Originally posted by j_dsowner:
To Yunhaier:
yes i agree with what u said.
anyway i've decided to live a life of more of my own.
but the nights are the hardest. i always end up with thoughts of her. when i catch myself thinking of her, i would just knock my head n force myself to think of other things. it's just so hard. i can actually lie in bed thinking for 2 hours before dozing off every night.
and during daytime all i think is to sms her or chat with her online. i have to control myself. i can't seem to distract myself well. You guys can tell me to go out with other friends.. but the problem is money.. i can only go out let's say twice a week with friends.. and then most of the time at home i'll be playing games or watching videos. There are times i feel very lonely at home.
How do you guys suggest me to do if i wanna keep my mind of her?
You can't coerced feelings out of your soul the way you extract egg yolk from the whites.
Everything MUST come from within - if the acceptance is not genuine from your inner self, the top-to-down demands issued by your mind will not be assimilated into motivation to change your circumstances. Basically you are only trying to dissolve this crisis through artificial pressure, but if it ever hits your breaking point, you will probably implode, especially when you are caught simultaneously in a low emotional state.
I don't need you to forget about her; I only need you to understand yourself, as well as to fully understand that not all Love are the Love you know. It doesn't matter whether you end up being a heterosexual or a gay person because you live with the consequence based on the choice you pick. Love does not discriminate it's cosmic lesson based on your choice, because everyone suffers various degree of pain/hurt in Love.
You seemed to reveal traits of insecurity, similar to characteristic of any lover that also display signs of obsession.
However, one can only hope to dissolve a karmic relationship through cultivated wisdom and higher realization. Thus the understanding of the essence of Love truly transcends all state because Love per se is pristine - just that our decision in life often draw us towards complication.
Sometimes, we live in false dreams; gazing at the surrealistic motion picture, we consciously already know at the back of our head that this is not exactly something possible. But we still hold onto a deluded possibility that things might just happen for the weirdest of situation.
Even so, will that bring you fulfilment? Or more pain and suffering?
You got to internalize these questions inside and appease your forbidden love from rebelling.
A child will not willingly eat his veggies unless his mother forced it upon him. But there is only so much a mother can do to make his child eat those greens. It would be a whole lot easier if the child understand the importance of eating vegetables and have him accept it as part of his diet from a young age.
You are like the child.
Think about it.
Cheers
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