Younger men seeking foreign bride

I always find it uncomfortable whenever I view reports of man purchasing brides from countries like Vietnam and how they think it's absolutely a great idea to resolve their lack of marital prospect, in reference to their failed dating experience leading to limbo with local woman.

I recalled the time when my sociology lecturer shared with us about a story of his colleague who has 'purchased' a Vietnam bride. In addition, he was gleaming when this colleague of his added the fact that he has actually gotten a discount when he has 'purchased' his wife-to-be; it works somewhat like how I would imagine myself buying Sushi at Cold Storage after certain timing at night - everything is slapped with a 50% off label.

On top of that, he disallowed her to go out because he deemed that she might learn 'bad influence' and later run away (with another man).

Personally I find it hard to stomach the thought of even having to relate the thought of 'purchasing' foreign bride. Although the case above might be extreme, but I don't think it's uncommon - all sociologically trained student would instantly sees that as a form of exploitation. From an economic perspective, surely this is acceptable because the market is determined by supply and demand. But it would be too derogatory to even use this perspective because woman would naturally be reduced to that of a good and it is not something that one would like to see their wife-to-be as.

What I find it amusing is the reasoning this man has employed which give rise to his decision and I quote:

'He did it because his plan was to settle down and have a family by the age of 30. He was planning way ahead: he wanted children who could support him in his later years'

Another incredibly amusing thought:

'Mr Low, who had girlfriends before, said he wanted a relationship which was 'guaranteed' to end in marriage.'

'Marrying a local or marrying a foreign bride is the same, both might end in divorce... but so far, it's okay, I already have a one-year old daughter,' the 30-year old said matter-of-factly.

His concerned is not about his wife; only about the child he wanted to support him in his later years - there is a contradiction when he claims that he wanted a guaranteed marriage, yet end up having to admit that it's not guarantee somewhat too. Such narcissism in love, is often shielded under the category of brandishing traditional mindset, is way... way too obsolete to project this as an idea in our modern society. Of course our government would be more than happy to support, getting more Singaporean to marry and give birth - having more cash cows to milk from and to address our plunging birth rate.

And here comes the dual king of all statements in the article:

'A successful match can set a man back by $8,000 or $10,000. Mr Tan, who had some financial help from his mother, paid the agent $8,800 for his bride. It was a price he felt was worth forking out.'

'Mr A H, 35, a teacher, is one example of someone who was too busy with work to spend time dating. He has had relationships before and joined the Social Development Unit... but he said he was "too lazy" to participate in the activities. "Sometimes you're too mentally and physically tired due to work. It's much easier to get a wife this way, but to get a good person may depend on luck." '

I think pragmatism/consumerism in our society has reached to a point of utter disgust, in which I am beginning to abhor at how fucking lame thoughts are becoming. Firstly, how the hell do you come to a conclusion that $8,800 is a worthy price? Alright, I put on my pragmatic/consumer mindset and I derive this equation:

A)
Cost of Maid:
Levy: $265
Salary: $350
Total: $615

$8,800/$615 = 14.3 months

I would have broke even by the 14th month using $8,800 as a figure (to get a Vietnam bride housewife or a maid to manage the household).

B)
If I include sex in the equation

Cost of Sex:
$50/per session
E.g: 3 times a week (12 times a month) = $600

$8,800/($615+$600) = 7.2 months

So I would have broke even by the 7th month.

Seriously, this is all maximum bullshit. I can't believe when the teacher claim that he was too lazy to date and buying a bride was an easy way out - it's like saying that 'I want the sex part, but I don't want to waste time dating. So skip the dating and let's get married. Opps! Did I mentioned that the household is your arena too?'

Because I tell you, say if his bride refuse sex or cannot conceive - I bet with my balls that most of these man would likely to display the 'oh damn it! I paid for this and now there is no sex? No kids? Agent! I want a change of GOOD!!!!!!!!!'

*Flailing violent arms in the air and stamping feet*

It would be a cause for concern if these woman were abused. Better pray that I don't kanna one caseload like this, if not sure clash with my values.

Rest in Peace - Vernon & Kerin

It's devastating for anyone to experience the death of their love one only within 24 hours of being married.

Emotionally and psychologically wrecked, coupled with the lack of reason to explain the nature of her husband death makes this episode a truly poignant one. It would be suffering for anyone, even with the most positive of mind, to undergo such an experience.

RIP - my prayers will be with you.

http://www.straitstimes.com/BreakingNews/Singapore/Story/STIStory_550093.html

问世间情是何物，直教生死相许。
天南地北双飞客，老翅几回寒暑。
欢乐趣，离别苦，就中更有痴儿女。
君应有语，渺万里层云,
千山暮雪，只影向谁去

Aunt Agony II 100710

Originally posted by huzane89:

i am in this 'open' relationship with this guy. Our relationship is purely physical. I know I am not ready for commitment at this time. And I have this condition of commitment at the min. age of 25. I am 21 this year.

This guy and I decided to 'commit' physically to each other only, so as to prevent STDs and if something unfortunate such as pregnancy happens, I know who the father is.

The relationship was fine and it went on for 4 months. And yesterday, he suddenly said he has feelings for me and wants a real commitment. I was taken aback as I didnt feel the same was as he did. Now, after his confession, I kind of like him. but I still think I am not ready. So, I ended things with him. Now, I cant stop thinking of him.

What do I do?




Your relationship began from a contract.

The clauses are spelled out clearly, almost like terms and condition to define the boundary of your relationship, so as to safeguard both parties interest should 'dispute' occurs.

Developed feelings seemed natural and after 4 months, it seemed like he wants more out of this contract because he probably discovered that fulfilling physical needs are pretty much short term and ain't satisfactory in a longer timeframe. He wants to null the contract and provide new contract with different terms and conditions.

As you read and decide that what I have said seemed logical, but in fact, all I have said above is a facade employed by both of you to logically structure your 'agreement' in a somewhat acceptable manner, appealing largely only to your rationale sense. Although you mentioned that you will only commit yourself at the age of 25. To me - this is purely a random forecast, almost like rolling dice. I do not know how you arrived at this conclusion, but what I am quite sure is that there seemed to be a rationalized fear about commitment in which both of you subconsciously do not want to directly deal with it.

Now that the choice card of a relationship is dealt; this deal is almost like skipping the entire courting process by substituting this process with intimacy first. In a classic chase, the chase itself develops the feelings; for your case, it is the intimacy that drives the passion.

Hence, it's still possible that a relationship from a FB relationship might happen. The only risk is that because your relationship began from a contract - it remains questionable whether this relationship would be able to weather storms without sinking back to previous contract subconsciously or having to run away when shit hits the roof. It is easily to escape in your previous arrangement, but coupled with fear of commitment and an additional burden on the scope of 'responsibility' - it may not be sustainable when you level a FB relationship up.

P.S: At the end of the day, these are only the presenting issues - the real problem lies deeper, into your unconscious yearning and fear. If you don’t work on it, it will fester and affect your future relationship in a damaging way.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 100710

Originally poseted by kirov4ever:

What to do if the girl is not interested?

Analogy: It is like stage IV cancer. Incurable, inoperable and there is no future with anyone else.

I have more than enough looks, can really make her laugh, so me being not good enough is not a reason or issue. I don't understand how it is possible that she can "final decision" say it is impossible between us. She said "no" although with regret. Why she want to sabo herself like that? No, she's not going to be a nun. There is no reason so don't say "maybe this" "maybe that". No reason to reject yet she said "no", although regretfully.

In short, when faced with a final "no", incurable stage IV cancer, what to do? Only brain-wash will work but say don't use brain-wash? What other satisfactory answers. I would also most appreciate comments from Christians, Buddhists and religious what to do with the curse.



Why even mystify a rejection to that of a curse? And seemed like you made a number of assumptions, which imho may not accurate through the eyes of her perceived reality.

Surely there are reason/s for rejection - just because you don't understand doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

Your perception that you are good enough is not as important as whether she feels that you are needed. From a marketing perspective, an excellent product may be a good, but if there is no need, naturally there will be no sale.

Are you a need or are you merely a good product?

Think about it.

Cheers

冤家路窄

冤家路窄

Personally, I hate to see what I detest to see.

I have no thoughts about it - just annoyed like how a buzzing fly would have pissed me.

I was glad that I stood tall with dignity and honour. I renewed my personal promise that I will evolved ten times stronger & better than what I was a year ago.

I will succeed.