Aunt Agony 010413

Originally posted by Wtongzl78

My Wife's best friend is a man. He was my ex-colleague and my wife's best friends since secondary school. He's not married. While me and my wife have 2 kids.

As best friends, they see each other and hang out together a lot, like everyday.He sends her to work and sends her home from work everyday as their offices are in the same building. So they also have lunch and dinner together every weekday. They also go out during weekends to pubs and cafes. This has been like this for many years, even before we got married.

She said that they are just best friends and their relationship is platonic and they are not lovers. But many times i have questions and some doubt..

Is it possible for a married woman to have a male best friend like that. 




Your statement is a value statement; technically you are asking if it is possible for women to have platonic male friends - adding a 'married' presume that somehow you do not feel 'right' for married woman to have close guy friend/s. Unless you have unearthed some critical information to suspect that they are potentially having an affair, if not, it's likely to be issues relating to self-esteem and/or trust rather than issues of infidelity.  

As much as you are thinking if their relationship is 'more than meets the eye', honestly: if they are sharing such close relationship since secondary school days, then why did she choose you instead? (unless you are saying that you knew her earlier).

I am not in the school of 'preventing anticipated infidelity', which usually bring about an overall negative output; learn to work towards developing the relationship in such a way that it has a natural mechanism to ward off infidelity. For example, if her best friend is having lunch and dinner everyday, my question would be then why are you not at least having dinner with her? Perhaps you might have some concrete, practical reason why this cannot be done, but at the end of the day, it is still a choice made - regardless of reasoning.

I do not view it as a warning alarm since this is a routine that has already been established way before you are married to her, so I would see it as manageable risk. However, I would think that it is a good time to reflect on the state of your relationship: if you are not putting conscious effort to spend quality time together (not just as a family, but also to look into having couple time), then this might be something you could think and work something out reasonably.

Cheers