Originally posted by Save*>*ME
Ok i just broke up . And i was wondering how do some people actually be friends with their ex ?
Isn`t it difficult being friends with ur ex when you see him or her and think then of the times you guys spent together ?
Am i not being to open about this ? But i really cant be friends with any of my ex. It`s hard after all that`s been said and done then in the end just ended up being friends .
So wise people out there pls tell me if there`s anyway i could change this thinking of mine
It depends on your personal belief on how you define 'friendship' and a 'relationship'. Of course, to most effective way to get along with life is to sever all means of contacts with the person. But the catch is that ultimately, such physical measures must be reinforced with other initiatives taken (reorganizing focus in life, getting to know new people, engage in new hobbies, etc), as well as a change in perspective - or it will result in sheer pointlessness akin to a breeze walk in a park.
One very important concept is to be constantly 'aware' of your thoughts and emotions, instead of relying on your subconscious to provide grounds for your feelings. The problem with most people is that they often decide that 'we will still remain as friends' but they would unconsciously behave and think that their position are worth than just that of a friend. The discrepancy in reality will force you to become miserable, almost like me dangling a cheese burger in front of your eyes, while you being consumed by an innate hunger.
Your circumstances creates an inability for you to grab that wonderful burger and gorge it, without being subjected to some form of love transgression.
This creates immerse emotional frustration and suffering.
It's impossible for a downgrade to occur (from a relationship to a friendship), with all other factors remaining the same. Even the most amicable breakup will probably experience some sort of subtle shift in adjustment, as well as perceived rights and position.
And the truth is that not everyone is capable of being able to remain friends with their ex-lovers - you see, some people just can't do that and I just want to tell you that it's normal/natural because people are developed differently in love (Without natal chart analysis, it's usually more problematic for Taurus, Leo, Aquarius & Scorpio).
Your choice of action must be in sync with the understanding of yourself - if you know that you belong to the category of people that just cannot remain as friends, then constantly putting yourself in situation, in which you KNOW you can't handle will only result in greater paroxysm of pain. Seriously, it's more than just a change in thinking - it actually involves your own personal values and beliefs, which is something that might not be as readily subjected to changes.
P.S: We learn more about ourselves through both the birth and death of our relationship. It acts as a mirror that reflects the state of condition about ourselves - the blind spots that we are unaware of. As we engage in introspection, we will begin to realize that we learn more about ourselves, than that of our partner/s.
Cheers
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
RIP Douglas
During Mediaworks days, I remember Douglas being the Mr Nice Guy. Someone with no air and pretty much down to earth. He could talk on equal terms to young people like us and occasionally get disturbed by these juniors whom he has merely acquainted in like one or two productions.
I mean I am not that close to him, but across board, among the weirdo people in the MW, he probably one of the few decent fellow around.
RIP dude. My prayers goes out for you and your family.
P.S: I still have this photo among my collection.
***
August 13, 2009
He drowned after being swept out to sea.
Two friends tried to save him but he swallowed too much water
By Ho Lian-yi
MERELY waist-deep in water and flanked by two other swimmers, danger seemed distant to Mr Douglas Lee and his two friends.
But an innocent post-meal splash on Bali's popular Seminyak Beach turned into a desperate struggle when the three were suddenly swept out to sea by a freak wave.
Mr Lee, 39, a Singaporean businessman so loved sun, sea and sand that he visited Bali with his wife every year.
On Sunday, he died there.
His two friends survived.
His body was flown back to Singapore yesterday at about 1pm.
Said Mr Michel Oosterhof, 42, a Dutch executive director: 'At first, I could see other people. Then, all of a sudden, we were alone.'
The 'strong waves' had swept them under and out an estimated 200 metres beyond the breaking waves into open sea.
They had only been in the water for about 10 minutes when it happened, and it took another five minutes before they realised what was happening, said Mr Oosterhof.
It was around 3.45pm, after a late lunch at a Seminyak beach restaurant, when the three friends decided to go for a swim at the beach in front of The Legian hotel.
The third man, Mr Arnaud Ferrand, 35, a French director of a sports complex, said that as soon as they surfaced, they could see that Mr Lee was struggling.
Both men swam to their friend.
They decided Mr Oosterhof would swim towards shore to get a lifeguard's attention, while Mr Ferrand would stay with Mr Lee.
'Twice, I went down into the water and pushed him up, because I could touch the ground with my feet,' said Mr Ferrand.
But when Mr Lee kept going under, Mr Ferrand tried to calm him down.
'I said, look, the lifeguard is coming. Everything will be okay. Try to swim, and relax,' he said.
Mr Lee was an 'average swimmer', according to his friends. But his head kept falling below the water and he drank a lot of water, said Mr Ferrand.
'He was not screaming. He was just saying, 'help, help',' said Mr Ferrand.
Meanwhile, Mr Oosterhof managed to catch the attention of a lifeguard, who swam out with a board measuring about 1m by 40cm.
He reached Mr Lee and helped him to shore. He would be the first to reach the beach, at 4.30pm.
'(Mr Lee) was still okay when the lifeguard arrived,' said Mr Ferrand.
Two more lifeguards followed with full-sized surfboards to help Mr Lee's two friends.
Struggling against the current, it took them nearly 20 minutes to make it back to the beach.
As he swam back, Mr Ferrand could see a man receiving CPR from a lifeguard.
'I couldn't believe it was (Mr Lee). I thought it was somebody else...'
Mr Lee and his friends were part of a group of 10 people who were in Bali for holiday.
One of them, marketing manager Kuek Wei Min, 29, was about to join his three friends in the water when he was called back by a lifeguard.
Strong undertow
'The water was only calf-level, and I could already feel the drag,' he said.
Five minutes later, he saw someone being pulled to shore. It was his friend, Mr Lee.
'I ran back to the ladies, about 150m away, shouting, 'Doug, Doug, Doug!' I couldn't find the words to express drowning,' he said.
Mr Lee's wife, Ms Vanessa Kwek, 28, a finance manager, was distraught when she found him on the beach. A lifeguard and a French doctor who happened to be there was giving Mr Lee CPR.
It was around 4.45pm when the other two men reached shore. But they faced further difficulties when they tried to get an ambulance from the only nearby clinic.
'There was only one doctor and he was attending to a patient,' said Mr Oosterhof.
As a doctor had to be on the ambulance, they couldn't send an ambulance immediately. The hotel manager at the Legian decided they could wait no longer, and drove Mr Lee to the clinic in a car.
There, they were transferred to an ambulance and taken to Sanglah Hospital in Denpasar. Mr Oosterhof said it was 5.40pm by then.
Mr Lee was declared dead on arrival.
Bali Police spokesman Budi Sugianyar said: 'He was swimming in a dangerous area where there were red flags up warning of strong currents and no swimming was allowed.'
He said Mr Lee was also overcome by strong waves.
Mr Ferrand said they did see a red flag when they first walked to the beach. That's why they walked about 250m, towards the The Legian, where there were about 30 people in the water.
That's where they saw red and yellow flags, which they believe meant it was an area protected by lifeguards.
'If it was really dangerous, the lifeguard would have called people to come back,' he said.
They also wondered why there was no proper safety equipment for the lifeguards, or a watch tower, or other facilities routinely found in beaches in the Netherlands and France.
Cinematographer David Lee, 47, one of Mr Lee's three brothers, said: 'If the lifeguards had jet skis or a speedboat, he would still be alive.'
Seminyak Beach is one the more popular beaches of Bali.
But there have been many deaths in the waters off the beach because of strong riptides and unpredictable currents.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tributes pour in from friends and celebs
MR DOUGLAS Lee had it all.
He had started a new business dealing in solar energy solutions. He had a beautiful wife of five years. Less than two years ago, she gave birth to their son, Ashton.
The couple was planning for another child.
Said his wife, Madam Vanessa Kwek: 'He was a great parent - better than me anyway. He was a great father.'
He loved music, and had been practising on a DJ set at home. For his 40th birthday next February he had wanted to debut his newly-acquired skills at a party.
Mr Lee was the youngest of four brothers. His mother is 76.
His brother, cinematographer David Lee, 47, said she would always cook something special for him when he came home.
He waited till Monday before breaking the bad news to their mother.
On Douglas' Facebook page, there were numerous messages of condolences from friends, some of them local celebrities.
He'd worked previously at SPH MediaWorks as a floor manager (before heading to MediaCorp).
Shaun Chen, 30, MediaCorp actor, said both he and his wife, actress Michelle Chia, were devastated by his death.
He said: 'Douglas and I were great brothers, we went through thick and thin together. During my darkest days, when I was retrenched by MediaWorks, he was there for me all the way. We'd hang out regularly, chill out over drinks.
'Michelle was close to him as well. Both of us attended his wedding two, three years ago and it was a really grand, fun affair.'
Evelyn Tan, 35, a former MediaCorp and Mediaworks actress, said he was 'everyone's favourite guy'.
She said: 'Douglas was one person who livened up any party because he was game to try anything.
'I remember years back, before my marriage to Darren (Lim, the actor), my friends threw a hen party for me and he was the only guy who had to 'sacrifice himself', you know, do something silly to entertain us gals.'
Actor Adrian Pang, 44, said: 'He's really one cool dude, with his semi-shaded glasses, tinted hair and stylish way of dressing; yet, it's not show-offy at all. The Douglas I know had always been very down-to-earth.'
I mean I am not that close to him, but across board, among the weirdo people in the MW, he probably one of the few decent fellow around.
RIP dude. My prayers goes out for you and your family.
P.S: I still have this photo among my collection.
***
August 13, 2009
He drowned after being swept out to sea.
Two friends tried to save him but he swallowed too much water
By Ho Lian-yi
MERELY waist-deep in water and flanked by two other swimmers, danger seemed distant to Mr Douglas Lee and his two friends.
But an innocent post-meal splash on Bali's popular Seminyak Beach turned into a desperate struggle when the three were suddenly swept out to sea by a freak wave.
Mr Lee, 39, a Singaporean businessman so loved sun, sea and sand that he visited Bali with his wife every year.
On Sunday, he died there.
His two friends survived.
His body was flown back to Singapore yesterday at about 1pm.
Said Mr Michel Oosterhof, 42, a Dutch executive director: 'At first, I could see other people. Then, all of a sudden, we were alone.'
The 'strong waves' had swept them under and out an estimated 200 metres beyond the breaking waves into open sea.
They had only been in the water for about 10 minutes when it happened, and it took another five minutes before they realised what was happening, said Mr Oosterhof.
It was around 3.45pm, after a late lunch at a Seminyak beach restaurant, when the three friends decided to go for a swim at the beach in front of The Legian hotel.
The third man, Mr Arnaud Ferrand, 35, a French director of a sports complex, said that as soon as they surfaced, they could see that Mr Lee was struggling.
Both men swam to their friend.
They decided Mr Oosterhof would swim towards shore to get a lifeguard's attention, while Mr Ferrand would stay with Mr Lee.
'Twice, I went down into the water and pushed him up, because I could touch the ground with my feet,' said Mr Ferrand.
But when Mr Lee kept going under, Mr Ferrand tried to calm him down.
'I said, look, the lifeguard is coming. Everything will be okay. Try to swim, and relax,' he said.
Mr Lee was an 'average swimmer', according to his friends. But his head kept falling below the water and he drank a lot of water, said Mr Ferrand.
'He was not screaming. He was just saying, 'help, help',' said Mr Ferrand.
Meanwhile, Mr Oosterhof managed to catch the attention of a lifeguard, who swam out with a board measuring about 1m by 40cm.
He reached Mr Lee and helped him to shore. He would be the first to reach the beach, at 4.30pm.
'(Mr Lee) was still okay when the lifeguard arrived,' said Mr Ferrand.
Two more lifeguards followed with full-sized surfboards to help Mr Lee's two friends.
Struggling against the current, it took them nearly 20 minutes to make it back to the beach.
As he swam back, Mr Ferrand could see a man receiving CPR from a lifeguard.
'I couldn't believe it was (Mr Lee). I thought it was somebody else...'
Mr Lee and his friends were part of a group of 10 people who were in Bali for holiday.
One of them, marketing manager Kuek Wei Min, 29, was about to join his three friends in the water when he was called back by a lifeguard.
Strong undertow
'The water was only calf-level, and I could already feel the drag,' he said.
Five minutes later, he saw someone being pulled to shore. It was his friend, Mr Lee.
'I ran back to the ladies, about 150m away, shouting, 'Doug, Doug, Doug!' I couldn't find the words to express drowning,' he said.
Mr Lee's wife, Ms Vanessa Kwek, 28, a finance manager, was distraught when she found him on the beach. A lifeguard and a French doctor who happened to be there was giving Mr Lee CPR.
It was around 4.45pm when the other two men reached shore. But they faced further difficulties when they tried to get an ambulance from the only nearby clinic.
'There was only one doctor and he was attending to a patient,' said Mr Oosterhof.
As a doctor had to be on the ambulance, they couldn't send an ambulance immediately. The hotel manager at the Legian decided they could wait no longer, and drove Mr Lee to the clinic in a car.
There, they were transferred to an ambulance and taken to Sanglah Hospital in Denpasar. Mr Oosterhof said it was 5.40pm by then.
Mr Lee was declared dead on arrival.
Bali Police spokesman Budi Sugianyar said: 'He was swimming in a dangerous area where there were red flags up warning of strong currents and no swimming was allowed.'
He said Mr Lee was also overcome by strong waves.
Mr Ferrand said they did see a red flag when they first walked to the beach. That's why they walked about 250m, towards the The Legian, where there were about 30 people in the water.
That's where they saw red and yellow flags, which they believe meant it was an area protected by lifeguards.
'If it was really dangerous, the lifeguard would have called people to come back,' he said.
They also wondered why there was no proper safety equipment for the lifeguards, or a watch tower, or other facilities routinely found in beaches in the Netherlands and France.
Cinematographer David Lee, 47, one of Mr Lee's three brothers, said: 'If the lifeguards had jet skis or a speedboat, he would still be alive.'
Seminyak Beach is one the more popular beaches of Bali.
But there have been many deaths in the waters off the beach because of strong riptides and unpredictable currents.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tributes pour in from friends and celebs
MR DOUGLAS Lee had it all.
He had started a new business dealing in solar energy solutions. He had a beautiful wife of five years. Less than two years ago, she gave birth to their son, Ashton.
The couple was planning for another child.
Said his wife, Madam Vanessa Kwek: 'He was a great parent - better than me anyway. He was a great father.'
He loved music, and had been practising on a DJ set at home. For his 40th birthday next February he had wanted to debut his newly-acquired skills at a party.
Mr Lee was the youngest of four brothers. His mother is 76.
His brother, cinematographer David Lee, 47, said she would always cook something special for him when he came home.
He waited till Monday before breaking the bad news to their mother.
On Douglas' Facebook page, there were numerous messages of condolences from friends, some of them local celebrities.
He'd worked previously at SPH MediaWorks as a floor manager (before heading to MediaCorp).
Shaun Chen, 30, MediaCorp actor, said both he and his wife, actress Michelle Chia, were devastated by his death.
He said: 'Douglas and I were great brothers, we went through thick and thin together. During my darkest days, when I was retrenched by MediaWorks, he was there for me all the way. We'd hang out regularly, chill out over drinks.
'Michelle was close to him as well. Both of us attended his wedding two, three years ago and it was a really grand, fun affair.'
Evelyn Tan, 35, a former MediaCorp and Mediaworks actress, said he was 'everyone's favourite guy'.
She said: 'Douglas was one person who livened up any party because he was game to try anything.
'I remember years back, before my marriage to Darren (Lim, the actor), my friends threw a hen party for me and he was the only guy who had to 'sacrifice himself', you know, do something silly to entertain us gals.'
Actor Adrian Pang, 44, said: 'He's really one cool dude, with his semi-shaded glasses, tinted hair and stylish way of dressing; yet, it's not show-offy at all. The Douglas I know had always been very down-to-earth.'
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
I am Evil
It's interesting how life unfolds itself simply by allowing time to manifest the eventual phenomena.
Things that cannot sustain itself will reveal its aperture and gradually crumble into nothingness. People might lie, but time doesn't. In fact, it reveals the truth.
I met WY the other day when he came back from US. Although he has somehow enlarged himself physically, but our thoughts and perception on various matters in life is still running on same wavelength. Throughout the conversation, there were many exchange (as usual), but there was something he said that day and it clinged onto my flow of thoughts and emotions ever since.
'You know... when a man decides to be loyal, his woman will choose to see it as a weakness.'
I can understand the sort of shit that was thrown into his face for him to be able to say something like this. In that moment, I could see old scars in his eyes. Then, the effect ripples and it rings a bell on my experience too. Not that I am an absolute empiricist for the rationalist side of me would have flipped open CloUdiSm to defray part of the explaination on the above claims. But the problem is that emotions are 24 times stronger than the mind, sometimes it just too difficult to dismiss experience like a simple wave of hand.
In retrospection: in the past and I would conveniently brand myself as an asshole. I won't go to the long and short of it, but there is an important conclusion gathered from this:
People only remembers and appreciate the good that one does if you are a bastard. I experienced this repeated number of times - when you are an asshole, people remembers you for the good that you did because asshole are not suppose to be good anyway.
When I was young, I was like a semi-misogynist - I didn't know where it came from, but it probably stemmed from the view that woman are just too troublesome and problematic in their own ways. I was pretty much nonchalant and evil in the way I deal with them because I just phucking don't give a damn.
And you know what? People remembers you for it! Mystically, in a good sense! Vanda misses the times when I kicked her ass. Wtf. Even the guys are not spared - people who suddenly misses my presence and tells me so - both man and woman. And ironically, these people are the very people whom I have scolded, said nasty things, kicked their ass or just by being my fucking evil self to them.
You see, I have officially declare that everyone has a subconscious SM streak in them.
In reality, evil calls the shot - nobody remembers the one who does good anyway.
Cheers
Things that cannot sustain itself will reveal its aperture and gradually crumble into nothingness. People might lie, but time doesn't. In fact, it reveals the truth.
I met WY the other day when he came back from US. Although he has somehow enlarged himself physically, but our thoughts and perception on various matters in life is still running on same wavelength. Throughout the conversation, there were many exchange (as usual), but there was something he said that day and it clinged onto my flow of thoughts and emotions ever since.
'You know... when a man decides to be loyal, his woman will choose to see it as a weakness.'
I can understand the sort of shit that was thrown into his face for him to be able to say something like this. In that moment, I could see old scars in his eyes. Then, the effect ripples and it rings a bell on my experience too. Not that I am an absolute empiricist for the rationalist side of me would have flipped open CloUdiSm to defray part of the explaination on the above claims. But the problem is that emotions are 24 times stronger than the mind, sometimes it just too difficult to dismiss experience like a simple wave of hand.
In retrospection: in the past and I would conveniently brand myself as an asshole. I won't go to the long and short of it, but there is an important conclusion gathered from this:
People only remembers and appreciate the good that one does if you are a bastard. I experienced this repeated number of times - when you are an asshole, people remembers you for the good that you did because asshole are not suppose to be good anyway.
When I was young, I was like a semi-misogynist - I didn't know where it came from, but it probably stemmed from the view that woman are just too troublesome and problematic in their own ways. I was pretty much nonchalant and evil in the way I deal with them because I just phucking don't give a damn.
And you know what? People remembers you for it! Mystically, in a good sense! Vanda misses the times when I kicked her ass. Wtf. Even the guys are not spared - people who suddenly misses my presence and tells me so - both man and woman. And ironically, these people are the very people whom I have scolded, said nasty things, kicked their ass or just by being my fucking evil self to them.
You see, I have officially declare that everyone has a subconscious SM streak in them.
In reality, evil calls the shot - nobody remembers the one who does good anyway.
Cheers
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
Aunt Agony 050809
Originally posted by Chipmuck:
Roughly 18mths ago, I met a married man via msn. Somehow he had been in my contacts list for very long and but we never really chat. Then one day he suddenly initiated a chat and this is how we began. I clearly remember it was so when near his birthday (01 May). He told me that his birthday never once a perfect one as everyday there's a birthday but I begged a different.
He was sensitive when I first met him but when days go on he had changed or perhaps I don't know him well enough. This man drove me insane. There's a lot of things happening between us.He had changed my life. I did a lot of things for him yet to him is only a game. Sometimes I don't understand what is a man's feeling?
My first abortion was about 10mths ago which belong to him and without giving a thought and the only replied from him was abort it. That made me so guilty and regretted that I believe him and went for an abortion. He did not accompany me to that abortion but was at a golf game. Neither had he come up after his golf game to show his concerns. That made me turned to alcohol every night.
At that time of point, I'm having issues with my family members as my dad's health was getting bad. I got to hide my abortion from him which was pretty difficult. Dad noticed me abusing alcohol daily and started to ask why. My replied was I am fine. My dad given him a nickname calls "Chipmuck". After my first abortion, we had lessen our meeting as he always claimed that he's busy due to slow market (Run a PI car in the north) and I finally knew that it was excuses.
2 months after my abortion, my dad passed away. I was lost and didn't know what to do. I believe my life got to be rough and tough down the road. On the first night of my dad's funeral, he came down. Not to console me but telling me what happened between his wife and him. All I can do was just to listen.
I'm not a prefect woman but yet I still had my feelings. My feelings to him were like a trash. I was pregnant again from him. This time I do not know how to bring up to him because I knew his answer will still be aborting it. I was lost again but I told myself I will not abort it again hence I turned to my friends.
This news travelled to his wife's ears and got him pissed off. He came down with 3 men to confront me. His friends did not do anything to me but their words seems indirectly insulting me (maybe I'm too sensitive).
Throughout the whole meeting, Chipmuck had been cursing and swearing there. Scolded me will a lot of unwanted remarks and claimed that he do not want to see the baby to be born. I clearly remember one thing that he told me was "My wife wasn't a simple woman, between you and me were merrily a game."
I was disheartened. He lied!! Once he told me that when have me around he felt that I'm too sticky and without me around he felt werid. And the next moment he told me between us were merrily game.
I were so upset and left Singapore to Perth. In Perth, I were enjoying the relax lifestyle but it doesn't help at all. I heard he was telling others that what I'm carrying is a bastard and got nothing to do with him. I'm can easily go to bed with others that pissed me even more.
I was thinking that I want him to own this up and go for a DNA test. Is there anywhere to get his name on my son birth cert even if we are not married? I don't even know what I'm doing and I tried to call him a lot of time but he refused to answer. Why does he got the guts to tell others but not me?
I'm on my 7th month pregnancy, I was thinking if I will bring my son to his office after I have deliver and make him own it. I don't expect anything from him but I want to let him know that my son is not a bastard. Now my love to him had became hatred.
Can anyone advise me what to do? If i turn to my friends again, they will definitely stand by my side. I need a natural reply without judgments.
I am seriously worried about your choice of actions. If you re-read your own post a couple of times, you could have realized that you have made decisions that often resulted in putting yourself into dire consequences, which you end up paying dearly for. This payment littered with misery and much emotional turmoil.
Your alcohol consumption merely suggested an avoidance mindset and gradual impairment of your judgement, which is a common behavioral pattern for an individual in a deceptive relationship (affliction in Neptune). Please avoid abusing alcohol (if you haven't stopped) because you will end up creating another set of problem for yourself. At this juncture, your plates are way too full to introduce another set of issues to digest.
Your emotional instability would have contributed to your lack of insights and awareness to remove this man away from your life for good. And this is in fact a classic karmic relationship - albeit our actions might seemed like pretty random decision/s shaped from our thoughts - but the constant fueling of this extremely disruptive relationship over and again, only suggested the karmic ties that bind you towards him, in a vicious debt cycle.
His needs are quite simple - he is having a bad marriage, hence he naturally seeks for transitory comfort outside - for both sex and emotional dependency.
Because you too have unresolved needs, you provided him the platform and this breathe life into the entire sub-rosa relationship.
If you have thoughts to engage in any form of a relationship with someone that is unavailable (especially married) and if you perceive that you will be happy with this arrangement - this delusional outlook will guarantee you nothing but misery. Your cosmic lesson only needs to teach you once - however, if you find yourself having to learn the same grade more than once, you know you are in some serious delusional mode that needs immediate attention, clarification and enlightenment.
Your decision to give birth to this child carries a dangerous agenda. It has now evolved into a weapon spawned from your hatred. You must be aware that the child, regardless of the circumstances that he/she is brought into this world, is innocent (although surely the karmic relationship between you and your child would definitely be intensive).
Having friends to stand by yourself side might be the kind of emotional support you really need right now, but ultimately, it's the unresolved issues nesting within you that needs to be tackled. You see, at the end of the day, your decision in wanting to proof to him that the child is his, only acts to deepen your own pain and suffering and does nothing in value to relief your situation.
You have made two unwise decisions so far (sex without protection that got you pregnant twice) - please do not let yourself sink into another bout of folly in name of hatred because mark my words, you will only have more to lose.
Your decision should now revolves about thinking how you are going to take care of this child. Everything else is superfluous. Raising up this kid is going to be one REAL issue that you have to manage (you can't depend on that jackass anyway).
Cheers
Roughly 18mths ago, I met a married man via msn. Somehow he had been in my contacts list for very long and but we never really chat. Then one day he suddenly initiated a chat and this is how we began. I clearly remember it was so when near his birthday (01 May). He told me that his birthday never once a perfect one as everyday there's a birthday but I begged a different.
He was sensitive when I first met him but when days go on he had changed or perhaps I don't know him well enough. This man drove me insane. There's a lot of things happening between us.He had changed my life. I did a lot of things for him yet to him is only a game. Sometimes I don't understand what is a man's feeling?
My first abortion was about 10mths ago which belong to him and without giving a thought and the only replied from him was abort it. That made me so guilty and regretted that I believe him and went for an abortion. He did not accompany me to that abortion but was at a golf game. Neither had he come up after his golf game to show his concerns. That made me turned to alcohol every night.
At that time of point, I'm having issues with my family members as my dad's health was getting bad. I got to hide my abortion from him which was pretty difficult. Dad noticed me abusing alcohol daily and started to ask why. My replied was I am fine. My dad given him a nickname calls "Chipmuck". After my first abortion, we had lessen our meeting as he always claimed that he's busy due to slow market (Run a PI car in the north) and I finally knew that it was excuses.
2 months after my abortion, my dad passed away. I was lost and didn't know what to do. I believe my life got to be rough and tough down the road. On the first night of my dad's funeral, he came down. Not to console me but telling me what happened between his wife and him. All I can do was just to listen.
I'm not a prefect woman but yet I still had my feelings. My feelings to him were like a trash. I was pregnant again from him. This time I do not know how to bring up to him because I knew his answer will still be aborting it. I was lost again but I told myself I will not abort it again hence I turned to my friends.
This news travelled to his wife's ears and got him pissed off. He came down with 3 men to confront me. His friends did not do anything to me but their words seems indirectly insulting me (maybe I'm too sensitive).
Throughout the whole meeting, Chipmuck had been cursing and swearing there. Scolded me will a lot of unwanted remarks and claimed that he do not want to see the baby to be born. I clearly remember one thing that he told me was "My wife wasn't a simple woman, between you and me were merrily a game."
I was disheartened. He lied!! Once he told me that when have me around he felt that I'm too sticky and without me around he felt werid. And the next moment he told me between us were merrily game.
I were so upset and left Singapore to Perth. In Perth, I were enjoying the relax lifestyle but it doesn't help at all. I heard he was telling others that what I'm carrying is a bastard and got nothing to do with him. I'm can easily go to bed with others that pissed me even more.
I was thinking that I want him to own this up and go for a DNA test. Is there anywhere to get his name on my son birth cert even if we are not married? I don't even know what I'm doing and I tried to call him a lot of time but he refused to answer. Why does he got the guts to tell others but not me?
I'm on my 7th month pregnancy, I was thinking if I will bring my son to his office after I have deliver and make him own it. I don't expect anything from him but I want to let him know that my son is not a bastard. Now my love to him had became hatred.
Can anyone advise me what to do? If i turn to my friends again, they will definitely stand by my side. I need a natural reply without judgments.
I am seriously worried about your choice of actions. If you re-read your own post a couple of times, you could have realized that you have made decisions that often resulted in putting yourself into dire consequences, which you end up paying dearly for. This payment littered with misery and much emotional turmoil.
Your alcohol consumption merely suggested an avoidance mindset and gradual impairment of your judgement, which is a common behavioral pattern for an individual in a deceptive relationship (affliction in Neptune). Please avoid abusing alcohol (if you haven't stopped) because you will end up creating another set of problem for yourself. At this juncture, your plates are way too full to introduce another set of issues to digest.
Your emotional instability would have contributed to your lack of insights and awareness to remove this man away from your life for good. And this is in fact a classic karmic relationship - albeit our actions might seemed like pretty random decision/s shaped from our thoughts - but the constant fueling of this extremely disruptive relationship over and again, only suggested the karmic ties that bind you towards him, in a vicious debt cycle.
His needs are quite simple - he is having a bad marriage, hence he naturally seeks for transitory comfort outside - for both sex and emotional dependency.
Because you too have unresolved needs, you provided him the platform and this breathe life into the entire sub-rosa relationship.
If you have thoughts to engage in any form of a relationship with someone that is unavailable (especially married) and if you perceive that you will be happy with this arrangement - this delusional outlook will guarantee you nothing but misery. Your cosmic lesson only needs to teach you once - however, if you find yourself having to learn the same grade more than once, you know you are in some serious delusional mode that needs immediate attention, clarification and enlightenment.
Your decision to give birth to this child carries a dangerous agenda. It has now evolved into a weapon spawned from your hatred. You must be aware that the child, regardless of the circumstances that he/she is brought into this world, is innocent (although surely the karmic relationship between you and your child would definitely be intensive).
Having friends to stand by yourself side might be the kind of emotional support you really need right now, but ultimately, it's the unresolved issues nesting within you that needs to be tackled. You see, at the end of the day, your decision in wanting to proof to him that the child is his, only acts to deepen your own pain and suffering and does nothing in value to relief your situation.
You have made two unwise decisions so far (sex without protection that got you pregnant twice) - please do not let yourself sink into another bout of folly in name of hatred because mark my words, you will only have more to lose.
Your decision should now revolves about thinking how you are going to take care of this child. Everything else is superfluous. Raising up this kid is going to be one REAL issue that you have to manage (you can't depend on that jackass anyway).
Cheers
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