Truth of Marital Counselling

A relationship does not change simply because of a 'marital title. Not very much, especially when the relationship has been running for quite a while.

The entire system of managing the relationship is so deeply entrenched that tweaking parts of it would instantly hurl the couple into their discomfort zone. But yet, some necessary fundamental changes that wasn't adequately learned during courtship will find its way and boomerang for additional 'tutorial' lessons.

Just like our incumbent party has serious problems in trying to reinvent itself; a deeply entrenched relationship-now-marriage will, likewise, finds it hard to do. Evolution is a slow process and the odds of a successful outcome depends largely on the amount of petrol left in the car to push through the winter, so as to catch glimpse of what spring would look like.

Does your marriage feel like this? So for today's post, I will shed some understanding on marital counselling:

(1) If you figure out that you are in need of serious repair in your marriage, it is always better to seek some professional help way before so that repair work could be done in a meaningful way. No doctors are likely able to save you if you wait for cancer to complicates till stage IV, which is likely to be fatal. If that happens, then it brings me to the next point...

(2) Marital Counselling is NOT a miracle
If you don't have the power to resurrect the dead, neither would marital counselling able to revive a dead relationship. Dead is define as the lost of will and commitment to work on the relationship, despite subsequent processing.

(3) If you are hoping that your counsellor will do all the work for you, then you are likely to be in for a shock. Common roles of a counsellor are often (i) to facilitate negotiation, (ii) impart effective communication skills to express needs, (iii) manage conflict and (iv) to prepare the couple for life without the need of the counsellor to perform i, ii, iii.

Cheers

Romantic or Economic?

Straits Times wrote an article about undergraduates not putting love as their priority in life - not particularly surprising though since. You can read it here

FACEBOOK "confession" pages, which allow users to share secrets anonymously, may have helped lovelorn students express their romantic intentions to their objects of affection, but the majority of undergraduates do not want to date, a survey has found.

Some 400 undergraduates aged between 19 and 25 from the National University of Singapore (NUS), Nanyang Technological University (NTU), Singapore Management University and SIM University were asked what was most important to them.

And romance was not anywhere on top of their minds.

The survey found that six in 10 respondents are not in a relationship. Of these, seven in 10 have no plans to actively pursue one.

Aunt Agony 050313

Originally posted by BleezeB:

ok long story...few years back..i posted a post about the girl who i like but she only treat me as friend..then got another girl like me but is way younger..we ended together for about 1year but we finish the relation peacefully.

Girl A: girl i like since sec 2 (8years ago) (22yrs old)

Girl B: girl i am with for 1 year (18 yrs old)

Boy A: my friend since sec 2 (22yrs old)

Ever since sec 2 i like girl A and confess once dueing that year but she told me it too sudden and did not say anything else.

We remain friend and at Poly year 3 i confess again and again she did not say anything. I lied that i was drunk that why i send her that kind of sms. Then she said nvm at least i am truthful to myself. Somemore she tell me before to finish NS and study uni first.

Girl B then tell me she like me around that time. So before i enlisted i accepted her and was very happy with her. Every book out go pei her and go out and etc.

But after 1 year we suddenly realize we got no time to talk and go out due to her studies and my NS. So we said give other a break for a while.

Then Girl A suddenly sms me once know i broke up and tell me to cheer out. Ask me out and etc. I regain my hope for her and started to chase her again.

Then about 5mths ago friends tell me Girl A like Boy A. I was shocked and thought they joking. End up i begin to observe and rwalize that they are really very close compare to last time.

Yesterday visited Girl A house and realize the famoly and relative know Boy A. I felt as though like a knife pock into my heart.

I really dont know what to do. If you got read till here please give me direction.

Girl A dont look pretty or sexy but somehow i just like her a lot even now.

Girl B is cute looking and young and innocent. We still got hope to tgt.

I dont know what to do now. Every month my sec schl clique meet up. If Girl A and Boy A tgt then how i am to face them.

There is often a someone 'we couldn't have' and this entity gradually transform into a question mark in our emotional mind. We could toy with possible imaginations, but I am not sure where it would land you.  

What's pretty certain is that if she hasn't put you onto the consideration list, then it is unlikely that your position would drastically change unless her perception of you alters. Largely because of that fact that the essence of our looks, personality and behaviour towards people are usually quite consistent - which are precisely the reasons why we are on or off the chart.  

Surely it must be a challenge facing the lady you fancy in the same clique of friends; however, this is just one aspect of your challenge. The real challenge lies in facing a very real possibility of waking up to a reality that this is someone that you might never actually have. The fantasy stage of affection can be rather addictive because everything appears surreal and perfect - you might actually imagine her contacting you because she wants to 'give you a chance', but it is more likely to be one-sided on your end.

And in this fantasy world - we tends to minimize hard facts which are suggestive of points that are contrary to your form of idealism.

***

Putting two women on the equation from your post only seem to suggest to me that you perceived that A is a possible choice. What I mean is that it is possible to like someone/something, while having the awareness that possession is a different concept. For example, I could love Ferrari, but purchasing one is way out of my financial ability. Harboring the thought about having someone impossible is fantasy; the frustration and pain we experience is likely due to the fact that we desperately want something we cannot get, while maintaining the idea that it is within reach. 

Love often gets buried itself under layers of other feelings; more often than not, insecurity being the thickest lot. Using similar analogy, if my friend bought a Ferrari and I get upset over it - perhaps the wisdom lies not in avoiding my friend, but what can I do with myself so that I can also afford one in the future. 

Perhaps not the same model, but one that I can truly learn to appreciate and love in reality - not just a piece of fantasy dream. 

Cheers  

Back from short break!

Sorry folks! Have been rather busy (as usual) and couldn't find the time to blog.

Just to share a dance performance - a happier aspect of love. :)