Aunt Agony 170806

Originally posted by Tinkerbelle2008:

I am currently attached to one of the sweetest men I have ever known. We are going to register our marriage in a few weeks time but will only hold our customary banquet around a year later.

The problem is my husband would like to consummate our marriage as soon as possible, possibly after ROM but for me I would like to hold it back for a bit longer, preferably until after our customary marriage. We are both virgins and have not had any intercourse throughout our 3 year relationship, although of course we do indulge in petting every now and then to satisfy our urges.

Why would I want to wait longer? Maybe this is because I fear that I might get pregnant. Yes, I know there are condoms and all that, but all those can still fail to work at times. I know the percentage is very low, but I would rather be 100% sure that I will not get pregnant before the customary marriage. I am raised in a very conservative family and I know my parents would kill me if I dare to get into this kind of situation before the traditional wedding. And of course it wouldn't look appropriate for me to walk down the aisle in a wedding gown with a big tummy, would I? We are also not really financially stable to have a kid at this moment as both of us are still building our career and we also do not have our own house yet.

I am afraid if I give in and let him make love to me before the traditional wedding I might break down because I am not ready for it and my mind would be worrying about a lot of things so I would not be able to enjoy it. I really do love him very much and I want to make love with him more than ever but I just have this nagging concern in my mind everytime I thought of doing it before the banquet. Am I being unreasonable?

I am afraid of disappointing him yet I am afraid if I give in before I am 100% ready, it will turn out to be a disaster. Sigh. Do give some opinions on this issue.

Thanks.



By now, you have probably realised that sex per se isn't merely about the physical plane - the cultural, social & psychological influences on the individual, in fact, have more impact. Especially in Asia, there is a deep social stigma attached to the notion of pre-martial sex, which amplify anxiety level in the woman before any act of intimacy, hindering fulfillment, even if sex is achieved.

The most powerful sexual organ is in between your head. If the mind doesn't see it well, then chances are, sex will be bad because essential comfort is missing.

Intimacy cannot be fulfilling without high level of comfort. This comes certain degree of trust (even in a ONS situation, one generally 'trust' the other to be disease-free before committing the act).

You see in Love: Man suffers from approach anxiety, while woman suffers from intimacy anxiety. Simply because in an approach, the man becomes more vulnerable to rejection as he has more to invest and more to lose. In the same frequency, woman becomes more vulnerable in close intimacy, as she has more to invest, thus more to lose.

Hence, the source of anxiety derive from fear and incurring of higher risk.

Once you ROM - you are legally married in the eyes of the law and you also become 'MRS something'. It's perfectly normal to enjoy and engage love making, between husband and wife.

Your worries about unplanned pregnancy is reasonable - every pregnancy should be plan, especially in Singapore, where everything is about dollars and cents. But if because of calculated pregnancy, you eliminate love making altogether - you effectively abrogate one major physical component of Love, in a marriage setting. And this is something you might want to review.

Self awareness is very crucial - if you reckon that customary is the passport to love making (cultural factor), I would have advise that you put the ROM date on the same day or something, so that you won't have to go through a situation of 'Although I bought my car due to cheap COE, but now I can't drive to work because of $6 ERP'. (You can't change much now)

I am not suggesting that you should have kids in an unplanned fashion; that's why contraception is invented for a reason.

I will reiterate again: the most powerful sexual organ is in between your head - only by appeasing the mind can intimacy hope to occur.

There is no right or wrong beliefs - it's all about what you believe in.

Cheers

The Big Groove 08

I know I am late for posting TBG, but hell, it was good stuff.

Poor Kexin cannot join us - but she has her own mission to fulfill.

Random shot from waiting. (Snapped Linda)

Cheers

Business as Usual

Ok business as usual.

Computer upgraded.

Problem bypassed.

Many thanks to HQ a.k.a Tetralite for his relentless attempts at resolving my computer crisis. (I am sorry that you didn't manage to Krump.. hah!)

Yes yes - like Ed Chen - business as usual.



Cheers

Human Revolution (Dance)

The lady in her 30s was a dancer and was trained as one since she was a little girl. Later she got into some kind of accident and lost her entire left arm. She was depressed for a few years. It seemed that someone asked her to coach a Children's dancing group. From that point on, she realized she could not forget dancing. She still loved to dance. She wanted to dance again. So she started to do some of her old routines. But by her losing an arm, she also lost her balance. It took a while before she could even making simple turns and spins without falling. Eventually she got it.

Then she heard some guy in his 20s had lost a leg in an accident.

This guy also fell into the usual denial, depression and anger type of emotional roller coaster. She looked him up (seemingly he was from a different Province) and persuaded him to dance with her. He had never danced. And to dance with one leg? Are you joking with me? No way.

But she didn't give up. He reluctantly agreed. " I have nothing else to do anyway." She started to teach him dancing 101. The two broke up a few times because the guy had no concept of using muscle, control his body, and a few other basic things about dancing. When she became frustrated and lost patience with him, he would walk out. Eventually they came back together
and started training. They hired a choreographer to design routines for them. She would fly high (held by him) with both arms (a sleeve for an arm) flying in the air. He could bend horizontally supported by one leg and she leaning on him, etc.

They danced beautifully and they legitimately beat others in the competition.



This is a classic example of Human Revolution - displaying the most artistic and beautiful expression of a human spirit, through a form called dance, not fettered by perceived unfair environment or circumstances and triumph over all difficult struggles.

Kherxin and I was talking the other day in some Bugis cafe and she was sharing the essence of why dancer dance?

'I danced because of dance itself.' (Quoted by this instructor whom I can't remember his name).

In midst of all that mundane distractions in our daily life, often, we find ourselves forgetting the original intention on why we even started dancing in the first place.

It's nothing else but simply because we like doing something we like to do. Period.

I think we need to fall back on our core every time when doubts or uncertainty surface occasionally.

It's the same for the identity of the group.

We need to be focus on why we even come together. Because only then - in perfect one mind - could we assist each other to achieve a common dream that we could possibly carry for eternity.

I was glad to be invited to the overnight Kenshu on Saturday until Sunday. Understanding the intense struggles that the pioneers fought with the organization during the earlier days in SSA, unconsciously made me linked back to something closer back home - the crew.

This is the time when things are beginning to take shape.

And the worst struggle have yet to come.

But we will surmount anything, collectively as one being.



Cheers

SSA TImes 326 (28 May 08)

哎哟，我们家Yvonne和Kherxin竟然上了SSA报了。

大家请翻倒第五页。 谢谢。

哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈！

P.S: To read chinese characters, please encode to Unicode UTF-8

吃二死

Kenneth 1 Minute Choreo Snapshot

Dope la! =D

Cheers

Stillness

Individualism and disillusionment

It's much more pervasive than I thought

I am disappointed

Probably with myself

Can Money Buy Happiness?

Can Money Buy Happiness or Not?

Wharton study shows link between wealth, well-being

Business Times 26 May 08

(WASHINGTON) The saying goes that money can't buy happiness. But inquiring economists have been working for decades trying to prove or disprove the notion.

Researchers at the University of Pennsylvania's Wharton School of Business released a study in April showing 'a clear positive link' between wealth and 'subjective well- being,' based on global surveys.

While this may seem logical to some, the research flew in the face of a longstanding theory that happiness of a country's population does not rise with income, after certain basic needs are met.

This theory, dubbed the Easterlin Paradox, was developed in 1974 by Richard Easterlin, an economist currently on the faculty at the University of Southern California.

Mr Easterlin's research had drawn on surveys notably from Japan, where surveys had shown little or no increase in national happiness despite the country's post-World War II economic miracle.

Wharton economists Betsey Stevenson and Justin Wolfers contend in the new research that better data over the past three decades and a closer analysis suggests that the Easterlin Paradox is flawed.

They found that the wealthiest countries in terms of gross domestic product (GDP) per capita rank near the top of surveys on happiness, with the poorest at the bottom. More significantly, within each country, higher incomes translated to higher ratings of life satisfaction, they found.

'There appears to be a very strong relationship between subjective well-being and income, which holds for both rich and poor countries, falsifying earlier claims of a satiation point at which higher GDP is not associated with greater well-being,' they say in a paper to be published by the Brookings Institution.

'The Easterlin Paradox says that what I care about is my relative ranking in society,' Ms Stevenson told AFP. 'It says economic development doesn't matter at all - that the United States is no better off in 2008 than it was in 1920.'

The results have important implications for public policy. Ms Stevenson and Mr Wolfers noted that economic growth might not be considered an important policy goal if it does little to raise well-being.

The Wharton researchers said that multi-nation surveys such as the Gallup World Poll and the Pew Global Attitudes Survey reveal 'quite powerful effects of income on happiness'. 'There is no evidence of a satiation point,' Mr Wolfers told AFP. 'Even as rich counties get richer, they appear to get happier.' The researchers said that they were not seeking to make any political point or support an ideology.

Although backers of the Easterlin theory said that it argues against unbridled pro-growth capitalism, Ms Stevenson said that the new research could also be used to promote more distribution of wealth.

'A 10 per cent increase in income for a poor person will give you the same gain (in happiness) as a 10 per cent gain for a rich person but it would cost a lot less,' she said.

Accordingly, she said that redistributing income from the rich to the poor could increase a country's overall happiness quotient.

Mr Easterlin, meanwhile, stands by his research, updated several times since the 1970s.

In a 2004 paper, he said that surveys continue to support his thesis.

'Contrary to what economic theory assumes, more money does not make people happier,' he wrote.

'Most people could increase their happiness by devoting less time to making money, and more to non-pecuniary goals such as family life and health,' Mr Easterlin said.

'It's necessary to separate shorter term fluctuations in which GDP and happiness are positively related from the long-term association between growth and happiness,' he said in comments e-mailed to AFP.

'The conclusions of (the Wharton) paper appear to be based on the short-term association and do not contradict the findings regarding the longer term.' The new research, meanwhile, has set off a fierce debate among scholars. -- AFP

***



I recalled the gist of book 'Buddha in the Mirror', which reiterated about the classic example of what the above referred to as 'Relative Happiness'. People measured their happiness economically or also known as the 'Treasures of the Storehouse', as quoted by Nichiren, have their happiness devoted to material possession that are subjected to the Law of Impermanence, which are fleeting and ultimately not substantial or eternal.

The sixth world of Rapture - in which people reveled in their pursuit of relative happiness, are still subjected to the fluctuation of the lower six worlds. In fact, as the novelty of materialism often wanes faster than the journey it takes for your food to pass out as waste - upon consumption. In order to retrace back the route to this world, people begin to gorge themselves with more material possessions to recreate the feeling of novelty and temporal fulfillment of relative happiness, seeking to create an empty identity within this saha world. Sadly, they have only fallen into the world of hunger, perpetually craving for mundane desires that cannot be sated.

This hunger grows astronomically and the Law of Economics would have explained it well: 'Desire are unlimited, but resources are limited' - hence, people end up leading a desiccate life as they reasoned to themselves that they would be happier with more money or material possession and constantly feeling inadequate.

I will quote a verse from the bible, which I learned in my earlier days in school and coincidentally, it falls under St Mark 8:36: "For what shall it profit a man, if he gain the whole world, and suffer the loss of his soul?'

I realized my journey with Nichiren Buddhism has enhanced my expansive world of philosophy and knowledge. And the incredible thing about the Lotus Sutra is that it does not point towards a given direction, but rather a proposing a meandering path towards Buddhahood, focusing on the means and not the end itself.

I recalled the time of ecstasy during Soccer Celebrity Match last year when we did our inaugural performance of forty people under UP. Or even the M&D festival in which I acted for the first freaking time in my life.

Manz - that awesome experience was at least 24 times stronger than the novelty of me buying my Bape Jamaican in Hong Kong. There was absolutely no way I could constantly upkeep dope underground labels, but for me to enter into the performance arena with my brothers and sisters was entirely possible.

I recalled fondly the oxymoron: I was so fucking poor, but I felt so rich.

Thus, first hand experience says it all: although money can buy relative happiness, to build our happiness onto this unstable model is ultimately unsustainable. It is as if we are stuck with an eternal hunger, consuming everything possible, yet still finding it an inability to resolve the hunger pangs.

It's critical to understand that our attitude towards our life, in any given circumstances, determines our outcome in happiness.

True happiness is generated from within - not bestowed from external causes.

P.S: Yaya says must share something with HR Crew on 'Buddha in your Mirror', so I corresponded it with the Business Times article. So any lengthy views, just post it on comments tag - shoutbox cannot take lengthy words.

Cheers

Zappo

Anna got me a bar of candy from Aussie. Woo!

StarHub Chicken Rice

星和海南鸡饭?

StarHub Chicken Rice! =D

P.S: To view Chinese characters, please go to view and encode to Unicode (UTF-8)

Cheers

Aunt Agony 250508

Originally posted by DivineDespair:

It was first love, so innocent and pure. The type you'd know that this was the ONE and you would sacifice anything, the time, the money even your life for it to flourish. 2.5 years of endless devotion, can to an abrupt end one day. She was kind to let me down easy, tried to explain it was her fault and even to "scold" her if i was unhappy. Being the teenage egoistic male filled with pride and never to "lose face" in a situation like this, i consented that it was ok. She even explained that if she wasn't the one i was intending to marry, it would have to end somewhere. I agreed and we parted.

Unknowing the her, i was totally devestated by this. My whole world from everything i knew, did and believed in was suddenly taken away. The life in me was drained, and there was this hugh "love" vacuum to be filled. I got attached again but this relationship had to be ended by me, as i finally realized that it was unfair of me to love somebody for the wrong reasons. I didn't know how to love again, the sameway i had always knew.I lived my life, more careful of my feelings, more reserved. Never being able to commit myself.

Time passes by and i live my life . Now and then the memories do resurface and haunt me. Sometimes, out of the blue, i dream of her, and it totally destabilizes the day for me. One such day happened 5 years ago, out of curiosity, i went to search ROM and to my "surprise" i found that she had registered about 2 years ago. I felt there was no point in waiting anymore. Deep inside i was hoping for something to happen despite not having contact for ~8 years. Within a month, i proposed to my current girlfriend and we got married the subsequent year.

Just yesterday (~15 years since), i stumbled upon her facebook entry. Being a private one, i could see her together with her daugher. Something deep inside starts to rekindle, some emotions that makes me feel uneasy. I've been off center for the last 24 hrs. I'm really happy for her and bear no grudges as i should have matured through all this time. But there is something deep inside me that has made me feel uneasy. Something i think i should have said on that fateful breakup day or sometime sooner. I know it sounds ridiculous to be hoping for anything now, and i'm not. I myself have a daughter and she means the world to me and i would never do anything to hurt her.

But there is something in my soul that needs addressing, something that i have to address before i depart from this planet. I just need to tell her (without any hope or agenda) that "I really loved you. I lied then about you not being the one not to marry, cos it was the exact opposite, you were my life and that was always in my mind for that to happen. Cos not letting you know for all this time has been killing me".

I feel that i have to seal this chapter in my life, which was never really closed for 15 years. But then again it sounds crazy to contact someone who you've not contacted for 15 years and say this. Now that our lives have moved on.

What should i do??

P.S. If any of you had watch "Love actually", i can truely relate to the character Mark that is secretly in love with Kiera knightley's character, but didn't have the courage to tell her, because as he says "its a self preservation thing". Not allowing himself to succumb to the despair of knowing that they can never be together. Kiera married his best friend.

I find it extremely disturbing to hear stories of how an individual would so absurdly delude their ideology of a perfect love by equating it to a proposed fantasy figure, just simply because the feelings were the most intensive and the 'I-know-she-is-the-one.' false prophesy.

This karmic relationship is nothing but fatuous love.

All this emotional misery is caused by the seemingly unbreakable attachment and bondage to this karmic relationship that is wholesomely one sided and narcissistic. In tarot, the Devil best represents the condition of such relationship.

There is so much self conjuration of melodrama - filled with narcissism and disillusionment. I think it's doleful to see people with perfectly nice marriages saying that their greatest failure in love is never having to marry or continue a relationship with ‘That One' till the very end. That loose equivalent of a soul mate, first love, best love, or whatever you termed it, gets mistaken for everything from infatuation to lust to an excuse for stalking, obsession, domestic violence and the what's not.

And the incredible thing is that people seek to find strength in corroborating this afflicted mindset through media, movies, music, books or simply taking selective perspective and biased conclusion whenever they listened to people’s stories and reaffirmed this one-sided view on their take of their own relationship.

I have seen first hand, people grouping together as they howled in pain by reminiscing and negatively strengthening their false love identity with their fantasy figure/s - even fate has blatantly revealed that he/she has no more greater plans in their lives.

This is crazy! How depressing would it be for your wife, who have given her heart to you through love and marriage, only to discover that she is but a second class citizen to another person, which time should have disintegrate her presence into the pages of history in your lifespan and shrine of memory.

This is not merely a commentary point of view because I walked through similar path and ate the same shit, albeit now it still affects me occasionally. The only difference between you and I is that I transformed this regret into perfecting my soul and cultivate deeper understanding in Love.

I took the spiritual path towards enlightenment in Love and pen down my discovery in my own book and gradually see myself grow from my own encounters.

I recalled writing this phenomenon in CloUdiSm under Ritual Closure – people who are unable to seal certain chapter in love, despite the passing of time, and seek to attempt some form of ‘ritual-like’ action or behavior to conclude episode/s. You reckoned that there is this need for you to go up to her and tell her that you really loved her back then and what you said fifteen years ago is nothing but a lie and all that stuff – this is your attempt at weaving the ‘ritual’ to process a closure for that chapter.

But what you are blinded to see is that her presence in your life has absolutely nothing to do with or without knowing that you truly loved her back then. The real gist of that entire scenario functions as an expedient means to reveal that one should treasure our love ones every single moment in life and that one must never fetter the purest form of self expression in love!

Fifteen years and that foolishness carried on without any attempt at clarification or enlightenment. True as I have wrote about seven years ago, ‘Love has absolutely nothing to do with our chronological age.’ In fact, our judgment in Love is often clouded, not by reasoning, but by the lack of wisdom to perceive our situation holistically in love and relationship, which fuels our misery and suffering.

There is no such thing as a perfect lover – only imperfect people attempting to forge a perfect relationship. As what I have told BaByBoy – you must learn to release yourself from this emotional imprisonment because this option is only available to you from within. Nobody or nothing can make you realize this other than yourself

Cheers

Aunt Agony 220508

Originally posted by Upset gal:

What does it mean to be faithful? Is it just "not having done anything"? What is acceptable in society in this present world?

If I married guy tells a girl that he misses her and proposes to meet in some dark corner, is this acceptable? even if it is supposed to be a joke?

Scenario :

Married guy to girl colleague - Miss you, shall we meet in some dark corner?

Questions :

1. Is this considered unfaithful to married guy's partner?

2. What if married guy "has not done anything"?

3. Can a 3rd party reading this take it to mean as a tease?

Where does the fault starts? From reasoning or behaviour?

Can we safely say that one is guilty of 'sinning in love', even if infidelity does not manifest into behaviour?

I am not commenting the above idea along with the logic of 'One must see fire before one understands the destruction of a conflagration' - but rather, if a fire is sure to occur, there's little you can do to stop it.

In simple: you might be interested to know what's going on between your man and his colleague, but I think prior to that, it's equally important to understand where did the inflection first begin that led him astray potentially. Evolutionary Psychologist would have claim that monogamy is against the instinct of man and it's part of the Natural Selection to spread his seeds - but that's only if human are without cognition and a spiritual soul, as the latter is extremely crucial in our development in Love.

I think we all must come to an understanding that we cannot stop people from leaving or becoming unfaithful if that is what someone desired. Love and marriage is bounded by freewill - even transcendental beings are powerless to meddle against the freewill in Love. Therefore, if this very freewill is geared towards committing transgression, unless components of the source is evolved, if not the consequences are often dire.

Because I do not know your man, neither does your relationship - it's almost impossible to make accurate assessment as you ain't clear yourself. Knowing this, I say, take some ample time to understand your entire issue first. Avoid jumping into conclusion, thinking that your man is promiscuous. There might be suggestions, but there are many dimensions to unfaithfulness and some of these might not be intrinsically motivated (which means that a marriage is still potentially salvageable, for as long as certain components of the push factors is resolved).

P.S: Before I end my post, I just like to say: please do not dismiss divorce from your option totally. I am not encouraging you to consider this ultimatum, but rather, you still must allow yourself this option IF development of your situation becomes irrevocably putrid. Nobody should suffer abuse, neglect or helplessness over a vast period of time, without any viable mode to change their circumstances.

You don't have to use it, but you must be able to find it when you need it.

This is what I am advocating.

Cheers

Do you really want it?

Yuri & GRACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhaa!

DC x Kaws

OMG!!!

THIS IS DOPE SHIT!

HR Crew Training 之 One Minute Choreo (18 May 08)

Today is the dreaded one minute choreo.

I admit I was damn anyhow - but hell, actually, I thought it was quite fun actually.

For those who did not showcase today, just to let you know - die die also must do... cannot run away one... MUHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!

Random pics for the day.





Cheers

Aunt Agony 140508

Originally posted by clyde1985:

hi everyone, need some advice, story is a bit long sorry about that.

got to know this girl in the same uni class, dint really know her at first but somehow got to know each other better a month ago. contacted her abt my other friend whom i tot he was in trouble, n somehow we got closer and talked to each other on the phone almost every night. went out a few times in a large group and went out alone with her twice. at the start, i just wanted to know her more out of curiosity, but somehow we jus have endless topics to chat about and she confided in me about her problems. it was during exams period and we studied together everyday, i would make it a point to send her home everytime we go out.

i tot of her as a platonic friend, but dint knew i fell for her. there was this once i sent her home when she told me not to treat her so gd if nt she will fall for me, i brushed aside that statement carelessly, n dint tot much of that.

i told her i liked her, and she said she liked me too. everything happened kind of fast. the problem is she has a boyfriend of 3 years and does not want to be unfaithful towards him. he is in national service. i know i might be just a temporary refuge as an emotional support or something better than a normal friend but i jus kept falling deeper. she made statements like curbing her feelings towards me and tellling herself to stop liking me, to which i refuted with anger and din accept those stuff. she would love to play mind games with me and make me guess wad she was thinking, and would make hurtful statements sometimes.

i made her cried , when i had enough n told her i would stop smsing her n bothering her, cause i know in the end she will not leave her bf. i dont know why she can say these stuff and i cant.

our sms towards each other gradually lessened and now that exams are over, we dont see each other everyday anymore. 2 days ago i stopped smsing her totally and she asked me why dint receive my msg for so long, to which i replied that she doesnt reply me when she is with boyfriend and sms her also no use. we talked briefly yesterday on the phone and was going out today when she cancelled it and i jus hecked it. i would pacify her everytime whenever she got angry, and i tot i jus dont want to do that anymore. our sms jus became colder. i guess

i am very confused n sad, i asked friends for advice and they told me if it aint got any ending and i got to stop hurting myself. i know about that but somehow not willing to, cause i tot if 2 people liked each other, i dont know why we cant be together. i tell myself everyday to be her a good friend, and jus let it go but still miss her a great deal. we only know each other for not long, n i dont know why i liked her so much.

in any case i am 23 this year, to my friends i am a lively yet rational person that dishes out advice to them whenever they need it. i cant comprehend why i am not rational anymore.

please tell me what i should do, any advice will really be appreciated a great deal

thank you for reading and your time, hopefully will get a response from any of you which can help me. =)

Actually this is quite a classic situation because it's when the unconscious aspect of love is brought forth consciously through various catalysis and situational factors, it often creates a demand so robust that it strikes you like a growing hunger and subconsciously relates an unfathomed behavior you too failed to understand.

It's quite simple here: in the beginning, you tell yourself that you are merely viewing her as a platonic friend, but your behavior increasingly worked to promote deeper emotional connection. And all these behaviors are concealed in name of platonic friendship. You claimed a trait of being a rational person - it kinda affirmed my belief that this 'rationalization, logical, systematic and organized persona' in face of love acts pretty much as a facade in your earlier denial to foster a path towards creating probable relationship with this lady, with or without the consideration her existing boyfriend.

Freud classified it as a form of defensive mechanism. So does Noel Tyl, I believe.

Still considered platonic? Nah. That facade has shattered a million pieces when she revealed a possibility that she might just fall for you. This brought the unconscious desire into light and consciously, your dormant affection begin to multiply like some kind of emotional cancerous cells because there seemed to be reciprocation and it suggested a reduced possibility in being rejected and thus lessen the fear to advance.

There are times when people tell me how 'platonic' it all began and when I read into their personality and attitude, I realized that the concept of platonic friendship can hardly existing into their psychological framework (esp some of the self proclaimed 'nice guys'). It's just doesn't sound convincing because it just doesn't seem to fit and when they relate this as part of the tale, very often, yunhaier dismissed it as mere facade for love to advance undercover.

CloUdiSm states two kind of platonic friendship:

Pseudo-Platonic: natural selection would consider the 'friend' a possibility of a mate. It's often a KIV relationship, potential but not manifesting until an eventful trigger.

True Platonic: BGR will never manifest between the two.

I will quote what you have posted:

[Originally quoted by Clyde1985]: 'Cause I know in the end, she will not leave her bf.'

There... you have your answer on the above classification I have stated.

And next, you have your woman.

She is probably in need of companionship while her boyfriend is away. She is keenly aware of her situation, but has decided that she will not leave her boyfriend during this period. This is critical, because what happens is that it is suggestive of the fact that she would remain faithful unless there are compelling reason for her to deter away.

If a man preoccupied her time and took on 'roles' that her boyfriend would normally do, this substitution is perfect. Because this man fits the exact criteria of what you would deemed as a perfect shelter for the moment. You might create a pull factor, but if there isn't a push factor from within, chances are, your attempt will fail. Yes, there are alternatives to rework this situation, but unless you are really well-versed in AOS or stuff, I reckon don't bother employing more resources to take on something beyond what you can manage.

If you feel ambivalent about mind games and you can't handle such tricks, just quit - you probably regulate your loss more effectively this way. If you find it difficult to face subtle rejection, then it might be somewhat beneficial for you and her to remain separated for a period. It doesn't mean two people who like each other would end up being together as the ultimate acceptance of a relationship is a complex model and isn't as linear as you originally proposed.

P.S: In love, being rational served little purpose - it's all about intrapersonal skills and experience.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 110508

Originally posted by daigooro:

I'm really sorry if I'm bothering you guys but I've surf SGforums forums for close to 3 years already but I never once posted before. Tonight was the first time that I felt really lost and I had no one to turn to. The person that always guided me along was the very same one that made me lost.

I got to know this friend from another one of my friend around 8 months ago. He was helping me with a project; a project involving a module that I wasn't really good in. I didn't really noticed him over time cause he was in a different class from me so we didn't really had much contact.

So by a twist of fate i found myself hanging out with him alot, through dota, through movies and etc as his class and mine were very close. So as time goes by we are really close, more of like younger brother and older brothers.

So recently I notice people talking abt us, saying how close we are and how we might be gay couples. At first it was really fine as we took it for being a joke and such. We didn't really cared abt their comments though, outsiders mah, why let them affect our friendship.

But this fateful night this friend of mine told me that if there would be another rumours of us being gay couples again he would end the friendship. I was very surprised, and I asked him why.

He said he didn't like peer pressure and he once suffered before in the past. So now if there would be peer pressure he would just leave this friendship and everyone else also. He said his pride and ego wouldn't allow him to ignore those comments made by people.

But what he said was really hurting. I thought we were good friends? Why would he let go of our friendship just because of what people say? We even promise each other that we would be the best man for each other during our weddings and yet he is unable to ignore what people say?

I really feel abit paiseh to say this but he's the very first male I shed tears for but I'm not afraid to say that I love him alot. He's a really good friend.

So can anyone advice me on what to do now in this situation of mine? I really don't know what to do and who to turn to already..

Sorry if my english sounds very weird, it's my first time posting a thread here..

XOXO,

BigBear.

Social conformity and gender scripting.

The society we live in reward behaviors that appeared to be gender-appropriate and punish, in various aspect, behaviors that does not go in sync with norm are often criticized. Eventually, much as we would like to live according to our own ideals, it's difficult to eliminate the negative response exuding from our environment that tries to shape us to what the majority is like. People love to judge accordingly to what they perceive in their own limited understand and knowledge of what they think you, him or your relationship is.

Do you agree or disagree? Because that answer will determine whether you bother about whatever entity outside yourself believes in.

Apparently, social pressure is something very real. Likely, it isn't just about the relationship; it could be such that (1) you might display unconscious effeminate behavior or (2) your emotional attachment to this guy is beyond what an average guy would normally give to another guy, thus that could possibly give rise to such a conclusion by people around you - that you two are gay couple.

Whether this is true or not, actually it matters little. Because as long as you are clear about your own sexual identity, being heterosexual (unless you have resolved an identity crisis and clarify that you are actually homosexual), that's all that you need to know.

I know this guy, who is quite effeminate in his mannerism and once thought he might not be straight, but hell, he is getting married later this year.

Sees this as an opportunity to expand your social circle. I mean, it's good that you have a good brother/friend that you can trust and count on, but you are still young and it's essential that you learn to socialize with other people, than to cling merely onto one person for companionship. Have a healthy mix of both girls and guys in your social circle and people with similar interest or ideals.

It's not the end of friendship imho, just a transition that you have to manage.

Cheers

Time in a Bottle

If I could save Time in a bottle

The first thing that i'd like to do

Is to save every day

Til Eternity passes away

Just to spend them with you...

But there never seems to be enough time

To do the things you want to do

Once you find them

I've looked around enough to know

That you're the one I want to go

Through time with

- Jim Croce

VJC Concert 2008

VJC concert 2008.

Saw Euu Yeung there - I suspect her daughter is studying in VJC.

Sekali, is actually Jinhan's classmate! LOL!

Cheers

Fatigue

Everything is just gaining on me.

Pending ECA, exam and my monstrous work.

And I suddenly recalled there's still the '1-minute-choreo'

Sheesh!