's a worrying trend. Runaway with ex kinda complicates this whole thing as well?
How come the ex is still in the picture? Maybe you could explain the 'grey-area' relationship between them?
People indulging in alcohol in this manner usually display tendency of an avoidance archetype personality in love. Neptune rules alcohol and at the same time... delusion.
Have you spoken to her previously with regards to this issue?
And lastly, does your 'tiff' actually belong to a bigger problem?
Cheers
Aunt Agony 210107
Originally posted by prasher:
I am 17 year old boi hu juz stead a ger for bout a mnth. i had a crush on her for like half a year before mustering enuf courage to ask her out. we went out for bout another half a year before i asked her to become my stead. things are going pretty fine, at least for her side.
i tink im actually oversensitive to a certain extent. shes the type of ger hus popular wif guys and sociable. she has this close guy classmate hu she saes she juz treat as a fren. bt recently her classmates started telling me this guy has been very jealous of me n her even before we had stead. then nw he like kip sticking wif her. furthermore, whenever i go out wif her she will also tend to mention him like 'oh xxx is very nice, we plae badminton tt time he will alwyas hit the shuttlecock to me so tt i can hit it' , 'i played the finger game wif xxx todae then we will hit each other fingers wif our fingers...'. dey would sometimes go out together.
shes nw very happy in this relationship cuz i do my very bez to kip her happy. i nv mention im nt happy if she hangs out too often wif guys cuz im afraid she would find me possesive. bt i realli cant take it at times. i have to sae shes a pretty insenstive ger cuz she dun realli take into account my feelings at times.
i realli nid the help u guys cuz i have no clue wad shld i do nxt. if i truly like her i shldnt change her as she is tt sociable right from the start. she ask me to trust her bt i juz dun even though i said i do. shld i tell her tt im unhappy if she is too close to tt guy? bt it may sound tt im a control freak. she also mentioned her biggest flaw is to take ppl for granted. hw shld i even react to such a statement.
What happens ultimately is that either you communicate this problem to her and make it a 'known issue', or you simply wait for a sudden implosion to occur before you direct this force outwardly and create devastation.
You must also remember, it is precisely this nature of her that probably allows you to get close to her without much difficulty. Surely, other guys would have done the same thing and forge the same bonds like the way you do - the only difference is that either you made more impact or you were 'faster' in your approach, in which love has developed.
Kinda obvious about this guy's intention to advance on her - jealousy only occurs when feelings are invested and if he is feeling it, he's probably investing chance, time, money and emotions? And likely, he could seize opportunity to give your relationship a low blow, especially when there are frictions brewing from conflicts?
This is the dilemma of leading relationship: should we sacrifice short term, in which our relationship will benefit a broader frame of time, or are we to sacrifice long term to appease short term gains?
You worried about communicating serious and unpleasant issues to your partner, in which a bulk of your worries comes from the fear of losing this relationship. You may decide to keep mum because you would choose to ignore your own concern by brushing it away, but certainly, you wouldn't be able to put it aside for long before you start trashing things. This is sacrificing long term to appease short term gains because once she get 'used' to you behaving in that manner over a long period of time, it would be difficult to make major adjustment in your relationship later or the cost of implementing those changes will be tremendously pricy.
You may like to let her know, over a causal dinner, that this guy is questionable, although you have no plans to restrict her in any sense and you still allow her the freedom.
In the long run, the key is to resolve her insensitivity - not the man around her.
P.S: In marketing, generating awareness does not always equate to sales. But company are still doing it because they see it as a necessary evil?
Cheers
I am 17 year old boi hu juz stead a ger for bout a mnth. i had a crush on her for like half a year before mustering enuf courage to ask her out. we went out for bout another half a year before i asked her to become my stead. things are going pretty fine, at least for her side.
i tink im actually oversensitive to a certain extent. shes the type of ger hus popular wif guys and sociable. she has this close guy classmate hu she saes she juz treat as a fren. bt recently her classmates started telling me this guy has been very jealous of me n her even before we had stead. then nw he like kip sticking wif her. furthermore, whenever i go out wif her she will also tend to mention him like 'oh xxx is very nice, we plae badminton tt time he will alwyas hit the shuttlecock to me so tt i can hit it' , 'i played the finger game wif xxx todae then we will hit each other fingers wif our fingers...'. dey would sometimes go out together.
shes nw very happy in this relationship cuz i do my very bez to kip her happy. i nv mention im nt happy if she hangs out too often wif guys cuz im afraid she would find me possesive. bt i realli cant take it at times. i have to sae shes a pretty insenstive ger cuz she dun realli take into account my feelings at times.
i realli nid the help u guys cuz i have no clue wad shld i do nxt. if i truly like her i shldnt change her as she is tt sociable right from the start. she ask me to trust her bt i juz dun even though i said i do. shld i tell her tt im unhappy if she is too close to tt guy? bt it may sound tt im a control freak. she also mentioned her biggest flaw is to take ppl for granted. hw shld i even react to such a statement.
What happens ultimately is that either you communicate this problem to her and make it a 'known issue', or you simply wait for a sudden implosion to occur before you direct this force outwardly and create devastation.
You must also remember, it is precisely this nature of her that probably allows you to get close to her without much difficulty. Surely, other guys would have done the same thing and forge the same bonds like the way you do - the only difference is that either you made more impact or you were 'faster' in your approach, in which love has developed.
Kinda obvious about this guy's intention to advance on her - jealousy only occurs when feelings are invested and if he is feeling it, he's probably investing chance, time, money and emotions? And likely, he could seize opportunity to give your relationship a low blow, especially when there are frictions brewing from conflicts?
This is the dilemma of leading relationship: should we sacrifice short term, in which our relationship will benefit a broader frame of time, or are we to sacrifice long term to appease short term gains?
You worried about communicating serious and unpleasant issues to your partner, in which a bulk of your worries comes from the fear of losing this relationship. You may decide to keep mum because you would choose to ignore your own concern by brushing it away, but certainly, you wouldn't be able to put it aside for long before you start trashing things. This is sacrificing long term to appease short term gains because once she get 'used' to you behaving in that manner over a long period of time, it would be difficult to make major adjustment in your relationship later or the cost of implementing those changes will be tremendously pricy.
You may like to let her know, over a causal dinner, that this guy is questionable, although you have no plans to restrict her in any sense and you still allow her the freedom.
In the long run, the key is to resolve her insensitivity - not the man around her.
P.S: In marketing, generating awareness does not always equate to sales. But company are still doing it because they see it as a necessary evil?
Cheers
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Aunt Agony II 180107
Originally posted by set_n_go:
i got a gf for almost 4 years, things were fine and well. one day, my gf asked for a break up cuz she wants to move on and try a new relationship.. i was shocked and i broke down. how could she put a full stop to it and do this to me? or why the sudden she got this thinking bout moving on when things are fine? i thought i know her.. i don't deserve this and its so heartless. i don't mistreat her or anything.
she denies when i asked her whether theres anyone in the story but i found out that shes sort of seeing another guy. i was decieved and naive. my sadness is growing each and everyday.
i want to get over it and i cant. its so hard~ she told me that we can still be good friends. but FRIENDS?? how am i going to accept her as a friend when she do this to me? this is so unacceptable. and i will be more hurt if i see her in the future. sigh... thanks for reading.
Would you rather things end amicably or having to sour the relationship?
Sometimes, it's not about 'you'... much more than it's about 'her'?
P.S: Would you rather keep someone who is unhappy being with you, or would you rather release her so that she may find the happiness she so desire to seek?
Cheers
i got a gf for almost 4 years, things were fine and well. one day, my gf asked for a break up cuz she wants to move on and try a new relationship.. i was shocked and i broke down. how could she put a full stop to it and do this to me? or why the sudden she got this thinking bout moving on when things are fine? i thought i know her.. i don't deserve this and its so heartless. i don't mistreat her or anything.
she denies when i asked her whether theres anyone in the story but i found out that shes sort of seeing another guy. i was decieved and naive. my sadness is growing each and everyday.
i want to get over it and i cant. its so hard~ she told me that we can still be good friends. but FRIENDS?? how am i going to accept her as a friend when she do this to me? this is so unacceptable. and i will be more hurt if i see her in the future. sigh... thanks for reading.
Would you rather things end amicably or having to sour the relationship?
Sometimes, it's not about 'you'... much more than it's about 'her'?
P.S: Would you rather keep someone who is unhappy being with you, or would you rather release her so that she may find the happiness she so desire to seek?
Cheers
Aunt Agony 180107
Originally posted by nightlord24:
is it better to get attached with the person you liked first then slowly get to know each other or to be friends(for sometime) and get to know each other better first then get attached??? :?
Knowing someone is an entire life-worth of work?
It doesn't mean that if you spend a good deal of time trying to know this lady, after being in a relationship with her, you will automatically understand her?
Of course if you can, you try to understand as much. And if you are successful in your approach (when you are in a relationship with her), you continue this effort on your part of trying to know her better?
It's never a penalty to know more about somebody?
Cheers
is it better to get attached with the person you liked first then slowly get to know each other or to be friends(for sometime) and get to know each other better first then get attached??? :?
Knowing someone is an entire life-worth of work?
It doesn't mean that if you spend a good deal of time trying to know this lady, after being in a relationship with her, you will automatically understand her?
Of course if you can, you try to understand as much. And if you are successful in your approach (when you are in a relationship with her), you continue this effort on your part of trying to know her better?
It's never a penalty to know more about somebody?
Cheers
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Chinese teen kills self when blind date turns ugly
BEIJING -- A 17-year-old boy in northeastern China was so disappointed with the looks of a woman he met over the Internet that he hanged himself after seeing her face-to-face, state media reported Friday.
The unnamed teenager first contacted the woman -- known by her chat moniker
'Qunjiaofeiyang', or "Flying Skirt" -- using the popular Chinese online messaging software QQ, Xinhua news agency said.
The girl described herself as a beautiful 19-year-old and the pair chatted on the Web for weeks before arranging a December 26 rendezvous in the nearby city of Mudanjiang, in far northeastern Heilongjiang province.
The boy arrived to discover the woman far less attractive than advertised and 10 years older than him, Xinhua said.
The boy immediately returned home, lost his appetite, and four days later hanged himself from a tree.
***
OMFG!!!!!!!
The unnamed teenager first contacted the woman -- known by her chat moniker
'Qunjiaofeiyang', or "Flying Skirt" -- using the popular Chinese online messaging software QQ, Xinhua news agency said.
The girl described herself as a beautiful 19-year-old and the pair chatted on the Web for weeks before arranging a December 26 rendezvous in the nearby city of Mudanjiang, in far northeastern Heilongjiang province.
The boy arrived to discover the woman far less attractive than advertised and 10 years older than him, Xinhua said.
The boy immediately returned home, lost his appetite, and four days later hanged himself from a tree.
***
OMFG!!!!!!!
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Dreams
Dreams.
Do you have one?
Can you visual them despite the drudgery passing of time?
Can you hold them in your head?
Do they appear?
But do they represent to you?
Do you have one?
Can you visual them despite the drudgery passing of time?
Can you hold them in your head?
Do they appear?
But do they represent to you?
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