Aunt Agony 150310

Originally posted by frozen-seal-heart:

ever since my heart was frozen... im getting more and more emo... i just someone that can chat with me... chat my heart out... i lost my dear one... i dont look into another BGR at all... for now.. i wish i can stand out from this dark clouds.... anyone?...

i used to live to the fullest... every moment is the best in my life... everything is wonderful... but it just collapse within 1 day... if you were me... can you take it and continue to life like normal?.... i lost everything over that night... my life... my dream... my love... even myself...

over that night... my dearest girlfriend died in hospital due to leukemia... she hide her sickness from me... she afraid i would leave her anytime... like her ex-bfs... she relieve the truth to me.. when she is hospitalize and have not much time left... i dont know the truth till that day... i was blinded for 3 months.... when i reach the hospital... she just say i love you... and she is gone... thats the last moment and words from her.... and i lost everything.... nothing else is left for me on this meaningless world.... what would you do?.. if you were blindfolded and the moment the truth is out... your lost everything... what would you do?

i tried to be successful.. i tried to forget about that incident... i tried to put it down... i tried everything... nothing works... my friends just say im lying... my friends just make use of me to score in their results... other then that they don even look upon me as a friend.... everyone just leave me... everyone hate me... make use of me... how am i going to be successful?... things are more difficult then before... everyone is realistic... too realistic... i thought of death... i even tried to sucide... but i have no courage... i dont know why... people like me... worthless... meaningless.. still living in this world... cause harm to everyone around me... everything is just pitch black..... where is the light of hope?... who is reach out his/her hand to me?... i wonder will there anyone willing to do so...

for 3yrs... i lied to myself... i can do better... i would walk out from this... im tired to do so anymore... 3 years... more then a thousand day... everyday wake up from my bed... i lied to myself... today will be a better day... but for now... im tired... im sick of it... i dont think it works anymore... believing in myself... i gave this up





Surely the there is a time and place for all things. Nobody is coercing you to accept the deal that life has thrown at you, but without the higher wisdom to accept that certain things in life are uncontrollable, we will always lead a life of misery because we will constantly be assailed with such phenomenon in life.

One can be emo, but one cannot indulge in self pity. The latter only seek to degenerate your mind and spirit, which you will find it ridiculously arduous to piece them together once such insidious value has sunk deep roots.

Firstly, you don’t aim for success without having to accept your circumstances from within because success often slipped from a man who can’t grasp properly. Paradoxically speaking, it is like telling a man to run when he doesn’t know how to use his legs. If you are unable to manage yourself internally, forget about the success you speak of. Success goes to the man who gains self mastery and self mastery first begins from self acceptance.

Surely, nobody said it is easy to move on, especially since your situation involved an involuntary separation of death. But in essence, it is the same as those who have divorced or have broken up inevitably because similar depression derived from the inability to continue the mutual relationship in a meaningful fashion.

The essence of such phenomenon denotes the impermanence of love, in which once the cosmic lesson is taught, the existence of the person will naturally disappear. The nature of such a relationship is often karmic (likely to be Saturn-influenced) and until we gain the necessary wisdom to pierce through this illusion that masked itself as ‘true love’ in our context, we will never be able to release ourselves from this emotional bondage.

Our learning in love is a series of stages; each relationship does not exist individually as finality to the whole, much more than a mere part within the intricate system. You don’t exactly possess love in a way you do for physical objects; it only seeks to teach, while you humbly learn or reject what it has to offer. By rejecting or denying your circumstance, it only creates a position where you would face emotional torment from the futile resistance, bleeding in greater amount until clarity appears.

Cheers