Aunt Agony II 100710

Originally posted by huzane89:

i am in this 'open' relationship with this guy. Our relationship is purely physical. I know I am not ready for commitment at this time. And I have this condition of commitment at the min. age of 25. I am 21 this year.

This guy and I decided to 'commit' physically to each other only, so as to prevent STDs and if something unfortunate such as pregnancy happens, I know who the father is.

The relationship was fine and it went on for 4 months. And yesterday, he suddenly said he has feelings for me and wants a real commitment. I was taken aback as I didnt feel the same was as he did. Now, after his confession, I kind of like him. but I still think I am not ready. So, I ended things with him. Now, I cant stop thinking of him.

What do I do?




Your relationship began from a contract.

The clauses are spelled out clearly, almost like terms and condition to define the boundary of your relationship, so as to safeguard both parties interest should 'dispute' occurs.

Developed feelings seemed natural and after 4 months, it seemed like he wants more out of this contract because he probably discovered that fulfilling physical needs are pretty much short term and ain't satisfactory in a longer timeframe. He wants to null the contract and provide new contract with different terms and conditions.

As you read and decide that what I have said seemed logical, but in fact, all I have said above is a facade employed by both of you to logically structure your 'agreement' in a somewhat acceptable manner, appealing largely only to your rationale sense. Although you mentioned that you will only commit yourself at the age of 25. To me - this is purely a random forecast, almost like rolling dice. I do not know how you arrived at this conclusion, but what I am quite sure is that there seemed to be a rationalized fear about commitment in which both of you subconsciously do not want to directly deal with it.

Now that the choice card of a relationship is dealt; this deal is almost like skipping the entire courting process by substituting this process with intimacy first. In a classic chase, the chase itself develops the feelings; for your case, it is the intimacy that drives the passion.

Hence, it's still possible that a relationship from a FB relationship might happen. The only risk is that because your relationship began from a contract - it remains questionable whether this relationship would be able to weather storms without sinking back to previous contract subconsciously or having to run away when shit hits the roof. It is easily to escape in your previous arrangement, but coupled with fear of commitment and an additional burden on the scope of 'responsibility' - it may not be sustainable when you level a FB relationship up.

P.S: At the end of the day, these are only the presenting issues - the real problem lies deeper, into your unconscious yearning and fear. If you don’t work on it, it will fester and affect your future relationship in a damaging way.

Cheers