Aunt Agony 120114 (Continued from AA 271213)

Originally posted by Oldkamhouse:

I know what you mean by self acceptance and confidence. The thing is, I have asked a lot of women of interest out, only to be stalled or given excuses that they are not free. I not sure when to stop but usually when they strike out three times (three times they tell me that they are not free to come out),  I just don't pursue anymore.

This time with this girl B, I am just wondering if I should try or not. Its just not based on my experience with girl A, but also previous other experiences in which I have stated that I find it hard to ask a girl out. I don't know why, I just have the aura of getting rejected.

People tell me, if I don't try I won't know but its like this, if you ask 10 different girls out, only 2 out of 10 accept your invitation, you feel a bit demoralised.

Well today is Jan 5, but I have yet to ask girl B out for fear that I may show my desperation. She did let me to try in 2014. My heart is tingling to try though, I am hanging around at home doing house chores, kind of boring, feel like asking her out but yet I fear that it is too soon.

Next week I shall ask her out. I am prepared to receive rejection. Just cross my fingers.



I think it is personally helpful that you have a sense of awareness that you are facing some challenges in having woman accepting your dates successfully. However, unless you have decided to embrace monkhood for good as a serious alternative, to keep trying is the other option left. The wisdom in trying lies in understanding 'what' that had led us to failure in securing consistent dates and to improve our probability, rather than to dwell on our failures to demoralize our future attempts.

Dates are not isolated from the reality of interest building prior before the actual date; hence, if the development of the friendship does not develop into some level of positive interest leading to a date, then rejection is just but a convenient excuse to avoid dealing with potentially uncomfortable situation easily.

A woman might have a 'single' profiling, but that does not mean that she will risk everything to date any potential guys just because her biological clock is ticking. The interest must outweigh the risk for the first date to begin and the first date must be great for the second one to appear.

Your 'try' has to be holistic; it has to encompass the entire process of knowing her, even electronically (whatapps, etc). Choosing a random day for date that has little process prior is akin to gambling purely on tangible quality (e.g. the brand of your car that you are driving or your physical attractiveness, etc) to assess if you fit into a category of her 'not minding' to go on a date to 'look see look see'. And if the first date is uncomfortable for her, then 'I am not free' excuse will manifest again.

You cannot control a woman to accept your dates; the only person you can control is yourself. Hence, all you could do is to do whatever you can to build good interest, so as to facilitate her consideration to accept. It is also within your powers to decide how you want her to experience a date with you; from conversation to the dining process.

Cheers