Aunt Agony 270405

Quote:

Originally posted by mal_colm1979:
Hi guys.. My gal just ended a 2 year r/s with me. Last week. I am feeling the full impact of this sad and depressed mood.

The reason she gave is that after 2 years with me, she now wants time to go out and catch up with all her friends. And plus she is pursuing her degree now, Its very taxing for her. My world crumbled, I cannot believe she wants to do this to me.

We were doing very fine and both our parents liked us alot. Apparently, she is trying to let it go now. I heard from her that she is fine now, and happier. She just wants to break free of the feeling of having someone to "report" to... I have never resticted her, unless she is going back home late (4am++) then i will worry. Her place is very deserted.

I think now its a case of she wants more. During this 2 years, I have done so many things for her and things which I did only for her and not the previous r/n. She knows it too, and she appreciates it alot. I think my mistake was to put in too much into this r/s. She simply pulled out of it and I was left picking up the pieces. I have to drink myself dead drunk everynight at home to make myself sleep.

Waking up in the morning for work is worst. Knowing that something is missing in my life and its torturing..

During this 2 years, what ever I did, I put her above me. That is why now, the impact is much much bigger for me than her. Reason is simple, I put in more than her.

For some reasons, I have no friends and my social circle revolves mainly around her when she was around. Right now, I am so afraid to step out of my home.. Everywhere are memories of us.. HOW??

I totally have no mood to talk to anyone and simply lost enthusiasum in life. One conclusion made by my brother is that... She is not worth it.. You put in so much and she simply left you, w/o even hesitating..

I have send out many emails to her and there is no reply. But when I called her, she answered. Apparently, she still wants us to remain as friends. I don't know how to. Its very difficult to forget that we were once an item whom everyone envy us....

Right now, I am really at a lost. Can anyone please post some nice advice for me??

Lost and Lonely.

This is a classic example of a relationship that has lost the soul of one: namely, the absence of a healthy life OUTSIDE the life of the relationship. Do you truely think that a relationship could survive on LOVE itself and deprive it from other components, which you thought that love is exclusive and other thingy have no connection to it?

This scenario should violently wake you up. (Or at least my coming words should)

No woman would want their man to survive on them, leeching them emotionally. People are telling you that you gave your world to her and that's so loving, you are an item everyone did envied, blar blar blar; I am telling you that your love meant nothing ultimately - what you have done equates to nothing. Loving? Then why is this relationship failing despite the effort put?

You will probably realise by now: You can give the whole damn WORLD to her, like you have mentioned, however what happens in reality is that, is she seeking for the WORLD or rather, your GIVEN world? Kinda like trying to sell electronic products and advertise massively in unrelated-non target market channels like fitness magazine. Who in the world would be motivate to buy your products? Sure there will be customers, but it will make up less than 10 percent of your sales. Sergio Xyman Unorthodox marketing theory states that generating awareness doesn't guarantee sales - Unorthodox CloUdiSm states that
efforts in love doesn't guarantee desired result.

Interestingly, you said you have never restricted her, but that's in your own dictionary.
Reality speaking, you did. Restricted her as in she has to comform herself into having ZERO lifestyle outside her BGR. (This subconscious change is a psychological influence from you. A simple way to explain this is when we stick around with negative people, we will gradually be influenced into such mindsets, vice versa).

It's NOT her, neither it's something she wished to become.

The reasons she gave to leave the relationship are symptoms of your wrapped personality in love. The real underlying truth is that YOU had became someone completely different from what she has expected in the first place, something that your love has transformed yourself into. 'It's still you, but not you anymore.'

Seriously speaking, chances are, you wouldn't be able to reconcile. So you can drop the option of waiting or trying to get her back. You can resist the idea of trying to get a life, but eventually circumstances will force you to. Your karmic pattern will repeat itself again and again and again and again, until you gain the wisdom to realise what went wrong in your attitude towards BGR from this post.

Quote:

One conclusion made by my brother is that... She is not worth it.. You put in so much and she simply left you, w/o even hesitating..

That's old school and is usually advice given by people with simple intention of trying to console. I will tell you that: Her departure HAS a cosmic lesson attached to it - the ugliness in your personality towards BGR. If it's not mend, you could either repeat what you have went through, or end up with an unhealthy relationship with both party sucking emotional vitae out of one another. And you would probably experience this thing called 'BGR ceiling' as stated in CloUdiSm. (Explaination would be another topic altogether)

P.S: Improve or perish from impoverishment.
Cheers

Aunt Agony 260405 II

Quote:

Originally posted by Joyless:
When we first starting going together, I told him that the relationship won't last as both of us have different characters and upbringing. He told me that these are not potential problems as long as we compromise and work things out.

As the relationship develop, we have some arguments. He feels that I'm too family-orientated. He told me to commit more time to him and I tried to comply to his request, by spending more time with him. But we have some other arguements as the ways that we handle matters are different. He always say that I don't listen to him. During the years that we're together, he put in more effort than me to maintain the relationship.

I went for a holiday with my friend for a week. He came to see me when I'm back and he told me that he did not miss me at all when I'm away. The next day, he told me that he had enough and want us to be friends. He said that his heart has turned cold, and once his heart has turned cold, nothing is impossible.

During the week of break-up, he did sms me occassionally, asking me how am I. He told me to hang on and he feels hurt when he knows that I'm feeling miserable. He also told me that he still care for me.

I thought that there is some chance of salvaging the relationship, thus I told him to forget the past and let us start afresh. He told me that it's impossible.
I asked him why he's willing to give up all the efforts that he has put into the relationship just like that.

He did not answer me and today, he messaged me. He told me that the spark has died, thus he gave up. Moreover, he has get to know someone recently and he has started going out with her. He also mentioned that he wish us to be friends. He told me that if I did not go for the trip, things might not turn up in this way.

I know that I've to get over him, but my heart told me to wait for him. It has been three weeks since we break, but he's constantly on my mind. Actually, we plan to get married at the end of this year.

I'm really at a loss now. Should I forget about him and ignore him? Should I wait for him? I really don't know, he's like a changed man overnight.

The spark that has died, is indeed the absence of fighting spirit and willingness to remain in a relationship. (I mentioned in ~lyn~ topic on 'Asking too much'. This is definitely a classic example of man who desire to leave, with or without any proper reason - that's if you can accept this as a reason at all).

YOUR relationship begin on a basis where challenges are laid obvious in your path. Courage are gathered and you both move through the treacherous route and with the power of love, your relationship remain intact and seemingly alright.

The catalysis is the one week holiday. So surprisingly, the Venus/Mars caveman theory actually applies here; the time you were gone is exactly the time he took to review/preview his relationship. (Of course this is but half the catalysis) Three years has passed, the treacherous path remains threatening still - he looked ahead and instantaneously become tired emotionally. You mentioned that he dump in alot of effort; his mind started questioning his heart - is that what he want?

Another woman walked into his life (this makes up the other half). She MAY not be equipped with the love you and him had foster, but certainly, when he looked ahead into the path with her, the route seemed easier to walk. This is a fatal attraction for your bf to leave the relationship, thinking that the spark had died, when another had entered into the picture and MADE him realise all that thingy.

How do I know if the mind is questioning the heart?

Quote:

During the week of break-up, he did sms me occassionally, asking me how am I. He told me to hang on and he feels hurt when he knows that I'm feeling miserable. He also told me that he still care for me.

Mental power is strong and manage to convince the heart to give up the challenge he opt to undertake three years ago.

P.S: Move on. Although, things are going way too fast and create much blurness, your missing nature is NATURAL, so do not mistaken something natural as a sign to wait for him. Wait is but a foolhardy attempt to revive the relationship. What dead is difficult to resurrect and you must attempt to leave the burning village, before the flame engulf your soul. (Likely Uranus Transit)

Cheers.

Aunt Agony 260405

Quote:

Originally posted by ~Lyn~:
case 1: is it too much to request ur bf/gf to stop chat sms wif the opp sex whom ur bf/gf noe that party is interested in him/her? the thing is the other party knew ur bf/gf is attached le.. and

case 2: is it too much to request ur bf/gf to refrain from sms the opp sex? knowing that the other party might develop feelings for ur bf/gf?(the other party dunno that ur bf/gf is attached)

guys do u feel irritated if ur gf requested for the above?

Seriously, even though I had never ever impose that kind of thingy, but then its just me (vampire are different from mortal). Seriously, it's all about the old question of trust.

Trust and fear never go hand-in-hand. If you fear to lose your love, your trust level slip drastically, vice versa. And of course, if your bf is a Leo, chances are, he will be pretty annoyed by the restriction of freedom and choice.

I mentioned it a million times and would continue to mention: IF your LOVE desire to leave the relationship, it DOESN'T need situations like these to happen (a third-party, etc) in order for him to leave. If he wants to go, he will go regardless of reasons.
Willingness is a product of love - the absence of it will encourage separation. This is the same thing with headhunter - they will definitely fail to recruit the people, whom are terribly loyal to their current company. Money is NOT exactly the point - welfare is.

If your love is insufficient for him to remain, then it is back to the ultimate classic question: what's the use of retaining a man who doesn't cherish your love?

Trust never hurts. Only deception does.

Cheers