Aunt Agony 080907

Originally posted by tequila:
We have been together for 19 months.. I remember every month of our anniversary, buy her surprise gifts, flowers, text her to ask her to remember to eat, stay out like 2, 3 hours to wait for her to finish work while i just finished a 14 hours work, bring her toI'm 10 years older than her hence i really pamper her a lot a lot.

She don't seems to put in any effort in our relationship. Our off day is not fix but she don't seems to try to fix the same day for us to meet. Didn't even tell me when she off until i ask. I have to take the initiative all the time to make plans and meet.

But now i feel that i'm tire, i'm tire of keep trying but she just don't do anything. You guys will tell me to talk to her but as what i know of her with her temper, she will not listen and accusing me for oversensitive. I really can't bear to give up this relationship but i really don't want this loop sided love to carry on.. Please help me, i really don't want to make a silly decision and regret for the rest of my life. I really love her a lot.



I will address two points:

I) If I were to say that there is a successful formula in love out there, but we don't know what is it. And that everyone got different formula tailored to our specific life and cosmic lesson; just that we have to figure the seemingly complex (and usually perplex) equation somehow or rather.

So in our daily life, we struggle with our mindsets, attitude and actions to uncover our de facto formula behind love, hoping in which we can ultimately be contented with and score victorious in aspects of love.

But the question is: how do we create something we have no idea from?

***

Were you born in this world knowing how to love?

Love may be intrinsic, but we probably learn to love incidentally.

So where did our inaugural ideas of love first derive from?

I will tell you we all behave strictly as accordingly to our individual definition of love - this term sharing the same meaning as a term for 'successful formula' I had mentioned above.

However, our definition of love is always imperfect because of our early childhood, our experience, our environment as well as the inner condition of life. Therefore, as we struggle through this road in life, we tweak our formula accordingly to how we perceived our reality - whether the experience is vicarious or not (we CAN be influenced or be subjected to the influences of others/mediums, in the way we lead our love life). With wisdom, we should find ourselves getting nearer and closer to this matrix.

But that's only in an ideal situation. More often than not, we will probably circled a few rounds before we achieve that ideal path in love.

You are in that sort of situation: wondering what went disarray, despite giving a world to your love. Such circumstances often coerce a man like yourself into retrospection that leads to befuddlement because it makes absolutely no sense why. (It can be explained via Classic Conditioning, but I won't go length with it for now).

XenStar made an interesting point in this post - coming from similar situation - but the gist of this whole drama centred on a one notable cosmic lesson: the need to readjust your definition of love and understand the concept of 'Moderation'.

Too much of anything is a bad thing, therefore it goes the same for 'good behaviour'. But that doesn't mean you have to employ a negative value to balance the equation like what XenStar has advocated. Ironically in love, when you have a figure of 3 and you need to get the sum to 2, it doesn't mean minus 1 will resolve the entire issue. In theory yes, but not in reality.

II) The wide gap in chronological age poised one typical issue affecting our definition of love - phases in love and life. A woman ten years your junior is likely to view romance, love and relationship vastly different from a man like yourself.

You dated with the intent to marry and she dated with the intent for romance, and self exploration.

Love is not about looking each other; it's about looking at the same direction - the same definition of love.

Would you be able to educate your woman to share this sentiment? Or would she influence you to share hers?

Perhaps you might want to do REAL communication (not sugar-coated chats, fear-imbued talks or even not-getting-to-the-point conversation) to check out the discrepancy and decide how you are going to patch the chasm from there.

Loving her a lot is one thing - making it work is another.

Cheers