Aunt Agony II 221211

Originally posted by Hseng25:

There’s this girl working in the same company as I am but in different depts. She’s a single 40yr old lady working in the HR dept and I’m a 29yr old guy. One day I found out that she was sick at home, I made her freshly made juices for a week and she texted me that she was actually very moved & thanked me. (Our normal way of communication is through texting as we work in different areas of the same company)

After a few days of texting casually, I confessed to her via text. Her first response was ” Are u pulling my leg? Do u know how old am I? If you were to know my age u wouldn’t talk to me again.” I told her I didn’t care about her age and she doesn’t need to tell me how old she is. Ever since then, I would always find a chance to pop by her desk with a smile and tease her a little. Our text messaging became very frequent. We would call each other up and chat on the phone for a while at night. We told each other to take this relationship slow and easy so we can get to know each other more and etc.

For 2 weeks, she was texting me a lot. From the time we start work till night and we’ll end with a short conversation. I tried to ask her out a couple of times but she says she’s very busy especially near year end, she suggested that we could take off from work 1 day and go out. She gave me a date but can’t promise me yet till she confirms her time table. (She’s genuinely busy near year end as she’s the manager of the HR dept and she is 24 hours on standby to run errands for the boss)

I asked her out for dinner after work a couple of times but she always told me she’s going out dinner with her LADY friends. She seems to intentionally say the word “lady” louder to make sure I don’t misunderstand. Even though she’s out with her friends, she would still constantly text me and call me at night before we head to bed. I got frustrated and wonder why does she prefers to go out with her friends than me, it seems she was playing hard to get. And her constant text messaging everyday kind of made me even more frustrated. Constant texting in terms of like every 10-15mins starting from 8am all the way to the night including weekends! She would text me about everything she’s doing and asking about myself as if we are both dating already. I’ve gently reminded her that i can’t keep up with her texting at work, she said to ignore her but the text never slowed down a bit. Frustrated and running out of patience, I told her ” Stop msging me again, I don’t intend to have a cyber GF.”

She stopped texting me ever since. She was absent from work the next day. Out of concern I texted her & called her but no replies. The next day at work, I popped by her desk to ask how is she. She ignored me and looked very upset. I bought flowers to apologize to her the next day at work. She texted me ” Thx and appreciate it very much but no need for flowers and your juices. We shall remain colleagues and friends and I’m not suitable for you.” I asked her whats wrong and she kept replying the same thing. I told her i know i made a mistake by sending that text that hurt her and not to judge me just on one text. I asked her why wouldn’t she give me 2nd chance. we haven’t went out alone with each other to feel each other but her response was the same. I got angry and told her its fine by me but i won’t even consider her as a friend anymore but just co worker thats all. She replied ” Don’t be so immature. thx. “

Next day, a co worker of mine had a chat with her. She suddenly pointed at my picture in the company photo and complained why am i so fierce and never smiled. Afraid of getting our co worker’s suspicion, she quickly changed subject. Few days later, I humbled myself and apologized to her. She replied ” Its not your fault, the problem lies with me. Its just that I can’t find myself to accept someone so much younger than i am and i wish we could chat like before.” But ever since then, every time I texted her casually she would take a long time to reply or never reply at all. Confused, I called her and asked her whats wrong and we ended up in a very very very bad argument.

Since then, I avoided her and stopped all contact for 3 weeks. Then one day we accidentally bumped into her other at the hallway, she smiled back at me and asked me not to be hostile. At first I thought she wanted revenge but i emailed her that night to apologize and she accepted it. We would still smile at each other at work and greet each other. Feeling regretful and desperate to rekindle the relationship before, I apologized to her through text like 2-3 times on different days.A few days later, I texted her asking how is she, she would coldly reply me. Feeling desperate again, I thanked her for forgiving me and saying sorry, she replied ” Stop msging me this kind of msg, my bf is getting pissed off.” (I knew she was lying cos she was out with a grp of colleagues at that time.)

After a couple of days at work, we bumped with each other at the hallway again. She gave me a nasty look. I told myself to forget about her and move on so I ignored her since then. But at work whenever she saw me she would do silly things like calling out very loudly to a friend of mine, interrupting our conversation. I had to pass by her work space today and she slammed her mouse loudly and signed. When ever she passes the hallway, i caught her several times turning her head to my working area. ( She knows its only me and one guy working at that area.) I would find her staring at me when I’m in the office. She would flirt with the guy colleagues at work. A co worker whom I told him about both of us said she’s obviously seeking my attention. I have no idea what does she exactly want. A few close co workers who are friends with her said that she’s already 40 and feeling lonely and that she’s extremely short tempered.

Sorry for my bad english and so much details but I hope you can get a clear picture of what i am going through now. The desperate and negative feelings i had is gone and I’m my old happy self but the things she is doing is annoying me. It seems the more i ignore her the more she wants to grab my attention. Yes i still have feelings for her as she is really a nice lady but her immature actions are actually lame. I have moved on from her but if there is a chance i really want to try to rekindle the relationship we had before and progress further. I know I made many mistakes like being short temperd and showing her my desperateness by apologizing to her 3-4x before. At the moment I’m still ignoring her but i still do greet her whenever we bump in each other at work.

I really don’t understand why is she doing this. Is she out for revenge now? Or did she regret of letting me go and trying to see what’s my response? Or is it both? I’m really confused.


Actually I am just wondering what's your issue; although you have stated clearly that you want to move on, but you still have feelings for her. I am just thinking if you are wondering if (1) you would like something to happen, but you don't know how to proceed from here or (2) you just want to avoid having this an awkward position with her?

What is your intention? Is your desire outcome still a relationship?

Or you are already moving?

Cheers