Originally posted by andrewtvp:
my gf has been in her new job for 2 months now. and i suspect she is having an affair and cheating behind my back.
history: we have known each other for 2years+ and have been together for 1yr+. she started in this new job for 2months already and i started noticing that she has sorta been distancing in the things we talk about and in the schedule of her daily life. so for the past 2 months i trusted her and spent time with her as usual. there was a period of 2weeks where i was super busy and couldnt meet up with her, she didnt even call OR sms me unless i initiated it. i felt we were drifting apart.
she had a history of lying to me about things previous, small matters, white lies in her own words.
but yesterday i guessed her email password and managed to get in.
she has been having a private correspondence with a guy in office, chatting over email, 100s a day.
as i started prying deeper.
they had sex on many ocassions. (i recalled and on those days she said she was tired and slept as early as
their conversations were explicit. detailed.
he asked her if they were dating. she said yes. (inside i was hurting)
they flirted with each other. courted each other. called each other nick names. stole kisses and groped each other when no colleages were around.
my god i was hurt. and am still hurting so bad.
i felt i needed to confront them. but am afraid of losing this relationship...
how should i go about this??
depressed.distressed.dejected.
the hardest part is to hold a forced smile when i see her. sigh.
we had plans to get married next year. we had so many plans. but she couldnt even resist this simple temptation. while i have been holding on ever SO staunchly to this rs. sigh. he was in the right place. at the right time. i guess that was stronger than the 2years of bond we have built.
many times she said he was just a colleague, one that gives her a lift to work everyday. i cant. cos i live too far. on the other end of the island.
he sends her home everyday too. sometimes they head to the beach afterwork. sometimes they go back to their place. and coincidentally her last sms to me would be "fone low bat, ttyl!".
and the emails on the next day would be full of explicit details. which i shall spare you guys of.
we had promised each other to a monogamous relationship. but now that i cant even believe her words, what is there left?
please help me salvage us..
It's not about losing grip on the relationship; chances are - you have already lost it.
The man is very much a parasite exploiting a woman who has probably lost much interest in the man she probably only calls as boyfriend in name. However, the desire is mutual. Her personality kinda aid the concoction of seduction to his advantage as your woman has the propensity to indulge in deception of some sorts (afflicted
You are still clinging onto the promise of the past, while she has already absconded from that era. Using discolored memories of the past and superficial words that have been said previously are now cast void and null - taking that into consideration to decide how you want to steer your future will likely to guarantee you poignant misery and the fate of having your emotions permanently crushed and shattered into a million of crystal fragments.
You displayed strong evidence of some avoidance-apt attitude towards love and relationship. You forcefully deny all blatant sign of perfidy and chuck it behind your unconscious, thinking that that would enable you to lead your life 'normally' once again.
The truth is that after your revelation: life will NEVER go back to normal. There isn't a 'normal' to return to now - everything else is an aftermath.
Instead of trashing it out on a serious note (probably with a ultimatum) and if she begs for forgiveness, it must be backed with actual proof of her course of action - effortlessly, you succumb to simple feminine tricks and gave in mindlessly.
You think that is love? I tell you that came from fear.
You have so much fear in your psyche that her one dramatic attempt at begging for your forgiveness appeared to hold more weight than a hundred signs of deceitfulness. In your mind, you held back communication and dialogue because you feared that that would mark the end of your love, but I can tell you, deep inside you are just praying that everything will just return back to normal and her infidelity will just cease miraculously.
Rubbish.
She might be stupid to lie, but you are silly to believe and the greatest fool to be able to deceive yourself with the most incomprehensible of reasons.
To catch her red-handed before you will let go?
Perhaps you are just delaying the inevitable: your constant refusal to accept that this act of promiscuity signified the final days of your relationship - akin to a dying soldier decapitated by three gunshot wounds, devoid of medical assistance and merely waiting for spiritual deliverence to release his soul from pain.
The difference is that your injury is an emotional one.
P.S: When you throw a frog into a pool of water at boiling point, the frog will jump out instantly. But when you place the frog into a pool of water and gradually heat the water, the frog will slowly boil itself to death without escaping. This is the frog theory of karmic relationship - of both first and third person perspective. Boundary regression is triggered until a point of maximum stretch length before it snaps like a wooden ruler - in karmic relationship, that result often signifies a partial payment of cosmic debt (CloUdiSm - Yunhaier).
Cheers
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