Aunt Agony 010610

Originally posted by Fannao388:

I am married with a teenage daughter. I am not at all with my hubby since years back. He is always giving priority to his frds and family. If his frd or family and I were to make an appt on the same day same time he will tell me he has to go out with his frd or family .. and ask me to wait for the following week. However, due to his shift work, he has only one precious weekend every mth for us, and very often he give priority to his frds and family instead of me and daughter.

4-5 years back I nearly divorce him due to travelling plans. I have been wanting to go to Japan or Vietnam for years, but every year he will tell me next year we will go and every year he agree to wherever his family plan to go. Even the place that i hated most China and Taiwan. He keep asking me to wait for him to save up enough for my place but every time he will spend his saving going to places I dont really want to go. As our money are limited when we go to these other places my Japan and Vietnam got to wait for another year. I was very angry and after this last china trip with his family I said lets divorce I am not willing to wait endlessly for the place i want to go. Since his family do not support going to places that i wanted to go i also have no interest to go back every week too.

With this divorce, he suddenly has available cash to go Japan with us .. just the 3 of us family. and asked me to put off the divorce plan. and since then i havent been going back to his family for all the occasions not even chinese new year. Till now, none of the in law have ever called to asked me why.. they just treat as nothing happn so hubby 2 treat as ntg happen..

recently, a married colleague expressed interest in me // and he really treated me very well .. much better than my husband .. he said he dont want anything bad to happen to me (while my hubby keep saying if he is heaven he would like to let me be CHIAK LUK) i initially tried to pull out of the relationship..but pulling out had been rather difficult cos we get to see each other every day in the office. I am now thinking whether to continue or to pull out .. my brain say stop all these nonsense and my heart said go for it

how?





You are skating on thin ice. Precariously thin ice.

I can sense that you are lost because you are frustrated with your marriage - being unappreciated by your husband whom you thought that he wasn't making effort to work on your marriage - and simultaneously, you are faced with a pull factor of a man who has expressed his interest in you. The only thing that is holding you back is probably your daughter and perhaps the homeostasis of being used to certain form of stability your marriage has provided you - despite being unhappy about it.

Presenting choice might be attractive, but without understanding the dimension of your real issue, it might turn out to be a form of escapism... somewhat a crafty illusion that veil behind a potential karmic relationship, which might lead to a domestic tragedy (Afflicted Neptune/Saturn).

Why is it so?

Your intense frustration generates a powerful push factor for you to accept the bait presented by this man. This deal comes with a condition, in which I termed it as an 'inability to commit'. It is not the problem of a man being married (which is a moral statement), but rather, it is a problem of a person who cannot provide you the commitment you would need in long term to dissolve this discontentment in your love life. For a period, he probably functions as a paracetamol, addressing merely the symptoms but nowhere near the cause.

What really happens from a graph's perspective lies with the path of your deep anguish meeting the path of his need for a company at point X. The common factor is that both of you cannot commit. As such, it seemed a lot easier for cheating to happen because since there are some huge innate dissatisfaction within, both of you would probably unconsciously decide that it might seemed 'easier' to transgress than to work on your respective issue with spouse.

Therefore, your desire to flee may not be 'attraction' or 'love' but an avenue for avoidance behaviour to cope with your dissatisfaction in your marriage.

The shelving of issues in marriage would only seek to build resentment and accumulate intense hatred that would shatter your relationship into millions of fragmented glass pieces. By then, it would be challenging to even want to do anything about it because it would be so broken to try to mend anything.

From what I am seeing, communication lines are so damage that there are actually much emotional underlying current, even if the marriage appears to be 'surviving'. However, before making any decision/s involving this married man, I suggest that you speak to your husband about the reality of your marriage, to such extend that if this fails, you might want to seek a common agreement (and willingness) on finding a marital counsellor if both of you still wish to save/work on this marriage.

P.S: A common real problem is when the wife sees a problem to their marriage, which contradict with their man's thinking (or denying) that there is an existing problem. This is a classic communication breakdown phenomenon.

Cheers