Originally posted by tinuviel07:
My first post. Have always been reading around the forums..
Well just feel the need to let this out..
Been with this guy for 1 year 5 months.. He liked me before I like him.. After asking four times, I finally accepted him.. He was everything I could want at that time.. We had the same interests, we can talk about anything.. Basically we were on the same frequency..
About three months into the relationship, I moved in with him. Because, while staying with my parents, they didn't really let me go out late.. But since he finished work pretty late at about
Most of my time were spend with him since we live together.. He used to manage a tuition centre near the place where we live, so I'll always be in the office with him while he taught.. as time goes by, because he needed tutors and the financial situation wasn't very good.. I took up tuition classes for him.. The money I earned will go into paying for the car loan, for our room rental, office rental and so on.. Of course he's paying too..
Things were supposedly well.. We spent all our times together, working hard, going out sometimes. But as the financial situation got worse, he became busier and although we were together most of the time, it was me studying or teaching and him doing his teaching as well.. It wasn't what I would call 'quality time' I guess. But at that time, I thought that if I love him, all these were just nothing much..
In around july/august this year, we were pretty close with this other couple.. And the four of us decided to go into a new line of business.. Things got started.. In September however, I was pissed with him for an incident and I kinda showed my 'black face' to the other guy (one of the partners). He was telling my ex how angry he was that I showed him my bad mood even if he wasn't the one that I was angry with..
It was a huge incident that my ex and I argued a lot about.. I felt that although it was my fault for not being sensitive enough, my only argument was that I thought that guy was like a close friend so I don't really have to hide my feelings that much.. I was just keeping quiet that day and not like I was throwing my temper on the other guy.. The other guy's argument was that if I could do this to him, I could do this to clients next time and it would be bad..
My ex wanted me to apologise to that guy, but I thought it was a small matter and I didn't see my mistake at that time so I refused.. My ex didn't explained why I was wrong as well..
So I was cut out of the new business.. And mostly because of this incident, my ex suddenly told me he wanted to break up.. I guess because he felt that I could no longer help him in the new business, and money was important to him at this point in time.. Before he broke up with me, he already moved to another girl which was a friend introduced by that guy..
I guess I can't let it go.. because he was so perfect before this incident.. Because I've put in so much emotions, effort into this relationship.. We were planning to get married next year.. So much plans, goals.. The future.. It's just gone like that.. It's hard to accept that a guy who could love you so much could just suddenly do this cruel thing to you..
Because all my times have been spent with him, so the empty voids now are quite unbearable and lots of memories in lots of places..
If love was a sturdy constant, everything else, being variables, will not cause the relationship to waver. Shake perhaps, but certainly not topple. If this constant is altered, even if the variables were to remain the same, nothing will stay the same.
Your cohabitation complicates your void because you have not only lost a relationship, but probably also your usual place of residence in which you have probably already grown accustomed to it. There are many emotional re-adjustment to make, leaving you terribly disoriented. Surely...as you had once left your 'safety shore' for this relationship, hoping to sail beyond the unchartered water to find glory in your hazardous, yet exciting journey in love.
Perhaps it might seem so, until the wretched storm brought your ship down with one cruel squall. You might think that one incident is the reason for your destruction, but I can tell you it's merely the catalysis.
In the first place, chances are, if your ship isn't well constructed to handle such crisis, it would probably sink... given the circumstances.
From a girlfriend, you have simultaneously played the role of a business partner and a colleague. This is admirable, but if your man doesn't see from that point of view, eventually the relationship would have dwindle into some sort of bland soup because the intense focus on monetary aspects of life would have cast a blinding veil upon the relationship - robbing the relationship off couple affection and love unconsciously. Devotion is pegged towards the lifeline of the business and quality time is mixed with business, work and the what's not.
And when you commercialise relationship - it becomes inane and vacuous.
P.S: Your ex is indeed self absorbed - he has completely forgotten about the struggle you had with him and I truly reckon that it's indeed his great lost to leave a woman, who has, ironically, no qualms about sticking around and struggling in unison with a man through such bad financial state.
You have liberated yourself from his struggle. You should accept the new freedom coursing through your vein and not let this unfortunate failure bring you down, leaving you lost as if you are drifting on a log after your shipwreck.
Keep determined resolution to restore yourself. You truly deserve someone better.
Cheers
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