Aunt Agony 071113

Originally posted by Kayrene:

Okay I am a new user.

I know topics like these have been said and mentioned a zillion times, but I have so much pain I need to let out, and wonder if doing it anonymously can relieve some of the stress. Perhaps someone else have gone through something similar, and can share my pain?

I never had good impression of PRC women. I had two good friends, who ended up divorcing their husbands because of PRC woman. They are not bad wives, maybe just the usual 贤妻良母 who spent their entire married lives dedicating to their spouses, mother in laws and of course the kids.

Another friend of mine almost divorced because of PRC woman too, but she was willing to give her hubby a chance for the sake of her boys. And the last time I heard, the PRC was still attempting to call and message her hubby even though he had already made it clear to her that he still want his wife and kids.

I didnt and had never thought such thing will happen to me. But it did. The only consolation is, I was only almost married.

I have been dating the same guy for almost a decade. He was a divorcee with a beautiful daughter, whom I love and I adore.

He was once one of the most perfect boyfriends in the world, who loved me, doted on me, and was the reason why I so faithfully stood by his side all those years, taking care of his mom, his girl, while he fighted for a new career.

After being through so much up and downs, thick and thin, poverty and stuff, he made it, and had a relatively successful small business. And then things changed.

His job required him to entertain his subcons, his clients. He was earning more than he ever had. The now and then drinking session becomes frequent. He began picking on my faults, and eventually he didn't even come home.

And I was indirectly chased out from his place, after almost ten years.

And yes, he was cheating. With a PRC woman he met in a stupid lup sup pub.

Barely two months after I left, he came running back to me. Apologise, telling me how he is full of regrets, etc etc. I had loved this man for ten years, how can I possibly not soften my heart.

And just as I thought we will survive this and become stronger than ever, that PRC claimed she is pregnant, and demanded responsibility.

Well we dragged for a while, and broke up god good. That woman probably thought she won again. The first time I was gone, he had never brought that woman home. And now, she had officially moved into his place and became the mistress of the house.

It has been three months plus. I still cry myself to sleep every night. Apparently things have not been easy for that heartless idiot.

I think it is true that China women are selfish, manupulative and wicked. He still tells me what a fool he has been, and how he regretted hurting a woman like me.

I heard from his family that woman flares at him on a frequent basis, is not nice to his mom, bullies his girl( I ached) sometimes. They do worry about how she will treat his daughter once she has her own. Though she is very much pregnant now, he is still trying to delay marriage. He now realised this woman can never compare to me, and will never love his familyl the way I did.

But the woman will never let him off. :)

Shouldn't he have realised it a long time ago?

I couldn't get it. May never get it. Those PRC women have a reputation not for nothing. Why do Singaporean men still fall for it, only to regret later?

Local girls are not materialistic. In fact they are very simple women, who just want to build a simple happy family of their own. Yes I do enjoy buying designer goods, but I was a faithful caring woman who knows how to love a man and love his family.

And all that I did I ended up with nothing but pain.

In my early 30s now, I don't even know if I am able to start all over again.

Why? Anybody knows why?

(Pardon my essay. I just wanna let it out, even if nobody wants to know).



Being subjected to our partner's infidelity is probably one of life's most painful experiences; but like all poignant experience, it can also bring about tremendous growth and learning.

You probably learnt that you are not perfect, but at least you are faithful. Yet paradoxically, loyalty alone is insufficient to keep a relationship going. At this juncture, though there is little point in crying over spilled milk, keeping tabs on some important lessons might be useful for future references.

Quite fortunately, you are not married. Though your emotional recovery is no less easy, but your bounce back is likely to be faster. Notably, there is always higher risk in the extreme dichotomy; the ones that ring wedding bells way too fast and the drudging ones that carried on BGR endlessly.

Length in relationship matters little, since the value of relationship lies not in normative age, but by the quality of the love. Quality of love is a subjective mutual experience between the couple - all other 'ethical duties' of being a good step-mother, daughter-in-law, etc., are but components of this positive experience.

Hence, when we learn to stop loving each other in an intimate genuine way; genetic mutation of love starts.

You see, he might like the way you take care of his family, but that does not automatically translate into romantic love. In fact, the original love could just transmogrify into kinship absolutely and ironically, he starts looking for 'love'. Sometimes, when we develop the other roles way too profound, it subconsciously consume our primarily purpose in love and we kind of 'forget' that we actually still have a love relationship with our partner.

A good relationship generally still requires that nurturing, that extra effort, the spontaneous couple plans, the genuine communication, the conflict negotiation, the positive affirmation, the empathy, the understanding and all the forgotten goodness that made it possible in the first place.

A good wife/gf is meaningless if being good is taken out of context from the positive relationship between the couple - for there is a difference between playing a good role and being a good partner. What you have shared is largely the former, which my sense is that it could have overshadowed the latter.

My heart goes out to you; you are injured but not permanently incapacitated. Do not let this experience maim you, but strive with determination to grow from this episode and be a stronger, wiser woman.

Cheers