Project CloUdiSm - Why Cosmic Lessons

Drafted and updated.

Next!

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HR Crew X MRT Pasir Ris Station

Mel's legs are fairer than Linda's.

Ghastly!

P.S: Don't blame lighting. =D

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Christian the Lion

Watch this and you will be amazed and so touched by how you could actually find human qualities in this lion.



And the relationship is vice versa - we could also find animalistic qualities in a human being. Astrology spoke of an unevolved Mars - the main culprit responsible for such causes, but it seemed like a combination of instrinsic and extrinsic influences that give rise to such negative human life condition.

Question is: which is more important: Nature or nurture?

Well, at least in this vid (adding strength to the nurture camp) to certain extend, nurture can indeed change circumstances and ultimately - destiny.

What do you think?

Cheers

LittleDragonGal

LittleDragonGal [小龙女] (My gaming facade)



LittleDragonGal in Action (Dota) - Please click.



People are just forcing me to use 九阴真经 to 大开杀戒.

TRIPLE KILL! =D

P.S: To read Chinese Character: please encode to Unicode (UTF-8).

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Aunt Agony 200708

Originally posted by babydontgo:


Dear AA:

It all started out about 1 year back.. i went into a relationship, had those sweet times together and stuff.. my girl is fond of playing games and treats friends really important (i.e play games with friends online, etc) and she has alot of guy friends from the opposite sex, this i do not mind although my past relationship was a failure and due to a third party, i was quite insecure and restricted much things. then i moved on.. this relationship i somehow didnt restrict or mind all those normal just "boy" friends of hers. it moved on.. months by months not much of quarrels and just happy moments all the time, till one day i stumbled upon something which i shouldnt have saw, which is (dont ask me how i found out) the lies she told me, such as that she been playing games with her best friends and keeping me in the dark. i know it kind of sound stupid that she lied to me because she played games with her friends and kept things from me and im angry about it. its not about the content of the lie, but its just a lie is still a lie.

To me, i felt that she told me a lie shows how much our relationship means to her, as she could just talk things out like oh, im playing this and that.. i dont expect her to report things to me but, i'm a person who doesn't have many friends. sometimes i'm on msn with her and because she can't go out i always try to accompany her even when im online, but there she is playing and always ignoring me and stuff making me feel so neglected (even online).

I don't confide much into friends or anyone too, i just keep things to myself. I felt quite uneasy and i tend to start to show her attitude and drop some hints like "bored? then go play your this and that game, etc" I just think why i tried to put in so much effort into this relationship, being faithful, being always there when she needs me, i have never lied to her and she did this to me. Back then before i knew her too, i know she had an old flame, and i only knew he was in NAFA. Despite all those recent things that happened, sometime later she chosed withdrawed from JC ( she repeated JC1 again) and applied to go in NAFA. I felt rather insecure again.. One day she was with me, and her old flame msg her, saying "I think i cant go down NAFA to see you today, i have something on" i didn't purposely caught a glimpse but it so happenly i saw it, she quickly slide down her phone and thus closing the message. all these actions just made me really felt insecure.. i don't know what to do then..

I just kept thinking and thinking and I just can't take it that we started quarreling alot. I just kept thinking why doesn't her conscious prick her everytime we meet up or something, like as if she feel and look as though nothing really happened, although she doesn't know i knew about it all. I then thought to myself "how long is she gonna keep it from me?"

It slowly moved on, at the beginning i already knew she is someone who tends to keep things to herself, and not to share with me ( which is very bad ) so there I was trying to make her feel "open" to me as im willing to share problems with her, although i myself have problems. Whenever a problem, she always choose to avoid if not run away from it. Even i do wanna have a heart-to-heart talk she doesn't. Theres nothing i could do, and eventually it just fades away.. as I couldn't forget about the things she did, i chose to run too.

I eventually got close with a girl that is was in my class, chatted out hang out with her soon it became. Then i always ignored my girlfriend, and just kept showing her attitude while i still continued to hang out with that girl.. well i was really hoping just to forget "things" she done to me. like why do i deserve all these despite her knowing i hate people who lies and its really hard for me to trust her. there it went on, she not knowing everything and one day she found out all what i was doing.

She was so hardbroken and all.. I sunk even deeper into the new, as she grew to had "feelings" for me. I really dont know what to do, and life just went on for 6months. There my girl was suffering and hoping everyday that one day i'll just return to her. I already know its bad and i feel so disgusted with myself for doing all this to her, i tried to talk to the "new" and said stop continuing things like as in going out and hanging out together. but i didn't have the heart to break another girl's heart i let it drag, but many atimes i did said but eventually still went on seeing her. I still been meeting my girl throughout these 6months but we were considered "broken up" in the early of that 6months.

I really didn't know what i really went into, despite knowing it all.. Its just i don't wish to show my feelings to my girl that i still do love her, i put on a mask. Suddenly at her saddest moments, a guy she just met for 2weeks came into her life and she had just decided to let me go. She told me, and said was the last meeting of us.

Suddenly, i felt really uneasy, and uptight about it. I couldn't sleep. And i thought and i thought.. it really made me finally realise that she means alot to me not because i'm afraid she is letting go and hurting my "pride or something" -- thats what she thinks.

I finally decided to really "stop" everything, and decided to ask her back. I tried all i could, i did so much things.. but still. she still remained "i still want to be alone". I have faced it before and i know when a girl says this, means she wants to go with the other. she also told me that "she still loves me, but the feelings just changed"; a change of heart i know. I tried so much to want her back and really from the bottom of my heart i regretted it all but its no use and no point as whats done is done. Her friend whom i've been chatting to also said that from what he sees is she likes that new guy but just don't wanna break my heart. I really don't know what to do.. I still met up with her last week a few times, and i know she been meeting up with him too (she lied to us both whenever she wants to see whom)..

I just can't let her go, although my friends said she already moved on, and its hopeless now even if you do anything. I divulged into smoking alot, and even drinking almost every day and night. I slept like only 2-3hours per day, i just can't stop thinking, thinking of what i should do..

I am really lost, not even in the mood to study. I even thought of withdrawing from my poly first then serve NS, to not think about things. I know did all those stupid stuffs just to break her heart.. i'd really like to make up for it, and also don't wanna end this between us. I cant even forgive myself. But this saying goes "whats meant to be yours, will be yours" and "if you want her to be happy, let her go". I still told her "i would wait, even if you were to go with him"

But im really tired... and i dont know what to do... somebody help me please. no flames, i know i'm a jerk.





The problem with insecurity is that if you do not seek to resolve it, it will grow insidious and bring harm to your relationship because you are not emotionally stable with yourself to love another person.

If you are always seeking stability through the presence of a relationship, then your relationship is likely to crumble from the malicious vibes of insecurity. Having a life and friendships are actually vital to the overall longevity of a relationship - if there is an absence of the former, then a large part of your time will be spend deducing on her possible deception and worrying about the mundane.

Interestingly, your insecurity could reframe a context to fit your own logical equation: you said you stayed online to accompany her while she played games and you claimed that you were neglected. Of course, when she is engaging in her games, it's difficult to chat on msn at the same time, isn't it? Hence, she doesn't actually need your company much more than you need hers.

And the truth is that you wanted her to accompany you, not vice versa because you are the one feeling neglected.

When you encountered the new girl, your unconscious intention was to make use of her to divert your bitterness you felt in your relationship. The 'falling for you' scenario was calculated - you just needed the some chips to negotiate for a truce. But what sort of diplomancy could beget a postive outcome for an emotional affliction? When you resort to such a measure, you already paved your way to a route of misery that has already proven itself to be true.

Then when your woman started running after you, you began to like where you are - something to fall back on (your new girl), simultaneously, having your woman to exhibit more attention to you, thus increasing your dominance on your situation. Unfortunately, when you woman decide to move on, you couldn't hold the facade - dropped everything you have on hand and started re-pursuing her again.

Back to square one and blatantly a karmic relationship.

At the end of the day, you lost your relationship the same manner as you did in your previous relationship - death from insecurity. And I can tell you frankly that unless you seek to resolve this affliction, there is a high chance that you will reiterate the same circumstances over and over again.

For those who are unevolved, Love often presents painful lessons for graduation. You are hurt because you encountered your worst nightmare and should you use some wisdom to preview your relationship, you would have discover that if execute poor judgement in making certain decisions, at times, it may be difficult to retrace your route.

You need to heal yourself. Only then things will get better.

Don't dwell too much in alcohol and such, for it will get you nowhere, mimicking the unevolved way you handle your relationship. Take some time off to rest and recover - two wrong doesn't make one right; you need to pause for a moment to introspect and not move recklessly again.

Cheers

New Term

Damn - my laptop went berserk and unofficially, I had a day break from work miraculously. Finally had time to clear the lowest priority stuff, labeled according to my discretion.

Cleared my tables. New term means new books means around term of mugging. Fortunately, I took Psychology and Lifespan module in my previous semester - this term should be a breeze. I looked at my insane schedule and realized that it was indeed a darn wise decision.

I) Have been subtly working on Project CloUdiSm in bits and pieces - kinda took me away from Aunt Agony for a while (after all, topics have been lot quieter these days and my time is really tight - well, I told Chief and he totally understands and is pretty cool about it). Hence, I finally had time to complete Melvin's astrological analysis. Hiak!

II) Mass Dance. Need to choreo another 4-eights, as well as the beginning formation to complete beat it. Mel, if you are reading this - would need your help to cut and paste two songs for me. =)

III) My bag of card tricks (or rather videos) sits quietly in front of me. Ok I know I need to allocate some precious time to it.

IV) Told Mohan I needed to restore back to PLAB fitness level. Possible?

V) Panel testimonial. Another project for CF meeting. Have to write the script out for my part.

Sigh. I don't know if I can take on production show/s like Oschool recital, but looking at my situation, I think it may not be wise to.

I need more gruesome dance training. ROAR!



Random shot taken in Swensen after Yamaha performance.

Cheers

Lost Youth

Read about the case of the NSF who was charged with illegal possession of firearms and bullets, as it stole it effortlessly from his SAF camp just before his ORD.

It was sad.

But beyond that lingering cloud of sadness, lies some of the greatest thought provoking understanding of how an individual, without the belief of freewill, would simply be buried under the felonious chain of karmic debts, seemingly without an avenue to break through and achieve liberty.

In Nichiren Buddhism, it simply means not enlighten to one’s Buddha’s nature, inherent in all human beings.

The article reads from H2 – “Perfect boyfriend to man with a mission to kill.” CloUdiSm would have state that this perfect boyfriend-to-be is but compensated-behaviour from the lack of love during his early childhood and beyond, in order to secure an alternative dimension of security built onto an unstable platform of Love. It is relatively unstable in his case because the interior of his personality and development certainly allows many waves of unforgiving cosmic lesson to rain upon him like sharp crystal shards.

Those who pursue love are inescapable to the fact of self loving is of greater importance than exuded affection, for if the former is afflicted, it’s like a car without a screwed engine – you can’t go for miles even if that’s what you desire.

Do you even have a chance to overcome such a hostile environment if you are the man himself?

Freewill is difficult to expound to those who are buried beneath ten thousands stone slab worth of negativity. I remembered once I dialogue with someone and told him that the concept of hell does not lies with afterlife – in fact, one can easily find hell on earth - the hell that exist in our environment. Interestingly, when we are so warped by this hell on Earth, who bothers about what’s going on after death and the decision made to send man between Heaven or Hell?

I loved how Justice Tay encouraged him: To everything there is a season. There was a time when you loved, there came a time when you hated. There was a time when you felt you wanted to kill, now is the time for you to heal. There was a time you were broken down, now is the time to build yourself up. There was a time when you were at war in your being, now is the time to restore peace within.



This is Human Revolution.

One must learn to change from within, to see a gradual effect in the external environment and to walk away from war is to find peace inside.

When the Lotus Sutra was expounded - light was cast right into the deepest of Avichi hell. Perhaps the self component, despite how afflicted we have developed, has the power to regenerate itself.

And there was always hope – the last quality that came out of Pandora Box.

P.S: Read the outcome at: http://www.straitstimes.com/Latest%2BNews/Courts%2Band%2BCrime/STIStory_255454.html

Cheers

HR Crew x M.I.L.K Run 08

HR Crew x M.I.L.K run.

Enuff said.

Jeff x Yunhaier

HRC got lobang le!!!!!! =D

Cheers

The Power of Nobody

A certain VP (Vice President) just came up to me yesterday and our conversation goes something like this:

'You are Mark right?'

'Yup, what's sup?'

'You are taking Social Work in UNISIM right?'

'Yeah'

'Next time when you come down to Cuppage, let's lunch together - I have things to consult you.'

I was totally taken aback. I recalled having lunch with him and Shirley in AR and found him very easy-going and a real fatherly figure. We talked previously and I did share what am I doing and such, but never had I realize that I had subtly influenced his decision to pursue the same path as I did.

'Ya, he wants to take the same course as Mark. You know, in that sense, Mark will be his senior,' said Danny when I told him after my conversation with the certain VP ended.

Madness.

J0kingly and causally, I told the certain VP,  'you know, it's too big of a crime for me to bear if I were to influence you and steal a VP away from your dept into social work.'

We laughed.

Then I asked: 'why the suddenly interest in Social Work?'

Then he explained it as the calling of God - to lead a real Christian life to serve his father above. And he said something that stuck me deeply:

'A real Christian is not just a person who goes to Church every Sunday. That does not constitute a real Christian.'

Woah. Coming from a person who only accepted Christ for a few years to say that: impressive.

I warned him that as a VP entering into social work; it is a freaking (and I mean freaking) drastic pay cut adjustment to make, as comparing to me. Imagine five-digit figures going down to mid four digit pay (or even less). That sacrifice might prove a little too tough to swallow - especially since he has two kids, a wife and his financial liability to consider. For the certain VP who has pretty successfully climbed much of the corporate ladder (and could still climb) - to change direction in life and pursue something really different takes more than just courage to initiate.

Albeit we are of different faith, but our underlying motivation is very much the same - life is certainly more than just being a typical Singaporean.

I loved meeting people and sharing thoughts - thus it's amazing even to find someone outside our societal 'thought system' in my field, which is a good thing.

For a nobody to influence a somebody - man... I must be a somebody. =D

Cheers

Walk Away

I just fucking feel like getting out for a while.

Maybe a long while. Real while.

Enough to guide sanity back... at least.

I witnessed what I hated returning; like a boomerang.

Now truly, I have every reason to abhor the quarterly Saturn Return's effect.

Yunhaier - please fuck off for a moment.