Aunt Agony 040912 (Continued from AA 030912)

Originally posted by Oldkamhouse:

I wish it was this easy. People like her come once in a blue moon. In this modern society, we are all caught up in our jobs and competition for vanity, so we hardly got time to find soul mates out there.

I am in my late 30s, time is catching up.

Yes, I cannot just shut out religion and she cannot shut out her religion and we just go continue on like this without even considering the consequences.

Religion or my faith is more than just going to a building and making prayers, its my whole life.

 If she is impartial then our relationship would be in harmony. However, she criticize my religion. WE spoke about tithes and offerings for my religion. I said it is necesary because my religion need the finances to pay for the community work, premises upkeep and salaries of full time workers. I say that my religion does not compulsorily require the 10% contribution, we only volunteer to contribute because in our religion, god loves a cheerful giver not want to force a reluctant giver to give donation.

She still not convince and she gave me the blackface because next time if we are a family, she doesn't want any of the money finances given to the church. So yes, the religious differences will inevitably disturb our relationship.




It's a painful revelation when we are coerced to conclude that we cannot achieve the best of both worlds at our current state. Much as we would like to see it happening in our real world, perhaps the nature of our choice does not allow smooth harmonious blending of these different pictures into a beautiful symphony. Sometimes, some pictures are mutually exclusive and cannot co-exist simultaneously. 

At the age of being in your late 30s, it is natural to see how the developmental stage of needing to settle down and the importance of a stable relationship are important for you personally. Then again, sometimes, it may not be how much understanding she knows about your religion to accept you, but the key question lies whether are you able to accept the possibility that she might not be able to accept your religion and some of these values that you have already explained so patiently? Are you able to reconcile with yourself that by making the choice to remain in the relationship, there is a possibility that you might have to live with the struggle of having to making difficult choices between being a good Christian and the image of a good boyfriend?

Just a small disclaimer: I am not saying a good boyfriend means having to give up your love for God - what I am trying to say is that both pictures in your quality world are important to you because they obviously satisfy certain personal/spiritual needs - the thoughts of having make choices between them can be pure excruciating.

If being a good Christian (in which I am referring to your regular financial support, community involvement and other personal effort) is something that is non-negotiable for you, then naturally this relationship would become an expendable option.

P.S: The sphere of religious influence can be very powerful. However, do note that ultimately, you would have to make a committed choice and decide what you want and what is important to you. Just remember at the end of the day, nobody is going to live with the prospect of being single and its associated feelings (e.g. loneliness) or the fear in spiritual punishment/deprivation of spiritual reward other than yourself.

Cheers