Saturday, December 27, 2008
Aunt Agony 271208
Originally posted by Joi_lin:
Recently, I feel sad when people questioned me about single status. Asking me why I am single and when I will get married.
Just not too long ago, I bumped into an old neighbour.She is as old as me and to my surprise, she is already a mother of 3 kids. I felt so ashamed of myself.So what I am more educated than her ? So what I am slimmer than her?
Whenever there are match making subject in the news, I will cringe. Some relatives even joke to sign me up. My parents always drop big hint that so and so 's daughter got married already. I feel upset and I am hitting 30 soon. It seems like a deadline for women.
Furthermore, people do not understand why I do not have a boyfriend. I also do not understand why they do not understand.
I really do not want to end up desperate one day.
As much as we all believe that Love must indeed come naturally, our 'Self' component must provide the fertile ground for such natural occurrence to manifest into reality. This 'Self' component, namely our personality and what steps we take to render ourselves more socially desirable, not merely in the physical sense, but also as a person emotionally, psychologically and spiritually positive.
The theory of probability is self explanatory: if you want to find someone suitable, you got to get out of your house and start meeting people. When your social network improves, the chance for you to find someone suitable gets better, as compared to solitary activities that could only drive some meager mileage for you in aspects of Love.
If you reckon that certain channels are not suitable, it's perfectly ok. Learn to develop interest and expand your social network through the interest you invest yourself with. Also, do not adopt self-defeating mindset because it's very much a vicious cycle - as much as you are pressured socially to be attached, this beget from a negative source: namely pressure. Hence, your attitude towards knowing someone is always about accessing someone if he/she is suitable for you. Then if things isn't what you reckon it to be, you get dejected, you become more withdrawn and whole cycle repeats itself
Here's a truth: the more negative a person is, the more likely he/she will attract negative mate.
Your fear produces the negative aura - hence, your disappointment in men that you met online are merely corroboration of reality - through the synergy of both your thoughts and feelings - manifest as latent effect.
As much as my discipline in my astrology has taught me, I disagree with the fact that some people are destined to be alone. The challenge is not merely to analysis a person and telling them about how doom they are, but the task is to empower one to take corrective steps to overcome their issues. And to change situations, one must have that self awareness to understand the root of problem and for cases like yours, I can tell you, it's very much due to the inability to recognize our own inadequacy and learning to get out of our comfort zone after recognition.
Some people decides that Love will come naturally, say, after school days. But I can tell you from a sociological perspective, with the elimination of a socializing agent, such as a school compound, your social circle should get smaller unless steps are taken to ensure that it doesn't. And again with the law of probability, your chances, naturally, get worst because, like you have found out, people are either attached/married or their psychographic is entirely off the chart.
I say, invest more time in yourself and simultaneously develop your social circle. And learn to eliminate guilt from your heart - not being attached does NOT suggest that something is wrong with you. It simply means that you have to develop yourself more in a wholesome sense, so that the attraction can take place when you have work on that 'Self' component.
Cheers
Recently, I feel sad when people questioned me about single status. Asking me why I am single and when I will get married.
Just not too long ago, I bumped into an old neighbour.She is as old as me and to my surprise, she is already a mother of 3 kids. I felt so ashamed of myself.So what I am more educated than her ? So what I am slimmer than her?
Whenever there are match making subject in the news, I will cringe. Some relatives even joke to sign me up. My parents always drop big hint that so and so 's daughter got married already. I feel upset and I am hitting 30 soon. It seems like a deadline for women.
Furthermore, people do not understand why I do not have a boyfriend. I also do not understand why they do not understand.
I really do not want to end up desperate one day.
As much as we all believe that Love must indeed come naturally, our 'Self' component must provide the fertile ground for such natural occurrence to manifest into reality. This 'Self' component, namely our personality and what steps we take to render ourselves more socially desirable, not merely in the physical sense, but also as a person emotionally, psychologically and spiritually positive.
The theory of probability is self explanatory: if you want to find someone suitable, you got to get out of your house and start meeting people. When your social network improves, the chance for you to find someone suitable gets better, as compared to solitary activities that could only drive some meager mileage for you in aspects of Love.
If you reckon that certain channels are not suitable, it's perfectly ok. Learn to develop interest and expand your social network through the interest you invest yourself with. Also, do not adopt self-defeating mindset because it's very much a vicious cycle - as much as you are pressured socially to be attached, this beget from a negative source: namely pressure. Hence, your attitude towards knowing someone is always about accessing someone if he/she is suitable for you. Then if things isn't what you reckon it to be, you get dejected, you become more withdrawn and whole cycle repeats itself
Here's a truth: the more negative a person is, the more likely he/she will attract negative mate.
Your fear produces the negative aura - hence, your disappointment in men that you met online are merely corroboration of reality - through the synergy of both your thoughts and feelings - manifest as latent effect.
As much as my discipline in my astrology has taught me, I disagree with the fact that some people are destined to be alone. The challenge is not merely to analysis a person and telling them about how doom they are, but the task is to empower one to take corrective steps to overcome their issues. And to change situations, one must have that self awareness to understand the root of problem and for cases like yours, I can tell you, it's very much due to the inability to recognize our own inadequacy and learning to get out of our comfort zone after recognition.
Some people decides that Love will come naturally, say, after school days. But I can tell you from a sociological perspective, with the elimination of a socializing agent, such as a school compound, your social circle should get smaller unless steps are taken to ensure that it doesn't. And again with the law of probability, your chances, naturally, get worst because, like you have found out, people are either attached/married or their psychographic is entirely off the chart.
I say, invest more time in yourself and simultaneously develop your social circle. And learn to eliminate guilt from your heart - not being attached does NOT suggest that something is wrong with you. It simply means that you have to develop yourself more in a wholesome sense, so that the attraction can take place when you have work on that 'Self' component.
Cheers
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Aunt Agony 171208
Originally posted by woahaha:
i got a serious topic here...and i need comments, and suggestions >.<
so i was with this guy for 2.5 years when we broke up. we quarreled a lot then and after one major quarrel, we eventually broke up. it was an unpleasant break up and we didnt remain in contact after that at all.
10 months after we broke up, he contacted me again. we talked for awhile and eventually patched after realising that we were still very much in love with each other.
although it seemed awkward at the beginning, we soon got over it. during this period of time, i would say that it was the happiest period of my life. it seemed to me that both of us have grown up and handle things more maturely now. i would say we have become more understanding towards each other's feelings. this was one problem we used to have in the past.
we lasted for another 5 months together without any major quarrels. we were like any other happy couple out there, i was happy, i knew he was too. he once mentioned that he feels we are very stable now and i thought so too, until he left me again.
the thing is, he usually doesnt tell me what he is not happy with me. and out of the blue, he mentioned a break up telling me that he "cannot stand a lot of stuffs".
all i know is that it is accumulated anger all let out at once.
what irks me a lot is, that i dont even know whats the reason why we broke up.
why cant he tell me what is it that he is not happy with? why does he tell his friend but not me?
why does he like to accumulate anger in him and not tell me about it and choose to left it unsolved by leaving me at the end?
we met up today, and i tried to talk to him. he seems to still be angry over some hurtful stuffs i said last week (even though i said sorry) and was still persistent with his decision of a break up. he was rushing off to somewhere else so i didnt really have the chance to persuade him any further.
should i wait for a while before i talk to him again?
or should i just move on without this guy in my life?
Often, people conclude that the reason to patch is because 'they still love each other', but the conundrum is actually having to differentiate habitual reasoning against that of love. And I can tell you that the feeling derived from the latter can be equally formidable. Unless one possesses incredibly heightened self awareness, we are likely to be suck into a previous misery with excuses provided as above.
Your man displayed periodically disruptive burst-fire in his relationship - suggesting strong Uranus influence. Also, his behavioral stance towards his relationship reeked streaks of avoidance-styled personality and this creates a fertile ground to breed enmity and contention because the day when he finds you is the day of judgement.
For Love, like dough, needs to remake and remodel constantly, to settle into a good shape - a relationship devoid of proper communication stays static and is vulnerable to destruction because it lose the elasticity to survive.
Your man is probably subjected, typically, to the belief that 'you ought to know what is wrong, yet you don't work towards changing it'. This is probably a classic narcissistic perception that exist only in the psychological framework of the individual and this have ruined even the best of relationships.
It's almost like you walking around with your friends, doing some xmas shopping, while you are about to perish (literally) from hunger. Even as you look listless and weary, they continued their journey. Eventually, you suffered this acute gastric pain and blew up, blaming them for causing you this plight.
So does the fault lies with the person or his/her friends?
Neither.
Because the root of problem is about non-communication.
Your man probably has another set of problem - his inability to communicate kinda fueled his tendency to resort to initiating breakup to ease his emotional tension. He might probably regret and comes back (however sincere) to sell you the 'belief' stated in my first paragraph. But seriously, that's not the point because the cyclical routine of such meaningless 'break-patch' pattern will shrink and become shorter to achieve one full circle, with every break-up experience.
Life is finite - seriously, you don't have to stop your pace completely just because you reckon that you might want to give him another chance. It is possible to saunter forward, while deciding if you were to place another blind bet on leading a paranoid relationship that could, any time, transformed itself into a sudden episode of departure, without adequate reasoning. If you could still afford to weather such possible cataclysm, then he definitely still has a fighting chance in your heart.
P.S: Love is very much 51% decision and 49% superfluous factors.
Cheers
i got a serious topic here...and i need comments, and suggestions >.<
so i was with this guy for 2.5 years when we broke up. we quarreled a lot then and after one major quarrel, we eventually broke up. it was an unpleasant break up and we didnt remain in contact after that at all.
10 months after we broke up, he contacted me again. we talked for awhile and eventually patched after realising that we were still very much in love with each other.
although it seemed awkward at the beginning, we soon got over it. during this period of time, i would say that it was the happiest period of my life. it seemed to me that both of us have grown up and handle things more maturely now. i would say we have become more understanding towards each other's feelings. this was one problem we used to have in the past.
we lasted for another 5 months together without any major quarrels. we were like any other happy couple out there, i was happy, i knew he was too. he once mentioned that he feels we are very stable now and i thought so too, until he left me again.
the thing is, he usually doesnt tell me what he is not happy with me. and out of the blue, he mentioned a break up telling me that he "cannot stand a lot of stuffs".
all i know is that it is accumulated anger all let out at once.
what irks me a lot is, that i dont even know whats the reason why we broke up.
why cant he tell me what is it that he is not happy with? why does he tell his friend but not me?
why does he like to accumulate anger in him and not tell me about it and choose to left it unsolved by leaving me at the end?
we met up today, and i tried to talk to him. he seems to still be angry over some hurtful stuffs i said last week (even though i said sorry) and was still persistent with his decision of a break up. he was rushing off to somewhere else so i didnt really have the chance to persuade him any further.
should i wait for a while before i talk to him again?
or should i just move on without this guy in my life?
Often, people conclude that the reason to patch is because 'they still love each other', but the conundrum is actually having to differentiate habitual reasoning against that of love. And I can tell you that the feeling derived from the latter can be equally formidable. Unless one possesses incredibly heightened self awareness, we are likely to be suck into a previous misery with excuses provided as above.
Your man displayed periodically disruptive burst-fire in his relationship - suggesting strong Uranus influence. Also, his behavioral stance towards his relationship reeked streaks of avoidance-styled personality and this creates a fertile ground to breed enmity and contention because the day when he finds you is the day of judgement.
For Love, like dough, needs to remake and remodel constantly, to settle into a good shape - a relationship devoid of proper communication stays static and is vulnerable to destruction because it lose the elasticity to survive.
Your man is probably subjected, typically, to the belief that 'you ought to know what is wrong, yet you don't work towards changing it'. This is probably a classic narcissistic perception that exist only in the psychological framework of the individual and this have ruined even the best of relationships.
It's almost like you walking around with your friends, doing some xmas shopping, while you are about to perish (literally) from hunger. Even as you look listless and weary, they continued their journey. Eventually, you suffered this acute gastric pain and blew up, blaming them for causing you this plight.
So does the fault lies with the person or his/her friends?
Neither.
Because the root of problem is about non-communication.
Your man probably has another set of problem - his inability to communicate kinda fueled his tendency to resort to initiating breakup to ease his emotional tension. He might probably regret and comes back (however sincere) to sell you the 'belief' stated in my first paragraph. But seriously, that's not the point because the cyclical routine of such meaningless 'break-patch' pattern will shrink and become shorter to achieve one full circle, with every break-up experience.
Life is finite - seriously, you don't have to stop your pace completely just because you reckon that you might want to give him another chance. It is possible to saunter forward, while deciding if you were to place another blind bet on leading a paranoid relationship that could, any time, transformed itself into a sudden episode of departure, without adequate reasoning. If you could still afford to weather such possible cataclysm, then he definitely still has a fighting chance in your heart.
P.S: Love is very much 51% decision and 49% superfluous factors.
Cheers
Sunday, December 07, 2008
Aunt Agony 071208
Originally posted by annoy-you-must:
I first met, and fell attracted to her 5 years ago, when I was in secondary two.
We were just schoolmates. We know each other, but never actually talked. Nevertheless, her features and personality strike me as really attractive.
However, as another self-pitying boy with inferior complex and no guts to speak of at that time, I did not approach her, get to be her friend and know her better.
(I dared to share my feelings with few people in fear that the wrong words may spread around in school. So I wrote down my feelings on various online forums, including sgforums. What some people told me was that I was too young to know what love is, that it's just puppy love and I'll forget her soon. That I should concentrate on my studies
I've not forgotten her. And I did reasonably well for my studies despite thinking of her.)
And so, I tormented myself emotionally and mentally for two years before both of us graduated from secondary school. She went to poly and got a boyfriend soon afterwards. I went to JC.
All these whiles, I've not met a single girl who is able to invoke the same feelings within me. I was not attracted to anyone else as much as I was attracted to her. She was the only one, and she did not even do anything.
Since I don't really know her, she is probably not what I thought of her to be in the first place. But I can't stop thinking about her anyway.
Even though we became total strangers, even though it's even more impossible now, I still think of her from time to time. Not as much as I was as an emo kid in secondary school of course. But I still think of her and wonder how she is doing, if she is happy, and if the present would be different had I had the courage back then to even take the first step approach her.
A few months back, I ceased being friends with her on Friendster. I don't know if she deleted me or it's a problem with Friendster. I know Friendster recently had some problem with some account's friends, some people's friends count dropped drastically.
But that problem is now solved. Most account's friends count are back to normal. And I'm still not friend with her and can't view her friendster profile. How can I help but not wonder anything?
You may think I'm pervertic, a coward or just plain childish. I'm actually stalking someone on friendster without daring to take real physical action. Perhaps I am. But my social skills is not that good in the first place, how can I possibly approach a total stranger?
It seems like she has broken up with her boyfriend recently. I inferred that. So it kind of made me think of her all over again, and wonder how she is doing now, if she is happy or what.
After saying (or typing) all these, I rekon my obsession sounds pervertic or psychotic.
There's no particular question I want to ask or answers that I want over here. Just felt an urge to spill out my feelings somewhere.
You might think that you love her (since the feelings pretty much withstand a tremendous amount of time), but I am going give you my two cents which might let you consider otherwise.
***
If your feelings, X, fails to initiate an action, then X is mere fantasy. If X exist in fantasy, hence, X exist only in potentiality and not in actuality. Therefore, X cannot be considered as Love for Love must first exist in actuality and must be mutual (人爱者有理，爱人者有勇).
I will give you a simple philosophical analogy:
Suppose we are hungry and we want to abate our hunger, our natural instinct will prompt us to eat. The existence of food (Love) and the act of consumption (Initiation of Love) must occur simultaneously before our hunger pangs will vanish and achieve satisfaction (Relationship). The entities by itself are meaningless unless they conjuct with one another and if we Love without acting, it's akin to having food without consuming - the hunger persist.
We harbor fantasy for all sorts of things, people and dimensions. In fact, we might even lose track of our reality, especially when we abdicate our self awareness over such illusion. It's common for people who indulge in fantasy because we are unwilling to shatter this image by putting dreams into reality. We prefer to give beautiful descriptions about our worship with imaginary and wordings - many times, so perfect and immaculate that we know at the back of our mind if we were engage this extraordinary person in reality, we will gradually be forced to abandon our fantasy because nobody can be as perfect, other than the figure in our mental construct.
The fantasy that we have grown to recognize and feel so intense for has completely supercede even the person per se. This ironic phenomenon is supported by a macabre veil of deep-rooted fear of rejection, overwhelming passiveness and gnawing narcissism.
The signs are blatant: I encode in CloUdiSm as people inflicted with 'Neptune's deranged effect', doing a lot of things that appeared to be significant, but often under anonymous concealment. With proliferation of blogs and social networking sites, it's effortless for such surreptitious behavior in enabling one to be updated with the life of another, without actually having to interact with the person.
Think about it, as much as you have deemed this person to be significant over a vast period of five years, she probably doesn't even know about your existence. You probably belong to the same rank as the stranger who brushed passed our shoulders everyday when we walk across the street - the significance is almost negligible.
The fact that this fantasy persisted because you continuously breathe life into it. Your refusal to discard the 'life machine' supporting this one-sided affair compromise your entire Love life as a whole. As such, it's likely that you have never been in a relationship before (a proper one) and because it's poignant to reckon that we are almost 'a clean sheet' in Love (CloUdiSm termed it as 'The Void' under the 'Law of Clean Sheet'), the fantasy flourished as it merely take the space of the void that nothing is residing currently.
You might think that nobody can invoke the kind of feelings, but I can tell you, a lot of that rationale comes from the fact that you are going around the market, asking for the duplication of your ideal product and as you are so focused to find this ideal product, everything else (which could be possible) are dismissed without adequate understanding. Hence without adequate understanding, it's no wonder the nurture and developmental aspect of Love never manifest in your life.
Your time is better off getting to know new people or enhancing your socializing skills and opportunity to allow you to do just that. That strategy would pay off much better than lurking online and revelling in your narcissistic affection for her.
Cheers
I first met, and fell attracted to her 5 years ago, when I was in secondary two.
We were just schoolmates. We know each other, but never actually talked. Nevertheless, her features and personality strike me as really attractive.
However, as another self-pitying boy with inferior complex and no guts to speak of at that time, I did not approach her, get to be her friend and know her better.
(I dared to share my feelings with few people in fear that the wrong words may spread around in school. So I wrote down my feelings on various online forums, including sgforums. What some people told me was that I was too young to know what love is, that it's just puppy love and I'll forget her soon. That I should concentrate on my studies
I've not forgotten her. And I did reasonably well for my studies despite thinking of her.)
And so, I tormented myself emotionally and mentally for two years before both of us graduated from secondary school. She went to poly and got a boyfriend soon afterwards. I went to JC.
All these whiles, I've not met a single girl who is able to invoke the same feelings within me. I was not attracted to anyone else as much as I was attracted to her. She was the only one, and she did not even do anything.
Since I don't really know her, she is probably not what I thought of her to be in the first place. But I can't stop thinking about her anyway.
Even though we became total strangers, even though it's even more impossible now, I still think of her from time to time. Not as much as I was as an emo kid in secondary school of course. But I still think of her and wonder how she is doing, if she is happy, and if the present would be different had I had the courage back then to even take the first step approach her.
A few months back, I ceased being friends with her on Friendster. I don't know if she deleted me or it's a problem with Friendster. I know Friendster recently had some problem with some account's friends, some people's friends count dropped drastically.
But that problem is now solved. Most account's friends count are back to normal. And I'm still not friend with her and can't view her friendster profile. How can I help but not wonder anything?
You may think I'm pervertic, a coward or just plain childish. I'm actually stalking someone on friendster without daring to take real physical action. Perhaps I am. But my social skills is not that good in the first place, how can I possibly approach a total stranger?
It seems like she has broken up with her boyfriend recently. I inferred that. So it kind of made me think of her all over again, and wonder how she is doing now, if she is happy or what.
After saying (or typing) all these, I rekon my obsession sounds pervertic or psychotic.
There's no particular question I want to ask or answers that I want over here. Just felt an urge to spill out my feelings somewhere.
You might think that you love her (since the feelings pretty much withstand a tremendous amount of time), but I am going give you my two cents which might let you consider otherwise.
***
If your feelings, X, fails to initiate an action, then X is mere fantasy. If X exist in fantasy, hence, X exist only in potentiality and not in actuality. Therefore, X cannot be considered as Love for Love must first exist in actuality and must be mutual (人爱者有理，爱人者有勇).
I will give you a simple philosophical analogy:
Suppose we are hungry and we want to abate our hunger, our natural instinct will prompt us to eat. The existence of food (Love) and the act of consumption (Initiation of Love) must occur simultaneously before our hunger pangs will vanish and achieve satisfaction (Relationship). The entities by itself are meaningless unless they conjuct with one another and if we Love without acting, it's akin to having food without consuming - the hunger persist.
We harbor fantasy for all sorts of things, people and dimensions. In fact, we might even lose track of our reality, especially when we abdicate our self awareness over such illusion. It's common for people who indulge in fantasy because we are unwilling to shatter this image by putting dreams into reality. We prefer to give beautiful descriptions about our worship with imaginary and wordings - many times, so perfect and immaculate that we know at the back of our mind if we were engage this extraordinary person in reality, we will gradually be forced to abandon our fantasy because nobody can be as perfect, other than the figure in our mental construct.
The fantasy that we have grown to recognize and feel so intense for has completely supercede even the person per se. This ironic phenomenon is supported by a macabre veil of deep-rooted fear of rejection, overwhelming passiveness and gnawing narcissism.
The signs are blatant: I encode in CloUdiSm as people inflicted with 'Neptune's deranged effect', doing a lot of things that appeared to be significant, but often under anonymous concealment. With proliferation of blogs and social networking sites, it's effortless for such surreptitious behavior in enabling one to be updated with the life of another, without actually having to interact with the person.
Think about it, as much as you have deemed this person to be significant over a vast period of five years, she probably doesn't even know about your existence. You probably belong to the same rank as the stranger who brushed passed our shoulders everyday when we walk across the street - the significance is almost negligible.
The fact that this fantasy persisted because you continuously breathe life into it. Your refusal to discard the 'life machine' supporting this one-sided affair compromise your entire Love life as a whole. As such, it's likely that you have never been in a relationship before (a proper one) and because it's poignant to reckon that we are almost 'a clean sheet' in Love (CloUdiSm termed it as 'The Void' under the 'Law of Clean Sheet'), the fantasy flourished as it merely take the space of the void that nothing is residing currently.
You might think that nobody can invoke the kind of feelings, but I can tell you, a lot of that rationale comes from the fact that you are going around the market, asking for the duplication of your ideal product and as you are so focused to find this ideal product, everything else (which could be possible) are dismissed without adequate understanding. Hence without adequate understanding, it's no wonder the nurture and developmental aspect of Love never manifest in your life.
Your time is better off getting to know new people or enhancing your socializing skills and opportunity to allow you to do just that. That strategy would pay off much better than lurking online and revelling in your narcissistic affection for her.
Cheers
Saturday, December 06, 2008
Aunt Agony 061208
Originally posted by Libraguy78:
i was involved with a girl who has a bf for 8 yrs. we were quite intimate for about 2 months ++ she said she loves me alot and feels very hard to breakup with her bf, as her bf is treating her very nice. she finds no reason to break up with him and yet due to family and friend's obligations, she couldn't break up with him. At certain time, she said she really would wanna consider me, but she felt more practical with him.
They are suppose to get married in 1 yr time. I felt really bad and realized this finally after a big battle of myself, and sort of ended this "grey" relationship with her. She was quite sad about it either. For 3 days I resist from talking and communicating with her in anyways but in the end she wrote me a letter. Should I read it? I had already missing her badly but I know I've got to move on. So I am not sure if I should read the letter? My friends adviced me not to read as it will not do me any good during this healing period.
Would like to know if anyone has any comments on what will the contents be? Will it do me more harm to read it? Or should I give each other another chance?
There are times when a relationship running on seemingly endless marathon will find fatigue sinking in and start questioning its very existence. We all need reasons to function, regardless of how absurd the explaination might be.There are a couple of possibilities for the advert of such phenomenon. For some might think that if fate doesn't allow you both to be together, why even allow you two to meet in the first place?
Your sub-rosa relationship is a litmus test for her to examine if this man, she is currently dating, is really the one for her. As much as you have enjoys her physical (which includes sexual affairs, if any) and emotional presence, this episode is but circumstances to understand the competitive landscape. By rational thinking, most people slipped back to their comfort zone because if she has chosen you, it's entirely a leap of faith. Blind faith.
Freedom? Yes. But you are an untested ground.
Furthermore, she also puts herself at risk of being negatively branded socially (disloyalty). This creates a situation where the risk is far too great and the returns are perceived as low. As we grow older, we become more adverse to risk because the fear of falling will overshadow the need to succeed and her situation is as such.
A relationship, at best, is merely an imaginary structure that held itself by substances we coined as Love. However, few relationships are running entirely on this fuel alone. The less concrete the identity of the relationship, the less stable the foundation. In fact, we are into a relationship for variety of reasons and as you have learned, she remains with him because of security - a proven track record. Hence, dating you effectively reinforced the identity of her own relationship and thus, you are unfortunately discarded once her conclusion is finalized.
The farewell letter might symbolize the end of this sub-rosa relationship, but more importantly, it suggested that she has 'graduated from this short course' and you are no longer needed, in any ways, to provide growth. The learning has ended because she has gain enlightenment by taking actions toward a given direction.
P.S: In Love, we have a choice to play between the main cast or the side cast. In your case, you opt for the latter. Perhaps in time to come, you might have the wisdom to begin your role as the former.
Problem doesn't lie with the people we meet, it rest with the choice we make... from the people we meet.
Cheers
i was involved with a girl who has a bf for 8 yrs. we were quite intimate for about 2 months ++ she said she loves me alot and feels very hard to breakup with her bf, as her bf is treating her very nice. she finds no reason to break up with him and yet due to family and friend's obligations, she couldn't break up with him. At certain time, she said she really would wanna consider me, but she felt more practical with him.
They are suppose to get married in 1 yr time. I felt really bad and realized this finally after a big battle of myself, and sort of ended this "grey" relationship with her. She was quite sad about it either. For 3 days I resist from talking and communicating with her in anyways but in the end she wrote me a letter. Should I read it? I had already missing her badly but I know I've got to move on. So I am not sure if I should read the letter? My friends adviced me not to read as it will not do me any good during this healing period.
Would like to know if anyone has any comments on what will the contents be? Will it do me more harm to read it? Or should I give each other another chance?
There are times when a relationship running on seemingly endless marathon will find fatigue sinking in and start questioning its very existence. We all need reasons to function, regardless of how absurd the explaination might be.There are a couple of possibilities for the advert of such phenomenon. For some might think that if fate doesn't allow you both to be together, why even allow you two to meet in the first place?
Your sub-rosa relationship is a litmus test for her to examine if this man, she is currently dating, is really the one for her. As much as you have enjoys her physical (which includes sexual affairs, if any) and emotional presence, this episode is but circumstances to understand the competitive landscape. By rational thinking, most people slipped back to their comfort zone because if she has chosen you, it's entirely a leap of faith. Blind faith.
Freedom? Yes. But you are an untested ground.
Furthermore, she also puts herself at risk of being negatively branded socially (disloyalty). This creates a situation where the risk is far too great and the returns are perceived as low. As we grow older, we become more adverse to risk because the fear of falling will overshadow the need to succeed and her situation is as such.
A relationship, at best, is merely an imaginary structure that held itself by substances we coined as Love. However, few relationships are running entirely on this fuel alone. The less concrete the identity of the relationship, the less stable the foundation. In fact, we are into a relationship for variety of reasons and as you have learned, she remains with him because of security - a proven track record. Hence, dating you effectively reinforced the identity of her own relationship and thus, you are unfortunately discarded once her conclusion is finalized.
The farewell letter might symbolize the end of this sub-rosa relationship, but more importantly, it suggested that she has 'graduated from this short course' and you are no longer needed, in any ways, to provide growth. The learning has ended because she has gain enlightenment by taking actions toward a given direction.
P.S: In Love, we have a choice to play between the main cast or the side cast. In your case, you opt for the latter. Perhaps in time to come, you might have the wisdom to begin your role as the former.
Problem doesn't lie with the people we meet, it rest with the choice we make... from the people we meet.
Cheers
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
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