Aunt Agony 220809

Originally posted by Save*>*ME

Ok i just broke up . And i was wondering how do some people actually be friends with their ex ?

Isn`t it difficult being friends with ur ex when you see him or her and think then of the times you guys spent together ?

Am i not being to open about this ? But i really cant be friends with any of my ex. It`s hard after all that`s been said and done then in the end just ended up being friends .

So wise people out there pls tell me if there`s anyway i could change this thinking of mine



It depends on your personal belief on how you define 'friendship' and a 'relationship'. Of course, to most effective way to get along with life is to sever all means of contacts with the person. But the catch is that ultimately, such physical measures must be reinforced with other initiatives taken (reorganizing focus in life, getting to know new people, engage in new hobbies, etc), as well as a change in perspective - or it will result in sheer pointlessness akin to a breeze walk in a park.

One very important concept is to be constantly 'aware' of your thoughts and emotions, instead of relying on your subconscious to provide grounds for your feelings. The problem with most people is that they often decide that 'we will still remain as friends' but they would unconsciously behave and think that their position are worth than just that of a friend. The discrepancy in reality will force you to become miserable, almost like me dangling a cheese burger in front of your eyes, while you being consumed by an innate hunger.

Your circumstances creates an inability for you to grab that wonderful burger and gorge it, without being subjected to some form of love transgression.

This creates immerse emotional frustration and suffering.

It's impossible for a downgrade to occur (from a relationship to a friendship), with all other factors remaining the same. Even the most amicable breakup will probably experience some sort of subtle shift in adjustment, as well as perceived rights and position.

And the truth is that not everyone is capable of being able to remain friends with their ex-lovers - you see, some people just can't do that and I just want to tell you that it's normal/natural because people are developed differently in love (Without natal chart analysis, it's usually more problematic for Taurus, Leo, Aquarius & Scorpio).

Your choice of action must be in sync with the understanding of yourself - if you know that you belong to the category of people that just cannot remain as friends, then constantly putting yourself in situation, in which you KNOW you can't handle will only result in greater paroxysm of pain. Seriously, it's more than just a change in thinking - it actually involves your own personal values and beliefs, which is something that might not be as readily subjected to changes.

P.S: We learn more about ourselves through both the birth and death of our relationship. It acts as a mirror that reflects the state of condition about ourselves - the blind spots that we are unaware of. As we engage in introspection, we will begin to realize that we learn more about ourselves, than that of our partner/s.

Cheers