Aunt Agony 220509

Originally posted by Kimosabe:

It started in November when my bf asked me to help him check his email when I saw he emailed a transvestite saying "Hi Pretty...etc.etc.etc" and basically asked if she was available to "have fun" with him before he enlisted. I asked but he said he knew nothing of it...

Then recently, his brother showed me two chat logs with that same person...we were already together for 7 months...then I saw that he had started sexual talk and gave out his number and wanted an "experience" with her.

Judging from how he treats me which is well, I'm extremely confused now. On msn, from wat I know, even with remote assistance..you cannot have a conversation with your friend and a hacker supposedly using your account to talk to someone in your contact list at the same time. I'm really hoping I'm wrong. His comp has no firewall (I think). He claims he didn't do it...but logically its quite impossible.

Now I'm scared, but I can't cry or react because its sort of shocking, and also he might feel destroyed etc. and I know its impossible to be sincere and not hurtful. I can deal with this side fetish I suppose but its damn scary and I have no idea what to do right now. I'm trying to be positive and believe him that he won't do such a thing.

In the past he really did look like a girl, some say prettier than other girls. I know a few guys do look like that, my cousin has a bandmate that looks just like a girl even I got fooled. He's my second bf. The first hurt me very very very very badly, and it did take me a long while to trust someone else.

My bf has always showered me with love and respect, which explains why this could not be his doing, but I've called a few people in I.T, and they've confirmed that its impossible for the conversation to happen anywhere else but from his computer. He was at the same time also, when the conversation with her happened, talking to his best friend. Exactly the same time. His brother got worried and showed me those conversations. I'm not sure what to think though.

The vital stats, even what sort of boxers he wears, was all revealed and if he was pranking around he would never give out his number. He received gay jokes forever and even though he's now in ns it hasn't stopped. But his friends really don't mean anything. Now I'm scared as to who he really is.

Someone help me.


The dichotomy of gender only applies to our biological construct - in fact, our sexual orientation and our sexual preference (being our software) can be very much different from our biological gender. Gender is not merely man or woman - in fact, it's across a range of spectrum because no man are 100% masculine - same goes for females and femininity.

Having established that: for those who lies within the grey areas (bisexual), their inner struggles often coerced them to formulate some kind of confirmation to decide if they are indeed gay. And one common methodology is to date the opposite gender, so as to see if there are attraction (both sexual and emotional) to validate this inconsistency between they should be feeling and what they are really feeling.

It is also equally possible for him to date someone of the opposite gender, serving as a shield towards his real identity - part of his defense mechanism - while having the certainity that he isn't straight already.

Deonotological perspective might suggest that he's blatantly cheating on you - regardless of who the online fellow is. However, that ultimately (I reckoned) would only leave you with the choice of leaving him.

I suggest you have a HTHT (heart-to-heart-talk) with him - but do not begin your focal point from questioning about the possibility of his gender crisis, for that would render you the same level as those teasing he received from his army mates. Use the standpoint of honesty/truthfulness and the desire to know your other half better.

Learn to understand first. I think there are many things about him that you don't really know. Seek them.

Cheers