Originally posted by Oldkamhouse:
I have been going out with this girl for 5 months, but we haven't been able to progress our relationship due to religious issues.
You see, she hates my religion. I don't want to say anything about the religion except to say that it is definitely NOT islam.
I never ask her to change to my religion but it seems to separate us most of the time. She thinks I am very staunch in my religion because I attend classes, seminars, community work a lot but I am not staunch at all because I am a person with a lot of flaws, I do drink liquor, I do cross the red light, I sometimes accidentaly swear at people. In other words, I am imperfect and i don't go around judging other people.
Because I always talk religion with my social circles, I sometimes have the habit of accidentaly talking religion to her, and that makes her mad at me. When I accidentaly say it, she will go and boast her religion back at me and give me the quiet treatment.
I get the feeling that my religion is affecting her and not sure if she likes me enough to continue.
So what should I do? I had a heart to heart talk to her about religion and she frankly tell me that she thinks my religion is bias and not good. Ouch, but i just don't get it, why she takes offence at it when I never ask her to change to my religion. I was hoping that she allow me to freely practice my religion while she practice hers.
I really like her a lot.
Religion is not merely about a faith belief; in fact, it encompass an entire framework of perspective, values, ideals, rules, norms, mores and outlook of life - which includes the way we view love and relationship specifically. For some, it is central to the motivation of their behavior and how they manage their interaction with others.
Love requires no religions for it is not a living entity, unlike a human being, tormented by the need for 'answers' to justify its very existence. Therefore, the suffering of having any forms of religious conflict stem from the couple and belongs entirely to themselves.
This is an important understanding because I will not attempt to reply your post from any faith-based perspective, but rather, reflect it as the choice you have made in name of love - since this choice is probably a succulent condition for such conflict to manifest in the future. You might have intense feelings for this girl; however, the inability of being able to accept each other in your own respective skin is likely to be the cause of your misery.
It is not about whose religion is more superior, but rather, not being able to gain mutual respect and understanding of each other's values naturally generate great challenges for your relationship. It is also a similar set of problem for other form of value-conflict, in which religious conflict belongs to one type of such dimension (I called them Jupiter affliction).
Therefore, what is ultimately more important to you? Being able to be a 'good member' of your chosen religion OR the love & belonging need you get from her companionship? Surely, that would give you some concrete insights on how you could proceed with your situation.
P.S: The point I am driving at is that there is no absolutely way you could continue a relationship like yours without bloodshed IF the both of you are not able to reconcile each other in your natural state. Perhaps deep in your respective subconsciousness, though you might claim there is none, there could be a quiet desire to convert the other, which is actually no difference from a romance-frenzied lover wanting to change her down-to-earth dude to become 'more romantic'.
Cheers
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