Interesting on how Sulthan Niaz retorted AWARE's article by stating that women must contribute part of the blame on the low birth rate situation in Singapore.
Are Singaporean woman spoilt? Well, our males also demand for submissive woman too. So gender bashing will never come to an end because it's just matter of perspective.
Seriously anyway, I doubt gender has much to do with the situation here. The key concerns are 'expectations'. Why is our society bashing people for making their personal choices of not 'getting married' or not 'rearing children'?
Societal expectation or individual expectation? Which is prior?
This is a natural phenomenon in any developed country. Other places are facing the same situation too, hence this is nothing uniquely Singapore.
Hey man: you have a choice NOT to date spoilt princesses too. If yours happen to be one, then you got to admit that it's seriously your choice to keep them.
To read the full article, please go to:
http://news.asiaone.com/News/Education/Story/A1Story20100527-218798.html
Friday, May 28, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Changes in relationship
Today’s sharing is about some work reflection:
The only constant thing in life is changes; to harbor an unchanging attitude towards all phenomenon in the world is a sure ticket to suffering. We cannot expect things to always remain the way it is and since everything in life evolves, it is our responsibility to steer the change into constructive transformation and avoid degrading.
I think it’s quite depressing to witness how one’s choices inevitable sink them into whirlpool of immerse suffering and regret, especially if they have a choice in the past NOT to make certain choice/s. Somehow, it’s kinda linked – people make bad choices in life and in return made even worst choices. I began to wonder if it is truly the choices that are bad per se, or does it suggest something deeper and darker?
Closely related to the first law of CloUdiSm: do not ever date someone with the intention of trying to change the person.
You will fail. Fail absolutely. Fail miserably. In the most intense disappointing manner ever.
You will never fully recover from the trauma; because you will die by the very same curse you seek to exorcise.
It is not the choice that is bad, but rather, the perspective that we carry with the choice. People become harden and crystallized into a persona self actualized from their personal development. We are already rooted, hence it is incredibly arduous to unearth those dirt, let alone change them. Surely you can work on perspective, but you will find it extremely difficult to find adoption in a wholesome fashion.
Partially yes. But in a selective mode – usually only those that retain status quo.
Let me explain why failure is almost certain – people ONLY change upon a strong catalysis. Like if I want to turn water into steam, I would have to boil it. Only with heat can water evaporate and transform into vapors. And you being the person who sees problems in things are the only catalysis that would seek to change it. Everything else is just ‘warmness’ – you are the heat. Upon the reaction of change, you will dissolve yourself in order for change to occur. You will inevitably displaced yourself so that change will happen, but you put yourself at great risk of not be able to survive through the change.
However, someone else down the road would. They will gladly thank you for the wonderful dirty job done because you made the personal sacrifice to impart certain important lessons in life. They are happy because someone else has fought tooth and claw to overcome countless of challenges, so as to allow the recipient to mature. Upon realization, these efforts will benefit the next in line, who has done absolutely nothing to enjoy the fruit of your labour.
You are forgotten; other than some fading memory, there is nothing exceptional. With time, you are trashed away, almost like anything else in life.
The world cares nothing about the ideals of the man. It is cruel and emotionless.
We all once live in the shoe of this man. Even if you are taken out of the picture, be proud of what you have done and move along. Even if you must exit, do not turn your shoulders over. People will rejoice at your abject stupidity and blast at how moronic you are.
But still keep faith and walk forth. Someday… someone will return your honor back.
Because at the end of the day, we are judge by our deeds and not what we possess.
The only constant thing in life is changes; to harbor an unchanging attitude towards all phenomenon in the world is a sure ticket to suffering. We cannot expect things to always remain the way it is and since everything in life evolves, it is our responsibility to steer the change into constructive transformation and avoid degrading.
I think it’s quite depressing to witness how one’s choices inevitable sink them into whirlpool of immerse suffering and regret, especially if they have a choice in the past NOT to make certain choice/s. Somehow, it’s kinda linked – people make bad choices in life and in return made even worst choices. I began to wonder if it is truly the choices that are bad per se, or does it suggest something deeper and darker?
Closely related to the first law of CloUdiSm: do not ever date someone with the intention of trying to change the person.
You will fail. Fail absolutely. Fail miserably. In the most intense disappointing manner ever.
You will never fully recover from the trauma; because you will die by the very same curse you seek to exorcise.
It is not the choice that is bad, but rather, the perspective that we carry with the choice. People become harden and crystallized into a persona self actualized from their personal development. We are already rooted, hence it is incredibly arduous to unearth those dirt, let alone change them. Surely you can work on perspective, but you will find it extremely difficult to find adoption in a wholesome fashion.
Partially yes. But in a selective mode – usually only those that retain status quo.
Let me explain why failure is almost certain – people ONLY change upon a strong catalysis. Like if I want to turn water into steam, I would have to boil it. Only with heat can water evaporate and transform into vapors. And you being the person who sees problems in things are the only catalysis that would seek to change it. Everything else is just ‘warmness’ – you are the heat. Upon the reaction of change, you will dissolve yourself in order for change to occur. You will inevitably displaced yourself so that change will happen, but you put yourself at great risk of not be able to survive through the change.
However, someone else down the road would. They will gladly thank you for the wonderful dirty job done because you made the personal sacrifice to impart certain important lessons in life. They are happy because someone else has fought tooth and claw to overcome countless of challenges, so as to allow the recipient to mature. Upon realization, these efforts will benefit the next in line, who has done absolutely nothing to enjoy the fruit of your labour.
You are forgotten; other than some fading memory, there is nothing exceptional. With time, you are trashed away, almost like anything else in life.
The world cares nothing about the ideals of the man. It is cruel and emotionless.
We all once live in the shoe of this man. Even if you are taken out of the picture, be proud of what you have done and move along. Even if you must exit, do not turn your shoulders over. People will rejoice at your abject stupidity and blast at how moronic you are.
But still keep faith and walk forth. Someday… someone will return your honor back.
Because at the end of the day, we are judge by our deeds and not what we possess.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Chronicles (24 May 10)
I detest causal memories that quietly reminded me of my mortality. I shed my humanoid skin in return for the gift of undeath - it was an irrevocable metamorphosis.
Awakening from my vampiric stupor was the greatest enlightenment ever, insofar that I feel absolute disgust with the feeble self I vaguely recalled as a chapter of my living years. The burning contempt was overwhelmingly insane, as I lifted my index fingers and claw off crumbling grey-red ashes around a black pit of nothingness, around a place where my beating heart used to lay solemnly within.
And I can see no dreams for the addict sustaining his delusion through tubes of constant false hope. He waits like a shadow thief; awaits for opportunity to plunge the poison dagger eagerly into the back of his adversary. He wants him dead for good, so as to loot, but he has no such chance.
My perching lips grew into a smirk and watched the scene with sadistic pleasure.
He thinks he remained unseen, but the croaching silhouette makes the thought laughable.
I observed with an appraising eye, curious with the depth of stupidity my fabled assasin has grown to live with over the years.
That would suffice a predictive suicide.
He will take what he wants and die by what he takes.
Awakening from my vampiric stupor was the greatest enlightenment ever, insofar that I feel absolute disgust with the feeble self I vaguely recalled as a chapter of my living years. The burning contempt was overwhelmingly insane, as I lifted my index fingers and claw off crumbling grey-red ashes around a black pit of nothingness, around a place where my beating heart used to lay solemnly within.
And I can see no dreams for the addict sustaining his delusion through tubes of constant false hope. He waits like a shadow thief; awaits for opportunity to plunge the poison dagger eagerly into the back of his adversary. He wants him dead for good, so as to loot, but he has no such chance.
My perching lips grew into a smirk and watched the scene with sadistic pleasure.
He thinks he remained unseen, but the croaching silhouette makes the thought laughable.
I observed with an appraising eye, curious with the depth of stupidity my fabled assasin has grown to live with over the years.
That would suffice a predictive suicide.
He will take what he wants and die by what he takes.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Never Been Kissed
Just read the news; more singletons out there in Singapore. Actually I am not particularly surprised, considering the fact that our society overvalues achievements more than people relationship. Our 'cost-analysis' mindset has renders the value of love to be really an expensive affair.
But seriously, it is that costly?
Survey has found that most people want to get married; the problem is that 14% of these people believe in what we called fate. More than half of the people interviewed would NOT try social networking agency like SDN (in those days, it stands for SDU - the tongue-in-cheek acronym stands for Single Desperate & Ugly). In the article, one reason cited was the aversion to 'social engineering'.
Our country is facing a serious problem in birth rate because people are even having problem dating. And you want to talk about marriage and giving birth? There used to be issues about wanting more graduate mothers give birth to more children in the 80s because our country wants 'smarter brains'. Now our garmen becoming clever: any 'brains' also can - just go forth and multiply. The reason is quite logical: without the physical being, you totally have no 'brains.' So it's better to have some 'brains' than to have 'no brains.'
And this perspective itself is a major flaw - people are not respected based on their choices, but rather a tool for economical purpose. People don't see a reason why they should be subjecting their children to the gruesome pressure of our competitive society, so why the hell should I raise kids?
But what about dating? Surely, raising kids is a private choice... but dating?
I thought it was amusing when the article subtly included the belief in fate as part of the arguments on the horrible dating situation locally. I don't think there's any problem in people believing that the right one will drop by when the time comes, but chances are, these are often the wrong ones that presented themselves are 'right'.
Other significant reasoning includes the priority in career before relationships. I think the article missed out one very important rationale why people does that - it is part of our avoidance schema to replace something with another as we cannot lead life with a blatant form of emptiness within our life because we constantly need to maintain inner homeostasis. To me, people who provided this sort of reasoning is one notch lower than those who believe in fate - it is complete avoidance towards the topic of love. I realized that those who have dated during schools days and had their relationship lasted into their working life NEVER had such reasoning. Such reasoning only appeals to people who are likely to give the same sort of reasoning when they were in school - studies come first. Hence, the same reasoning was reapplied when it comes to career - career comes first - because it is way too convenient.
So what's after career?
Silence.
I am saying this because everyone, regardless of worldview, wants to be attached regardless of aspiration. Upon careful dialogue, even those that held onto the 'career come first' notion ALSO wish that they will someday be attached to someone they could love mutually. This yearning pervades all form of sexual orientation and preference. This yearning is the yearning of being loved and to love - the highest expression of human affection.
You see, the principle is simple: given the choice to pick - nobody wants to be single. It is not the problem of being single - it is the loneliness that derives from singlehood that most people cannot deal with.
In the end, it is back to developmental issues!
The article also cited unrealistic expectation as part of the reason why people are not attached. There was once a woman asked me' so you drive?' I was tempted to reply "so is your cup-size D?"
And strangely, I have people who try to match up to these expectations by jumping through the hoops waved by these women. What? You mean you are interested in such woman?
I think the prospect of monkhood certainly look more promising.
Learning to love is very much about learning to understand and love yourself the way we would like others to love us. Learning to love comes with the awareness that we are imperfect beings and the recognition that love entails the very reality of rejection, separation, disappointment and tears. One cannot expect love without coming in terms with these possible realities, naturally occuring with the introduction of love.
Only once we have self love, could we free ourselves to love another person.
But seriously, it is that costly?
Survey has found that most people want to get married; the problem is that 14% of these people believe in what we called fate. More than half of the people interviewed would NOT try social networking agency like SDN (in those days, it stands for SDU - the tongue-in-cheek acronym stands for Single Desperate & Ugly). In the article, one reason cited was the aversion to 'social engineering'.
Our country is facing a serious problem in birth rate because people are even having problem dating. And you want to talk about marriage and giving birth? There used to be issues about wanting more graduate mothers give birth to more children in the 80s because our country wants 'smarter brains'. Now our garmen becoming clever: any 'brains' also can - just go forth and multiply. The reason is quite logical: without the physical being, you totally have no 'brains.' So it's better to have some 'brains' than to have 'no brains.'
And this perspective itself is a major flaw - people are not respected based on their choices, but rather a tool for economical purpose. People don't see a reason why they should be subjecting their children to the gruesome pressure of our competitive society, so why the hell should I raise kids?
But what about dating? Surely, raising kids is a private choice... but dating?
I thought it was amusing when the article subtly included the belief in fate as part of the arguments on the horrible dating situation locally. I don't think there's any problem in people believing that the right one will drop by when the time comes, but chances are, these are often the wrong ones that presented themselves are 'right'.
Other significant reasoning includes the priority in career before relationships. I think the article missed out one very important rationale why people does that - it is part of our avoidance schema to replace something with another as we cannot lead life with a blatant form of emptiness within our life because we constantly need to maintain inner homeostasis. To me, people who provided this sort of reasoning is one notch lower than those who believe in fate - it is complete avoidance towards the topic of love. I realized that those who have dated during schools days and had their relationship lasted into their working life NEVER had such reasoning. Such reasoning only appeals to people who are likely to give the same sort of reasoning when they were in school - studies come first. Hence, the same reasoning was reapplied when it comes to career - career comes first - because it is way too convenient.
So what's after career?
Silence.
I am saying this because everyone, regardless of worldview, wants to be attached regardless of aspiration. Upon careful dialogue, even those that held onto the 'career come first' notion ALSO wish that they will someday be attached to someone they could love mutually. This yearning pervades all form of sexual orientation and preference. This yearning is the yearning of being loved and to love - the highest expression of human affection.
You see, the principle is simple: given the choice to pick - nobody wants to be single. It is not the problem of being single - it is the loneliness that derives from singlehood that most people cannot deal with.
In the end, it is back to developmental issues!
The article also cited unrealistic expectation as part of the reason why people are not attached. There was once a woman asked me' so you drive?' I was tempted to reply "so is your cup-size D?"
And strangely, I have people who try to match up to these expectations by jumping through the hoops waved by these women. What? You mean you are interested in such woman?
I think the prospect of monkhood certainly look more promising.
Learning to love is very much about learning to understand and love yourself the way we would like others to love us. Learning to love comes with the awareness that we are imperfect beings and the recognition that love entails the very reality of rejection, separation, disappointment and tears. One cannot expect love without coming in terms with these possible realities, naturally occuring with the introduction of love.
Only once we have self love, could we free ourselves to love another person.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Monkhood
I feel like going to some mountain and meditate.
I realized that a lot of things don't satisfy me anymore... or as much as I would like it to be.
I think my contemplation of being a monk might one day just come true.
I realized that a lot of things don't satisfy me anymore... or as much as I would like it to be.
I think my contemplation of being a monk might one day just come true.
Saturday, May 08, 2010
Effect of Cosmic Lesson in Love (feat Portia Nelson)
I finally found THE poem that accurately explain the stages of love in such concise and beautiful weave of words that I instantly fell in love with it. The way Portia Nelson tried to portray his meaning of life in this poem (Autobiography in Five Chapters) is just gruesomely apt - just that CloUdiSm explained that under the notion of love.
AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE CHAPTERS
Portia Nelson
1) I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost...
I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
2) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I'm in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
3) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in...it's a habit
My eyes are open; I know where I am;
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
4) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
5) I walk down another street.
This is exactly the same concept in CloUdiSm when I talk about effect of our cosmic lesson in love. Yunnie divides these effects into five distinctive levels: (1) Ignorance, (2) Denial, (3) Awareness, (4) Recognition & (5) Evolution. However, it does not necessarily follow in this linear order because the multi-dimensional nature of our cosmic lesson is far too complex to neatly put all that stuff into fixed stages. Also, not everyone will experience all these effects in their lifetime; it is likely that they might encounter a mixture of some in various degree.
I always say something of this nature among the rambles I always talk about: you will not understand a shit of what I am saying until you are there yourself. Everything I have said sounded merely 'logical' as in the structure of the thoughts spoken is reasonable and philosophically grounded, which one would naturally concede because there is no compelling reason to believe otherwise.
But still it will not be understood because a person experiencing lower stage (e.g: Ignorance) cannot understand the perspective of those in the higher level (e.g: Recognition). It makes zero emotional sense for one in this world of ignorance to somehow pierce through the formidable illusionary screen of, say, a deceptive relationship because such essential wisdom hasn't been developed in the person yet.
Wisdom are learnt - not given. Hence, it's possible that some will appear to suffer the cosmic effect of ignorance throughout the entire course of their love life, perpetuate their suffering cycle in love. I think working in the social service will inevitably expose yourself to many unfortunate circumstances of relationship - directly or indirectly related to the subject of Love.
These are precious learning; for me to understand humanity and its relationship with love itself.
AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE CHAPTERS
Portia Nelson
1) I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost...
I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
2) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I'm in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
3) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in...it's a habit
My eyes are open; I know where I am;
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
4) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
5) I walk down another street.
This is exactly the same concept in CloUdiSm when I talk about effect of our cosmic lesson in love. Yunnie divides these effects into five distinctive levels: (1) Ignorance, (2) Denial, (3) Awareness, (4) Recognition & (5) Evolution. However, it does not necessarily follow in this linear order because the multi-dimensional nature of our cosmic lesson is far too complex to neatly put all that stuff into fixed stages. Also, not everyone will experience all these effects in their lifetime; it is likely that they might encounter a mixture of some in various degree.
I always say something of this nature among the rambles I always talk about: you will not understand a shit of what I am saying until you are there yourself. Everything I have said sounded merely 'logical' as in the structure of the thoughts spoken is reasonable and philosophically grounded, which one would naturally concede because there is no compelling reason to believe otherwise.
But still it will not be understood because a person experiencing lower stage (e.g: Ignorance) cannot understand the perspective of those in the higher level (e.g: Recognition). It makes zero emotional sense for one in this world of ignorance to somehow pierce through the formidable illusionary screen of, say, a deceptive relationship because such essential wisdom hasn't been developed in the person yet.
Wisdom are learnt - not given. Hence, it's possible that some will appear to suffer the cosmic effect of ignorance throughout the entire course of their love life, perpetuate their suffering cycle in love. I think working in the social service will inevitably expose yourself to many unfortunate circumstances of relationship - directly or indirectly related to the subject of Love.
These are precious learning; for me to understand humanity and its relationship with love itself.
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