Making Mistakes

Recently, I had a couple of conversations with people rather depressed and one common theme came up; that people are angry with themselves for making 'stupid' choices, whom they ought to have listen to 'themselves' and do otherwise long ago.

Sometimes, we are so caught up with doing only the right thing that we become overly self critical. No qualms about it, just that I felt that we could be a little easier on ourselves, especially on circumstances we have little control over.

Supposedly if it rains one day and the rain drenched the clothes you just washed a while ago; you probably have two typical blaming style; you either blame yourself for bringing the clothes out to dry or you blame the rain. As for the former, it is a natural decision - we hang our clothes out to dry after washing. Duh. So in this natural course of action, that would always be the default mode of action. Blaming on something that is 'natural' makes us even more miserable.

In a classic lifespan, relationship is but a natural unfolding of experience. When we grow up, we make many friends and a couple ends up in a relationship with us. Being in a relationship would naturally means that we put ourselves in a vulnerable position, so as to allow love to teach us what we need to become a better person and lover. In that eventful journey, it is only likely that we make a couple of mistakes along the way because it allow us to understand the importance of value and appreciation.

Therefore, don't blame yourself for circumstances you have little control over, especially when it doesn't go the way you hope it would. Learn to forgive yourself because you must always remember that no matter how weary the darkness, you alone hold the light to dispel the ghastly night.

Piece of Lard 01 (24 Dec 11)

Today I own this post and not that smarty pants Yunnie. Even though my england not as good, but I win hands down in Singlish. In addition, I also learn to throw my weight around... literally. So I win. 

Through my tiny eyes, I read the Straits Times and come across this article. You can read the article online at here:

P.S: Actually, the interesting part is this little column beside the main article and it highlighted other similar offenses.

[Quote] In 2009, a 32-year-old former Chinese and civics and moral education teacher was jailed for 10 months. The mother of two had engaged in sex acts with her 15-year-old student six times in chalets and in her flat. [/Quote]

***

Signing off,
Mousy Mouse
World's Most 'Powderful' Gambling Mouse

Aunt Agony 241211 (Continued from AA II 221211)

Originally posted by Hseng25:

Im in the process of moving on.. Before I deleted her contact last night.. I texted her how I really felt and wished her all the best to her and her bf. She replied thx. I know I shouldn't have texted her but I just wanna have my final say. This morning she greeted me with a cheerful smile so I guess no more hard feelings between us. I guess u guys are right, she might be a player. A very pro experience player with lots of free time. It hurts... This is my first time I ever met such a lady. I guess I've boosted her ego already.

I believe you might have found the answer you seek - all the best for your love life.

P.S: My sense (imho) is not so much about her being a player, but seemed more like some developmental issues to me. But well, that's only my two cents.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 221211

Originally posted by Hseng25:

There’s this girl working in the same company as I am but in different depts. She’s a single 40yr old lady working in the HR dept and I’m a 29yr old guy. One day I found out that she was sick at home, I made her freshly made juices for a week and she texted me that she was actually very moved & thanked me. (Our normal way of communication is through texting as we work in different areas of the same company)

After a few days of texting casually, I confessed to her via text. Her first response was ” Are u pulling my leg? Do u know how old am I? If you were to know my age u wouldn’t talk to me again.” I told her I didn’t care about her age and she doesn’t need to tell me how old she is. Ever since then, I would always find a chance to pop by her desk with a smile and tease her a little. Our text messaging became very frequent. We would call each other up and chat on the phone for a while at night. We told each other to take this relationship slow and easy so we can get to know each other more and etc.

For 2 weeks, she was texting me a lot. From the time we start work till night and we’ll end with a short conversation. I tried to ask her out a couple of times but she says she’s very busy especially near year end, she suggested that we could take off from work 1 day and go out. She gave me a date but can’t promise me yet till she confirms her time table. (She’s genuinely busy near year end as she’s the manager of the HR dept and she is 24 hours on standby to run errands for the boss)

I asked her out for dinner after work a couple of times but she always told me she’s going out dinner with her LADY friends. She seems to intentionally say the word “lady” louder to make sure I don’t misunderstand. Even though she’s out with her friends, she would still constantly text me and call me at night before we head to bed. I got frustrated and wonder why does she prefers to go out with her friends than me, it seems she was playing hard to get. And her constant text messaging everyday kind of made me even more frustrated. Constant texting in terms of like every 10-15mins starting from 8am all the way to the night including weekends! She would text me about everything she’s doing and asking about myself as if we are both dating already. I’ve gently reminded her that i can’t keep up with her texting at work, she said to ignore her but the text never slowed down a bit. Frustrated and running out of patience, I told her ” Stop msging me again, I don’t intend to have a cyber GF.”

She stopped texting me ever since. She was absent from work the next day. Out of concern I texted her & called her but no replies. The next day at work, I popped by her desk to ask how is she. She ignored me and looked very upset. I bought flowers to apologize to her the next day at work. She texted me ” Thx and appreciate it very much but no need for flowers and your juices. We shall remain colleagues and friends and I’m not suitable for you.” I asked her whats wrong and she kept replying the same thing. I told her i know i made a mistake by sending that text that hurt her and not to judge me just on one text. I asked her why wouldn’t she give me 2nd chance. we haven’t went out alone with each other to feel each other but her response was the same. I got angry and told her its fine by me but i won’t even consider her as a friend anymore but just co worker thats all. She replied ” Don’t be so immature. thx. “

Next day, a co worker of mine had a chat with her. She suddenly pointed at my picture in the company photo and complained why am i so fierce and never smiled. Afraid of getting our co worker’s suspicion, she quickly changed subject. Few days later, I humbled myself and apologized to her. She replied ” Its not your fault, the problem lies with me. Its just that I can’t find myself to accept someone so much younger than i am and i wish we could chat like before.” But ever since then, every time I texted her casually she would take a long time to reply or never reply at all. Confused, I called her and asked her whats wrong and we ended up in a very very very bad argument.

Since then, I avoided her and stopped all contact for 3 weeks. Then one day we accidentally bumped into her other at the hallway, she smiled back at me and asked me not to be hostile. At first I thought she wanted revenge but i emailed her that night to apologize and she accepted it. We would still smile at each other at work and greet each other. Feeling regretful and desperate to rekindle the relationship before, I apologized to her through text like 2-3 times on different days.A few days later, I texted her asking how is she, she would coldly reply me. Feeling desperate again, I thanked her for forgiving me and saying sorry, she replied ” Stop msging me this kind of msg, my bf is getting pissed off.” (I knew she was lying cos she was out with a grp of colleagues at that time.)

After a couple of days at work, we bumped with each other at the hallway again. She gave me a nasty look. I told myself to forget about her and move on so I ignored her since then. But at work whenever she saw me she would do silly things like calling out very loudly to a friend of mine, interrupting our conversation. I had to pass by her work space today and she slammed her mouse loudly and signed. When ever she passes the hallway, i caught her several times turning her head to my working area. ( She knows its only me and one guy working at that area.) I would find her staring at me when I’m in the office. She would flirt with the guy colleagues at work. A co worker whom I told him about both of us said she’s obviously seeking my attention. I have no idea what does she exactly want. A few close co workers who are friends with her said that she’s already 40 and feeling lonely and that she’s extremely short tempered.

Sorry for my bad english and so much details but I hope you can get a clear picture of what i am going through now. The desperate and negative feelings i had is gone and I’m my old happy self but the things she is doing is annoying me. It seems the more i ignore her the more she wants to grab my attention. Yes i still have feelings for her as she is really a nice lady but her immature actions are actually lame. I have moved on from her but if there is a chance i really want to try to rekindle the relationship we had before and progress further. I know I made many mistakes like being short temperd and showing her my desperateness by apologizing to her 3-4x before. At the moment I’m still ignoring her but i still do greet her whenever we bump in each other at work.

I really don’t understand why is she doing this. Is she out for revenge now? Or did she regret of letting me go and trying to see what’s my response? Or is it both? I’m really confused.


Actually I am just wondering what's your issue; although you have stated clearly that you want to move on, but you still have feelings for her. I am just thinking if you are wondering if (1) you would like something to happen, but you don't know how to proceed from here or (2) you just want to avoid having this an awkward position with her?

What is your intention? Is your desire outcome still a relationship?

Or you are already moving?

Cheers

Aunt Agony 221211

Originally posted by Freakgeek:

My closest guy friend recently confessed that he likes me. He's a really nice guy, almost an ideal bf for me and although I kinda like him back, I'm at a lost of what to do..

I dont think I'll be a good gf (due to my prev rs) thus I feel unworthy of his love for me..I can get very paranoid and I'm a very insecure person. I admit I'm quite spoilt at times and I'm especially temperamental when its the time of the month. I'm neither pretty nor I'm those girls who put on make-up or dress fashionably well and I fear that I'll be more of an embarrassment for him in front of his family and friends. To put it simply, I'm not somebody whom a typical guy will fall for but he is the type of guy that maybe any girl will fall for..

I honestly fear that if we get together, he'll one day realize that I'm just somebody so ordinary/horrible and I'll end up losing him like how I lost my ex whereby we dont even talk to each other anymore, not even as friends. I treasure our friendship so much so I dont know if I should take the risk in bringing this friendship to a whole new level.

Is it even right for me to think this much? Or are my worries totally uncalled for? What will you do in my situation? Just seeking opinions out there, thanks :(



The conundrum between remaining as friends or progressing further; ultimately it is your call. The ironic fact is that the more reasons we use to justify the existence of a relationship, the less likelihood it would happen. However, I am not advocating for a 'no' - just that we have to decide what is it that we really want and make a choice. Remember this: remaining status quo through inactivity is a choice by itself.

All woman has their own insecurities; in varying degrees some ways or another. I would think that it is natural. However, if you feel that yours are slightly geared outside standard deviation, then you might want to find out the root of this insecurity, what exactly it is and how you would like to deal with them from a personal transformation point of view and not from a relational aspect.

Somehow, your post seemed to suggest that you are not worthy of him; rationally, that is the weakest form of emotional reason/s to justify a 'reject'. Well, if you like something, you just like it. It may not be a big deal to others, but hey, it's your opinion and choice. After all, beauty and love is not structured in a universal format that 'permits' certain exclusive category of people who are capable of being in love and those who are dismissed off this potential. Does not seem to work in that way.

Being in love is a self permitted right; if you decide that you are unworthy, then naturally, in your experience, you have learned that you are unloving and nothing good will ever come out of your love life.

Your belief will end up being a reality.

If having a friend is more important, then you will always find it hard to progress anything further than a bff. Because ultimately, like all things in life, there is always an element of risk. Even the best of relationship has that potential to become something sour. However, if your greatest challenge to proceed further is because you deemed yourself as unloving, then you might want to reflect on how you would want to unlearn this 'lesson' and overwrite it with a positive note.

Once you have self love; your perspective will naturally change.

Cheers

Nice Guys Flowchart

Following this logic, nice guys are at the bottom of the food chain. ROFLMAO!

Can't Stop Cheating

Interesting; TNP ran an article about the seeming stunning percentage of people who have admitted sexually cheating on their partner.

A poll of 506 Singaporean - 257 men and 249 woman were asked to describe their attitude towards sex and relationship. In the survey, it was noted that 22% of men are having affairs and 19% of woman in Singapore are unfaithful. Statistically speaking, it's about 1 in 5 for both man and woman.



Psychiatrist Tommy Tan claims that cheating is 'hardly surprising' as 'cheating is an innate quality in humans'. Surely from the biological and from the ID perspective, we could accept that as a probable explanation (I mean I use that sort of reasoning too). However, what's intriguing about this rationale is that then what has 'happened' for those who could maintain fidelity - what has developed, gain or experience which has stir away them from this innate quality?

Seemed that reasoning is not always the best defense; after all, those who have cheated knew that it was somewhat 'morally wrong' (I wouldn't go define what's morally wrong since I don't really believe in that line of reasoning - at least in relationship).

If not, then what?

P.S: Astrologically speaking, planets involving Venus, Mars, Neptune, Saturn and house involving 5th, 7th, 8th & 12th house and the energy of triplicity needs to be examined in details.

Dishonesty

Generally, we all cheat occasionally in life. By this definition of cheat, I am referring loosely to dishonesty and 'not doing what we are suppose to be doing'. It does not always exist in relationship, but manifest in other ways like peeping at friend's answer during exam, not returning 50 cent back, keeping the extra pack of MacDonald french fries given to us by mistake or even cutting queue. Though we may not technically be malicious or intentional (which would mean that we cannot constitute that strictly as 'cheating)', but you get my drift. There are times when we do the 'right' things and times we don't.

Sometimes, we don't burden our mind with such unnecessary minuscule concerns

I would find it hard for a completely honest person to exist, not because I don't believe in the concept of honesty (in fact, I do believe with fair amount of faith that honesty is sometimes the best policy), but the flesh is weak and we are generally mortals. Research has shown and proven that nobody is absolutely honest or dishonest - everyone lies in between.

However, my question is that: if your partner lied to you and was caught red-handed - what are the categorical measures that you have subconsciously internalized to decide which lies are forgivable verses the ones that are considered unatoning sins?

Or are you the one that let your emotions (sometimes illogical) sense cast the verdict, subjected highly to varied circumstances and possibly more lies?

P.S: I remember my old astrology days of detecting lies via Mercury affliction with Neptune. Hah, I should beef up my statistic skills and decide if this was empirically (and significantly) true. :)

What do you think?

Aunt Agony 101211 (continued from AA 301111)

Originally posted by Jlsky70:

i had a talk with my wife last night. It was not a pleasant talk. After i persistently asked, she finally admitted she is having affair with her colleague and it involves sex. She told me she fell in love with that guy not long after he started wooing her several months ago. He's single and 2 years younger than her. He's also her manager in the company.

I asked her why she do this and what i have done wrong to make her do this. She just said sorry to me and that it wasn't my fault. It's just that she had fallen deeply in love with that guy and willing to give up everything just to be with him. She cried too.

I was extremely sad. I was crushed. The whole world seems to be tumbling down on me. I told her then that divorce is the only way as she doesn't love me anymore and chose to be with that guy instead. She said she will agree to the divorce if i really want it but she still wants our daughter.


It must be devastating to have the whole truth thrown into your face. Though having a HTHT was indeed effective in reducing your suspicion to a conclusion, but still, it must be absolutely heartbreaking and painful when the blow was delivered.

The presence of a third party is concrete; though surely there would be a combination of both push & pull factor/s that helped to generate this unfortunate outcome, I must say that nobody is absolutely the cause. Also, when she appears to be certain that she wants to be with the other man, your stated option was helpless acquiescence. I feel you: having to let your wife go when you discovered that this love wasn't as genuine, almost like false gold with strips of the imitation material flaking out loosely like some cheap goods.

The practical component of the divorce will flow in much later; when you move into proceeding, custody and the affidavit of assets and means. However, that does not always make us feel better emotionally. Right now, I hope you could gather some good friends to share with them about your situation so that you have somebody around you for support at least. Or if you feel that you would like individual counselling to sort yourself out, you could PM me and I could direct (refer) you to the necessary resources. (Don't worry it wouldn't be me and I do not need to know your identity at all).

Please take good care of yourself.

Cheers

爱跟距离

爱情它并不是个外在物，

而是内心散发出的一种美。

即使那无形的距离

能把两个相爱的人

隔在不一样的空间

那也只不过是无用的搦战



- 云孩儿 x Jess