Aunt Agony II 180912

Originally posted by heartlessheartbroken:

Please do not flame and read my whole story, I am only writing this to obtain genuine advice on my current situation. It is a long story but my life is really in a mess that is beyond imagination.

My wife ran away with my son and my only family member, my nephew left my house and severed all ties with me, now I am all alone but left with a few important decisions to make to remedy this situation.

I fell in love with a beautiful woman A some years ago, she is my ideal type and we dated for almost 2 years. She is rich, extremely pretty and had everything I wished for a wife. However, due to my unfaithfulness, I had a one-night-stand with another woman B at a bar. Unfortunately, I pregnated her and we were forced to get married by her parents. B isn't too bad and we had a healthy marriage life but I do not love her. Instead, my heart still belongs to A. Needless to say, A was infuriated because at that time we broke up, we had plans to get married.

I have been living with my nephew for many years since his parents passed away. Ever since my brother and his wife passed away when their son was still schooling, my nephew 35, and me, 40 lived together with our son. We lived a very modest life and I had regretted my affair which turned out into an unwanted marriage and family. I could have lived much better if I had married A in the first place.

However, due to very unbelievable coincidence, my nephew met A in his company and they became very close friends and dated. It was only last year during CNY that he brought her to our small reunion. My wife B recognised A and immediately disapproved of their relationship. When A met me, I was sure that she still had feelings for me like I did for her, however she married my nephew. After our meetup, we had sex on a few occasions without my wife's knowledge.

Last month, A discovered that she was pregnant despite desperately trying many times with my nephew. My nephew was so happy that his wife got pregnant but I was quite sure that the child belongs to me. I then brought A to have a medical checkup and they said there was nothing wrong with her. That means my nephew was infertile all along and the child is indeed mine.

When all of us met for a diner a few days ago, my wife B became suspicious of us because I showed too much care for her unborn baby. After the dinner, I met up privately with my nephew and told him that A was carrying my child. He told my wife about it and she ran away from home with our son. My nephew is also on the verge of divorce with A because of her affair with me. After A knew about this, she blamed herself and tried to commit suicide. I brought her to my house and she had been living here for the past 2 days.

I know I am a bad person but I want to try to save our family and thought of these options:

1. Divorce B, marry A and start a new life with her. But if I do that, I lose my wife and child, also my nephew.

2. Lie to my nephew and tell him I was drunk and blurted out nonsence that night. Hope that life will be back to normal again while still being able to see A for the rest of my life as a niece in-law. If A keeps this secret well, our family will be in peace for the time being.

3. Relocate to another country with my wife and child and forget about A completely.

I think 2 is the best option but it will be very hard for me to do. Are there any other ways I can get over this?



Two wrongs do not make one right.

You could go on making choices to fill in the void caused by some unwise decision/s made at that point of time. However, it will just snowball into a huge conflagration, in which you will find it harder and harder to extinguish. Life is full of 'what ifs' - surely things would be different if you had married A. However, the truth is that the 'what if' never actually took place. We could go on forever on how those possibilities could play out, but then again, it is not possible to go back in time to find out for sure.

It is based on what you felt was a wrong choice, while ignoring other factors that would have naturally develop along the way to neutralize the value of 'wrongness'.

When you have a sexual affair with your nephew's wife - it is a clear indication that you are willing to risk your marriage (which includes your wife and son) to pursue what you felt was a choice left behind by an unfortunate circumstances. However, I just want to highlight something: 'no choice' is still a choice. You might have been 'coerced' by her parents and/or your conscience on moral grounds to marry your wife - still, it is a choice that you have decided to commit eventually, even though there wasn't any love. I truly doubt her parents actually point the gun barrel at you to say 'I do' - I think you get my drift.  

Until the point we take responsibility for all our choices made, it is hard to get out of your situation effectively because your chosen behaviour often revolves around avoiding, minor (ineffective) patching and/or delaying the consequences of an unwise decision. Notice that your preferred course of action is (2), which still another attempt to do one or more of the above.

Your options are mutually exclusive; keeping your family intact would means that A would have to go, while choosing A would means that your wife, son and nephew will need to go. Coexistent in this case is impossible and unrealistic to pursue.

P.S: You have to decide what you want before you commit any further decision. If you are lost: stop for a moment and glance at your map. You don't keep walking because chances are, you will walk further away from your original destination and that will just make you feel miserable once the truth slams you hard - on how far away you are from where you want to want.

Cheers