Aunt Agony 270405

Quote:

Originally posted by mal_colm1979:
Hi guys.. My gal just ended a 2 year r/s with me. Last week. I am feeling the full impact of this sad and depressed mood.

The reason she gave is that after 2 years with me, she now wants time to go out and catch up with all her friends. And plus she is pursuing her degree now, Its very taxing for her. My world crumbled, I cannot believe she wants to do this to me.

We were doing very fine and both our parents liked us alot. Apparently, she is trying to let it go now. I heard from her that she is fine now, and happier. She just wants to break free of the feeling of having someone to "report" to... I have never resticted her, unless she is going back home late (4am++) then i will worry. Her place is very deserted.

I think now its a case of she wants more. During this 2 years, I have done so many things for her and things which I did only for her and not the previous r/n. She knows it too, and she appreciates it alot. I think my mistake was to put in too much into this r/s. She simply pulled out of it and I was left picking up the pieces. I have to drink myself dead drunk everynight at home to make myself sleep.

Waking up in the morning for work is worst. Knowing that something is missing in my life and its torturing..

During this 2 years, what ever I did, I put her above me. That is why now, the impact is much much bigger for me than her. Reason is simple, I put in more than her.

For some reasons, I have no friends and my social circle revolves mainly around her when she was around. Right now, I am so afraid to step out of my home.. Everywhere are memories of us.. HOW??

I totally have no mood to talk to anyone and simply lost enthusiasum in life. One conclusion made by my brother is that... She is not worth it.. You put in so much and she simply left you, w/o even hesitating..

I have send out many emails to her and there is no reply. But when I called her, she answered. Apparently, she still wants us to remain as friends. I don't know how to. Its very difficult to forget that we were once an item whom everyone envy us....

Right now, I am really at a lost. Can anyone please post some nice advice for me??

Lost and Lonely.

This is a classic example of a relationship that has lost the soul of one: namely, the absence of a healthy life OUTSIDE the life of the relationship. Do you truely think that a relationship could survive on LOVE itself and deprive it from other components, which you thought that love is exclusive and other thingy have no connection to it?

This scenario should violently wake you up. (Or at least my coming words should)

No woman would want their man to survive on them, leeching them emotionally. People are telling you that you gave your world to her and that's so loving, you are an item everyone did envied, blar blar blar; I am telling you that your love meant nothing ultimately - what you have done equates to nothing. Loving? Then why is this relationship failing despite the effort put?

You will probably realise by now: You can give the whole damn WORLD to her, like you have mentioned, however what happens in reality is that, is she seeking for the WORLD or rather, your GIVEN world? Kinda like trying to sell electronic products and advertise massively in unrelated-non target market channels like fitness magazine. Who in the world would be motivate to buy your products? Sure there will be customers, but it will make up less than 10 percent of your sales. Sergio Xyman Unorthodox marketing theory states that generating awareness doesn't guarantee sales - Unorthodox CloUdiSm states that
efforts in love doesn't guarantee desired result.

Interestingly, you said you have never restricted her, but that's in your own dictionary.
Reality speaking, you did. Restricted her as in she has to comform herself into having ZERO lifestyle outside her BGR. (This subconscious change is a psychological influence from you. A simple way to explain this is when we stick around with negative people, we will gradually be influenced into such mindsets, vice versa).

It's NOT her, neither it's something she wished to become.

The reasons she gave to leave the relationship are symptoms of your wrapped personality in love. The real underlying truth is that YOU had became someone completely different from what she has expected in the first place, something that your love has transformed yourself into. 'It's still you, but not you anymore.'

Seriously speaking, chances are, you wouldn't be able to reconcile. So you can drop the option of waiting or trying to get her back. You can resist the idea of trying to get a life, but eventually circumstances will force you to. Your karmic pattern will repeat itself again and again and again and again, until you gain the wisdom to realise what went wrong in your attitude towards BGR from this post.

Quote:

One conclusion made by my brother is that... She is not worth it.. You put in so much and she simply left you, w/o even hesitating..

That's old school and is usually advice given by people with simple intention of trying to console. I will tell you that: Her departure HAS a cosmic lesson attached to it - the ugliness in your personality towards BGR. If it's not mend, you could either repeat what you have went through, or end up with an unhealthy relationship with both party sucking emotional vitae out of one another. And you would probably experience this thing called 'BGR ceiling' as stated in CloUdiSm. (Explaination would be another topic altogether)

P.S: Improve or perish from impoverishment.
Cheers