Originally posted by Wtongzl78:
My wife and that guy have knew each other since secondary school. I met my wife thru him and we soon became a couple. Then i went to NTU to study while she and him went to Melbourne to study for 3 yrs. We remained a couple and i visited her there a few times. We got married 1 yr after i graduated and we have our first child soon. I was 27 while she was 25. We had our 2nd child 3 yrs ago.
For the 1st 4 yrs after graduating, i worked in the same company as him. She also joined us for 1 yr but we all left after that to join different companies.
He attended our wedding and always come to our house. We are good friends although she's closer to him. I have always trusted her.
I can't have lunch and dinner with my wife on weekdays due to my long working hour. I reach home after work around 9pm everyday. By then she was already home. I send the kids to school every morning while she picks them up from my in-laws house after work. Usually he drives her to pick up the kids from my in-laws place.
On weekends, i don't work. So i spend most of my time with her and the kids. We have breakfast, lunch and dinner together. We also go out together. As i no longer like going to pubs, she goes to pubs with him on Saturday nights. I stay home to look after the kids.
Both of them are avid divers, so they always go diving together to diving spots in Malaysia, Philippines. Thailand, Indonesia and Australia. I'm not into diving. They started diving while studying in Australia. Next month they are going diving in Maldives. She said they always sleep on separate beds. I trusted her.
Lately some relatives and friends started to ask me who he is and what his relationship with my wife is. I started me sitting back and thinking...
Before your post, I was thinking what was the catalysis and your last paragraph says it clearly - folks who questioned status quo. In some ways, the intent of your question was almost to seek if such behaviours were a norm. Nope - it is uncommon - given the intensity and depth of your description. However, uncommon does not imply impossibility and certainly does not suggest infidelity.
At the end of the day, whatever arrangement made is an outcome of choices chosen in view of our needs. For example, if she pubs with him on a Saturday night and you choose to stay at home, then if this arrangement works for you in a practical sense - economically speaking, this exchange is efficient. However, emotionally speaking, if it is uneasy for you, then being 'efficient' is not something that you need.
Since his presence existed way before the birth of your relationship, then there must be something good about you (and the relationship) and something 'missing' between them that has never allowed development of a relationship to manifest. An analogy would be: if I have kerosene on the floor, it does not necessarily means a fire will start; without lighting the match, it is merely kerosene on the floor.
A good start would be to get involved with your wife's life or find something common to do together. Somehow, I get the sense that this element is rather subtle in your marriage. You don't have to see it as a mechanism to control/keep an eye on her, but rather, learn to have quality time beyond that of child rearing. Having fun in love marriage is also crucial, especially when the couple is becoming overly enmeshed with the concept of raising children at the expense of their interaction pattern.
Not raising any alarm at the moment - but it's good to do a review of your relationship once in a while so as to embrace growth and find greater fulfillment in it.
Cheers
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